20 stinging
"Tell me, what is this?"
Half a year ago.
The excruciating pain and burning fever made Jiang Yan almost unable to think, or even breathe. She felt as if she was in purgatory, and she was hopelessly searching for a way out in a desert under the scorching sun.
When she woke from her coma and then fainted again from the pain, she seemed to have a vague glimpse of a thin, upright figure in her dream. She couldn't see clearly, as if there was a veil between them, but she knew inexplicably that it was Cui Huaifeng.
She had been trying her best to chase his back, but the distance between them did not decrease at all. He was there, but she could not reach him and could only watch him.
On one occasion, a sharp pain, like the pain of having her skin peeled off, woke Jiang Yan up again. In the moment before waking, her mind subconsciously wandered to the ginkgo grove before her expedition, but it was fleeting.
Jiang Yan was dying, holding on to his last breath.
The candlelight in the tent flickered slightly, and Jiang Yan was almost immersed in the light. Her concern for Cui Huaifeng made her barely stay awake.
"Huaifeng's letter... hasn't arrived yet?" Jiang Yan's voice was weak, and he needed a lot of effort to finish his words.
Several subordinates looked at each other and remained silent.
Everyone close to her knew about her and Cui Huaifeng. Jiang Yan lost too much blood and was in a coma for several days. She would call Cui Huaifeng's name in her sleep, and occasionally when she woke up, she would ask about Cui Huaifeng.
After that incident, several people felt sorry for Jiang Yan, but they didn't dare to say much.
"What's wrong..." Jiang Yan raised his head, which was as heavy as lead, and looked around with squinted eyes.
"What happened to Huaifeng?"
"Don't wait! Mr. Cui..." One of the subordinates couldn't help but speak, but was immediately pulled back by another person. She stopped talking indignantly.
"Speak..." Jiang Yan was anxious.
Several subordinates couldn't bear to speak.
"Speak!"
"Something happened to him, right?" Jiang Yan was a little confused. She hadn't received any letters from him for several days. Her thoughts habitually dominated her mind, and she was afraid that something had happened to him.
Jiang Yan was very excited and struggled to find Cui Huaifeng, but unfortunately he was too weak to do so and fell off the bed.
"General!" Several subordinates hurriedly lifted Jiang Yan and tried to help her back to bed.
Jiang Yan's vision blurred, then gradually cleared. Beneath her was the grayish-yellow ground, and beyond it lay the exit blocked by a thick tent curtain. Her body was nearly crippled, and if it weren't for several of her subordinates desperately trying to stop her, Jiang Yan would have almost crawled out to find him.
Jiang Yan had never felt so uneasy before. She was completely panicked and had no idea what to do. Like a drowning person grasping at a lifeline, she grabbed Zhu Jin's hand and asked for help from her most trusted subordinate, "Zhu Jin, I beg you, tell me..."
Zhu Jin had never seen her master in such a miserable state before, and she felt even more distressed. She turned her head away reluctantly and gritted her teeth, "Master Cui... he got married."
Jiang Yan's head exploded, and she felt dizzy. She smiled bitterly and muttered to herself, "When did we get married? It seems that this prince was hurt too badly and forgot about this..."
Zhu Jin felt even more heartbroken when she saw Jiang Yan like this. She hardened her heart and took out an invitation and handed it to Jiang Yan.
Jiang Yan opened the invitation with skepticism, her hands trembling. The handwriting was beautiful and clear, but Jiang Yan didn't recognize any of it. Her eyes were fixed on two names: Cui Huaifeng and Zhao Qiuxin.
Jiang Yan's pupils trembled and her heart felt as if it was being torn open. She spat out a large mouthful of blood and then lost consciousness.
————
When Jiang Yan returned triumphantly, even though everyone in the capital knew about the marriage between the Cui and Zhao families, she still refused to believe it and still had a little hope in her heart.
A few days later, Jiang Yan, who had just returned to Beijing, received accurate news about Cui Huaifeng's appearance. Regardless of his injuries that had not yet healed, he made a prompt decision and secretly went to the place where the news was revealed with Zhu Jin, just to see him, even though he could only walk with difficulty.
Jiang Yan, like a silly girl falling in love for the first time, changed into her most exquisite clothes and even prepared a gift for the meeting. She rushed over early and waited under a willow tree. During this time, she couldn't help but think that it had been a long time since they last saw each other. Should she be more reserved or more enthusiastic when meeting again?
An hour later, she saw him, but not only him.
The lover he loved so much supported a sick stranger woman, and the two of them and the servants entered through the side door of the Zhao family.
Extremely dazzling.
Jiang Yan stood there blankly for a long time. She was reminded again of the fact that he was married, which she had deliberately ignored.
The weather was clear and there was even heat in the air, but she felt as cold as if she had been poured from head to toe with a basin of ice-cold water in the dead of winter.
She suddenly wondered if she was hallucinating, or... she was already dead and was now a wandering soul.
Jiang Yan couldn't remember how she got back home. She felt like a walking corpse.
It was unknown how many days and nights she was in despair before she slowly came to her senses.
Late one night, she sat in the courtyard, looking up at the moon, as white as a jade plate, in a daze. At one moment, she suddenly regretted not proposing marriage earlier, and regretted not waiting until she had achieved success before proposing marriage, which led to so many changes in the process.
But why didn't he wait for me anymore? He was the one who said he would wait for me...
fraud.
————
The servants of Changming Palace helped Jiang Yan up and gave him careful instructions, but Jiang Yan pretended not to hear them. He just nodded mechanically and walked out of the palace.
She wondered, had they ever really loved each other, or had it all been her wishful thinking?
During the six months or so that he and Zhao Qiuxin spent together day and night, did he or they ever fall in love?
Jiang Yan felt that she was only one step away from collapse. It was not until she returned to the mansion and faced Cui Huaifeng that she woke up from her dream.
"What's wrong?" Jiang Yan's absent-mindedness made Cui Huaifeng puzzled.
Jiang Yan said nothing and went forward to hug him.
Cui Huaifeng's body stiffened, but he quickly relaxed and let her hold him quietly. After a while, he reached out and hugged her back.
The transfer of warmth and the real touch made Jiang Yan calm down a lot. She comforted herself that at least he was by her side now.
Jiang Yan reluctantly let go of his arm, and so did Cui Huaifeng.
"I'll tell Zheng Pu to have the kitchen prepare dinner."
"Okay." Jiang Yan forced a smile.
Cui Huaifeng nodded and walked out.
Jiang Yan looked down at her knees, thinking about changing her clothes. She stood up and opened the wardrobe, her sharp eyes caught a glimpse of a small corner of red among several clothes.
Jiang Yan took it out in confusion, and it turned out to be a jade pendant.
The jade pendant was made of dark red and yellowish material, with a delicate touch. The sharp knife carved smooth and continuous lines on the jade, and it took shape with just a few strokes.
Jiang Yan narrowed his eyes. This shape, a mountain? Or... a hill?
Jiang Yan slowly clenched the jade pendant. She felt cold all over and even had the illusion that her blood had frozen.
Cui Huaifeng had just finished giving his instructions and turned to walk in.
Jiang Yan held up the jade pendant and asked expressionlessly, "Tell me, what is this?"
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