The Duchess, embracing Zhou Gu, noticed his body trembling lightly. With every word he spoke, the trembling intensified. She felt her heart ache, but she could not utter a word.
He was wise enough to understand, having said himself that he would try, how could she, his mother, bear to urge or lecture him further?
All she could do was hold him, patting his shoulder lightly, offering him comfort.
After a while, Zhou Gu let go of his hands, his eyes red and his voice hoarse as he said, "Mother, I have matters to attend to, I must leave the Duke Residence."
The Duchess heaved a sigh, released him, and softly asked, "Is the investigation not going well?"
Zhou Gu faintly responded, "This involves the Imperial Guard, who could possibly have influence over them? Multiple princes, influential ministers, and even the concubines in the palace, except for the Eastern Palace and Duke Residence, all are possible."
The Imperial Guard had always been impartial concerning the Eastern Palace and Duke Residence, wary lest they be seen as currying favor, let alone trying to take advantage.
The Duchess wanted to tell him that if he tried to let go of Su Rong, he should avoid all matters involving her. He shouldn’t be the one investigating this case. Yet, she realized that avoidance may work for a moment, but could it be possible to continue to avoid it forever? Su Rong was currently in Capital City, and because of the prior engagement with Princess Zhenmin, Duke Residence would never be able to avoid Su Rong. Even if Zhou Gu distanced himself, would it make a difference? As he said, when restraint had reached an extreme point, who knew what consequences it might generate? Perhaps, it was better to let him do as his heart desired, and engage in the affairs he could; perhaps he would gradually be able to let go.
Thus, she no longer questioned him, gently advising, "Then go about your busyness! Remember, no matter how busy you are, you must take care of your health. Don’t forget to sleep."
"I know." Zhou Gu nodded.
As the Duchess watched Zhou Gu leaving the garden, she did not leave immediately. Instead, she sat where Zhou Gu had been sitting for a while, covering her eyes with her hands.
Back then, when the Duke fell in battle, Zhou Gu was an infant and the eldest son was a toddler. It felt as if the sky had fallen. She wanted to hang herself at that moment, but seeing her two children, she couldn’t bear to leave them without a father and without a mother. Even though she wished to die, she had to hold on.
Consequently, she fell ill, gritted her teeth and endured.
However, over the past fifteen years, during the long, quiet nights, she would find it hard to sleep alone. So many times she missed the man she once loved, the one who was supposed to be by her side for the rest of her life. How many times had she regretted not persuading him not to go to the battlefield?
Knowing that he would die, she failed to do everything in her power to stop him, for the sake of the loyalty and hot-blooded dedication of the Duke Residence. Regardless of the men who fell on the battlefield or the women who became widows like her, did they not regret their decisions when they were alone?
The most irresistible thing was this parting of life and death, the separation of worlds, for the sake of the nation and the righteous cause of life and death.
She had two sons. The eldest son was the rightful heir to the Duke Residence. There was no other choice - he was born with the responsibility of the Duke Residence. This was a responsibility that every eldest son of a prestigious family had to shoulder, to inherit the title, to gain seventy percent of the family fortune, to uphold the line of the Duke Residence, as was his due. But what about the younger son? How many youngest sons of nobility, even when they came of age, still indulge in a life of leisure, satisfied with their lot, achieving nothing in their studies, having no great aspirations? They received their small portions of the family wealth, without having to bear the burden of family responsibilities. This was the norm for the younger sons of the noble families in the capital.
Yet, her youngest son, from a young age, had been burdened with responsibility due to his intelligence.
Of course, she didn’t think the Eunuch was wrong. No one in the Duke Residence thought he was wrong. The path he chose for Zhou Gu was indeed for the good of the Duke Residence, but even more so, it was to pave a way to success and eternal glory for Zhou Gu himself.
The world was thriving, with countless citizens. How many could leave their names in history? Those from a dynasty who could, were few and far between.
But now, her son, with a hoarse voice, asked her, would he have to regret for his entire life that he had to watch the woman he loved be with someone else? Did everyone, including Su Rong, consider his personal feelings trivial compared to these affairs?
She could not provide an answer, but she could not ignore his words. She needed to ponder and examine the path she had chosen for him. If it resulted in him becoming like a living corpse, would he deeply regret when he was old, alone at night, and dreaming in the dead of night?
No! She had regretted alone in quiet nights for sixteen years, she could not let her son suffer the same.
