Chapter 41 Please Don’t Leave Me
"It's still more comfortable inside." Xu Zhijian closed his eyes and sighed.
Having not seen him for almost two days, Wen Nian asked, "What have you been busy with these past two days?"
He murmured, "I've done so much these past two days. Yesterday I took Grandpa to be cremated, and early this morning I went to the cemetery to carve the tombstone, and called every relative..."
As he spoke, his voice gradually faded away. Perhaps he was too tired, and he fell asleep.
“…”
Wen Nian didn't disturb him, moved to the bed and put on headphones.
I slept until nine o'clock in the evening.
When Xu Zhijian woke up, Wen Nian and Xu Xiaoyu were making instant noodles.
Seeing that he was awake, Xu Xiaoyu also opened a bucket for him. During this time, Third Aunt actually came to call them to eat, but they refused.
Xu Zhijian yawned as he got up from the bed and sat down at the table. "Thank you."
"Do you want chicken legs, braised eggs, or sausages? Duck necks are fine too." Xu Xiaoyu asked while rummaging through her bag.
"Can I eat them all?"
"cannot."
"Can you please stop being so stingy? I'm almost starving to death."
"That won't work either!" Xu Xiaoyu said, guarding her food cautiously. "Tomorrow is still a day away. I can only give you two at most."
"Alright." He pouted and complained, "I want chicken legs and braised eggs."
“Hey.”
"Sister, this is yours." She distributed food to everyone like a little chef.
Wen Nian: "Thank you."
After dinner, we started thinking about how the three of us would sleep that night. After all, there was only one small bed in the cabin, which obviously couldn't accommodate three people.
In the end, Xu Zhijian volunteered to go to the sofa.
The night passed peacefully.
Xu Xiaoyu stayed in the house for the past two days and didn't ask about her grandfather's affairs, but she had to show up for the funeral on the last day.
Wen Nian hadn't originally planned to go with them. After all, it wasn't appropriate for her to be present at such a thing as an outsider. But she couldn't resist Xu Xiaoyu's pleading, so she finally accompanied her to the cemetery.
She didn't go in, but waited outside until they finished their worship.
Afterwards, he went to the funeral and had a feast with the villagers.
By the time everything was over, it was already afternoon.
They booked tickets for tomorrow, and Wen Nian took Xu Xiaoyu back and started packing their luggage.
By evening, everyone in the family had returned, but Xu Zhijian was nowhere to be seen.
Wen Nian hardly saw him all day today. The few times she glanced at him from a distance, she only felt that he was in a very low mood.
Wen Nian looked out through the glass.
The others seemed exhausted as well. Without any communication, they all returned to their own rooms, and no one mentioned that Xu Zhijian was not there.
After observing for a few days, how should I put it? Wen Nian always felt that the way this family got along was suffocating.
All sorts of trivial matters, such as: fighting over who gets to use the restroom early in the morning, arguing over who gets to wash the dishes, who gets to cook, who gets scolded for eating more steamed buns...
And everyone seems to have their own little thoughts.
Almost all the work and expenses of the funeral were pushed onto Xu Zhijian. They flattered him in words, but actually didn't care about him. Some of them even showed some malice from time to time.
Wen Nian knew that it was jealousy deep in his bones.
Especially that Xu Lin.
After asking Xu Xiaoyu, I found out that these people had been holding resentment in their hearts because they did not get the benefits they wanted from their family.
They naturally thought that since Xu Quan had become rich, he would take them with him to live a life of luxury. But the truth was, because the old man was homesick and didn't want to leave, Xu Quan didn't provide much financial support in order to let them take care of him at home.
"My dad worked hard to earn money and start his own business. Why should he spend all the money he earned on these people who exploited him? The old man is partial to the big and the small. They should repay him." Xu Xiaoyu spat indignantly: "They are still unhappy."
Yes, why should we easily share other people’s achievements with some relatives with whom we have no feelings?
When it was late at night and everyone was asleep, Xu Zhijian still hadn't returned.
After making several calls but no one answered, Wen Nian couldn't help but feel anxious. He paced back and forth in the room and asked his third aunt, but she also didn't know.
At around nine o'clock, it finally worked.
"Hello, Xu Zhijian, where are you?" She sounded a little anxious.
There was silence on the other side for a long while.
This made her already nervous even more anxious, and she called out again, "Xu Zhijian, are you there?"
Finally someone answered, a hoarse, low, deep groan, "Who?"
Sounds like he's drunk.
"Where are you?"
Xu Zhijian seemed to be unconscious and replied slowly: "On the hillside at the entrance of the village..."
"What were you doing there?" Wen Nian was so angry that he almost died.
He complained: "The stars are quite beautiful tonight..."
Look at the stars...
She held her forehead and took a deep breath: "Don't move there, I'll come to you."
After hanging up the phone, she picked up her clothes, said a few words to Xu Xiaoyu, told her not to run around, and to call her if she had anything, and then left.
There were only a few street lights on the village paths, and it was dark all around.
Wen Nian, holding his phone's flashlight, walked towards the village entrance, relying on his memory of the journey. The road was deserted, eerily quiet, with only the occasional cries of poultry adding to the eerie feeling.
She was not very courageous and she persevered entirely through willpower.
