Pain symbiosis
In the clay pot, golden chicken soup bubbled and simmered, rising warm, moist steam that filled the entire kitchen. This earthy, homely atmosphere strangely softened the awkwardness of revealing the past, making Lu Chenyang's voice sound less painful and unbearable.
“I only have my maternal grandmother as a relative,” Lu Chenyang said, his back to Yu Sheng, staring intently at the bubbling soup. His voice was as calm as if he were telling someone else’s story. “I don’t know who my father is. My grandmother said that I was lost at birth, and my mother… died of grief.”
The rising steam blurred the outline of his face. He paused, then continued, his tone still flat, "She said I was sold to the mountains by human traffickers, where... I wasn't the only child. I was the youngest. Later, an older brother, five years my senior, set a fire..."
“My grandmother told me all this later; she found out from the police,” he added, stirring absentmindedly with a spoon.
"...Then," Yu Sheng asked tentatively, "how did you escape? Did Grandma...tell you?"
"I don't know." Lu Chenyang's voice finally broke through the barrier of moisture, revealing a slight tremor. "Grandma said that as soon as the fire was lit, a large number of police arrived. All the children were rescued and taken away by their families. The doctor diagnosed me with post-traumatic stress disorder... so I don't remember anything."
Suddenly, a warm, soft touch came from his waist and abdomen. Lu Chenyang looked down and saw that Yu Sheng had wheeled herself closer, her forehead resting on his lower abdomen, her arms carefully encircling his waist. She seemed to want to hold him tightly, yet dared not use too much force, gently stroking his back as if protecting a fragile porcelain doll, murmuring softly, "It's alright, it's alright..."
Lu Chenyang looked down at his gentle yet clumsy appearance, and the corners of his mouth involuntarily turned up slightly. A warm current instantly enveloped his aching heart. His eyes welled up with tears, and he sniffed hard, deliberately making his voice sound a little cheerful: "What's wrong? You're making me sound like I'm in such a miserable state."
He reached out and gently ruffled Yu Sheng's fluffy hair, his voice softening even more: "It's okay, I'm fine. So many years have passed. Step back a bit, don't get burned by the heat."
Yu Sheng stubbornly rubbed her head against his lower abdomen, and a muffled voice came out: "So... you took the police academy entrance exam because of this?"
"Hmm." He responded faintly, his gaze returning to the bubbling chicken soup. "I know Grandma was lying to me to avoid upsetting me. What a coincidence that the police arrived just as the fire was lit? Abducted for seven years, and then suddenly became stressed after being rescued? But I can't ask, Grandma will be heartbroken." He tugged at the corner of his mouth, a hint of self-deprecation in his voice. "That's why I wanted to be a policeman. I just wanted to punish evil and promote good, to fight all crime. Sounds pretty sentimental, right?"
“Not at all!” Yu Sheng immediately shook her head vigorously in his arms. “Not at all!” He paused, then lowered his voice even further. “Then…did you switch careers and debut as an artist because of your grandmother’s illness?”
Only the bubbling of the soup pot remained in the kitchen. After a long time, so long that Yu Sheng thought he wouldn't answer, she finally heard a soft "Mmm" almost drowned out by the steam.
Ideals crumble before reality; ambition cannot outweigh the fate of loved ones. His defeat before the bill. Acting is a compromise, another form of self-deception and achievement. In the play, he can still wear that uniform and use his influence as an actor to guide and help others.
"Hmm?" Lu Chenyang was still immersed in this heavy sense of relief when he suddenly felt a warm touch on his ankle. He looked down and saw Yu Sheng's hand gently resting on an old scar on his ankle. The scar was large, but due to its age, its color had become indistinguishable from the surrounding skin, making it difficult to notice unless examined closely.
"This scar... was it left from back then?" Yu Sheng gently touched it and asked cautiously.
Lu Chenyang hadn't expected him to notice. He chuckled softly and couldn't help but reach out, trying to lift that stubborn head off him to look at it. But when Yu Sheng's face was forced up, Lu Chenyang froze. Those beautiful eyes were already red, and glistening tears clung to her eyelashes, ready to fall.
His heart skipped a beat, and he quickly explained, "No! Grandma said it was because I was playing when I was little that I fell into the neighbor's pigsty and got eaten by the pigs." He shrugged helplessly.
