Su Rong slept for half a day and night, missing dinner, and only woke up the next day.
The madam, hearing that she was awake, came to her room early in the morning and saw her lazily sitting at the table having porridge. She had a laid-back attitude radiating from her whole being. Examining her, the madam asked, "Are you okay?"
From childhood, whenever she encountered a vexing issue, she would lock herself in her room and sleep for long hours, waking up refreshed and ready to cause mischief once more. Now, it seemed as though even after a good sleep, she was somewhat lacking in vigor.
Su Rong shook her head. "I’m fine."
The madam, sitting opposite her, huffed. "What is this ’I’m fine’ nonsense? Tell me the truth. You went to admire the plum blossoms with Ye Guixue yesterday, but you came back so exhausted and slept for so long. Did something unpleasant happen? Or was there an incident?"
She knew her, she said that she was fine, but that didn’t necessarily mean it was true. This girl had always been strong-willed. Even if something did happen, she wouldn’t speak of it.
Su Rong looked at her silently. "It was you who asked if I was okay, right? So naturally, I responded ’I’m fine’. I didn’t stumble nor get injured, I left smoothly and returned safely. Doesn’t that mean I’m fine?"
The madam laughed irritably. "Who asked you that? Whether you stumbled or were injured, I have eyes and I can see. I’m asking you about other things."
Su Rong nodded. "If you’re asking about other things, then there was an incident. Yesterday, I returned the talisman granting command over a hundred thousand troops to him."
"What?" The madam was shocked and stood up abruptly.
Su Rong put down her spoon and looked up at the madam with a helpless face. "Why are you so agitated?"
The madam looked at her in disbelief. "Of course I’m agitated. How could you decide on such a significant matter without even...?" But she swallowed her words upon realizing that Su Rong had also made the decision to become engaged to Ye Guixue unilaterally.
Su Rong looked at her. "Didn’t you think Ye Guixue was too good for me, and worried that we wouldn’t be happy together? Now you don’t have to worry anymore."
The madam glared at her. "Is that even the same thing? Whether I worry or not is not important. The key is, why did you return the Tiger Talisman to him? Have you broken off your engagement with him? Don’t you want to return to Nanchu and claim the throne?"
"I do." Su Rong replied, "Why would I willingly let go of something that’s mine? Besides, I still have to avenge my mother and Dawei."
"Then without the support of him and the Ye Xiang Residence, what will you use to reclaim the throne?" the madam asked.
Su Rong smiled. "Rely on myself, the Eastern Palace, Zhou Gu?"
The madam suddenly understood. She squealed in anger, "Is it because of Zhou Gu? Because of the words I spoke to you after I returned from the Duke Residence?"
"Sort of." Su Rong had nothing to hide now, "Zhou Gu can’t let go of me. I asked him direct and he admitted it. He has decided to follow me to Nanchu and help me, abandoning the path to the Eastern Palace and the prospects that the old Duke has paved for him..."
"This..." the madam stuttered, "But he is him, and you are you. If you don’t want to be influenced by him, you can stop him. Zhou Gu, that boy, is still kindhearted. He shouldn’t harass you relentlessly. Even if you are ruthless towards him, he should be able to let go."
"He is kind-hearted, can restrain himself, and perhaps can even manage to help me and treat me well without expecting me to eventually marry him. He might even be able to endure not interrupting my relationship with Ye Guixue for my benefit. But what about me?" Su Rong smiled lightly, "Mother, you should have no misconceptions about me? When I have everything else I want but not Zhou Gu, do you think I would let him go?"
The Lady fell silent.
Su Rong shook her head, affirming, "No, I could never trample the genuine feelings I hold, especially when I fully understand them. Besides, I’m not indifferent towards him, am I?"
