【25】She is just a vulgar person who is loyal to her desires and willing to trample on morality.
Liang Zhiyao knew exactly what she had to do—she could lash out at the other person to vent her recent frustrations; she could simply hang up and block him; or she could simply say, "Not interested," to gracefully end the call. But the words of rejection stuck in her throat, never coming out. Meanwhile, her mental arithmetic, something she'd prided herself on since childhood, betrayed her. It sprang into action, rapidly deriving a conclusion from William's disjointed and chaotic statements: if she took into account all the homework and exams, and if he paid her salary in advance as promised, she should have a substantial sum saved by the start of next semester. "...Let me think about it," she said after a moment, her heartbeat threatening to burst through her chest finally calming. "I'll get back to you tomorrow." As if for some reason, Liang Zhiyao immediately hung up the call and tossed the phone away as if it were too hot. She finally understood why William had called so abruptly—a conversation like this, about trying to find someone to cheat on a test, wasn't the right thing to record. Even more chilling was the fact that she was actually seriously considering this "job." Liang Zhiyao's mind was in a tizzy, with many thoughts racing through her mind. For example, her mother's messy, curly hair in the video—she was a woman who cared deeply about her appearance. She used to get a haircut every month, and would dye and perm it every now and then, but now it hadn't been done in ages. Although it was neatly combed back, it no longer had that delicate, carefree feel. Or, more practically, the text message she had just received stating that her rent payment for next month had been successfully deducted. If she couldn't find a new internship or part-time job, she would have to use her savings to pay the monthly rent. It had taken her so long to save, but it was quickly depleted. Cell phone bills, groceries, even light rail passes... these small expenses add up. While insignificant compared to the tens of thousands of dollars in tuition, they can be the final straw that breaks the camel's back, making her feel even more powerless and hopeless with every calculation she makes on her calculator. People are greedy. Perhaps the road trip she just finished was too wonderful. Her daily routine of leaving early and returning late, exhausted, suddenly became unbearable. It's like someone who's been dieting for a long time rewarding themselves with an indulgent meal, the original intention being...
Liang Zhiyao knew clearly what she should do - she could scold the other party to fully vent her recent bad mood; she could also hang up without saying anything, block the call and delete the friend; or she could just simply answer "not interested" and end the call decently.
But the words of refusal were stuck in my throat and I never said them.
At the same time, her mental arithmetic ability, which she had been proud of since childhood, betrayed Liang Zhiyao herself, who possessed this ability. It started to work on its own, and she quickly deduced the result from William's confusing statement: if various homework and exams were taken into account, and the other party paid her in advance as agreed, then she should be able to save a considerable amount of income by the start of the next semester.
"...I'll think about it." After a while, her heartbeat, which was about to burst through her chest, finally calmed down. "I'll give you an answer tomorrow."
After saying this for some unknown reason, Liang Zhiyao immediately hung up the call and threw the phone away as if it was hot.
She now finally understood why William called her so abruptly - this kind of conversation, which was about trying to find someone to cheat on the exam, was not suitable for leaving a written record.
What is even more chilling is the fact that she is actually seriously considering this "job".
Liang Zhiyao's mind was in a turmoil, with many thoughts racing through his mind. For example, his mother's messy, curly hair in the video—she was a woman who cared deeply about her appearance. She used to get a haircut every month, and would dye and perm it every now and then. But now, she hadn't taken care of it in ages. Although it was neatly combed back, it no longer had that delicate, carefree feel.
Another more practical example is the text message she just received stating that next month's rent has been successfully deducted. If she can't find a new internship or part-time job, she will have to use her savings to pay the monthly rent.
It took a long time to save the money, but it was spent very quickly.
Cell phone bills, money for groceries, even the light rail card... these small expenses add up to a lot. Although they are insignificant compared to the tens of thousands of dollars in tuition, they can also be the last straw that breaks the camel's head, making her feel more powerless and desperate every time she adds and subtracts on the calculator.
People are greedy. Maybe the road trip that just ended was too wonderful. Leaving home early and returning late, exhausted, which should have been her daily routine, suddenly became unbearable.
It's like someone who has been dieting for a long time rewards himself with an indulgent meal. His original intention was to rest before setting off again, but the terrible appetite that had been suppressed for a long time was awakened, so that he can no longer return to a plain meal.
That unbalanced feeling made her constantly question herself: since she was also trying to save enough tuition on her own, why couldn't she just focus on her studies like other people of her age, instead of investing her best time in endless part-time jobs?
Why can't she earn a lot of money just by relying on the knowledge and skills she has accumulated instead of being a cheap laborer?
She told herself that even if she rejected William, it wouldn't necessarily change anything. For students determined to find someone to take their exams for them, if one target rejected them, they could just find another, or switch channels. Wherever there's profit, this gray industry chain permeates, and after a few twists and turns, it always manages to match supply and demand.
But for Liang Zhiyao, it was different. If she missed this "business" that came to her doorstep, she would probably never encounter a similar opportunity again. This job was tax-free, and because she and William didn't connect through a third-party agency, they didn't have to deal with the middleman's profit margin, making the profit shockingly high.
Liang Zhiyao spent that night in a daze, with this incident kept going over and over in his mind, and even his dinner was tasteless.
But she had already agreed with Tan Xu in the afternoon to go to the library to study as usual tonight, so at around six o'clock, she went to the parking lot on the basement floor of the apartment as planned.