After walking for nearly half an hour, we finally arrived at the village entrance.
There is a large hillside here, covered with weeds, with limited visibility. I didn't see anyone around.
"Xu Zhijian?" she called out, hoping he was still awake.
Even so, when a dark head suddenly appeared on the endless lawn, Wen Nian was still startled. After hearing his hum, he breathed a sigh of relief and walked over. "Why are you running here in the middle of the night instead of going home?"
Xu Zhijian felt a little aggrieved: "Why are you so fierce?"
"How am I fierce?" She had already come to him. Even so, she unconsciously lowered her tone and reached out to pull him, "Hurry up and go back."
Xu Zhijian sat on the ground without moving, and said stubbornly, "I want to see the stars."
“…Stop it.”
"I want to see it! I want to see it!"
Seeing that he was about to throw a tantrum, Wen Nian sighed and squatted in front of him helplessly.
She originally wanted to touch him to see if he had a fever, but unexpectedly she felt a damp and hot spot. She was stunned for a moment and her fingertips stayed on his face for two seconds.
Crying?
She was a little confused.
There are indeed many stars tonight, and the moon is brighter than in the city.
Under the night sky, there was a tranquil silence. The scent of green grass lingered in my nose, fireflies flashed, and a cool breeze, neither too strong nor too weak, felt especially refreshing and comfortable on my face.
It's really a good place to chat.
In the end, Wen Nian compromised, sat next to him, and asked, "Are you thinking of something sad?" Xu Zhijian lowered his head and said nothing.
"Why don't you talk to me? Maybe I can help."
There was another silence.
I couldn't make out his expression in the darkness. After a while, he suddenly asked in a murmur, "Wen Nian, am I really that bad? No one would choose me."
Wen Nian seemed to have not expected him to ask such a question. It took him a long time to respond: "Why do you say that?"
He looked into the sky, as if recalling something.
"When I was little, my parents told me they loved me, bought me lots of delicious food, gave me endless money, and gave me everything I wanted. I thought that was love, but when I went to school, I realized it wasn't. Other children had their parents by their side, but I didn't."
"Grandpa was very good to me. He would play with me, support me, and was the only one who attended parent-teacher conferences for me. At that time, I thought he loved me. But after coming here and seeing how he loved my cousins, I realized that his love was biased. It was so obvious that he was partial."
"He would secretly hide delicious food for them, ask me to work harder, and whisper to them that I wasn't the one they loved the most. No one stood by me when my cousin bullied me. In many cases, no matter how well I performed, I was still the one who got scolded in the end. Once, I ran back to the city in anger, and there was no one who cared about me..."
Although a long time had passed, Xu Zhijian still couldn't help but shudder when he recalled the scene of walking alone on the mountain road that night, the thick fog, and the wild dogs roaring wantonly in the fields.
He has never been back here since then.
Wen Nian listened quietly and let him lean on her shoulder.
In the past, she always thought Xu Zhijian was very playful, like a child who had not grown up, but only now did she realize that this was his true childlike innocence.
Like a poor and aggrieved stray cat.
She thought she probably understood him.
People who lack love will desire love more. Xu Zhijian has never had the attention of his parents since he was a child. Suddenly one day he received the care of his grandfather, and he began to regard this relationship as particularly precious.
But if he places all his expectations of love on his grandfather, it will be even more difficult for him to accept the disappointment that comes later.
Giving hope and then having it shattered is far more harmful than not giving it in the first place.
These closest people have already left a scar in his heart, a scar that even she has never seen.
Xu Zhijian has a good alcohol tolerance and probably drank quite a bit this time. He is now a little unconscious and has been crying, telling her about the grievances he had suffered in the past.
The fabric of the clothes on the shoulders was stained damp.
Wen Nian felt a little distressed. She wiped his tears with her sleeve and comforted him in a low voice: "Okay, don't cry, it's all over."
Unexpectedly, upon hearing her voice, Xu Zhijian cried even harder, hugged her arms, and kept getting into her arms, "Wen Nian, you too, you don't love me anymore."
There is a hint of complaint in the distress, helplessness and caution.
Wen Nian's heart skipped a beat.
"You said such awful things to me, do you know... I'm so sad. You clearly said you would love me forever, why didn't you keep your word?"
At this moment, all the pretense and dignity he had used were cast aside. He questioned her with a vulnerability he had never shown before, while also humbly begging, "Can you... not be like them? Don't abandon me. You're the only one I have..."
Feel the hot tears falling on the back of your hand.
Wen Nian was stunned.
There is only her.
It was this sentence again, and at this moment, she finally understood what he meant when he said that only she loved him.
Xu Zhijian was far more attached to her than she thought.
That's why he kept pestering her without any hesitation. No matter how nasty her words were, no matter whether she was right or wrong, he never thought of giving up.
Perhaps he viewed her more as a family member than as a lover.
Family...
But she loves him, who can love her?
Wen Nian knew that she was born a petty girl, and once she became aware of the hurt she had suffered, it was destined to be impossible to erase it easily.
As the night deepened, the two figures leaning against each other gradually disappeared in the mist.
A myriad of emotions mingled in his heart, filled with indescribable bitterness and depression, Wen Nian stared blankly at the sky.
Before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face.
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