The sound of the door closing echoed in the corridor.
Yun Li was shocked and looked at Fu Shi Ze.
He lowered his eyes and looked at the stairs quietly. After a moment, he turned his head and met her eyes. Seeing her red eyes, he relaxed his brows and touched her cheek with a soothing smile: "Don't cry."
Yunli was able to control her tears, but when she heard his words, she choked up and said, "I think I messed up."
She made it worse for him.
Fu Shi pulled her downstairs, and when they were both under the sunlight, Yun Li noticed that he was wearing the gray scarf.
The temperature in Nanwu is in single digits.
Fu Shi took off the scarf, pulled the long side, and put it on her, pinching her red nose gently.
"Nothing's wrong." He leaned over, his eyes met hers, and he said calmly, "Actually, I won't be too upset when I meet his parents."
"But," Fu Shi placed a heavy kiss on her forehead, "Thank you, Lili."
He looked at the person in front of him, his eyelashes still trembling, with a little water on his face, and his face buried in the scarf.
After confirming that his expression was not fake, Yun Li felt a little relieved. After a few seconds, she asked him sullenly, "Do you still feel guilty towards Brother Jiang Yuan? Do you still feel that he is blaming you?"
Fu Shi was silent for a while and nodded.
"Have you read his diary of the last few years?" Yun Li's voice was still nasal.
"By the time he was a freshman, I thought he had stopped writing."
Most people think so, not to mention that the intervals between Jiang Yuan's diary entries became longer and longer.
Yunli backed up Jiang Yuan's diary on her phone, and sent the document to Fu Shizhe, and they returned to the car. Fu Shizhe sat in the driver's seat, silently turning the pages.
"I believe uncle and aunt can figure it out, and they won't blame you anymore." Yun Li put her hand on his.
When Yunli first called Fu Shizhe, his focus was not on Jiang Yuan's affairs at all, but he was worried that Yunli would be sad after encountering setbacks or being humiliated.
After reading the diary, he said nothing, turned off the screen, and sat there in a daze.
It was more than six years later that someone finally heard Jiang Yuan's true feelings.
Everyone misunderstood, and Jiang Yuan never blamed Fu Shizhe.
At that time, most people had no knowledge or consensus about depression. Jiang Yuan finally stopped taking medication, just hoping that he would get better, and he thought he would get better.
He finally stopped taking the medication, not with the intention of leaving this world.
He still loves the people in this world.
The last diary he wrote was full of pain, in which he blamed Fu Shi Ze for his existence, simply because he could not control himself when he was ill.
Intellectually speaking, he no longer needs to think of himself as a sinner. Jiang Yuan never hated his presence, and the final tragedy was not entirely due to his negligence. Jiang Yuan had a plan to not take medicine, and there was always a way to implement it.
He no longer had to worry about having a normal life.
However, at this moment, the bitterness embedded in the words surged into his heart, like the emotions of the past suddenly surged up and almost drowned him.
It turns out that he also wants to live.
He suppressed his emotions, nodded lightly in response to Yunli, and started the car and drove directly to Jiangnan Garden.
Yunli secretly observed his expression throughout the whole process. He was a little absent-minded, and his reactions to changing lanes and turning on the lights while driving were much slower than usual.
"How long has the plan been going on?" Fu Shi asked her on the way back.
"No plan..." Yunli hesitated, "Before meeting his parents, I actually didn't think clearly about what to say. I just hope that they will stop blaming you. I also want to find evidence so that you don't blame yourself."
"Actually, when you told me about the diary that Brother Jiang Yuan wrote before he passed away, I felt a little bit angry with him."
I always feel that it is the existence of that diary that has caused Fu Shi Ze to be blamed and tortured by guilt for so many years.
Fu Shi was driving, his eyes focused on the road conditions. He replied, "Don't blame him."
The car in front braked. Yunli looked at the red light of the car in front and murmured, "Well, I shouldn't blame him."
Yunli recalled that day, the canvas shoes on the red runway, and the other person's gentle smile melting in the sunlight.
We shouldn’t let the final stage make people forget his gentleness and kindness in the first twenty years.
The gentle boy never did anything wrong.
After a long pause, Yun Li looked at Fu Shi Ze: "What about you? Do you still blame yourself?"
