Chapter 24
Percy immersing himself completely in the mire of alcohol. In his upscale apartment, expensive wine bottles lay scattered about, and strong whiskey burned his throat, yet could not extinguish the tearing pain in his heart. In the darkness, he did not turn on the lights; only the neon lights of the city outside the window cast flickering shadows on his face through the rain-streaked glass.
Before my eyes, two almost identical faces appear alternately, sometimes overlapping, sometimes separating.
One of them is Xu Jiahui, whose gentle smile and dependent gaze remain forever in my memory, like a beautiful oil painting frozen in time, carrying a faint sadness and an unreachable distance.
The other photo is of Lin Xiaotang, vibrant and lively, sometimes bright and sometimes stubborn, with a kind of indomitable tenacity in her eyes, like a plant growing against the wind and rain, with sharp thorns and vigorous vitality.
They were so different, yet because of that similar face, they twisted and entangled in his chaotic thoughts and drunkenness, driving him to the brink of madness. Why? Why, after finally breaking free from the shackles of the past and truly falling in love with someone new, did he have to lose everything because of that indelible past?
Just as he was getting drunk and his head was throbbing, the doorbell rang sharply, stubbornly ringing again and again, breaking the deathly silence of the room.
He staggered to his feet and opened the door.
Standing outside the door was Xu Jiaxin. She had clearly not slept well either, with dark circles under her eyes, and her makeup was not as meticulous as usual. Looking at the mess in the room and Fu Sinian, who reeked of alcohol, a complex emotion flashed in her eyes, including anger, heartache, and perhaps even a hint of barely perceptible pleasure.
"What are you doing here?" Bai Sinian asked in a hoarse voice, leaning against the door frame, looking at her with cold eyes, making no attempt to hide his annoyance.
Xu Jiaxin didn't answer. Instead, she pushed him away and walked straight into the house, her high heels shuffling over the wine stains on the floor. She looked around at the mess, her gaze finally settling on him, her voice accusatory: "I've come to see what kind of mess you've made of yourself! All for that woman at the coffee shop?"
Bai Sinian slammed the door shut with a loud bang. He turned around, the alcohol amplifying his emotions, and the pain and anger of the past few days finally found an outlet: "What right do you have to go to her? Xu Jiaxin! Who gave you the right to tell her those things?! That's my business! What does it have to do with you!"
His question was like lighting a fuse, and Xu Jiaxin's suppressed emotions exploded instantly: "What does this have to do with me?!" She raised her voice sharply, tears welling up in her eyes, but she stubbornly refused to let them fall. "Bai Sinian! Look at me! Look at my sister's picture! Tell me, how can you face my sister?! Find a substitute who looks exactly like her? Don't you feel disgusted? Don't you think you're a pervert?! Do you even know what you're doing?!"
“A stand-in?” Bai Sinian seemed to be deeply wounded by the word. He staggered forward, his bloodshot eyes fixed on her. “I have never forgotten Jia Hui! Not for a moment! But Lin Xiaotang is not a stand-in! I know it! I know better than ever what I’m doing! I love Lin Xiaotang the person she is now!”
He practically screamed it out, his voice echoing in the empty room with a desperate intensity.
"It's you! Xu Jiaxin!" He pointed at her, his fingers trembling slightly with excitement and intoxication. "Tell me, what exactly are you doing?! Why did you hide it from me, give up your beloved art major, and go to study economics, going to great lengths to get into my firm?! Why did you stalk me?! Why did you have to go to her, to tear all this apart?! Why did you ruin my life now?! Tell me!"
He practically screamed the last sentence, all his confusion and anger reaching their peak at that moment.
Forced to take a step back by his barrage of questions, Xu Jiaxin's anger and accusation were gradually replaced by a deeper, more frantic emotion. She looked at the man she had loved for so many years, watched him drown his sorrows in alcohol for another woman, even roaring at her for that woman… all the grievances, resentment, and long-suppressed love surged forth like a burst dam, instantly overwhelming her reason.
"because I love you!!"
She screamed almost hysterically, tears finally streaming down her face, “Bersinian! I love you! I’ve loved you since I was sixteen! But you only have eyes for my sister! I can only watch! I can only hide on the sidelines and watch you both! Later, my sister was gone, and when I saw you so sad and so depressed, I told myself, it’s okay, I’m still here. I can take my sister’s place to be with you and take care of you. We can be together!”
Her voice was sharp and broken with emotion: "To be worthy of you, to stand shoulder to shoulder with you, I gave up everything I loved! I studied finance and economics, which I had no interest in at all, and I stayed up countless nights to get into Baijia! I just wanted to give you a surprise, I just wanted to be closer to you! But what did I see?!"
She shook her head in anguish, her eyes filled with insane jealousy and despair: "And I saw you fawning over some random woman who owns a coffee shop! Just because she has the same face as my sister! You're insane! You're really insane! When my sister was alive, I was willing to lose to her! But she's gone! Why am I still losing to her?! Even just because she has the same face as her?! Why?! Why is this happening?!"
Her final words were almost a sob, a accusation, her whole body trembling uncontrollably from the intense emotional turmoil.
Bai Sinian was stunned. His drunkenness was mostly dispelled by this sudden, violent, and twisted confession. He looked at Xu Jiaxin, who was almost collapsing, in disbelief. Many vague doubts that had been there for a long time were finally answered, but they also made him feel a deeper chill and absurdity.
He leaned weakly against the wall, closed his eyes wearily, and said in a low, hoarse voice with a sense of complete understanding and detachment: "Jiaxin...you will never understand. In my heart, they have always been two completely different people. The one I love is the Lin Xiaotang of today."
Xu Jiaxin suddenly looked up, her eyes blurred with tears, her face filled with utter heartbreak and incomprehension: "You're the one who doesn't understand! Bai Sinian! You're living in your own fantasy! The person you love is just a shadow! You've let down my sister, and you've let yourself down too!"
After saying that, she could no longer bear it, turned around abruptly, opened the door, and rushed out crying.
The heavy door closed again, leaving the mess, the strong smell of alcohol, and an even more complicated and intractable stalemate to Persian once more.
The rain, I don't know when, started to fall harder again. The sound of it hitting the window was so dense that it made me uneasy.
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