Chapter 18, I'm sorry.
That evening, Xia Li returned to the He family home and was immediately met with a barrage of insults from Xia Qingqing.
Xia Qingqing said she was really embarrassing.
Enraged, he grabbed an ashtray and threw it at her: "Look at you! I've given you whatever you wanted all these years, I've done everything I could to give you the best of everything, and look at the state you've become! What have you done? Where do you think your father and I are supposed to put our faces?!"
He Er sat on the sofa, scrolling through his phone without paying any attention to anything, while the sweet voice of a female anchor occasionally drifted from the screen.
"Say something!" Xia Qingqing shouted at He Er, even angrier.
He Er casually replied, "Alright, enough of this noise. Since she's so eager to go to that school and has resorted to such underhanded tactics, let her go. She shouldn't apply to any other schools."
He got up from the sofa, grabbed his phone, and went upstairs. "Thank you for the carnival, brother," filled the empty living room.
"Mom..." Xia Li observed Xia Qingqing's expression and called out softly.
"Don't call me that, I don't have a daughter like you."
"I'm sorry." Xia Li gripped the strap of her backpack, staring blankly at the tips of her shoes. She added, "I'll handle this."
Xia Qingqing got angry again when she heard her say that: "How do you plan to settle this? What methods do you have to settle this? Tell me, tell me everything you know, and give me all the evidence you have, and I'll take a look."
Eighteen-year-old Xia Li is trusting of everyone; a few words of pity from others can soften her heart.
What's more, it was her mother who uttered those firm words when she was at her most vulnerable. She foolishly believed her and entrusted Xia Qingqing with everything she could use to prove herself.
Unexpectedly, Xia Qingqing approached Meng Qianqiu's family on the spot and offered the evidence she had painstakingly collected as a bargaining chip in exchange for it, hoping that Meng Qianqiu would not hold it against her.
Is this what Xia Qingqing called helping? It ruined all her previous efforts and self-rescue. Xia Qingqing's brief maneuver made all her efforts futile.
Xia Li thought that Xia Qingqing definitely didn't know about Meng Qianqiu's current situation. Someone as adept at weighing pros and cons as her wouldn't lower herself if she knew. She would be extremely arrogant and condescending, saying, "You handle it yourself."
As night deepened, Xia Li sat at her desk, propping her head up with one hand and scrolling through the mouse.
More than half of the information online has been removed, probably because Meng Qianqiu stopped after receiving various pieces of evidence, preventing the matter from escalating further.
Her heart felt like a waterlogged sponge, heavy and leaking a few drops every now and then, reminding Xia Li that while this matter was an end for others, for her it was like sinking to the bottom of a jar, unable to breathe a breath of fresh air, and the beginning of a terrible future.
In just half a day, she lost not only friendships and family ties, but also the very backbone of her being. With that backbone collapsed, it's difficult to rebuild a trusting relationship, regardless of who it's with.
She was no longer as open and honest as before. Instead, she pretended to be confused and gave herself time to weigh her options. As a result, she became increasingly hesitant and timid, afraid to express herself.
When Ji Ling approached her again, wanting to offer her help, her first reaction was suspicion and distrust.
Will Ji Ling give the evidence to Meng Qianqiu like Xia Qingqing did? Will Ji Ling, like Meng Qianqiu, have ulterior motives towards her? Is he outwardly friendly but inwardly filled with utter disgust?
She wanted to try to believe him, she wanted to clear her name, but she had nothing left. She had nothing to gamble with or exchange with Ji Ling.
After she rejected Ji Ling for the third time, Ji Ling didn't persist.
After the second period in the morning, the break time is half an hour longer than other breaks. They stand on the balcony of the library on the second floor. The forecast said it would rain today, but the sun is shining brightly. The weather is unpredictable.
Xia Li looked like a broken doll. Ji Ling wanted to reach out and touch her head, but he stopped himself. In a rational state, he patted her shoulder and did not make any overstepping movements.
“I know you’re upset and don’t want to talk about it, but if you need anything, be sure to come to me. I’ll always help you.”
Xia Li was stung by his words, which burned her heart. She looked up in surprise, like a bewildered cat.
