Chapter 21 Sexual Frigidity
The next morning, Xia Li was awakened by the faint sunlight. When she tried to get up, she noticed that her legs were numb and slightly painful, indicating that she had been lying in a bent-leg position all night.
She was a light sleeper and would stay still in her sleep, never moving around. She couldn't help but recall the scene from two mornings ago when she woke up to find herself curled up in Ji Ling's arms. She didn't want to dwell on whether she had really taken the initiative.
The weather cleared up today. After a quick wash, Xia Li chose a time around noon and, without bothering the driver, took a taxi back to the studio. After handling all the follow-up matters, she turned around, carrying a box containing her belongings, and looked behind her.
A building of moderate size, carrying four years of memories—bittersweet, gains and losses, a beginning and an end.
Returning to Cloud Top Garden, the two-hour journey felt exceptionally long.
Tormented, she sat in the car looking out the window. She rolled down the window, and the damp wind after the rainy season rushed in, messing up her hair and obscuring her vision.
As she reached out to push the road aside, the driver's voice came: "Miss, the traffic is terrible right now. Let's take the road over the sea bridge. It's a bit longer, but it'll be much faster."
Xia Li responded with a soft "hmm".
The driver then said, "Alright, we're about to go up the bridge. It's cool today, but the sea is windy, so let's close the windows later."
Xia Li replied, "Okay, thank you, Master."
Life goes on and on, and four years pass in a row.
Not long after leaving her job, Wang Shu missed her so much that she wanted to come and see her.
Xia Li thought that Ji Ling wouldn't be home during the day, so she gave him the address of Yundingyuan. Unexpectedly, while she was catching up with Wang Shu in the afternoon, the door on the other side of the living room was slowly pushed open, and Ji Ling's tall figure, shrouded in the twilight behind him, rushed in.
Wang Shu saw it before Xia Li could, and with her mouth open, she stammered, only able to utter a single syllable "J," unsure whether she was calling for her brother-in-law or Ji Ling's name.
Xia Li stopped moving, turned around stiffly, and looked at the other door behind her.
Ji Ling was backlit, and the twilight bathed his figure in a warm glow, obscuring his usual aloof appearance. Even his hair and facial expression radiated warmth.
She had never told anyone about her marriage to Ji Ling; it was a secret. Now, Wang Shu happened to stumble upon it, and she was forced to make it public under such circumstances, which was quite dramatic. At the same time, she was worried that Ji Ling would be angry because of it.
The three exchanged glances, followed by a long and awkward silence.
Finally, Ji Ling spoke first. He stared directly at Xia Li, watching her intimate actions with Wang Shu, and asked in a cold voice, "What are you doing?"
Xia Li's eyelashes trembled upon hearing this. She glanced at Ji Ling, then at Wang Shu, and immediately released her hand from Wang Shu's body, avoiding his gaze as she replied, "It's nothing."
Wang Shu coughed twice after receiving a response, stammering to cover her embarrassment: "Um..."
He couldn't utter a single word for a long time.
The air froze, and the awkward scene ended there. Wang Shu intended to leave in a daze, but Ji Ling stopped him and made him stay for a meal.
However, the meal was filled with trepidation, especially when Ji Ling's gaze swept over them, it felt as if a chill was scraping their skin.
After dinner, Ji Ling returned to his study to handle some business. Xia Li took advantage of this time to take Wang Shu to the backyard courtyard.
It's quiet there, a good place to have heart-to-heart talks.
They walked one after the other, Xia Li in front and Wang Shu behind, both of them absent-minded.
"I..." Xia Li opened her mouth, turned around and stopped, the words stuck in her throat, not knowing where to begin.
Wang Shu waved her hand dismissively, then turned to Xia Li with dissatisfaction, saying, "Sister Xia Li, you've kept such an important matter as your wedding a secret from me all this time. I thought..."
I've always been looking for someone who reciprocates your feelings!
Xia Li pursed her lips, unsure how to reply, and remained silent for a long time.
Wang Shu, with her fiery temper, couldn't hold back her words. Seeing that she didn't respond, she was so anxious that she was about to cry. She choked out, "...How can you be so ambiguous!"
Xia Li nodded in agreement, patted Wang Shu's head as if stroking a small animal's fur, and listened to her: "Marriage is indeed important, and we can't be ambiguous about it."
Wang Shu muttered, "I really never thought that my brother-in-law would be Ji Ling."
Xia Li stroked the child's hair again. Before they got their marriage certificate, she had never thought that she would get married one day, let alone marry Ji Ling.
Wang Shu kept talking, her voice filled with dissatisfaction: "Since you got married, I'm certain that no one outside of me knows anything about it. Even if they did, no one would dare to say it out loud. Everyone assumes that your brother-in-law has a girlfriend, but nobody knows it's you."
As she spoke, she became emotional: "It's so frustrating, Sister Xia Li! This marriage is not worth it, you absolutely cannot marry him! Your husband is so domineering, he gets angry if you get close to him! I'll lose my job if I marry him."
Xia Li remained silent. She did not explain to Wang Shu the two choices Ji Ling had given her, nor did she tell Wang Shu that this was her own decision.
She doesn't like to make a fuss about what she does, and she will never publicize it before it's done.
Unaware of the facts, Wang Shu said indignantly, "Besides, my brother-in-law always has a cold face. I've never seen him smile. He's like a block of wood, completely lacking in romance and understanding of feelings."
Xia Li agreed after hearing this. What Wang Shu said was indeed quite accurate. Ji Ling always had a calm and indifferent expression, no matter what the situation was.
