Chapter 51 I Miss You and Believe You Love Me
Chu Yuxuan glanced at her, pursed his lips and smiled faintly.
It's a very special feeling to hear the word "like" from her mouth.
"At first, it was mutual admiration, and later it became love. I can clearly distinguish between the two."
Wen Nian didn't expect him to say that. She swallowed the words she had prepared in advance before they even reached her lips, and calmly avoided his burning gaze.
Chu Yuxuan lowered his eyes and turned around.
"Remember I said I saw you picking sunflowers in front of my house? Besides that, I saw other things too. You carried your schoolbag to study at the town library, and you walked alone on the road with marshmallows in your hand on weekends..."
Wen Nian was stunned.
"In that dull period of life, you were like a beautiful landscape, a scene I longed for. In you, I saw a quality I could never possess: resilience and brightness."
He looked at the drizzle outside the hotel and recalled quietly: "But at that time, I just regarded you as a cute little sister."
"Until you entered junior high school, and one day I passed by with a famous boy standing next to you, I thought you were in a premature love relationship like those parents said."
"I don't know what was going on at that time, but I suddenly imagined what you would be like when you grow up. I thought you would fall in love, get married, and that one day I would never see you again. At that moment, I felt terrified and sad. I couldn't help but think that it would be great if I could be the one to accompany you for the rest of your life."
His tone was calm and composed, as usual.
"I know my thoughts are dark, but I really like you, Wen Nian." He took out a bouquet of flowers from somewhere and handed it to her, his eyes full of sincerity.
"My life is full of regrets, so this time, I want to give it a try."
Wen Nian lowered his eyes and looked at her, feeling mixed emotions.
She was not as bewildered as she had expected by his statement, but instead felt a sense of empathy.
If you think about it carefully, they are actually the same kind of people. Because they are seriously lacking something, when they meet someone, they will want to grab it with all their might, just like she did to Xu Zhijian back then.
It was a bunch of pink Dianas, with a few drops of rain on the petals, emitting a faint fragrance that mixed with the dampness in the air, making her involuntarily think of the scene at the beach that day.
Just like him now, she was also full of yearning for love at that time.
——
It was already early the next morning when Wen Nian returned.
The moment I pushed open the door, balloons filled the air. The room was beautifully decorated, with flowers and ribbons everywhere. The candles on the table had burned out, but the cake was still intact on top.
Everything looked warm and cozy, except for the dangerous aura emanating from the person lying on the sofa afterwards. There was a shadow under his drooping brows. He was clearly awake, but he didn't even look at her.
Wen Nian stood at the door for a moment, then closed the door and went inside. Pretending nothing had happened, he asked, "Why are you staying at my house so early in the morning?"
"Didn't you say you would be back in the evening? Why haven't you come back yet?"
"We drank too much yesterday and stayed out together." Perhaps because she felt guilty, Wen Nian rarely spoke kindly to him. She poured a glass of water and came to him: "Sorry, I went to bed early last night and forgot to tell you."
The air in the room also solidified along with the water cup.
He didn't answer, his eyes fixed on her face.
Wen Nian tried her best to remain calm, but was pulled away when he was about to withdraw his hand.
Half a glass of water was poured on him, but he didn't care. Instead, he forced a smile that was not very kind and smoothed her hair. "It's okay, I prepared a gift for you."
She still reeked of alcohol, and once it came into contact with his hot breath, the mellow aroma immediately spread between the two of them, making the already tense atmosphere even stranger.
Having said that, Wen Nian knew that he was not indifferent at all. At this moment, she saw the lighted cell phone behind him.
Cardiac arrest.
On the screen was the circle of friends that Chu Yuxuan had just posted a few hours ago, and she knew the content very well.
When his fingers started from her cheek and moved all the way across her side, Wen Nian subconsciously held her breath and avoided his gaze.
Xu Zhijian didn't care much. He took out a pair of crystal shoes from the box on the table and put them on her carefully. He stared at her for a few seconds and asked, "Do they look good?"
There was clearly something suppressed in those eyes. Wen Nian didn't answer, so he kept staring at her. Finally, he looked at the pair of high heels on his feet helplessly and hummed softly.
He smiled and said slowly, "Yeah, it took me half a year to make it."
"But." Before she could react, he took the shoes off her feet and threw them into the trash can next to her without hesitation.
With a thud, her heart skipped a beat.
