Chapter 6 Quarrel
After returning home, Gu Cunxi changed his clothes and the phone in his pocket vibrated slightly and rang...
She picked up the phone and found that it was Xin Hai calling. She frowned slightly and answered
"Are you off work?"
"Yeah, I just got home," Gu Cunxi responded without any emotion.
There is a slight electrical sound on the other end of the phone
The two of them were silent. Xin Hai didn't say anything. Gu Cunxi vaguely sensed his emotions, as if he was angry...
"When did you find a job?" Xin Hai was silent for a long time before asking
"Yesterday, I casually looked it up online. The interview went well, so I went. It's a music training institution, and I'll be working as a receptionist there. It's on Shangwang Road, next to the Twin Towers!"
"Why didn't you tell me yesterday that I could accompany you to the interview? You just got here and you're not familiar with the place."
"I was so busy with the onboarding process that I forgot about it. I didn't want to bother you. I can do it myself. You know me. I'm always reluctant to ask for things I can do myself. The company isn't far from where I live, and I live my life on my own. I can't always rely on others!"
After hearing Gu Cunxi's answer, Xin Hai sighed helplessly and fell silent again...
"I called you at noon. What's the matter?" Gu Cunxi ignored Xin Hai's emotions and asked casually.
"Cunxi..." Xin Hai called her softly over the phone, his voice low, "Just... forgot? Or maybe you haven't planned me into your life in your heart, so you don't think there's any need to tell me about something like this?"
Here it comes again... She has heard this talk too many times, so much so that she is numb. Gu Cunxi raised her hand and rubbed her forehead, frowning slightly. She did not respond, but remained silent.
"Cunxi, I'm your boyfriend, not someone else. Why do you always talk about others? Others! Why do you always treat me the same as others?"
"For the past two years, I have always been excluded from your life. I know that our lives are very different. You stand at the top, and I can only look up at you. I can never get involved in your life. I really want to integrate into your life. I thought that you came to my side and came to this city, which meant that you recognized me and considered having a future with me. I even had a dark thought that Gu Cunxi, who now has nothing, is finally on the same level as me!"
"That's right. I couldn't stand on the same height with you before. I thought if I could pull you down, I could get closer to you. But I suddenly realized that no matter whether you were proud before or you have lost everything now, you are both out of my reach. Can you tell me what you want me to do so that you can have me in your heart?"
Xin Hai became more and more excited as he spoke, as if he wanted to vent all the exhaustion and helplessness he had accumulated over the past two years...
Gu Cunxi remained silent, listening to his accusations against her, without any ripples in her heart... She unconsciously recalled the question she had asked herself countless times.
In the past two years together, although there was no real relationship, only nominal boyfriend and girlfriend, was this indifference really right? Was it normal? She didn't even know if it was the relationship that was abnormal, or herself...
Gu Cunxi couldn't think of an answer, she just felt exhausted. She didn't come here for Xin Hai at all! Not for anyone!
After going through all that, any relationship that made her feel exhausted was powerless to continue. In a difficult life, some people and some things must be given up. Thinking of this, she suddenly spoke, changing her tone to be indifferent and distant, "Xin Hai, I have always been this kind of person. I'm used to handling everything on my own. You may say I'm pretending to be strong or hypocritical, but I know that some things can only be handled by myself. I don't want to be fragile because it's useless. Putting your hopes on anyone is tantamount to gambling. I don't want to bear the feeling of having my hopes dashed. It's not that I don't trust you, but I only want to believe in myself. In all these years in Beicheng, my studies and work are everything to me. I can't lose, and I can't lose!"
"From school to the college entrance exam and then to work, I never dared to slack off, because I knew my parents couldn't give me more. I worked hard to get out of my small hometown and be recommended to Peking University. You don't know how many days and nights I worked hard for this. Entering society and the workplace, I desperately seized every opportunity and tried to climb up by any means necessary. Yes, I want to stand at the top, because only then can I have a choice!"
"As a woman, I've used all my strength to fight for a place in your world of men, living a life of open and secret struggle in the business world. Call me greedy, call me vain! But living at the bottom of society, at the mercy of others, only makes me feel powerless and disgusted. I know you always want me to live a simple and ordinary life, marry you, have children, and take care of the daily necessities of life, but I can't do that! I've gotten used to this, and it won't go on like this any longer!"
"Regarding work, indeed, I feel that this is just my own business and I don't need to explain it to anyone. I'm sorry for not considering your feelings. As for the life you want, I'm sorry! I can't give it to you, and I don't want to! I've said more than once that if you feel tired, you don't have to be. We have different directions and different pursuits, and we will never walk the same path. You can make a new choice, and I agree and accept it!!"
There was a long silence on the other side of the phone, and Gu Cunxi heard him sigh.
After a long moment, Xin Hai spoke slowly, his voice weak and dull, "You know what kind of person I am. I will never give up on something I have decided on."
"Gu Cunxi! I like you. I've loved you since the first time I saw you in college. Maybe you can say that I like you just for your appearance, or that my love is superficial, but no matter how you push me away or ignore me, I don't want to give up! Over the years, all kinds of people have come and gone around me, but you are the only one I firmly choose! I won't choose again! Never!"
The call was hung up
Without waiting for her response...
He was afraid that if he continued talking, it would be the end of their relationship. Although he never really had her, at least he had won the status of a boyfriend...
