【52】Perhaps people are curves rather than straight lines, and can continue to approach and repeatedly entangle
The neon lights of the city faded away outside the car window. After finishing their anniversary candlelight dinner, the two went home together. They couldn't help but start kissing each other in the corridor on the 6th floor, their steps as messy as their breathing. After entering the room, the lights were not turned on, and the two of them squeezed into the bathroom to take a shower together. Due to excessive eagerness, their movements were as fast as a war. No one drank alcohol at this anniversary dinner, but Liang Zhiyao felt as if she was drunk at the moment, and even standing firmly became difficult. "Zhiyao..." The name is the shortest spell. When their bodies touched, he whispered in her ear like chanting a spell, and the hot air he exhaled sprayed on her skin, a little hot and a little itchy. When they first started dating, Tan Xu liked to call her by her full name, but Liang Zhiyao protested many times. She said, "With three-character names like ours, we've never been called by our full names by those close to us. The occasional times we hear the full name from our parents, it's when we've gotten into trouble and are about to be punished and lectured." From childhood, this initial reaction to hearing his full name, feeling something was amiss, was ingrained in him, difficult to dispel even with the most affectionate tone. So, at her insistence, Tan Xu followed her advice and switched to the last two characters. This practice was common among couples, but he noticed that Liang Zhiyao still only called him "Tan Xu," which he felt was unfair. "It's because your name has two characters. It's a disadvantage. I can't help it," she said complacently. "If it really doesn't work out, I can call you 'Xiao Tan.' What do you think?" "What's Xiao Tan?" He glanced at her. "Based on age, I should be your senior, so why are you being so disrespectful?" "Oh," she teased, feigning seriousness. "So you'd rather be called Lao Tan?" Tan Xu noticed that Liang Zhiyao sometimes became childish after falling in love, cracking nonsensical jokes. Over time, she became more outrageous, often teasing him provocatively. His response was usually to tease her back in an adult way, to make her realize that she wasn't thick-skinned enough. For example, he'd once pulled Liang Zhiyao into his arms and chuckled softly in her ear, "Actually, there are so many ways to call you. If you can't think of anything good, we can discuss it in bed." Sure enough, she flinched at the words, calling him a pervert and immediately running away. Hearing him call her name now, Liang Zhiyao's ears were suddenly hot as she recalled their conversation a few days ago. She couldn't explain why, but she felt something was different about Tan Xu tonight. His kiss began at her lips, then moved down along the curves of her body until it passed her navel. After a two-second pause, he suddenly...
The neon lights of the city gradually faded away outside the car window. After finishing this anniversary candlelight dinner, the two went home together.
They couldn't help but start kissing each other in the corridor on the 6th floor, their steps and breathing as messy. After entering the door, the lights were not turned on, and the two of them squeezed into the bathroom to take a shower together. Due to excessive eagerness, their movements were as fast as a war.
No one drank alcohol at this anniversary dinner, but Liang Zhiyao felt as if he was drunk and it was difficult for him to even stand.
"To the distance..."
A name is the shortest spell. When their bodies touched, he whispered it in her ear like a spell, and the hot air he exhaled sprayed on her skin, feeling a little hot and a little itchy.
When they first started dating, Tan Xu liked to call her by her full name, but Liang Zhiyao protested repeatedly. She said, "People with three-character names like ours have never been called by their full names by those close to us. The occasional time we hear our parents call us by our full names is when we've gotten into trouble and are being punished and taught a lesson."
From childhood on, this initial reaction to hearing his full name, feeling something was amiss, had become ingrained in him, difficult to dispel even with the most affectionate tone. So, at her insistence, Tan Xu followed her advice and switched to the last two characters. This was a common practice among couples, but he noticed that Liang Zhiyao still only called him "Tan Xu," which he felt was unfair.
"It's because your name has two characters, so it's a disadvantage. I can't do anything about it," she said complacently. "If it really doesn't work out, I can call you 'Xiao Tan'. What do you think?"
"What's Xiao Tan?" He glanced at her. "Based on age, I should be your senior. You're being disrespectful."
"Oh," she said, pretending to be serious and teasing him, "So you would rather be called Lao Tan?"