I heard him say word by word in my ear: "What metaphysics says is indeed right. Don't give your girlfriend high heels. It won't bring good luck at all."
Knowing that he was going crazy again, Wen Nian struggled: "What's wrong with you again? Let me go."
He ignored her and dragged her forward by the waist, forcing her to look directly at him. "When are we getting married?"
"Who wants to marry you? Can you be a little more normal?" The more she struggled, the stronger his grip became. She had just retreated a few centimeters when he grabbed her neck and pulled her back.
Perhaps her endless struggles had finally made him lose his patience. His eyes suddenly became fierce, and his tone became heavier: "If you don't follow me, are you going to follow that Chu Yuxuan?"
Wen Nian panted lightly, without mercy: "What does it have to do with you? We have already separated-"
“Hmm…”
Before she could finish her words, her voice was completely blocked in her mouth and he bit her lips like crazy.
Wen Nian couldn't breathe, sobbing as she retreated, tears forced out. After nearly five minutes of lips and tongue entanglement, she finally let go when she was on the verge of suffocation.
Before she could even catch her breath, he pinched her chin again and warned her, "Break up with him." He practically gritted his teeth as he spoke these words, his voice trembling noticeably.
That post on WeChat Moments was the official announcement that she and Chu Yuxuan were together.
Wen Nian adjusted her breathing, looked at him coldly as he lost control, pulled the corner of her lip, and said in the same tough tone as him: "No difference."
Xu Zhijian smiled sarcastically.
He knew the answer the moment he said it. Wen Nian would always be stubborn in front of him and never compromise.
But he said it anyway because he didn't know what else to do.
Begging her, forcing her, nothing works, what else can he do?
The moment he saw the circle of friends, the first thought that popped into his mind was to get her back by any means necessary, even if it meant hurting her and making her sad.
But at this moment, when he really faced her, he couldn't use any tricks.
"Wen Nian, you have to force me like this..."
He must have not slept all night. There was a dark spot under his eyes, and the corners of his eyes were red. With a helpless look, he looked shaky and broken.
Wen Nian silently looked away without showing any mercy.
Xu Zhijian would never give up anything easily, even if it meant using any means necessary, but when it came to her, he had no solution at all.
Before he completely lost control, he left without saying a word.
There was rain and fog outside the window, and it didn't look like morning at all.
Wen Nian stood on the balcony, looking at the thin figure from afar.
At this moment, the stone that had been blocking my heart finally fell to the ground, and I felt a long-lost sense of relief.
She let out a long sigh.
——
This was probably the most painful time in Xu Zhijian's life. Even drunkenness couldn't dispel the sadness and emptiness in his heart. He never thought that one day, Wen Nian would really leave him and suddenly belong to someone else.
By the deserted lake, a man was leaning against a tree with a few empty wine bottles lying at his feet.
I don't know how much time passed, but the sky grew darker. I was half asleep when I felt someone approach me.
Xu Zhijian didn't see the man's appearance clearly, he only heard a sigh, and then it seemed like a notebook was placed on his body.
"Think about it carefully. If you offend our Nian Nian, you will have trouble in your life." After saying that, the woman turned and left.
Xu Zhijian forced himself to open his eyes and picked up the notebook.
His eyes gradually focused, he saw the outline of the notebook and quickly remembered what it was.
Wen Nian's diary, where she often wrote and drew when she was in college.
He pinched the cover, hesitated for a moment, and opened it.
Four big, bright words—Love Diary.
Love...is about him and her.
September 10, 2018
Record my first heartbeat~
——
Today at the welcome party, I met a very handsome boy. He was very tall, had fair skin, and beautiful eyes, like stars in the sky.
He has a very special aura, bright and sunny.
It would be great if I could be friends with him. I wonder if I’ll have the chance to meet him again in the future.
Xu Zhijian, even his name is so nice.
——
I saw him again today. He looked really good playing basketball and his voice was very nice. He also saved my head.
What should I do if I don't want to be friends with him anymore? This kind of person is perfect for a boyfriend.
Ahhhh what am I writing!!!
Stop, stop, stop! Study, study!
——
What should I do? I can’t sleep well every day. Why do I always think of that guy? I must be possessed by evil spirits. It’s so annoying!
Xu Zhijian...Xu Zhijian...
It’s so strange. I’m not familiar with it, so why is it so hard to forget?
Ah! If you think about it again, I will punish myself by making me copy the English text!