"Any news about the internship?" As soon as he got in the car, he started talking about all sorts of things.
"Not at all." She shook her head.
"What about other part-time jobs? You can try outside of school. There should be plenty of opportunities."
"...It's true that American citizens don't understand the hardships of international students," she said with a wry smile. "It's difficult for people like us with F1 visas to work off-campus. It requires a lot of documentation, and there's no guarantee of approval."
"Well," he said thoughtfully, "what happens if I can't find another job?"
"When I explained my situation to the university, they said I could pay in installments. For example, I could start classes and collect the tuition for that semester before the end of the semester. So I should have six months to find a solution before the end of my junior year," she said. "If I still can't find a solution, I might have to take a leave of absence."
In fact, besides working illegally, there is another way, which is to let her parents sell everything they have and then take on debt, but if there is another choice, she really doesn't want to go to this step.
"Actually, I..." Liang Zhiyao began to say this, but quickly stopped.
What does she want to say to Tan Xu?
Should I say, "Actually, I received a very tempting job today that will immediately solve most of my headaches. Even though this job is dirty, dishonorable, violates integrity, and tramples on morality, I'm still a little tempted?"
"Actually what?" Tan Xu asked without hearing what she said next.
"... Never mind, it's nothing." She just realized they were already at the library. "Let's go study."
This night was a torture.
When they occasionally talked on the way, she didn't even dare to look into Tan Xu's eyes, as if just looking at each other would open up a channel for sharing thoughts and expose all her dark thoughts to the other person.
Then, the person who shared the origin of her name with her two days ago will realize that although he seems to be struggling for his goal, he is actually just a vulgar person who is loyal to his desires and would rather choose to trample on morals.
Just like the first time he was seen betting on football with a stranger for money on Fortune, at that time he certainly admired his own football skills, but perhaps he also despised such behavior.
Now that I think about it, that attempt to make money through illegal means was more like the first step in actively "staring into the abyss". Once you step into the gray area that is ambiguous in terms of moral principles, it is only a matter of time before you step into darkness.
With such a tangled mess of thoughts, even if I went to the library, it would just be a different place to daydream.
Liang Zhiyao forced himself to focus on the homework displayed on the screen, but the cursor on the last line of code didn't move at all for a long time. At one point, his mind wandered so long that the computer screen automatically went black.
She and Tan Xu sat face to face. He had always been observant. Although he couldn't see the screen on his side, he noticed that she had no intention of studying at all.
"Don't force yourself to use your brain if you're in a bad mood," he suddenly asked. "Would you like to sit next to me and look at the photos together?"
"What photo?"
"I exported the photos of the maple leaves," he said with a faint smile, "Do you want to see them?"
This area is a public space outside the study room, where verbal communication is not strictly prohibited. Moreover, the seat next to Tan Xu is indeed empty. Liang Zhiyao finally couldn't resist his curiosity and went over to look with him.
The first few photos were pretty normal, with maple leaves from all angles and focal lengths. Most were spectacular vistas, with a few close-ups. The more I scrolled through, the more subtle the images became—around a dozen or so, all portraits of Liang Zhiyao.
In addition to the profile shots she had spotted that day and had already seen on camera, there were also some full-body shots from a distance. Those were probably taken with a telephoto lens, and the two of them were very far apart when they were taken, so she had no way of noticing when they were taken.
In the photo, she has her hands in her coat pockets. Because she didn't know someone was taking the photo, there was no stiffness or artificiality in her posing. She looked at the maple leaves in the distance aimlessly and a little blankly, with a thoughtful expression.
"How is it?" he asked.
"Yeah, it's a pretty good photo," she joked. "So it seems I'm quite suited to a melancholic look. Before, when I went out to play, I only made silly hand gestures in photos, but I don't think it would be as good as this bitter and resentful look."
During those two days, she would think from time to time about what to do in the future. Wrapped in the anxiety of survival, her eyes were filled with heavy thoughts that could not be dissolved, which matched the maple leaves in late autumn very well.
"Really?" Tan Xu disagreed. "I don't think this is the best."
She was puzzled: "What's not the best?"
"Your aura is even better when you play basketball," he said calmly, looking into Liang Zhiyao's eyes. "You look really good in a bold way."
The air was quiet for a few seconds.
Liang Zhiyao wondered how he could say such words without her being prepared, and with such a calm tone. Perhaps this was also a talent.
"Turn on your phone's Bluetooth," Tan Xu said, "I'll send you the photos."
"……good."
She unlocked her phone and found an unread message from William on WeChat. It was an emoji that said "please," and he was probably anxiously waiting for her reply.
At that moment, Liang Zhiyao suddenly felt a strange impulse in his heart.
If she felt as if possessed when she received the call in the afternoon, now she was a bit like those protagonists in the movie who escaped from the hallucination screaming, her mind suddenly clear and she had an epiphany.
"Wait for me first." She said to Tan Xu.
Her heart began to beat wildly again, the thumping sound rapid and powerful. She clicked on the chat record with William that only contained a voice call, and her fingers flew across the keyboard, typing:
"I'm sorry, I can't promise you that."
After sending the message, she went to the contact page without hesitation and unfriended the other party.
After doing all this, Liang Zhiyao found that he was already sweating, as if he had really unloaded some heavy object that had been oppressing him for a long time.
Author's Note
Reversible light path
author
07-22
This article is slow to warm up, but it's about to heat up! (Fist
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