Chapter 16 Voice of the Heart
After calming down, Xiao Peiyin sat on the edge of the bed. She was a little scared. The thought that flashed through her mind made her start to lose track of herself. She didn't know why she had such thoughts about Gu Cunxi! It was terrible and absurd.
She thought it must be... sympathy, it was heartache, that's why... she wanted to hug her, kiss her! It was... like a friend, like a sister, caring and loving! After all, love between two women is impossible! At least for her, it's impossible...
Besides, she still had a family, a husband, and children. Although she had never loved Chen Feng, she was certain that her orientation was to men, not women. Xiao Peiyin had never considered such feelings. Although she had to admit that Gu Cunxi had a certain magical power over her, and she did care about her, the emotions between people of the same sex were very complicated. They could be friends, sisters, and relatives, but love... could it really exist? This was beyond her understanding. If it really existed... how difficult it would be for two women in such a world...
If I really fell in love with Gu Cunxi!
No!
Xiao Peiyin shook her head vigorously, trying to suppress the chaotic thoughts in her mind... Even if it was really possible! But what right did she have to love her when she was married? This... was immoral!
Chen Feng's phone rang at this time. The ringtone rang rapidly, breaking the silence in the room. Xiao Peiyin seemed to wake up from a dream, looked at the screen, took a deep breath and answered the phone.
"Why haven't you come back yet?" Chen Feng asked in an unhappy tone.
"I was just about to call you. I took a leave of absence. A colleague at work is sick, so I'm taking her home. Her condition is a little serious, so I'll stay here a little longer to take care of her!"
"What colleague? Do you have to have a good relationship with her? An An has been waiting for you at home, clamoring for food. It's OK if a colleague just sends her home. Is there no one else who can take care of her?" Chen Feng asked
Xiao Peiyin raised his hand and rubbed his brows. After a moment of silence, he said, "If An An is hungry, take her to your parents' place to eat first. I might be back a little late. She has a high fever and can't be left alone!"
"Pei Yin! When did you become so nosy? An An was crying and making a fuss because of hunger at home, but you don't care about the child and instead take care of an unrelated person. Can you still distinguish between the important and the unimportant?" Chen Feng asked sternly.
Gu Cunxi faintly heard Xiao Peiyin's voice and woke up. It turned out that she was on the phone. Seeing her frowning, Gu Cunxi thought that Chen Feng must be urging her to go back...
Seeing Xiao Peiyin talking on the phone, as if they were arguing, she couldn't help but feel worried...
Xiao Peiyin couldn't help but want to lose her temper when she heard what Chen Feng said, but when she thought about Gu Cunxi who had just fallen asleep and didn't want to disturb her, she calmed down and whispered, "The difference between inside and outside is important. You want me to always be around you and An An so that you can distinguish between the two, right? I don't want to rush back to make dinner today! Chen Feng! I'm tired, you take An An back to eat, that's it!"
After that, she hung up the phone without waiting for Chen Feng's response, and walked back to the bedroom to see Gu Cunxi leaning on the bed and looking at her.
"Did I disturb you? I made some porridge for you. Get up and drink some. You just emptied your stomach. Drinking some porridge will make you feel better!" Xiao Peiyin walked over quickly, stretched out her hand to test the temperature of Gu Cunxi's forehead. It seemed that it was not so hot anymore, and she felt relieved immediately.
"Go back! Pei Yin, I'm much better now and can take care of myself!"
"It's okay, I've already told Chen Feng, he will take good care of the child!"
After saying that, Xiao Peiyin stood up and walked to the kitchen, brought a bowl of porridge and placed it next to Gu Cunxi's bed: "It's a little hot, let it sit for a while before drinking!"
"What happened at the company gate..." Gu Cunxi hesitated and spoke in a low voice.
"I won't tell anyone else." Before she could finish, Xiao Peiyin interrupted and told her not to worry.
Gu Cunxi looked at her, was silent for a moment, and then asked, "You've checked, right?"
"I…"
"Although it's been over a year, there will always be indelible traces left on the Internet. The news reports have covered up a lot. Pei Yin, do you have anything you want to ask me?"
Xiao Peiyin really wanted to know, but she didn't want Gu Cunxi to recall the past again. After all, it was painful for her! If she wanted to satisfy her curiosity and make Gu Cunxi recall it again, she would rather never know!
