5. Alprazolam
Tang Sizhu opened her eyes before the alarm went off. She had slept soundly last night and hadn't woken up repeatedly, but her dreams were filled with chaotic flashbacks to her childhood, leaving her exhausted even after waking.
She rolled over, curled up under the covers, and hugged a faded, whitened bear tightly to her chest. She lowered her head, nuzzling against the plush, and took a deep breath. No matter how carefully it was cared for, a toy manufactured over twenty years ago couldn't withstand the ravages of time. Now she no longer dared to move the bear's limbs, fearing the fragile fabric would tear along the lines Zeng Xiasheng had sewn it over a decade ago. In his hands, this thing could be mended and given a new life, but she didn't have such fine craftsmanship.
Just when I was about to lie down for a while, my phone suddenly dinged with a text message from Zhang Qiuran, the woman in the divorce case.
"Lawyer Tang, I'm sorry to bother you so early. We've already agreed to the property division plan and signed the agreement. I'll settle the legal fees with your assistant later, so I won't bother you any more."
Tang Sizhuo stared at his phone for several seconds, wondering if he'd woken up yet. A successful resolution of the case was certainly a good thing, but the last time they negotiated, the conditions between the two sides were so different. How could such a change have occurred in just a few days?
She sat up from the bed and called Zhang Qiuran, but after two rings, the other party hung up.
To be honest, she was exhausted physically and mentally from the first few negotiations, and she wished that things would end sooner rather than later. Anyway, it wouldn't affect the fees, and the partners would definitely have no objection. Tang Sizhuo didn't like Zhang Qiuran at all, and could even say he hated her. Her attitude of using marriage as a springboard and caring only about appearances made Tang Sizhuo think of Xiao Tong again and again. In the entire divorce dispute, perhaps she, the lawyer, was the only outsider who really cared about the child's whereabouts. Zhang Qiuran mentioned more than once that since the man didn't want the child, it wouldn't be a bad idea for her to have the child, and she could also fight for more child support. At worst, she could just throw the child back to her hometown and marry into any family when she grew up. However, she still had to maintain a resistant appearance so that she could bargain and not give in.
A man who lives on wealth and debauchery, and a woman who lusts after wealth through her body, are like a broken pot with a rotten stove; neither is a good thing. However, Tang Sizhuo, searching for excuses, still couldn't convince herself to withdraw with a clear conscience. When Xiao Tong used her as a pawn to win back her husband and mocked her requests for help, hadn't she also been able to comfort her tearful mother late at night?
The past flooded uncontrollably into Tang Sizhuo's mind, and she felt a surge of anxiety, a burning fire within her that she could never extinguish. The seesaw pain seemed to last forever, destined to die along with her body. She yanked open the drawer of her bedside table and leaned over to search inside, but aside from a half-finished bottle of sleeping pills, she couldn't find any other bottles. Tang Sizhuo's thoughts were in a trance, and she remained stunned for a long moment before she suddenly remembered that she had put away her medication in anticipation of Zeng Xiasheng's arrival.
She wasn't wearing slippers, her bare feet touching the floor. The cold sensation of her soles made her feel dizzy and dazed. Terror was sweeping through her like a whirlwind. She practically ran into the kitchen, knelt on the floor, and fished her medicine kit from the cabinet under the sink. She swallowed three Xanax tablets dry, then gasped and slumped forward, folding her hands over her chest. It was okay, she reassured herself. She'd been through this many times before. She'd take the medicine, and everything would be fine soon.
The counselor advised her not to fight against herself. Even if some of her choices seemed to repeat traumatic experiences, she should prioritize following her current feelings. She needed to make herself comfortable first, and only then would things slowly improve. She couldn't be completely ruthless about Xiao Tong's feelings, and just as she wasn't about to let Zhang Qiuran fend for herself under duress, she couldn't let him.
After recovering a little, Tang Sizhuo sent a message to Wang Yue, asking her to find the agency contract and send him Zhang Qiuran's address information.
After taking the medicine, she felt a little dizzy, so she didn't drive and took a taxi to Zhang Qiuran's house. This trip was the most she could do. If Zhang Qiuran wasn't at home, or couldn't help for some other reason, she would have to stop here.
Zhang Qiuran lived in an apartment building in the city center. Tang Sizhuo rang the doorbell and a woman's voice came from inside, "Who is it?"
It wasn't Zhang Qiuran's voice.
"Does Zhang Qiuran live here?"
It was quiet inside for a while, and then there seemed to be some dispute. The footsteps were disorderly, but getting closer and closer. Finally, the door was slammed open, and inside stood a young woman whom Tang Sizhuo did not recognize, and Zhang Qiuran who was trying to hold her back from behind.
"Lawyer! Please try to persuade her. She must have been deceived by that man. How could she sign like that? He didn't even give her a single storefront."
Tang Sizhuo understood what was going on. He looked at Zhang Qiuran and asked directly, "Are you being threatened?"
They had done business together early in their marriage, and if the man's earnings were tainted, Zhang Qiuran was likely implicated. Later, Zhang Qiuran neglected everything else, focusing solely on eating, drinking, and having fun. The man seemed shrewd enough to blame her for all this, likely to protect himself. Now, of course, he could use some of it as leverage for the divorce and division of assets.
Zhang Qiuran lowered his head and said nothing.