The sky gradually darkened, and Fu Shizhe's eyes could no longer be seen clearly. The car shuttled among the people and cars. After a moment, he smiled, and it was difficult to tell his emotions: "I don't blame myself so much anymore."
…
The car was parked in the community, and the two went to the nearby vegetable market to pack some cooked food for dinner. Just as they sat down at the table, Yun Li unexpectedly received a call from Jiang Yuan's parents.
They wanted to talk to Fu Shizhe.
Yunli handed him the phone, and Fu Shi stood up, pulled a chair and sat on the balcony.
"Uncle Jiang, Aunt Jiang."
Fu Shize hasn't called him by this name for many years.
There was only the whistling sound in the air.
"Child, listen to Uncle Jiang and Aunt Jiang say sorry to you. For so many years, we couldn't accept it. How could Yuanyuan, who loved us, have the heart to abandon us? It's all your fault." Father Jiang's voice trembled, "We watched you grow up. How could we have wrongly blamed you for so many years."
They themselves just remembered that they watched Fu Shizhe grow from the age of three to twenty.
He had not been with his parents since he was a child, and every time he went to Heyuan, he would ask for the food cooked by them.
They felt sorry for the child because his parents had given him abundant resources but not companionship and love.
Every Children's Day, they would take him and Jiang Yuan to the playground outside to play.
Over the years, out of pain and resentment, they blamed everything on the person they regarded as family.
What happened to Jiang Yuan was something no one wanted to see.
After he finished speaking, tears welled up in his eyes. "It's Uncle Jiang and Aunt Jiang's fault. They didn't take good care of Yuanyuan, and they didn't take good care of you."
"Lili told us a lot about you today. We also heard from uncle and aunt that Yuanyuan is a good child. He would hope that you live well, not because he is not living well. If he knew, he would be very sad."
Jiang Yuan would indeed think so.
He would hope that he was alive and well.
This is the Jiang Yuan that Fu Shizhe has known for seventeen years.
The painful memories that troubled everyone did not disappear in an instant today. Countless images flashed through Fu Shi's mind in an instant, and finally turned into a blank.
He also hoped that Jiang Yuan would live well, but his obsession was no longer as strong.
He hummed.
After hearing his response, the person on the other end of the phone finally felt relieved.
Fu Shi recalled the many nights he had sat here. The families on the opposite floor had moved in one after another. The despair, pain, and guilt he had felt when he lost his best friend seemed to have gradually faded away from his life with what had happened in the past few years.
Some obstacles that you always thought you could not overcome eventually became part of the countless past events.
Yunli pulled a chair and sat next to him. He had just hung up the phone.
In the cold wind, Yunli just hugged him tightly.
Feeling the warmth on her body, Fu Shi came back to his senses and lowered his head. He smelled the faint floral scent of her hair. He moved his stiff body and hugged her back.
"What did they say?"
Fu Shi summarized it in a few simple words: "Say don't blame me, let me live a good life."
Hearing this, Yun Li felt indescribable in his heart. Everything seemed to be resolved, but he was not as happy as expected: "So what are you thinking?"
"I want to live a good life." Fu Shi hugged her back and said softly, "With you."
I want to live a good life and completely let go of the most sinful part of my heart.
Yunli hugged him with all her strength. When she looked up, his eyes were empty and he stared at the opposite side.
Yun Li pursed her lips and asked him, "How do you feel when you think of Brother Jiang Yuan now?"
In fact, Fu Shizhe didn’t know either.
Most of the time, he wouldn't think of Jiang Yuan.
A few years passed, and Fu Shizhe could no longer remember the whole night of rain and the washed away blood.
The memory seemed to stop at the moment before the accident, when Jiang Yuan brought milk tea to his office and chatted with him.
It's like the brain is protecting itself and sealing that memory away forever.
Fu Shi said gloomily, "I hope he is still alive."
He could stop blaming himself so much.
He could stop being eaten away by guilt at night, like a rotten bone rotting away over the years.
However, even after so much time, the pain caused by Jiang Yuan's death has not disappeared.
It's just that he is no longer so sensitive, and this kind of pain has become so familiar that it has made people numb.