——
I'm going to a concert soon, maybe he'll see it.
So excited! Let’s practice the song again!
QAQ
The concert was over and he didn't come, so he was unhappy.
Is this what it means to be undestined?
——
Brave people enjoy the world first.
I've decided, I'm going to chase him!
——
Today is a memorable day. After so much hardship, I finally caught up with Xu Zhijian! From now on, he is my boyfriend!
Boyfriend... hehe, so happy, like a dream.
I can’t sleep. I don’t know what it feels like to be in love. I’m so looking forward to it.
Could he be my first love? Probably not, he's so handsome and has such a nice personality. It's a bit of a loss, if only I had met him earlier, but it doesn't matter.
Wait, will he find me unattractive? No, no! I need to brush up on my love life knowledge tomorrow.
——He was like a ray of light, penetrating the haze and finding me in the corner.
Hehehe (＞＜).
——
On the 20th day of dating Xu Zhijian, I successfully held her hand, yeah yeah yeah~
He even came to accompany me to class today. I was so happy. I hope I can hug him next time. I don’t think it’s too greedy.
Hmm, can’t sleep again.
——
Xu Zhijian's legs are shaking while he eats! Ahhhh, what can I do? I really want to remind him, but it's just his personal habit. Maybe it's not good, but... but it's really unbearable! Forget it, he's my boyfriend after all.
——
The following video mostly contains some of their daily love life. As Xu Zhijian watched, a smile couldn't help but appear on his face.
Until the following year.
——
Why can he chat with all kinds of girls? And why do they have such a good time chatting with each other?
Why was I unhappy when it was clearly a normal social interaction? It was so uncomfortable and painful to hold it in, but I couldn't say it out loud. He'd probably think I was petty.
I really want to lock him up so that other girls won’t miss him anymore.
How could I become like this, like a vicious jealous woman.
——
He forgot my period again, and forgot to wait for me after school. He bought me iced milk tea in the middle of autumn. Is he an idiot?
Or is it that I have too much to do?
Today's mood: Zero stars. Unhappy. Very unhappy.
——
I actually don’t like eating mangoes, playing exciting games, riding in his car, or going to places like bars with him, but he likes them.
I can't show it because it will make him unhappy. Even if I show it, given his personality, he will just try to convince me.
He is such a domineering person, always forcing me to do something.
——
Recently, many friends have come to see Xu Zhijian, but he has no time to accompany me. He doesn’t reply to messages or answer calls.
The first time I scolded him, he expressed his incomprehension and told me not to bother with him. He also didn’t coax his girlfriend like other boyfriends would.
I don't seem to feel that he loves me.
Xu Zhijian...it's been a long time since you came to pick me up from get out of class.
——
Ten days have passed and he still hasn't returned to school.
Today is my birthday. I had made an appointment with him in advance to celebrate together at the store, but he still didn't come.
never mind……
This year’s wish: I hope he can spend more time with me.
——
It turned out that he was celebrating his friend's birthday in the distant city of Beijing.
I heard that it was a girl who was repeating her senior year in order to get into the same university as him.
But... I'm so sad.
Am I not as important as his friend? It seems normal, after all, his friend has known him much longer than me, but I feel so uncomfortable.
Why does she have the same birthday as mine? Why does she remember hers but not mine?
This cake isn't tasty at all. I don't want to celebrate my birthday anymore.
——
It seems that Xu Zhijian is not that perfect either.
I had a fight with him, and finally I didn't have to pretend anymore, I didn't have to pretend to be happy, and I didn't have to bottle up all those bad emotions. This time, I had to stay angry for a little longer.
——
I met Xu Zhijian's female friend. She was admitted to this school. She is very beautiful, has good temperament, a very good personality, can sing and dance well, and it is obvious that she is a young lady raised in a wealthy family.
She seems to like him.
In front of her, I don’t even have the right to be jealous.
He seemed to care about her very much. Even in front of me, he would touch her head without any reservation, give her a doting smile, and even take her to have dinner with us. I couldn't participate in the topics they talked about.
She must really hate me. If it weren't for me, he might have been with her. The relationship between childhood sweethearts is really enviable.
You can't think like that! He's my boyfriend, he's mine.
Is Xu Zhijian's family also very rich? Then I'm probably not worthy of him, and we may... have no future, but I don't want to let go yet.
So tired.
——
He said they were just friends, but how could friends be so close?