Then she saw Wang Shu cautiously look around, put her hands together and whispered in her ear, "Maybe he's asexual."
Low libido.
Xia Li was shocked by Wang Shu's words. If she hadn't felt Ji Ling's desire on their wedding night and every morning when she woke up, she probably would have thought the same thing and wondered if Ji Ling had some kind of hidden illness.
This time, instead of nodding in agreement with Wang Shu, she turned her head away somewhat shyly. To avoid the conversation taking an odd turn, she blinked, pursed her lips slightly, and jokingly asked Wang Shu, "So dissatisfied, yet you keep calling me brother-in-law?"
Wang Shu gave a soft hum, glancing arrogantly in another direction, her ears turning red: "I'm not dissatisfied. I'm just afraid you're not doing well and are being wronged."
Xia Li comforted her, "Don't worry, I'll take good care of myself. You should too. I won't be in the studio anymore, so you need to take good care of yourself and try not to argue with Sheng Minyang too much."
After she finished speaking, her gaze inadvertently drifted to the fish in the small pond.
There were many fish, but the two large koi, Changchang and Jiujiu, were the most eye-catching. The two fish were playing peacefully in the water, teasing the little goldfish next to them. The little goldfish was puffed up and swam around, while the big fish happily pecked at each other, expressing their affection.
Xia Li suddenly seized an opportunity and asked Wang Shu unexpectedly, "Why are you so good to me?"
She is not used to others being nice to her. When someone is nice to her, her subconscious reaction is that accepting kindness is equivalent to exposing her weakness. She will feel anxious, want to escape, or even want to push the other person away.
Wang Shu's answer at this moment hit the nail on the head: "Because you deserve it."
Because you deserve it. The way you strive to live your life deserves to be recorded. Even if you occasionally escape, are vulnerable, or feel embarrassed, even if you are overwhelmed by anxiety or plagued by self-doubt, you still deserve to be taken seriously.
There will always be someone willing to go through thorns to love you and accept your imperfections.
You were born to stand in the light, and what awaits you is the brilliance that is rightfully yours.
After speaking, Xia Li saw Wang Shu off and returned to the living room. At this time, Ji Ling had just come up from the basement on the first basement floor, carrying a chill with him. It was unclear whether the basement was too cold or something else was wrong.
Xia Li was stunned for a moment, and didn't know if Ji Ling knew that she had unintentionally entered that small hidden compartment.
She was filled with anxiety, waiting for Ji Ling to speak, but Ji Ling just stared at her without saying a word.
She slightly raised her gaze and saw Ji Ling's Adam's apple bobbing up and down at least three times. Looking further up, she saw his lips moving, a thousand words stuck in this long and heavy silence.
Then she heard Ji Ling ask, "Are you done talking?"
Xia Li was stunned. She hadn't expected Ji Ling to know about her conversation with Wang Shu. After thinking about it, she realized that Ji Ling had gone to the study on the second floor after dinner, which offered a panoramic view of the entire courtyard. Or perhaps he had accidentally stumbled upon it when he went downstairs to the basement. She didn't think much of it.
She gave a soft "hmm" in response, "I've already told Wang Shu that she will never tell anyone that we are husband and wife."
Ji Ling was also stunned. He didn't expect Xia Li to answer like that. He wanted to explain, but didn't know how, so he could only respond with a simple "yes".
Xia Li paused, feeling that the conversation with Ji Ling should end here and she prepared to return to her room.
Sometimes, avoidance is a really good choice. It can prevent you from talking about topics you don't want to talk about, and it can prevent arguments. Although it can't resolve misunderstandings, it can at least prevent them from escalating. Like a tent, it can block out the wind and rain. Although it's not stable, it can still hold out for a while.
At the same time, I couldn't stop worrying about it. There was always a sense of unease in my heart, afraid that I might miss some important moment. It was because of some trivial matter that I suddenly felt something and it stirred up ripples in my heart.
Xia Liren has left, or at least is about to escape from Ji Ling's gaze.
Ji Ling then spoke up: "You've been to the basement?"
Xia Li froze on the spot, her feet dangling in the air. The gaze behind her felt like an invisible hand, pulling her back to prevent her from falling.
She replied with her back turned, "Yeah, I went in unintentionally while looking for a book one day."
Ji Ling did not respond immediately after hearing this, but waited a moment before continuing to ask, "Is there anything you want to say to me?"
Xia Li turned around, hesitated slightly, unsure what Ji Ling wanted to hear, and said in a questioning tone, "I'm sorry?"
Ji Ling gasped slightly: "You broke the picture frame?"
Xia Li paused for a moment, her gaze sweeping over the area, "Yes, I bought a new one, I'll install it tomorrow."
At this moment, she was high up and Ji Ling was low down. In a daze, they couldn't tell whether the difference of a few meters was a spatial distance or an insurmountable chasm between their hearts.
If one of them were to open their heart, if he were to let go of his stubbornness, and if she were to have more confidence, she would discover that the unspoken words and the expectations hidden in her heart would eventually piece together an answer that is gentler and more accurate than silence.
Xia Li will also discover that the words Wang Shu left behind before she left, "Because you are worth it," are also the secret that Ji Ling left on the blank photo, which he had wanted to say for nine years but never had the chance to say.
At this moment, Ji Ling suddenly asked, "Do you have time tomorrow?"
Xia Li nodded, still somewhat bewildered: "Yes."
Ji Ling replied, "Let's go to the place I promised to take you last time, together tomorrow."
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