"For a long time, I couldn't accept this, and maybe even now, I still haven't accepted it. I hope he took the medicine at that time."
The death of the closest family members and friends may take the living a lifetime to heal the pain.
When Fu Shizhe said these words, his emotions were calm, but lifeless. He lowered his head, no longer hiding his true emotions, like a fragile porcelain doll.
"Lili, you are the person closest to me."
So, no matter what happens, don't leave like everyone else.
He is a very fragile person.
If she hadn't appeared, he would have been unable to bear the losses.
"The person closest to you," Yun Li held his face, "has the only wish of your happiness, and she is willing to spend her whole life to realize this. Are you willing to help her?"
Fu Shize paused, pulled back his thoughts, tilted his head, and asked her tangentially, "Is this... a proposal?"
Yunli: “…”
"You are too shameless." Yun Li originally said it sincerely, but suddenly his defense was broken: "How could I propose to you?"
"Oh." His tone was slightly disappointed, and after testing him, he pretended nothing had happened: "Just to verify, in case you have any hidden meanings."
“……”
Yunli asked awkwardly: "Then are you willing to..."
I always feel that the question at this moment has other meanings.
There was a smile in the corner of his eyes, and his tone was inexplicably solemn: "Then I do."
……
After cleaning up the dishes, Yunli nestled in Fu Shizhe's arms and watched a movie.
"Were those two people a couple?" Yun Li raised his head and asked him. Fu Shi was stunned and didn't answer.
Seeing that he didn't watch the movie at all, Yunli knew that he was thinking about something. She went back to her room, got her iPad, and opened a two-player game that she had downloaded in advance.
Fu Shizhe's attention was quickly drawn to this game that required thinking.
The rules are simple. Two people use their fingers to control the blocks on the map to the corresponding positions.
The iPad was placed flat on the sofa, while Fu Shi and Yun Li sat face to face. As the game became more difficult, the blocks would increase or move, and their fingers on the screen would occasionally cross.
As the difficulty increased in the later levels, Fu Shi quickly figured out the rules.
Yunli was unwilling to admit that he could be crushed by him in this kind of game, so he gave him a heads-up beforehand: "You can't give me a hint."
Fu Shi raised his eyebrows slightly and said patiently, "I understand."
Every time he would fix the position first, and then Yunli would use his fingers to operate the remaining blocks.
In his spare time, Fu Shi would lower his eyes to look at her. She was very close to him, and her body would sway slightly when she moved her fingers. There was only a small orange light in the living room, which just happened to shine on her.
He stared at her, and before he knew it, the whole world seemed to be only the figure in front of him.
Yunli kept complaining about how clumsy her hands were. Once again, the game failed because of her operation. She looked up angrily, but met Fu Shizhe's deep eyes directly.
Both of them were very close to the tablet screen, only one centimeter away from each other.
Yunli was nervous for a moment, lowered his head, and started a new round of the game directly.
Fu Shizhe's hand was still on the tablet, but he didn't move it to the cube. Instead, he moved forward and held her fingers.
Yunli was still planning to continue, so seeing this, he asked him, "Don't you want to play anymore?"
Fu Shize: "I want to play something else."
“……”
He only needed to move forward a short distance to cover her lips directly, following her fingers up, sliding over her wrist, and then holding the back of her head.
He placed his other hand on the side of her legs, pushing her into the corner of the sofa and pinning one of her hands to the couch.
Yunli felt her neck pressed against the edge of the sofa. She passively responded to his kiss, and then she pressed her hand against his chest, remembering what he had just said. "I'm not a toy."
"I'm a toy." Fu Shi said suddenly, pulling her hand to his body, "Do you want to play?"
“……”
Yunli was speechless for a moment.
Fu Shi asked again: "Don't want to?"
He lowered his eyes, looking indifferent, but there were obvious hints in his words. Yunli stared at his shiny lower lip and swallowed. Thinking that she hadn't taken a shower yet, she calmly pushed him away.
"No. I'm going to take a shower."
Seeing that Fu Shize didn't stop him, Yun Li tried to move his legs under the sofa. He accidentally touched him, and Fu Shize laughed: "Did you do it on purpose?"
“……”
Yunli immediately rushed back to the room and opened his box.