Tan Xu noticed that Liang Zhiyao would sometimes become childish after falling in love, cracking nonsensical jokes. As time went on, she became more outrageous and often teased him provocatively. His response was usually to tease her back in an adult way, making her realize that she wasn't thick-skinned enough.
For example, at that time, he held Liang Zhiyao in his arms and chuckled in her ear: "Actually, there are many ways to call it. If you really can't think of a good one, we can discuss it slowly in bed."
Sure enough, she became scared when she heard such words, called him a pervert and immediately ran away.
Hearing him calling his name in his ear, Liang Zhiyao inexplicably thought of the conversation a few days ago, and his ears felt a little hot.
She couldn't quite put her finger on why, but she felt something different about Tan Xu tonight. His kiss began at her lips, trailing down along the curves of her body until it passed her navel. After a two-second pause, he suddenly grabbed her ankles and forced her legs apart.
Then he leaned down so his face was between her legs.
"Don't! Don't..." Her unspoken protest was covered by his hand.
His palm was large, originally just covering her mouth, and it also caused her vision to go dark. She could not see, only listen, like some special kind of evil taste, and she felt embarrassed in the unknown, but also felt an inexplicable itch in her heart.
"What do you want to do?" Liang Zhiyao's voice trembled.
He laughed and deliberately took a few seconds before answering in her ear: "I want to see you lose control."
This is a very contradictory mentality. He admires her rationality, but also longs for her to completely lose her rationality in front of him occasionally.
Tan Xu's hand quickly left her face, but this was just another form of bad taste - he stretched out his arm to turn on the desk lamp so that she could see clearly how everything happened.
Liang Zhiyao's head buzzed as he felt his gentle kisses and licks between his legs, along with his warm breath. After a few strokes, he looked up and smiled, "This is the first time I've ever known that your face can be this red even when you're not drinking."
She knew in her heart that any answer at this moment would only increase the other party's teasing opportunities. She didn't say anything, bit her lip and turned her face to the side, but her chin was pinched again, and her eyes were forced to stay fixed on a certain place.
He said to her, "Don't close your eyes."
Going crazy.
In fact, even if he hadn't covered her mouth like he had at the beginning, it would have been difficult for her to say no. As his lips and tongue moved, her body surrendered before her mind. Something was muddy and muddy, and she lost the courage to protest. Instead, it felt more like a kind of flirtation that was both reluctant and willing.
His tongue had a rough touch, and the experience was strange and novel, not to mention that this overly intimate behavior would bring great psychological pleasure. She felt like she was being roasted on a fire, but the flame was very gentle, only feeling warm without burning.
Perhaps because her boundaries had been breached too much, Liang Zhiyao felt a sense of self-destruction. Soon, her rationality was completely thrown out of her mind, and her body was only swayed by desire, rising and falling with his penetration and stirring.
Her body was still trembling after the ecstasy. Tan Xu grabbed a tissue from the bedside table and looked down at her with a mischievous smile. He then slowly wiped the marks on her face. Finally, he licked his lips with the tip of his tongue, his Adam's apple rolling up and down.
He did it on purpose.
Liang Zhiyao gnashed her teeth in shame and anger, but she was indeed enjoying it, so she couldn't say anything.
She soon discovered that Tan Xu's initial gentleness was just the beginning. He deliberately set aside his own desires to serve her first, then immediately displayed more intense movements and force than usual. The impact was too much for her to bear, and she could hardly maintain a kiss on his lips, letting out a fragmented moan.
They both lost control that night. Even though they had school and work the next day, he refused to stop, tossing and turning until midnight, and no longer concealing his evil nature and desire for control, insisting on her saying those shameful words before he would release himself.
After a long time, Liang Zhiyao thought it was over, and was held in Tan Xu's arms to rest. They didn't say anything, but just calmed their breathing and looked at the ceiling, feeling a lazy sense of happiness all over their bodies.
Because of some new experience she had just unlocked, she suddenly felt a belated shyness and embarrassment, so she pretended to be sleepy and refused to open her eyes.
But she was exposed by Tan Xu again, and laughed in her ear: "You are obviously pretending to be asleep, your lips are even slightly pursed."