"Pfft—" Yu Sheng's red eyes widened instantly, as if she had discovered some earth-shattering secret, and she burst into laughter through her tears, "So Officer Lu was chased and bitten by a pig when he was a child!"
Seeing that he finally smiled, Lu Chenyang breathed a sigh of relief and followed up with a self-deprecating remark: "Yeah, that's why I still have a phobia of it. I can't stand the smell of pigs and I can't eat pork. Although I don't remember anything about it."
"No wonder!" Yu Sheng suddenly realized, pointing her finger at him and accusingly saying, "Last time I asked you to make braised pork, you made braised chicken pieces instead, and you even used beef to fool me with sweet and sour pork!"
The oppressive atmosphere in the kitchen was finally dispelled. Steaming hot chicken soup was served, and Yu Sheng politely drank two large bowls, not forgetting to praise his cooking skills.
"I'm sorry, young master, you can't even afford pork when you're with me." Lu Chenyang smiled and added another bowl for him.
“I’m not wronged, I’m not wronged,” Yu Sheng shook her head repeatedly, her eyes still red-rimmed. “Officer Lu’s cooking is excellent.”
Seeing his expression, Lu Chenyang hesitated for a moment before asking softly, "You... seem to be particularly empathetic?"
Yu Sheng held a mouthful of soup in his mouth for a long time, until the warm soup cooled in his mouth, before slowly swallowing. He raised his head, his gaze fixed on Lu Chenyang, his eyes filled with resentment, anger, and hurt: "Why do you think that? Do you think I'm overly compassionate? Is it because I sponsored Minmin? And just now I cried like a coward because of your plight? And you think I'm easily moved to tears? That I'd burst into tears and rush to give money to a beggar on the street?"
"I..." Lu Chenyang was caught off guard by this sudden barrage of sharp questions and was speechless for a moment.
But Yu Sheng didn't give him a chance to explain. "I helped Minmin because I felt sorry for her! I just..." He took a deep breath, his gaze intense, not giving Lu Chenyang a chance to dodge, "because I felt sorry for you! Lu Chenyang, can you distinguish between feeling sorry and feeling sorry for someone? Can you tell the difference between what I give you and what I give to others?"
"I...I'm sorry, that's not what I meant." Lu Chenyang was stung by the unprecedented seriousness and hurt in his eyes. In his memory, Yu Sheng was always joking and willful, rarely so serious.
“Lu Chenyang,” Yu Sheng’s voice lowered, “I feel sorry for you because you mean something different to me. You are my… pain symbiote.” Seeing you hurt hurts me. Seeing you unhappy makes me sad. Even just hearing you talk about the past makes me regret… regret not meeting you sooner, not being able to be with you.
After dinner, Lu Chenyang stood by the sink washing the dishes, the water gushing as he repeatedly pondered Yu Sheng's words, "pain symbiosis." A corner of his heart was gently touched; it seemed he felt the same way.
Yu Sheng was unusually quiet tonight. After dinner, she went straight to her study and typed furiously on her computer, even holding a long video conference in between. This had happened before, but Yu Sheng would always cheekily yell every now and then, "Officer Lu, I'm thirsty!" "Officer Lu, I want some strawberries!" "Officer Lu, push me to the bathroom!" "Officer Lu..."
It was unusually quiet today. Lu Chenyang felt a little uncomfortable.
He's flying to Yunnan early tomorrow morning to film that agricultural assistance variety show, and then to Pingyao Ancient City in Shanxi Province for a cameo role in that action movie. The round trip will take at least half a month. Right now, he's in the kitchen preparing some of the dishes Yu Sheng has been talking about lately, making semi-finished products, packaging the seasonings, and writing down the steps for the caregiver to use. That way, even when he's not home, the young master can still enjoy familiar flavors.
After finishing his work and taking a shower, he came out to find that Yu Sheng had already moved to the bed by herself, without asking him to carry her or asking him to carry her.
Lu Chenyang quietly lifted the covers and lay down. The person beside him was completely still, but he knew he wasn't asleep.
Lu Chenyang turned to the side, using the pale moonlight filtering in from the window to trace Yu Sheng's delicate and serene features. After looking at her for a long time, he finally couldn't help but speak abruptly in a low voice to the darkness, "Ah Sheng, I'm sorry."
There was no response.
He moved closer, his voice even softer, yet earnest: "Ah Sheng... you are also... my pain symbiote."