Tang Sizhuo walked into the room, closed the door, and spoke calmly, "It doesn't matter if the property division agreement has already been signed. Contracts signed under fraud or coercion can be revoked. Of course, my work was already done when you messaged me this morning. I just wanted to confirm with you one last time whether you signed the agreement voluntarily. If you confirm that it is voluntary, I will not bother you any further. You can contact my assistant to settle the payment later."
This was the apartment Zhang Qiuran had already secured, and she had lived there alone for the past six months. The house was relatively clean, but it was a mess, with barely any room to step. Her clothes, bags, and unopened skincare products were scattered everywhere. The other young woman was her friend. She had heard she was feeling down, so she came to stay with her for a few days. She didn't know what had happened, but she felt Zhang Qiuran had been cheated. So, even though Zhang Qiuran insisted she didn't want to see a lawyer, she still came to open the door for Tang Sizhuo.
Tang Sizhuo had no sympathy for Zhang Qiuran, so he didn't find a place to sit. He just stood at the entrance and asked her if she was coerced and whether she wanted to tell the truth.
Zhang Qiuran looked hesitant, but Tang Sizhuo was ready to leave without saying anything, so she didn't have time to think about it. After a few minutes of silence, she sent her friends out to eat, leaving Tang Sizhuo alone. After her friends left, Tang Sizhuo found a place to sit down and looked at Zhang Qiuran quietly, waiting for her to speak.
Zhang Qiuran tugged at the hem of her pajamas with his fingers and confirmed with her, "You'll keep it a secret, right?"
"There is a confidentiality clause in your commission agreement. Do you need further confirmation?"
"No, no need. I trust you."
Tang Sizhuo studied her closely. The woman before him seemed to have completely lost her usual calculating, arrogant demeanor. She had become timid, her voice soft, as if she might burst into tears at any moment. After picking at her clothes, she went back to her fingers, her right thumb bleeding profusely as if she had lost her sense of pain. Tang Sizhuo reached out to hold her back, pulling out a few tissues to stop the bleeding.
"I am your lawyer. I can and should protect you."
Zhang Qiuran's dull gaze slowly moved up and fell on Tang Sizhuo's face. His cracked lips moved and made a hoarse sound.
"He took nude photos of me, lots of them."
Tang Sizhu's head buzzed.
She began to regret not putting the medicine in her bag in the morning.
The fire finally caught up with her, crackling and burning her internal organs, determined to kill her here.
Zeng Xiasheng hung up the phone and crossed out another name in his notebook. Chen Tianhao, sitting nearby watching the game, angrily scolded him, "Did your grandfather ever care about you? How much money did he spend on you? You're rushing to help him pay back those two or three hundred thousand. Who knows? It might just be some wealthy person being kind; they don't need it." Zeng Xiasheng ignored him. He contacted nearly everyone he could think of, asking if they had anonymously wired money to his grandmother. Some people did readily admit to asking him to pay it back, but the timing, amount, and method didn't match.
Even before he was released from prison, Zeng Xiasheng had thought many times that his grandfather's illness was caused by his murder, and that he should repay the debt owed. That way, when he died, he would have no worries, and perhaps he wouldn't need to be reborn as a human in his next life. He made three more phone calls, and then all the names in the notebook were crossed out.
He didn't write down the final option.
After the beginning of winter, the sun sets earlier and earlier. As darkness descends, Chen Tianhao's wife brings him food again. The two have recently been discussing re-weddings, and despite a few minor arguments, their relationship has only grown stronger. Since there's not much work to do today, after a while of hanging out in the shop, Chen Tianhao tacitly leaves the shop to Zeng Xiasheng and takes his wife to the movies.
Once the surroundings quieted down, the voice in his heart began to grow and spread uncontrollably. Zeng Xiasheng's finger hesitated over Tang Sizhuo's name, but finally clicked on it and sent her a message, asking if she had helped pay off the foreign debt his grandfather had incurred due to his illness.
This didn't mean anything, he told himself. It didn't mean he wanted to reconcile, it didn't mean he wanted to drag her into this mess again. He just wanted to relieve himself of the mental burden, that was all. After sending the message, he felt amused. The difference between them was already so great, and now two hundred thousand favors were added to it, layer upon layer, and even the memories of the past were no longer vivid, evaporating into a delusion in another time and space.
A few seconds later, the phone suddenly vibrated. It was a call from Tang Sizhuo.
Zeng Xiasheng didn't know what she had to say that couldn't be sent in text, but after hesitating for a moment, he still answered the call.
"I didn't mean anything else, I—"
He subconsciously wanted to explain to her, but he heard crying from the other end.
I don’t know where Tang Sizhu made the call from. The surroundings were noisy, but it couldn’t cover up her suppressed crying.
Zeng Xia stood up suddenly, "What's wrong with you? Why are you crying? Where are you?"
Tang Sizhuo didn't answer. She seemed unable to control her emotions and couldn't speak at all. Zeng Xiasheng heard a thumping sound, as if she had banged her head against something, the sound getting heavier and heavier.
“…I feel so bad…so bad…”
He finally heard her muffled voice, repeating these words over and over again.
"I'm coming now, I'm coming now, don't do this... Don't hang up, I'm coming now..."
Zeng Xiasheng was incoherent, not even taking his coat. He hurriedly pulled down the shutters and ran out in his sweater. He faintly heard the sound of a whistle; Tang Sizhuo was probably by the river. There was a small, secluded staircase there. When she could find a moment to sneak out, she loved sitting there, leaning on his shoulder and watching the sunset.
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