Ji Ling wanted to soothe the cat, dress her up nicely, and hope she would be happy every day with a good mood. But the cat was aloof, and her words were chilling: "Why are you so nice to me?"
What exactly is the motive? Xia Li racked her brains, but still couldn't figure it out.
Ji Ling was stunned. He hesitated, his mouth agape. He lowered his eyes, gave a bitter smile, and considered his words. Finally, he uttered a sentence against his will: "Because of me..."
"Yes, they are your friends. We are friends."
Unexpectedly, Xia Li said, "Meng Qianqiu was once my friend too."
Friends can harbor ulterior motives towards each other, and there can be hidden agendas among friends.
Ji Ling pursed her lips after hearing this, her expression unreadable.
He didn't tell her that he didn't want to be friends at all; he only wanted to be her boyfriend, her lover, the one who could protect her for a lifetime, for all eternity.
But he didn't say it aloud. The other half of his reason was burned away, leaving only ashes. He held back his bitterness and asked, "In your heart, am I the same as her?"
Xia Li didn't know how to answer. If it had been a few days ago, the answer would definitely have been a denial.
Ji Ling holds a unique place in her heart, a feeling that belongs only to him.
But now, after thinking for a long time, she could only use a seemingly unreal sentence to cover up her true feelings, turning her head away from his gaze and coldly saying, "What's the difference?"
Ji Ling sighed, biting his lip and remaining silent for a while before saying, "Xia Li, I don't want to argue with you. Let's both have some quiet time first. If you need me, just let me know."
Xia Li shook her head, her suppressed expression tinged with ruthlessness: "No, you still haven't answered me. What are you after for being so good to me?"
Ji Ling felt like he'd been kicked in the head by a donkey for arguing with her like that, so he said, "Let's take a break. You have a test next class." It would be factored into her grade and affect her future university applications, and he didn't want that to affect her.
Xia Li didn't respond and continued, "Ji Ling, if I really did something so despicable to my friends, as the internet says, would you still be so good to me?"
Ji Ling paused, his previously anxious heart calming down. He stared intently into her eyes and said with utmost sincerity, "You won't, I believe you."
Xia Li smiled knowingly: "But I can't believe you..."
Born with the destiny of being inseparable from Xia Qingqing, she was content to spend her life confronting one Xia Qingqing, and after meeting Meng Qianqiu, she never wanted to have any contact with a second Meng Qianqiu.
She felt helpless, she was afraid, she feared that her kindness would be trampled on again, she was wary of everyone she could come into contact with, she learned to pretend, to hide her emotions, and to be a shrewd person who pretended to be confused.
He panicked, he was terrified, he was at a loss, he had no way out. He watched her lips open and close, wanting to reach out and hug her, but then he heard her continue, "Let's do as you said, let's cool off for a while."
Ji Ling sensed the implied meaning and immediately denied it: "I didn't mean that."
"Ji Ling".
She called out to him.
She was really, really scared, scared of being deceived and used again.
She was also afraid of his true feelings.
Her heart was empty, like a bamboo basket that couldn't bear such intense emotions. So let's give up, eliminate all possibilities, and avoid hurting each other.
The weather forecast was right; a torrential downpour began shortly afterward.
She cried, and she comforted herself by saying it was rain.
Her words proved prophetic; eight years passed without seeing her again.
He longed for it and never forgot it for eight years.
Psychology says that people's memories of the past are not exact recordings, but are reconstructed based on current cognition, exaggerating details and forming false memories.
The nightmare gradually dissipated, slowly pulling Xia Li's thoughts back to reality. She was momentarily dazed, realizing that the words she uttered after their parting years ago were so ordinary, not so absolute.
She opened her eyes helplessly, tears streaming down her cheeks, and lay on the bed, exhausted and covered in cold sweat.
She thought she would finally get some rest, but she was suddenly awakened in the middle of the night. Without saying a word, the person pulled her into their arms and held her tightly, making it hard for her to breathe.
Ji Ling?
She tried to speak, but no sound came out.
The strong, beating heart of the person behind her was pressed against her chest.
Thump, thump, thump.
The two, who were never on the same wavelength, now found common ground in the rhythm of their heartbeats.