Fu Shi found two quilts and four sets of clothes in the closet and put them in their respective rooms.
She pretended to be calm and asked, "Are you going to make the bed?"
**The bed was covered in dust and needed to be wiped before the sheets could be made. Fu Shi nodded and took a clean towel.
Yunli took out her makeup bag and quickly removed her makeup in front of the dressing table, then picked up her pajamas and went to the bathroom, while Fu Shi handed her a new towel.
After taking off his clothes, Yunli walked to the shower room. Looking at the bottles and jars on the wall, he remembered that he had not brought any facial cleanser.
She opened the door a crack and stuck her head out: "Help me get the facial cleanser."
Fu Shize's voice came from the room: "Where is it?"
"In the makeup bag..."
Yunli suddenly remembered the small bags in the interlayer, and the voice stopped abruptly.
She had just said the three words "No thanks" in a panic when she saw Fu Shizhe walking out of the room with her facial cleanser in his hand.
His demeanor was very natural.
Probably nothing was found.
"Don't catch a cold." Fu Shi handed it to her through the crack in the door and urged her to take a shower.
Heaving a sigh of relief, Yunli picked up the shower head and poured the hot water over her body. The unspeakable scenes in her mind seemed to appear in the rising smoke.
After taking a shower, Yunli sat in front of the dressing table and applied skin care products. This dressing table was specially bought for her by Fu Shizhe last time. She remembered that she muttered at that time: "I always feel that there seems to be no female atmosphere in this room."
The next day, Fu Shi took her to pick out a European-style dressing table with an extra-large round mirror.
Yunli looked back and saw Fu Shi making the bed.
She blew her hair slowly. The hair dryer made a noisy sound. It only took one or two minutes for short hair to be half dry, but now it took more than ten minutes to dry long and thick hair.
She thought back to when they first met, and it had been so long.
Some people are still by your side after time has passed by unknowingly.
Looking up, she saw Fu Shi Ze's figure in the mirror.
He placed his fingers on her hair, took the hair dryer, and blew her hair gently. The air was filled with heat and moisture. She stared in the mirror at the fingers stroking her hair, occasionally lifting the hair at her shoulders and brushing against her skin intentionally or unintentionally.
The usually disturbing roar of the hair dryer now blocks out other sounds, making the touch on my shoulder clearer.
The next second, when Yunli looked up, he turned off the hair dryer.
There was silence in the air.
Fu Shi pushed her hair behind her shoulders. Yunli looked at herself in the mirror and at him behind her. His hand was on her hair, but he didn't leave. Instead, he moved it to her neck and gently stroked it.
Yun Li was a little dazed for a moment, and Fu Shi lowered his eyes. She was wearing a flat-collared white pajamas, which was not high. The skin on her collarbone looked almost transparent, and still a little wet.
His cool palm slid down, contrasting with her warm skin, burning where it was touched.
At a certain moment, Yunli's whole body froze.
She wanted to get up, but Fu Shizhe pressed his left hand on her shoulder. He leaned over and gently nibbled her earlobe, and then he showered her neck with extremely hot and dense kisses.
After a minute or two, Fu Shi retracted his right hand, squatted on one knee, and with force, he pulled the chair over so that Yun Li was facing him.
Yunli lowered his head and looked into those eyes, which were deep and pure with only one kind of emotion.
Yunli's breathing quickened. She whispered, "Did you see it?"
"Yeah." Fu Shi responded vaguely. At the same time, he held her neck, asked her to lower her head, and his tongue slipped into her teeth wantonly.
Yun Li was confused and bewildered, but he still wanted to save face, and said intermittently: "I, I just want to be on the safe side."
Fu Shi chuckled and bit her neck gently: "I couldn't help it."
"I, I'm not ready yet." Yun Li was at a loss and shivered. Fu Shi tilted his head and asked her, "When did you buy it?"
“……”
Yunli just wanted to find a hole to bury himself in: "Two months ago..."
"I'm sorry." Fu Shi said, but there was no apology in his words: "I made you wait for so long."
“……”
His breath fanned her neck and shoulders. Yunli opened her eyes dazedly, feeling like countless electric currents passing through the places where his kisses fell.
She bit her lower lip, and the touch on her earlobe made her turn her head away passively.