——
Why don't you come and comfort me?
How come he is always so happy and can play so peacefully?
——
My stomach hurts so much and I want to cry.
Why didn't he send me back? Why did he stay with her? Am I not his girlfriend? Shouldn't he stay with me first?
I hate you, Xu Zhijian.
——
I want to break up with him.
It seems that we are indeed not suitable.
——
Give him another chance.
——
I have an exam tomorrow. I’m so nervous.
Why didn’t Xu Zhijian reply to the message?
he……
——
I never want to see you again.
——
From now on, don't give this person any emotions.
——
When Xu Zhijian saw the last page of the notebook, his eyes were dull, tears and rain had already mixed on his face, and his heart was stuffy and painful.
It turns out... he did so many things to hurt her.
Why didn't I feel anything at that time? Why didn't I care about her more?
At this moment, he was filled with regret and asked himself this question over and over again.
The sky was dark, and muffled thunder whimpered overhead from time to time. A cold wind blew with sticky rain, making the diary pages rustle.
I don’t know how long I knelt there. When I came to my senses, Xu Zhijian was already soaked all over.
When I looked up again, my heart stopped.
He blinked and confirmed that the man was looking at him with an umbrella not far away.
At this moment, Xu Zhijian couldn't help but recall the day when she single-handedly rescued him and Xiao Xiaoshi near the school.
Just like today, it was a rainy day. She held an umbrella and stood in the distance, staring at him in a daze.
In her arms was a bouquet of baby's breath prepared for him.
"Wen Nian..."
His voice choked with sobs, Xu Zhijian could no longer hold on. He got up from the ground, walked a few steps to her, hugged her, and broke down in tears: "I was wrong... I really know I was wrong..."
Wen Nian listened quietly to him crying in her ear, the sound of his sobs even drowning out the sound of the rain.
After a moment, she spoke, her voice a little hoarse: "What's wrong?"
He said hurriedly: "Everything is wrong... I'm such a bastard, I've never been good to you, I didn't fulfill my responsibilities as a boyfriend, I just kept asking for your love, but never cared about your feelings... I'm sorry..."
"You're just an asshole..." Perhaps because talking would magnify one's grievances, Wen Nian's emotions, which had been suppressed for a long time, suddenly collapsed, and tears flowed down.
"Xu Zhijian, do you know that because of you, I was punished many times by the school, lost my place in graduate school, and because of you, I also failed the postgraduate entrance examination interview."
"You didn't tell me anything. The night before the exam, Li Yao's mother called me and made me misunderstand that you and Li Yao were together. She even pretended to be your mother and scolded me, saying that I was not worthy of you."
"I called you so many times and sent you so many messages, but you just didn't reply... My family members are scolding me, saying they want to break my legs and blame me for having a blind relationship, but I still want to find out what's going on, but I just can't get through to you... I thought you didn't want me anymore, and the whole world was ruined."
She spoke with a trembling voice, wishing she could release all the grievances she had accumulated.
With every word, Xu Zhijian felt more pain in his heart. The arms that were holding her trembled slightly, and tears flowed uncontrollably.
"I'm sorry... Wen Nian, it's my fault..." He didn't know what to say. No matter how many words he said, he couldn't hide the hurt he had caused her. He could only keep apologizing.
"I won't bother you anymore. I'll listen to you from now on. If you don't like me, I'll run away."
"Do you know why I get so angry in front of you?" Wen Nian continued to talk non-stop: "Because you always don't care about a lot of things, but I am very petty and care about you very much. I will always worry about gains and losses. Being with you is particularly painful. I can't change. I am just this kind of person, Xu Zhijian."
"Yeah, I know." Xu Zhijian: "I wasn't careful enough. You don't need to change."
"I'm not in a relationship with Chu Yuxuan. I just want to take revenge on you. I want to give you hope and then disappoint you. I want you to suffer as much as I do. If you suffer, I'll feel better."
Hearing this, Xu Zhijian was stunned. After a long while, he came back to his senses and suddenly laughed. It was very light, but it was full of inexpressible bitterness. He hugged her tighter, sniffed, and asked in a hoarse voice, "When did you come up with this evil idea?"
"On the ship, I enjoyed seeing you suffer."
"I originally didn't want to have anything to do with you anymore. I was really annoyed by you and it made me feel uncomfortable just seeing you. But I found that by making you feel uncomfortable, the pain in my heart would become less and less."