The smell of alcohol mixed with the bitter aftertaste of grapefruit wafted into Xia Li's nose. She felt uncomfortable being covered and tried to break free from the embrace, but the sudden kiss threw her into disarray.
Wild and passionate, fierce and tender, he kissed her from her chin to her lips, then from her lips to the tip of her nose, back and forth. She lowered her eyes and reached out to push him away: "No..."
Before he could finish speaking, his lips were captured again.
Xia Li was trembling almost all over, like a frightened cat. She struggled to push Ji Ling away, and her hand instinctively slapped Ji Ling's right cheek. But because she was kissed and had no strength left, it looked more like flirting.
Realizing her actions, she met Ji Ling's eyes and was momentarily at a loss for what to do.
Ji Ling's eyes were full of sorrow, as if the insignificant slap had really hurt him. His drooping eyes lowered, and his right cheek, which had been slapped, pressed tightly against Xia Li's shoulder, then followed the warmth of her chest.
Xia Li wanted to stop him, but her hand was suspended in mid-air, and she didn't know what to do. She hesitated for a long time and finally could only give up and gently tug at his clothes.
Ji Ling's aroused desire was mixed with frustration and unease. He instinctively breathed heavily, gazing deeply into her eyes, then slowly closed them and kissed her lips: "Who sleeps in the guest room on their wedding night?"
Xia Li was completely bewildered after hearing this. She was being kissed so passionately that she couldn't catch her breath. Ji Ling was pressing down on her almost tightly, and the overwhelming desire forced her to turn her head away and catch her breath.
A moment later, Ji Ling lowered his head and tried to kiss her again, but to his surprise, he missed. His expression cleared slightly, and following her posture, he pressed his lips to her ear, his voice hoarse and deep: "What do you take me for?"
Love is like hanging on the edge of a cliff, held back by a thin thread called reason. If you're not careful, you'll fall into the endless abyss together.
Xia Li didn't understand why things had developed this way. From being inseparable friends who felt like they had known each other for a long time, to becoming strangers, and now, he had proposed marriage. She didn't understand his intentions, and with love stained with hatred and blood, she ended up in bed with him.
"What are you thinking about?" Ji Ling grabbed her chin, forcing her to look at him, and frowned fiercely, saying, "Are you thinking about him?"
Xia Li recovered from her thoughts, feeling a little strained. The beautiful lips in front of her, which had been passionately kissing her just a moment ago, were now uttering words that were completely incomprehensible.
Him? Her?
Is it Meng Qianqiu or Sheng Minyang?
Xia Li denied it: "No."
Ji Ling was unhappy with her answer. He slowly sat up, sweat dripping from his chin onto her collarbone. He paused, his expression unclear, and then kissed her lips again. "You really are thinking about him. I didn't even say who he is."
He then sealed her lips with his, his voice muffled, "Don't mention other men, Xia Li. It's me kissing you now, it's me in your bed, it's me marrying you, you can only be mine."
No one will ever covet you for the rest of your life.
His love was tinged with resentment and selfishness, yet even tainted by bloodshed, it could not conceal its deepest purity.
Xia Li listened to him in shock, quite certain that he was very drunk, but his intense desire told her that Ji Ling should be sober at this moment.
She couldn't understand it, and stared at the ceiling in despair. Disheveled and deeply in love, if they were a loving couple, it would be understandable; but for them, it was utterly absurd.
Ji Ling continued his wet kisses, refusing to miss a single opportunity for intimacy.
Xia Li frowned, her hair disheveled and damp with sweat on her forehead. She didn't respond, her eyes were hazy and glistening with tears that slowly slid down her cheeks. They looked at each other's messy hair, their breaths mingling, and their whole bodies trembled slightly.
She was crying.
Ji Ling froze almost instantly, realizing his overstepping boundaries. He distanced himself, then belatedly felt ashamed, turning his head away shyly, his neck flushed slightly. He forced a hoarse voice and stiffly explained, "I'm sorry..."
He never intended to do anything bad to her, including intimate matters, but at least he would do so with her consent. However, for some reason, things had developed this way, and Xia Li cried even harder. He slowly reached out, wanting to hug her, but he was afraid of scaring her.
The sobbing stopped after a short while. Ji Ling panicked instantly, immediately cupped her cheeks, and leaned down to look at her.
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