In the darkness, there was a rustling sound of fabric rubbing together. Then, a warm body snuggled into his arms. A fluffy head rested on his arm, forehead pressed against his chest, and hands clutched the hem of his pajamas like a small animal seeking shelter.
Lu Chenyang's body stiffened instantly. A deep-seated resistance to intimate contact gripped him, clamoring and trying to control him to push away the intruder.
But he held back.
Against his body's instincts, he slowly raised his arm and hugged the little beast in his arms even tighter. His chin gently rested on the top of Yu Sheng's soft hair, he closed his eyes, and whispered, "Sleep. Goodnight."
When Yu Sheng woke up the next day, the spot beside him was indeed empty, and his hand was cold to the touch. The person had been gone for quite some time. Yet, Yu Sheng felt an unprecedented sense of satisfaction. Even in his sleep, he could feel those arms still wrapped around him, never letting go all night.
But a sense of loss crept into his heart. It wasn't because of the two weeks of separation ahead, but because of his "despicable" little tricks he'd played last night. Lu Chenyang's words at the dinner table had indeed made him uncomfortable, but not to the point of genuine anger. His subsequent coldness and refusal to communicate were merely a gamble—a gamble that Lu Chenyang's upright sense of responsibility would compel him to back down, a gamble that their time together would ultimately change him in Lu Chenyang's eyes.
He won his gamble. The prize he won was that warm embrace.
For the next few days, he ate the semi-finished products that Lu Chenyang had prepared in advance, and occasionally video-called him. Looking at the handsome face on the other end of the screen, he would deliberately tease him: "Officer Lu, did you get a tan?" or tease him in a drawn-out tone: "Did you miss me?" Then he would watch with satisfaction as the other person's ears turned red.
Life seemed to be going in the direction he wanted most, and he was increasingly grateful to the stalker who had hit him with her car. But all that happiness was shattered by a phone call.
His phone rang, and he was still video chatting with Lu Chenyang. The caller ID popped up on the screen: Yu Zhengcheng.
He gave a few perfunctory words and hurriedly hung up the phone, without even responding to Lu Chenyang's promise to catch the next day's flight back to have dinner with him in Shuye and then go to the hospital for a check-up to have his cast removed.
He gripped the still-vibrating phone tightly in both hands, as if holding a red-hot branding iron. Only when the ringing was almost finished did he press the answer button with trembling fingers.
“...Dad.” His voice was so dry it didn’t sound like his own.
"Ah Sheng, why did it take you so long to answer the phone? Did you not want to talk to your father?"
The voice on the other end of the phone was calm, even gentle. At first glance, one might think it was a kind elder, but to Yu Sheng, it felt like a venomous snake was coiling around his spine, making his scalp tingle and his blood run cold.
"No, no! Dad," Yu Sheng's throat tightened, and she tried her best to control her voice, "My phone wasn't with me just now."
A very soft chuckle came from the other end of the phone, like a feather brushing against the skin, yet it sent chills down Yu Sheng's spine, almost causing him to lose control and throw the phone away. He gripped the armrest of his wheelchair, his nails digging deep into his palm: "Dad, is something wrong?"
"Yes. Dad will be going back to China in a few weeks to take care of some things. He'll bring your sister along to see some old friends and have a casual meal."
"Dad, I... I injured my leg, it's in a cast, so it might be inconvenient for me..." Yu Sheng made a last-ditch effort, her voice pleading.
Silence fell on the other end of the phone. After a few seconds, that gentle yet suffocating voice broke through, tinged with a faint static, "Ah Sheng... are you rejecting Daddy?" The two voices blended together, rising like from the depths of an icy pool, carrying a chilling aura that ensnared Yu Sheng's neck, dragging him towards the abyss to drown, "It's been years, why are you starting to disobey again? Do I have to... personally come and ask you?"
"No!" Fear gripped her heart instantly, and Yu Sheng blurted out, "...I...I will go. Dad, I will definitely go."
"Mmm. Good girl."
The dial tone, indicating the phone had been disconnected, rang out as if it had ripped the bones from Yu Sheng's body. He slumped weakly in his wheelchair, his back already soaked with cold sweat, the damp, cold fabric clinging to his skin, sending chills down his spine.
It's been three years. He hasn't seen or spoken to this person for three years. He thought he wouldn't be afraid, that he could face it, but he never expected to be so cowardly in the end. Those deep-seated fears have never dissipated for even a day.
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