Gu Cunxi was lost in thought in the middle of the living room. She didn't have the slightest emotion that a couple would have in a quarrel. She even felt a sense of indifference as if it had nothing to do with her!
…
Xiao Peiyin followed Chen Feng to his parents' home. As soon as she entered the door, she felt the low pressure coming towards her. Chen's mother hurried over, glanced at her, and said with displeasure, "Why did you come so late? Nannan was crying that she was hungry. I've been waiting for you to come back for dinner, and the food is cold."
"There was a traffic jam on the road, so I was delayed for a while." Chen Feng responded lightly and walked towards the living room.
“…”
Xiao Peiyin stood aside, feeling increasingly depressed.
"An An, go play with your brother," she said softly, looking at her daughter beside her.
"Mom! I'll go heat up the food, it will be ready soon."
"Yeah!" Mother Chen looked at Xiao Peiyin's expressionless face, responded in a cold tone, and then walked towards the living room. She sat next to Nan Nan and her expression changed instantly, with a doting smile.
Xiao Peiyin sighed slightly, turned around and walked towards the kitchen, his steps were heavy, and the ground made a muffled sound.
This kind of indifference remained the same for seven years. At first, she cried silently in the dark nights because of the attitude of Chen Feng's parents, but as time went by, she didn't feel anything. Anyway, Chen Feng's parents looked down on her from beginning to end. No matter how much she did, they still looked down on her. It was better to accept the things that she could do nothing about.
…
"Dad, Mom, the food is ready, let's eat first." Xiao Peiyin came out of the kitchen carrying the dishes.
Six people gathered around the dining table. Xiao Peiyin looked at the food in front of him without any appetite.
"Pei Yin...how about the job Chen Feng found for you?" Mother Chen took a bite of the dish in front of her and asked casually.
"Yeah! The work is good, relatively easy, and the hours are fixed."
“How much can you earn?”
“!”
Xiao Peiyin was stunned in place, facing Chen's mother's sharp tone, her heart became more depressed.
“Salary is not fixed, it depends on performance…”
"Our family doesn't need your salary, so why do you have to go to work? Your dad and I are already struggling to take care of Nannan, and we occasionally have to pick up and drop off Anan. It's not like Chen Feng hasn't given you money!"
“…”
Every meal with Chen Feng's parents was like torture to Xiao Peiyin, slow and painful...
Chen's mother's words made her eyes sore. She just sat quietly by the side without responding. An An beside her was smiling with the innocence of a child.
This kind of smile makes Xiao Peiyin fascinated...
"Mom, stop talking and let's eat!" Chen Feng spoke slowly, breaking the deadlock and easing the atmosphere a little.
After finishing her meal, Xiao Peiyin felt a slight stomachache. Her pretty face was slightly furrowed as she looked at the almost finished meal in front of her. Chen Feng got up first and led Nan Nan to the living room. Chen Feng's parents also slowly left, leaving behind a table full of dishes...
“…”
Looking at the table full of leftovers, Xiao Peiyin sighed helplessly. She put the dishes away and put them in the sink. She turned on the hot water and rinsed her cold hands. Her body gradually warmed up. She stood in front of the sink and mechanically washed the dishes in front of her.
Although he wasn't thinking about anything, the image of Gu Cunxi appeared before his eyes. The corners of his mouth lifted unconsciously. Her embrace on the bus was warm and reassuring, and there was a pleasant minty scent...
The smell lingering in her memory seemed to drift close to her, causing Xiao Peiyin to lose focus and stop moving her hands. She couldn't help but take a deep breath, only to smell the greasy smell of the sink...
"Oh!!" Chen's mother's voice rang out, startling her back to her senses.
"It's such a waste to keep the water running for so long," Chen's mother said with a distressed look on her face, as if what was flowing out was not water but piles of money.
Turn off the hot water...
Xiao Peiyin looked at the stagnant water in the pool in front of him and felt increasingly depressed.
"Pei Yin, I'm not saying anything bad about you." Mother Chen turned around and said, "You've been married to Chen Feng for so many years, you should know how to live. The water is so high that it fills up the sink. Why do you need so much water to wash dishes? Don't you have to buy water?"
"I understand, Mom. I'll drive slower next time..."
“…”
Mother Chen said nothing more and left the kitchen, leaving her standing there, lost in thought.
Chen Feng always helps Nan Nan with her homework and turns a deaf ear to his mother's scolding of Xiao Peiyin in the kitchen.
After packing up everything, Pei Yin walked to the living room and sat next to An An. His face was calm and he said nothing. He just hugged his daughter quietly.
After a long time, Chen Feng finished tutoring Nan Nan's homework and stood up to check the time: "Dad, Mom, Pei Yin and I will go back first, you should go to bed early."
"An An! Say goodbye to grandpa and grandma." Xiao Peiyin stood up and walked towards the door.
"Grandpa... Grandma, goodbye." An An waved his little hands and babbled in his baby voice.
"Yeah!" Mother Chen nodded calmly, without the doting look she had when she looked at Nan Nan.
The two of them were silent along the way, only An An asked various questions from time to time, and Xiao Peiyin answered them patiently.
Outside, the sky gradually darkened, the streets were bustling with traffic, and her figure was stretched infinitely under the streetlights, and she felt extremely lonely inside...
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