She ridiculed herself, "You reap what you sow. Back in Jiangning County, I deliberately made him fall for me, but I also found myself hopelessly in love with him. When I first learned about my identity and, after a narrow escape from death and a severe injury left me bedridden for days, I thought that my life and avenging my mother’s death by the hands of Dawei were more important than love. Thus, I went to the Duke Residence in Capital City to forcefully terminate his engagement under the reluctant permission of the old Duke. I used to think that love was insignificant, dispensable before major affairs. I was wrong. Love is like a lethal poison; once you’re touched by it, there’s no antidote."
She said softly: "Not just for Zhou Gu, but also for me."
"Because I fell for Zhou Gu first, no matter how good Ye Guixue is now, although I’m somewhat moved, I can’t genuinely fall in love again." She sighed helplessly, "Mother, don’t you think my feelings aren’t suitable for further sealing the alliance with Ye Guixue through marriage? Zhou Gu would rather give up the promising future that the Duke Residence and Eastern Palace paved for him and go with me to Nanchu. Nanchu is a dangerous place; this isn’t just clear to me, he has also fully understood this after researching Nanchu’s past with the Crown Prince. Therefore, even though the road ahead is full of thorns and dangers, he is willing to do so much for me, perhaps even risking his life in the future. If I didn’t know, that’s one thing, but knowing this now, how can I remain indifferent? Even if I’m unaware now, once he goes to Nanchu, I’d know. Should I regret it then?"
The Lady slowly sat down, nodding slightly, "That’s a fair point. But..."
She hesitated, "But then, what would you do? Everyone can see that although Zhou Gu is good, he’s still untested and needs to grow. Once you leave the Capital City, it’s dangerous everywhere. You can’t just keep waiting for him to grow, not going to Nanchu, right? Besides, if you drag on for too long, things could change unexpectedly, especially now that you’ve broken off the engagement with Ye Guixue. Wouldn’t the Ye Xiang Residence stop supporting you?"
Su Rong nodded, "Perhaps."
The Lady said: "Ah, I think, you shouldn’t have canceled the engagement so soon. You should make a decision after going to Nanchu."
Su Rong laughed, "You mean, I should use Ye Guixue first, fulfill my goals, and then break off the engagement? Mother, didn’t you always teach me to treat others with sincerity and not to deceive them since I was young?"
The Lady coughed lightly, gave her a stern look, "Circumstances change. This matter concerns your life, how can you be hasty? A mother cares for her child. The Duchess cares for Zhou Gu, don’t I care for you? If I had known, I wouldn’t have told you. Losing the support of the Ye Xiang Residence, aren’t you putting your life at someone else’s mercy?"
"It’s not that bad." Su Rong appeared nonchalant, "Anyway, the decision has been made. Let’s take it step by step."
The Lady sighed, "You’ve taken the action already, so that’s all we can do."
She asked Su Rong, "Did Ye Guixue easily agree to break off the engagement? From what I see, he’s not indifferent towards you. He’s always thoughtful and considerate, obedient in every way. Though he’s not as lively as Zhou Gu, he’s very likeable. Having someone like him as your husband, you would only feel relaxed, not too burdened. But Zhou Gu is different."
Su Rong shook her head, "He didn’t exactly agree, but he’s not Zhou Gu. Our alliance began with the pretense of marriage, so he will naturally regulate himself."
The Lady sighed, "Zhou Gu is too young; maybe he’s still unsure of his feelings, too many variables and untested, he can’t be relied upon. You’re betting all your stakes on him, it’s a big gamble."
Su Rong said, "I don’t have a choice, mother. Some things, if I don’t do them now, doesn’t mean I won’t do them in the future. I dare not bet on that ’what if’."
"What if what?"
"What if, after I securely establish my position in the future, I discard Ye Guixue and seek Zhou Gu instead? That would be very inhumane, wouldn’t it?"
The Lady was rendered speechless.
If that were to happen, it would be beyond inhumane. She would face public ridicule and contempt for callously disposing of someone after using them. No matter when, such an act is looked down upon, even for kings and emperors.
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