"I did check, but I don't want to ask you too many questions. Cunxi, have some porridge!"
"I... didn't go to jail!" Gu Cunxi spoke to herself as if she didn't hear what Xiao Peiyin said. She didn't know why. This was the past she was most reluctant to mention. But facing Xiao Peiyin, she wanted her to know all about herself without reservation. She was willing to reveal all the bright and dark things in her to her.
Xiao Peiyin stirred the porridge in the bowl, and her hands paused for a moment as Gu Cunxi spoke. She lowered her head and asked softly, "So...what happened next?"
"After the incident, Mr. Xu found me the best lawyer in North City and took care of everything, which is why I was spared from jail. After the trial, Xu Shengnan spent a lot of money to suppress all public opinion at the time! Therefore, there is no detailed record of the subsequent developments of the incident in the news!"
Perhaps due to the dryness and pain in her throat, Gu Cunxi's voice was choked and trembling. Xiao Peiyin sat beside the bed and looked at her deeply...
"If it weren't for Xu Shengnan, perhaps I wouldn't be here today, and I wouldn't have met you. He helped me solve a lot of problems, but the only thing I need to face is the victims' families. I can't exonerate myself, I can't defend myself, and I can't ask for anyone's forgiveness. After all, all of this is related to me. Standing in front of the victims' families, it almost took all my courage!"
"I never thought I would have such a day in my life. My identity and address were also exposed online. During that time, going home and leaving the house were the two things I feared the most! The words 'murderer' were written all over the white wall at the door of my house. Walking on the street, the strange looks and pointing fingers almost drove me crazy. I thought that the innocent would be cleared, but I forgot that people's words can be scary!"
"People's perspective can really kill people. I actually thought about committing suicide, but I refused to do so. I persevered through this with hatred for Lin Mo. Later, I sold all my real estate, funds, stocks, and all my savings to give the victim's family the maximum financial compensation."
"Xin Hai said I bought five lives for my own peace. It's true! Perhaps lives can be bought and sold, but in my heart, the only thing money can't buy is inner peace. No matter how much I spent, no matter how much I gave, I couldn't alleviate my guilt. For countless long nights, I suffered the same torment as all the families of the deceased in that accident..."
"Many people don't know whether to rush out or stop when they see a yellow light. Rushing out is a fluke, while stopping is self-awareness. The yellow light and the past are all part of my countless hesitations."
"After that, I was rejected from all my job applications in North City. I was involved in a murder lawsuit. Even the smallest companies wouldn't let me take a single step. It felt like I was abandoned by the entire city."
"Later, Xu Shengnan found me. He saw that in just a few months, I had lost my former high spirits and became completely devastated. He said that seeing how I looked at that time, he began to regret saving me from danger. He wanted to see me start over, not stagnate. He felt that the jail time he spent a lot of money to save me was really insignificant, because I had sentenced myself in my heart. His final advice to me was to let me leave North City. After all, there was no way I could start over there!"
With Gu Cunxi's bitter smile, the bedroom returned to a deathly silence. She stared blankly ahead for a long time before continuing, "The night before I left North City, I stood by the window for a long time, looking at the streets, the crowds, the traffic outside. Nine years had passed, and in the end, nothing was left..."
"I thought a lot on the way back just now. The truth revealed by Xin Hai shocked me, frightened me, and made me angry. I don't know where his malice comes from!"
"If I hadn't met him, maybe the ending would have been different. It's fate! After all, life before the age of 30 was too smooth sailing. People can't be lucky forever, right?" Gu Cunxi smiled, but his eyes were full of bitterness, which made Xiao Peiyin feel heartbroken.
"Now you should know why I rejected Zhang Qiming's appointment."
"Because... you're scared!" Xiao Peiyin said softly.
"Yeah! I'm afraid of power. It can bring convenience, but it can also bring pain. It makes people have endless desires and greed, desperate to get close to the center of power. Countless people have been stepped on and used as ladders. Ever since I joined Huahai Group, I've been constantly trying to climb up. Because I don't want to be dominated by power, I've used all means and even violated my conscience. I even reached the position of Director of the Planning Department, but I'm still not satisfied. I even want more!"
"It's enough to have seen the world from above! I thought I would never mention this to anyone because it's a hidden disease in my heart, but I don't know why, I'm willing to tell you, Xiao Peiyin! It seems like you've crossed my line of defense!"
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