"You're so annoying," she muttered, turning her back to him, but was again stopped forcefully. His chest pressed against her back, his arms restraining her from behind, and as she twisted her body a few times, the gun went off again.
Liang Zhiyao was startled: "Well, should we exercise some restraint..."
"Don't worry," he said helplessly, "...I just used the last one, so I have to be restrained."
She chuckled. She remembered that Tan Xu had mentioned yesterday that a delivery was incredibly slow, having been on the road for a whole week. Fortunately, there was finally an update on the progress, and it was expected to arrive today.
It seems that it still hasn't arrived today and the delivery time has been delayed again. This is normal in the United States and is a basic operation.
Not long after, an idea suddenly flashed through her mind. She crawled down quietly and put her head between his legs.
"...Hey!" He stopped her, "You even have to pay back something like this?"
"No," she imitated his mischievous smile, "I have a bad taste too, is that not okay?"
Strangely enough, she wasn't as shy about using her lips and tongue to caress Tan Xu as she was about being served. Perhaps it was easier to accept that it wasn't her who was being manipulated by pleasure and revealing a different side than before. Or perhaps, as she'd said, she truly possessed a secret curiosity and amusement, wanting to see him lose control in his lust.
Tan Xu did feel that he was out of control.
This shouldn't be the case. But as she moved, she raised her eyes and looked at him with a smile, and it suddenly became difficult to say no without meaning it.
He tried to restrain himself at first, but later the sight of Liang Zhiyao looking up at him completely aroused his desire to destroy. He inserted his fingers into her soft hair, moaning and thrusting unbearably.
In the three months since they'd been together, he'd sometimes feel like they were close, and sometimes like they were still a little distant. Even when he was enjoying this almost decadent pleasure, there was still something unsatisfied in his heart.
When it was all over, he pulled Liang Zhiyao up from the end of the bed and hugged him, then pulled out several more tissues. Now the two were even, and for a moment, neither could say anything to tease the other.
After a while, Tan Xu buried his head in her neck and said in a muffled voice, "Are you really not considering living with me next year?"
Their leases both ended in August, but the apartment management would ask months in advance if they were interested in renewing. A few days ago, they both received emails shortly after each other, and naturally, they talked about their plans and arrangements for their senior year.
He said that the living experience here was good and that he would most likely renew his lease, and then he seemed to casually ask her if she wanted to live with him.
At that time, Liang Zhiyao seemed a little hesitant, but when he brought it up again, he quickly came up with an answer: "Hmm... I don't think I'm mentally prepared for this."
After 100 days of dating, her sense of security had actually grown, and she had also gained a new understanding of intimacy. But perhaps due to some unorthodox belief she had picked up from somewhere, she still wanted to maintain some of the remaining mystery and was reluctant to completely break down the boundaries.
Tan Xu wasn't surprised by her answer. After 100 days of dating, Liang Zhiyao still preferred to be in control of many things, rather than relying on him. The proposal to live together was largely out of consideration for alleviating her financial situation, but perhaps having her own space was more important to her.
She asked again: "Will you sleep here with me tonight?"
"Okay," she smiled, "I'm too lazy to go downstairs, so find me a T-shirt to wear as pajamas."
When they fell asleep together, they would sometimes lie in bed and chat about random things like roommates at boarding school. The topics ranged from school life to recent movies and future careers, and they never ran out of things to talk about.
"I suddenly realized," Tan Xu said, "that in the past few months we have discussed almost every taboo topic, but there is one question you seem to have never asked me."
"What?" she asked casually, then suddenly added, "I think I guessed what you were going to say."
He raised an eyebrow: "Really? Then guess what."
Liang Zhiyao thought for a moment, "The question is...will you always like me like this?"
He was a little surprised: "You guessed right."
"That doesn't seem too hard to guess?" She laughed. "Isn't there a saying... the three elements of love? Passion, intimacy, and commitment."
The passion and intimacy are beyond doubt, and the biggest question between them is commitment, so it's not that difficult to guess.
After guessing the answer tacitly, she said, "I probably would never ask this question."
"Why?" He seemed to be thinking about something else. "Are you still doubting that I'm a scumbag?"
