Chapter 26
Lin Xiaotang abruptly stood up, her pent-up grief, grievances, and despair erupting like a volcano. Like a small animal driven to the brink, her eyes red, she lunged at Bai Sinian with all her might, shoving her hands against his chest, her voice broken and shrill:
"Why?! Why?! Persian, tell me why?!"
"Why did you have to provoke me?! What did I do wrong?!"
"I ran my shop peacefully, I did nothing wrong! Why has it turned out like this?! I'm about to lose everything! I'm going to lose everything, you know that?!"
Her fists rained down on him haphazardly, her tearful questions growing more and more piercing with each sob:
"I've loved this city since I was a child! After graduating from university, I stayed here alone, saved money little by little, and opened this shop! I have a job I love and my own little place! I don't rely on anyone! I'm doing very well!"
"It's all because of you! It's all because of you! My shop is going to be gone! My life is in complete chaos! What did I do wrong to have to meet you?! To have to endure all this?!"
Persian stumbled as she pushed him, but offered no resistance, silently enduring her blows and sobs, his eyes filled with endless pain and regret. He knew that any words would be futile at this moment.
Lin Xiaotang felt as if all her strength had been drained away; her pushing and shoving turned into feeble scratching. Finally, she collapsed, tears streaming down her face as she looked at him, her voice filled with a profound self-mockery and sorrow.
"And you, Partner Bai? You sit in your spacious, bright office on the 28th floor, overlooking the entire city. You can go wherever you want, do whatever you want... If you miss her, you can just come down and see my face, which is just like hers... How convenient is that..."
"But Persian, do you know what it feels like to look at yourself in the mirror every day and feel utterly disgusted?! Do you know that feeling... like wanting to tear your own face off?! Do you know?! Tell me!"
She practically screamed the last sentence, her voice echoing across the empty basketball court, filled with a bloody despair.
"You don't know..." she choked, her body trembling slightly from emotion and tears, "You know nothing..."
“It’s my fault.” Bai Sinian finally spoke, his voice hoarse as if it had been sanded. He reached out to support her as she swayed, but she pushed him away violently. His hand froze in mid-air, his eyes filled with even deeper pain. “It’s all my fault. I messed things up. I hurt you and ruined your peaceful life. You did nothing wrong.”
He took a deep breath, trying to make his voice sound clearer and firmer, even though every word was incredibly difficult to say: "But Xiaotang, please believe me, even just this once. I admit, at first it was indeed because of your face... I was confused, I struggled, I was even afraid... but later, it really wasn't."
His gaze was fixed on her, trying to convey his feelings: "What I see, what I like, what I've fallen in love with is Lin Xiaotang! It's you! Your stubbornness, your independence, your wide eyes when you're angry, your proud little expression when you make a cake, your cute way of sticking out your tongue when you're spicy... It's the vibrant way you are when you drag me to eat hot pot, your bravery in pretending to be calm even though you're scared... These are all unique! Completely different from Jia Hui! What I want now is you! Only you!"
His confession was urgent and sincere, with unprecedented clarity and certainty.
Lin Xiaotang looked at him through teary eyes, her heart clenching painfully at his words, yet enveloped by a deeper fear and doubt. She slowly shook her head, her voice as soft as a breeze, yet carrying a deadly penetrating force:
"And what about her?"
Persian seemed to have his throat choked instantly, all his words stuck there.
"Where is Xu Jiahui?" Lin Xiaotang stared at him, giving him no chance to dodge. "Can you forget her? Bai Sinian, look me in the eyes and tell me, can you completely forget her?"
Bai Sinian fell silent. He couldn't deceive her, nor could he deceive himself. That unforgettable love and the excruciating pain of loss had long become a part of his life, indelible, only to be sealed away. His silence was the cruelest answer in itself.
Looking at his silent and pained expression, Lin Xiaotang suddenly laughed, her laughter filled with endless sorrow and self-mockery.
“You see…you can’t.” She took a step back, widening the distance between them, her eyes turning completely cold, carrying a calm as if her heart had turned to ashes. “Bersinian, as long as you still remember her, as long as you still love her…then, as long as you look at me, I will never know whether you are looking at me or looking at her through me.”
“I lost,” she said softly, tears streaming silently down her face. “I didn’t even have a single opponent I could beat… I lost to my own face, to a… dead man’s face.”
"This is ridiculous..." She glanced at him one last time, her empty gaze making him uneasy. Then, she turned away, no longer looking at him, and slowly but resolutely walked away in the opposite direction from his world.
His back was thin, yet it carried a despairing silence, as if the world had been utterly destroyed.
Persian stood frozen in place, watching her departing figure, his outstretched hand finally falling limply to his side. Her last words, like the sharpest icicle, nailed all his explanations and pleas to the spot.
He knew that some wounds, once inflicted, might never truly heal.
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