He hummed, rubbing his chin against the top of her head.
He raised his head again, wiped the tears from her eyes, and asked softly, "Are you feeling better now?"
She nodded and calmed down.
"I didn't tell you about these grievances before, simply because telling you wouldn't change anything. I don't need your heartache or your apology. What has happened can never be changed, and the hurt can't be erased. What I need is for my heartache to stop. It's like a hurdle that forgiveness can't overcome, but revenge can."
"I know you didn't mean to hurt me. Many things happened because of our clash of personalities. I also know your past and understand that you don't understand love and find it hard to believe in love. I also know that you later changed a lot for me, but I just can't swallow this anger. Only when you return all of this to me can I feel at ease to be with you."
Xu Zhijian looked at her, his eyes trembling slightly: "I wish you would transfer all your injuries to me. You know, Wen Nian, compared to all this, I am more afraid that you will not want me." As he said this, he couldn't help crying again.
I can still clearly feel the heartache I felt when I heard that she didn't like me that day.
And at this moment, hearing this, it felt like a dream.
"I'm so scared, scared that you don't believe I love you."
Wen Nian looked at him quietly.
She believes it now.
In fact, the reason why she was willing to give him another chance was not just that revenge could resolve hatred.
She used to be unsure of his love and always liked to have wild imaginations, but now, she is sure.
Whether it was his cautiousness on the top of the mountain, or his cuddling under the starry sky, or his dimmed eyes by the lake, or his tears again and again, they all made her feel that he loved her, just like she loved him.
It’s just that he didn’t know how to express it and really didn’t know how to love someone.
She originally thought that she had let go of this relationship long ago, but when she saw him in danger, she would still get nervous. In countless dreams, she couldn't help but think of him again and again. Once she thought about having a new boyfriend, she would feel particularly uncomfortable.
She realized that it wasn't that she didn't love him from the beginning to the end, but she hated him, hated him for causing her so much harm. If it weren't for him, she probably would never be happy again in this life.
Fortunately, everything is over now. All the misunderstandings and debts have disappeared.
She was willing to give him, and herself, a chance to start over.
After watching Xu Zhijian cry for a long time, Wen Nian broke free from his arms, folded her arms and turned her head away.
The sudden change made Xu Zhijian a little at a loss. He quickly moved the umbrella above her head, but he didn't know where to put his other hand, let alone what to say.
Who knew that the next second, she would say in a proud tone: "Then you should be grateful to me, grateful that I gave you another chance. These shoes are so uncomfortable. I want a different birthday present. I want a huge ten-layer cake with lots of flowers on it."
He was stunned for several seconds.
After coming to his senses, he finally clenched his palms tightly, moved closer to her, and rubbed against her like a kitten, "Thank you for your kindness, Ms. Wen."
"I'll give you whatever you want. I'll make you a twenty-story one."
In fact, after going through so many things until today, Wen Nian has also understood some things. The most important thing for two people to be together is to tolerate and understand each other, and then slowly change.
The conflict between them was not only his responsibility, but also had a lot to do with her cowardice. In the past, she always kept everything in her heart. How could he, a careless person like him, know?
That's why she planned to use her diary to tell him everything about her past.
Wen Nian took a breath and smiled with relief.
She snorted and pushed him away: "Get out of the way, your tears are rubbing against me!"
"No, I miss you so much. It's really not easy for me."
"Um?"
"Of course, you work the hardest."
-----------------------
The author has something to say: The main storyline is almost over here, and there are some sweet daily moments later. Thank you for reading~ [Drop-eared rabbit head][Drop-eared rabbit head]
Because this is the first book, the writing is actually not very satisfactory. Many of the emotions I wanted to express were not expressed, and the plot is somewhat different from the original idea. I am also deeply aware that I am very inadequate in writing style, character development, plot design, and character setting. In the future, I will further study and strengthen myself, and strive to make each book better than the last.
Also, I have to apologize to everyone who has been following me. I've been updating very slowly, sometimes only once every few days, because I've been busy with a lot of things. My writing speed is also quite slow, and I'm so lazy about updating. [Breaking down][Breaking down] I'll definitely save more manuscripts in the future! Write a good chapter outline!
Special thanks to the little ones for their support. I wish you a happy reading, a happy life every day, good eating and sleeping, love you~ [erect-eared rabbit head][calico cat head][loppy-eared rabbit head]
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