"Of course not," she shook her head in the darkness. "It's just that I feel... this question seems meaningless. Obviously, all promises are only valid for the present moment, and even if many vows are later contradicted, they were sincere at the time they were spoken. So this question is a bit inconsistent, like I'm forcing someone to do something against their will, and it also has a bit of self-deception in it."
Tan Xu was silent for a while before asking her, "Does this count as... a bit pessimistic?"
"Maybe," she said. "I've been thinking...if everyone's life trajectory is like a line, then some people are parallel lines, never intersecting from beginning to end. Some people will intersect, but if the slopes are too different, they can only stay together for a while near the point of intersection, and will eventually drift apart."
"So there are always people complaining about how two people who once loved each other eventually grow to dislike each other, lamenting how things have changed. But I think this is because everyone grows and changes at different rates. Even if two people once met at the same point, if they continue to head towards different destinations, it's normal that they won't be able to walk side by side forever in the future."
Tan Xu didn't seem very happy after hearing this. Liang Zhiyao guessed that he was secretly criticizing science majors for being so unromantic. Even using mathematical analogies for such things seemed particularly heartless.
In fact, it was true. He lowered his head and bit Liang Zhiyao's shoulder viciously.
"...It hurts, you're a dog," she protested.
"Your theory is wrong," he suddenly imitated what she had said at dinner. "It has a huge logical flaw."
"What's wrong?"
“The most crucial question is – why must a person be a straight line?”
She was slightly stunned.
"Liang Zhiyao, do you believe it? In fact, people should be curvy," Tan Xu suddenly leaned close to her, staring at her face with eyes that had adapted to the darkness, his gaze deep.
"In that case, there's no such thing as a 'slope'. I agree that people grow and change, and passion won't last forever, but there will always be people who develop a deeper connection because of something else. So they first intersect, and then—"
His legs suddenly hooked around hers, and he took her hand, intertwining their bony fingers and entwining them, bringing an unusually hot temperature.
He demonstrated the metaphor to her with his body.
"...then, like a knot, they will continue to draw closer to each other, entangled over and over again, because of their love and the memory of each other's companionship."
The air was quiet. Outside the window was the budding beauty of the spring night. They huddled together in the darkness, hugged, and kissed each other.
A smile suddenly appeared on Liang Zhiyao's lips: "Tan Xu."
"Um?"
She buried her head in his chest and whispered, "I like you so much."
He always seemed to know what she was afraid of, and he could always respond with romantic rationality.
Intimate relationships are ultimately a difficult subject. Having finally emerged from the cycle of fear and uncertainty, she fell back into the trap of excessive pessimism. The more people desire something, the more they fear losing it. So, subconsciously, they constantly convince themselves that the day will eventually come, even rehearsing countless times the scenario of everything coming to an end, as if as long as they mentally prepare themselves, they can face it with ease.
Perhaps life is like a game of cards. Not going all in makes it easier to be labeled as sober and restrained, but risks always coexist with benefits. When you hesitate, "doubt" and "retreat" themselves will become obstacles to fully enjoying the present moment.
They still had a long way to go. If there were some people in this world who would endure the ups and downs of time, remaining by each other's side, then hoping that she and he could become one of them was the simplest wish in love.
(End of text)
Author's Note
Reversible light path
author
08-29
Congratulations on finishing the main story! Thank you all for your company this summer. Two more chapters will follow. This story's plot and characters are simple, so for me, it's best to leave the main story at this point. The hero and heroine are both pursuing a certain certainty, though this is more evident in Zhiyao. Just like their conversation in this chapter, even after being together, various uncertainties still exist, but love and courage can give people positive expectations. When I first started writing, I just wanted to see if I could write an interesting and ambiguous story, and on this basis, try to depict a love that combines physical attraction and spiritual resonance. The article certainly has its shortcomings, but for me, achieving this small goal for my first work is very satisfying. I hope you enjoy reading it! The new article is still in the imagination stage, and my current writing skills are not enough to support serialization. I still want to revise it repeatedly and work hard to finish the first draft before starting again, just like this one, so it will be a long time before we meet again.
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