Chapter 36
After Bai Sinian left in a hurry, the room suddenly fell silent, with only the gradually increasing noise of the city outside the window. Lin Xiaotang stood there, looking at the messy bed where he had slept, the cigarette butts and instant noodle container left on the table, and the lingering smell of alcohol and his faint scent in the air, her heart was in turmoil.
The words "Wait for me to come back" echoed in her ears like a spell, carrying an undeniable urgency and... perhaps an illusion of sincerity?
She shook her head, trying to clear her mind of these chaotic thoughts. Remembering Xie Junhao, who had also been completely drunk the previous night, she sighed and decided to go see him.
When she arrived at Xie Junhao's auto repair shop, he was washing the floor with a hose. He seemed fine except for a slight hangover. As soon as he saw Lin Xiaotang, he immediately turned off the tap and grinned, but his smile lacked its usual carefree charm and contained something more complicated.
"Hey, you're here? No problem, I'm as strong as a mule!" He patted his chest, then glanced to the side and gestured with his lip, "Look, that guy didn't even drive away. He just took something from the car and left. Looks like he was in a real hurry. He disappeared in a flash."
Lin Xiaotang followed his gaze and saw the black Maybach still incongruously parked there, like a silent vow.
Xie Junhao wiped his hands with a towel, walked to her side, leaned against the door frame, and said with an unprecedented seriousness and relief: "Xiaotang, to be honest, although I was unhappy about that fight the day before yesterday, after drinking... that guy was not bad."
Lin Xiaotang looked at him with some surprise.
Xie Junhao chuckled self-deprecatingly, "He's rich, he's influential, and most importantly... I can see his drive." He paused, his voice lowering, "I've finally figured it out. Really. You went to university, opened a shop in a big city, and broadened your horizons... We're not the same kind of people anymore. He... is a good match for you. And he loves you very much."
He spoke those last words with some difficulty, but they carried a sincere blessing.
Lin Xiaotang felt as if something had pierced her heart, and the calm she had been maintaining finally cracked. She lowered her head, looking at the tips of her shoes, and said in a voice so soft it was almost inaudible, "He loves...not me."
"Huh?" Xie Junhao didn't hear clearly, or rather, he didn't understand.
Having suppressed her grievances and pain for too long, Lin Xiaotang finally couldn't hold back any longer in front of her only close friend, someone she knew like family. She took a deep breath and told Xie Junhao everything about her entanglement with Bai Sinian, from the initial painful and inquisitive gaze, to his repeated approach and retreat, to the appearance of Xu Jiaxin, the box full of photos and birthday cards, and the long-deceased Xu Jiahui who looked exactly like her...
Xie Junhao listened in stunned silence, his expression shifting from shock to anger, and finally to a complex and solemn one. He never imagined that such twists and turns, and... cruelty, were hidden behind the story.
“…So, you see,” Lin Xiaotang finished speaking, a bitter smile more painful than tears on her face, “He has always loved that girl named Xu Jiahui. I just happen to…have this face. A shadow, a substitute.” Her voice was filled with self-loathing and a deep sense of powerlessness.
Xie Junhao remained silent for a long time, his brows furrowed, but his eyes were unusually clear as he looked at her. Suddenly, he spoke, his tone unusually serious, even tinged with anger at her lack of ambition:
"Lin Xiaotang!"
He called her by her full name.
"Are you really that insecure?!" His voice rose a few decibels. "Huh? Do you think you're inferior to that...that Xu Jiahui? Or do you think you, Lin Xiaotang, don't deserve to be truly loved by someone?!"
Lin Xiaotang was stunned by his sudden question and stared at him blankly.
“Yes! At first, he probably noticed you because of your face! Anyone would be stunned by that, right?” Xie Junhao spoke quickly and urgently, as if venting words he had been holding back for a long time. “But what happened later? This big boss of his, lowered himself and went to your little coffee shop every day? He got hurt for you? He fought for you? He drank himself into a stupor for you? Now, just to find you, he drove for more than ten hours to this remote and impoverished place, waiting like a homeless man for two days! Staying in a run-down hotel! And I, your buddy, beat him up until his face was bruised and swollen.”
He became more and more agitated as he spoke, pointing at the luxury car: "Would someone who only sees you as a 'shadow' do these things?! Lin Xiaotang, where's your usual intelligence? Where's your keen insight? Have you given it all to the dogs?!"
"A man has gone to this lengths for you, what the hell does his past, his stupid reasons for falling for you in the first place matter?!" Xie Junhao practically roared, his face flushed red. "Can't you feel who's in his heart and soul right now? Don't you understand?!"
He was panting heavily, glaring at Lin Xiaotang. There was no mockery in his eyes, only a kind of close friend's anxiety and heartache for her.
Lin Xiaotang was stunned by his barrage of words, her heart feeling as if it had been struck by a heavy hammer. Those details and feelings she had deliberately ignored and forcibly suppressed surged back like a tidal wave—
His gaze, as he looked at her, gradually became clearer and more focused;
His anxiety and severity caused by her injury became uncontrollable;
His clumsy attempts to help, which only made things worse, were endearing;
He remained silent yet completely dependent on her in the hospital;
His impulsive kiss by the basketball court;
Even last night, in my drunken stupor, I rambled on in a desperate frenzy, as if I wanted to "go blind"...
Really... is it possible to obtain something just from a shadow?
Xie Junhao's words were like a sharp chisel, ruthlessly chiseling open her icy, protective shell, revealing the true self inside who had always longed to be recognized and fully loved.
She remained fixated on the initial mistake, immersed in the humiliation and anger of being used as a substitute, yet subconsciously avoided all his subsequent actions and emotions that transcended the "face" and were directed at her, Lin Xiaotang's, soul itself.
Yes...why isn't she confident?
She suddenly raised her head, her eyes uncontrollably reddening, tears quickly welling up inside.
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