The Duke Residence today was not facing a serious crisis, and the national power of Daliang was not as weak as before. Her son, while wanting to sacrifice a great deal for his personal feelings to be at peace in the rest of his life, as long as he wasn’t regretful about his decision, what’s the harm?
She let go of her hands, stood up suddenly, left the garden, and headed for the residence of the Grand Princess of Sheng An.
The Duchess moved so quickly that her serving maids were startled, calling out, "My lady!" But she moved onward as if she hadn’t heard them at all. Her footsteps were hurried - she had never moved this fast before. Like a gust of wind, she rushed to Princess Sheng An’s courtyard.
She had never lost her composure, disregarded her status, or lacked dignity like this before.
Princess Sheng An hadn’t slept well last night. In fact, because of Zhou Gu’s affairs, she had had several sleepless nights. Seeing the Duchess charging in like the wind, she was taken aback and immediately stood up, asking, "What’s happened?"
The Duchess steadied herself, took a few breaths, and said, "Mother, send them all out!"
Princess Sheng An waved her hand and all the attendants quickly withdrew, leaving just the two of them in the room.
The Duchess took a deep breath, moved forward to hold Princess Sheng An’s hand, and sat down beside her, "Mother, when Zhou Gu returned to our residence earlier, he ran into the Second Young Master Ye of the Ye Xiang Residence on the way. That Ye was off to Shen Residence to find Su Rong."
The Princess’s expression changed slightly at this single sentence, "How is Zhou Gu?"
The Duchess lowered her voice and recounted Zhou Gu’s condition and everything he had said to Princess Sheng An verbatim.
After listening, Princess Sheng An covered her chest, remaining silent for a long time.
The Duchess knew that she was in pain as well. No one cared more for Zhou Gu than Princess Sheng An. When he went to the Eastern Palace to study, she asked every day what he had done there. When he left Capital City for Jiangning County, she was worried he wouldn’t have proper food, clothing, and water, and awaited his safe return every day.
In a soft voice, she said, "Mother, your surname is Yan and you are the oldest princess of Daliang. When Dawei invaded, all of your husband’s brothers went to war. You couldn’t stop them out of duty to the country and family, and they all died on the battlefield. Were there times over the years when you have regretted not keeping even one son around? I am being honest with you, mother. I have often regretted losing my husband, the love of my life. Even though I know that even if I had tried to stop him, I might not have succeeded. But I didn’t even try to dissuade him back then. Instead, I silently helped him put on his armour and sent him out of the residence. He was in such a hurry that I didn’t even..."
A tear rolled down Princess Sheng An’s cheek.
More tears fell from the Duchess’s face, silent tears of two faces who felt similar pain. Who says that crying out loud is the deepest pain? Their pain had been enduring yet silent for over a decade.
The Duchess choked on her words,"Mother, although Zhou Gu said he wanted to try, I’m afraid he won’t be able to let go after suppressing his feelings for so long, and Su Rong might have developed feelings for Ye Guixue in the meantime. In that case, my Zhou Gu..."
She covered her face and sobbed, "By that time, it would be really too late to mend."
Princess Sheng An surged to her feet.
The Duchess lowered her hand and stood up as well, for it’s not right for a daughter to sit when her mother is standing. She called out, "Mother."
Princess Sheng An stood there for a moment, took out a handkerchief, slowly wiped the tears off her face, and calmly said, "You are right."
She called out, "Someone!"
The personal maid who was keeping an eye on the door came in, "Princess Sheng An?"
Princess Sheng An ordered, "Hurry to Shen Residence and deliver a message personally. Tell them I have something important and ask Su Rong to come over to the Duke Residence without fail today."
The personal maid complied and left immediately.
Princess Sheng An then slowly sat down and said to the Duchess, "Indecision can lead to chaos, this was Su Rong’s intention when she gave up and broke the engagement. The more she delayed, the more she would be tangled up with Zhou Gu, which was not good for either of them. Now, many days have passed, but Zhou Gu is still unable to let go. Today, he was able to express his pain to you. This is partly because he is at his weakest, and partly because you found him at the right time. At this moment, as his mother, if you persist in seeing things in the light of self-righteousness, pursue honor, and unable to empathize with him, you will lose your son’s innate trust in you forever. In other words, you will lack motherly love, and your relationship with him will be cold and indifferent."
After saying this, Princess Sheng An grabbed the Duchess’s hand and pulled her down to sit, "So, it’s good that you came to see me today. I am a mother too, moreover his grandmother. His well-being is my only wish. I won’t let him ruin himself to the point where he would resent it for the rest of his life."
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