When he slowed down his movements and opened his eyes, Yun Li was stunned for a moment and instinctively pulled her clothes down, but Fu Shi grabbed her wrist. He bit her neck and murmured, "Stop it."
As if knowing what she was afraid of, Fu Shi stopped what he was doing and just stared at her, his eyes slowly moving downwards.
Yun Li turned his face away and whispered, "Don't look at it."
He laughed and said, "Then I won't look at it," but he didn't stop kissing every corner.
Yunli only felt hot all over, and an unspeakable desire grew from the bottom of her heart. She lowered her eyes to look at her wrist which was tightly held by him, and used her other hand to unbutton his shirt.
Then everything happened like a storm. He picked her up and laid her on the prepared bed.
"You know?" Fu Shi whispered in her ear, "It's hard to make the bed."
He continued to whisper in her ear without hesitation: "After making the bed, I have to take off your clothes."
Yunli's face flushed with anger because of his flirting, but she was not afraid at all and looked at him with affectionate eyes: "Then I'll take it off for you?" She stared at his shirt and said without disguising: "Every time I see you wearing a white shirt, I want to take it off for you."
When he wore a white shirt, he always made people feel cold and unapproachable, but it made her want to see another him more strongly.
"Yeah." Fu Shi leaned obediently against the head of the bed, letting Yunli sit on him and unbutton his clothes one by one.
Fu Shi waited for her patiently, but his hands restlessly held her ankles and rubbed them with his fingertips.
Yunli's legs went weak and he held down his hand.
"No." Yun Li protested against his behavior just now.
Fu Shi ignored these words and while Yun Li continued to unbutton her clothes, he gently held her ankles again.
Yun Li blushed and said, "Didn't you say last time that if I said no, you wouldn't continue?"
Fu Shi looked at her and smiled: "I never said that."
“……”
This smile seemed a bit shameless to Yunli, and she looked down at him with dissatisfaction.
He seemed to be passively pressed down by her, which gave her the illusion that he was in control. She unconsciously said, "You have to listen to me."
The rubbing of her ankles made her want more. Yun Li threw away her restraint and took the initiative to lower her head and kiss his Adam's apple. Fu Shi's breathing became heavier. He urged: "Are you only taking off your clothes this time?"
Yunli thought of what happened in the dormitory last time. She followed her heart and raised her hand, keeping her eyes on him.
His dark eyes were filled with lust, almost swallowing her up completely.
He pulled gently and the two exchanged positions.
Yunli looked at the face in front of her, and she recalled the video she saw that year. That should have been nine years ago. At that time, the boy was young and had a gentle temperament, while the man in front of her had a strong jawline and sharp eyebrows, which were broken by his emotions.
He will soon belong to her completely.
She felt a strong possessiveness and satisfaction in her heart.
Yunli moved forward and hooked her arms around his neck, while Fu Shi hugged her shoulders with increasing force. She felt countless unrestrained kisses falling on her body.
Fu Shi took out a bag from under the pillow, followed by the sound of plastic being torn open and his bewitching voice.
"Yunlili..."
The three words floated into her ears, and her whole body went numb. She was caught off guard. Yun Li grabbed the quilt tightly. Seeing her frowning in pain, Fu Shi kissed her brow patiently.
“Lili…”
As he called out, he pulled them closer inch by inch, forbearingly and gently. Seeing her brows completely relaxed, Fu Shi asked in a hoarse voice, "Are you feeling better?"
Yunli blushed and nodded slightly, then she put her hands on his shoulders and asked him stumblingly, "Can you play some music?"
Hearing the weakness in her voice, Fu Shi laughed softly, took the phone from the right and handed it to her.
Yunli opened the music software with trembling hands, and retro and melodious music sounded. She tried to turn up the volume to the maximum, but failed to press the button several times.
She glared at the culprit, but he just smiled softly and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.
Pushing the phone aside, Fu Shi pulled a pillow from the head of the bed.
Yunli felt as if the music had power, no matter how long and melodious or ups and downs, every beat was clearly audible. She bit her lower lip tightly, but he gently opened her lips with his fingertips.
Fu Shi put his lips to her right ear and uttered two unclear words.
"Love you."
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