Chapter 25 Christmas snow peeks through the cracks...
Through the crack in the window, he could see the snow falling heavily, just like the first snow he had seen on New Year's Eve three years ago. Chen Song kept staring at the misty snowflakes, and memories floated in his mind.
Gu Xingjue didn't reply. Chen Song knew he was asleep from his even breathing.
Chen Song couldn't sleep at all. Even though his body was already broken, he just couldn't fall asleep. He didn't have any sleeping pills with him, so he definitely couldn't fall asleep.
He gave up on himself and simply stayed awake, watching the snow outside the window deepen. The intense pain, coming from nowhere, spread through his body like a virus.
The suffocating feeling as if the throat was being strangled came over me with a torrent of fear. The damaged respiratory system struggled to function, and the fainting feeling caused by lack of oxygen paralyzed my nerves.
Chen Song lay motionless and stiff on the bed like a pool of stagnant water. Beside him, Gu Xingjue was an electric current. Sparks flew through the stagnant water, creating layers of lightning. His limbs felt like they were being eaten by insects, leaving him numb and stiff with pain.
Chen Song wanted to escape from here, he didn't want to stay here for a moment! He never wanted to see Gu Xingjue again, he wanted to stay away from Gu Xingjue, never see him again in his life, a farewell forever!
He couldn't forget the past and couldn't let go of Gu Mo, but he couldn't accept the appearance of Cheng Song. He really couldn't get involved in a tangled and confusing relationship.
Chen Song's view on love is that once you love someone, you're truly in love with them. He can't easily fall in love with someone else, or even like two people simultaneously. His actions are as pure and straightforward as his feelings. He'll be with whoever he likes, but he won't be with anyone he doesn't like, let alone engage in any intimate activities.
Chen Song didn't know which Song Gu Xingjue actually liked. If he liked Cheng Song, he shouldn't have come to see him tonight. If he liked him, he wouldn't have answered that call.
Gu Xingjue actually doesn't like anyone. The choice between Chen Song and Cheng Song is just a matter of weighing the pros and cons and choosing the best answer.
He doesn't like anyone, he only likes himself. He is a cold-blooded and selfish person.
Chen Song turned over, facing Gu Xingjue, and looked at him in the dim light.
The man's handsome and cold features were hidden in the night, and he looked a little softer, just like he did three years ago.
But Chen Song just watched silently, and there was no more attachment, reluctance, or passion in his heart.
Chen Song looked up at the phone on the table which was still on, then looked away, opened the quilt and stood up. Suddenly, a hand grabbed him.
"Where are you going?" Gu Xingjue's voice was hoarse, like a whisper.
Chen Song glanced at him sideways, and saw Gu Xingjue looking at him with sleepy eyes and squinting eyes.
"Go to the bathroom." Chen Song pulled his hand away.
Gu Xingjue's hand still held a trace of Chen Song's cold warmth, and it felt heavy. His hand paused in the air, his eyes following Chen Song's figure as he went to the bathroom. He lowered his hand, closed his eyes, and muttered, "I thought you were going to run away."
Chen Song's figure paused at the bedroom door, and finally he left without looking back.
He did leave, and this time he really wouldn't look back.
He mustered up his courage again and again, but always ended up broken to pieces. He could no longer endure such heart-wrenching humiliation.
He thought, as expected, he was still suitable to be a coward.
Chen Song put his clothes back on and glanced at the key on the dining table before leaving. But this time he didn't touch it, just glanced at it and left.
Snow fell all over Beijing on Christmas Eve, and the sky at five in the morning was the darkest moment before dawn.
As Chen Song walked out of the room, the taut thread suddenly broke. His chest felt stuffy and his limbs went numb. He staggered down the stairs, walked out of the suffocating building, and escaped from the community that had imprisoned him for three years.
The streets were deserted, the dim streetlights illuminating the falling snow and the pitch-black night. Chen Song trudged forward alone in the heavy snow.
The cells in his body were dying and regenerating at an extremely rapid rate. His oxygen intake couldn't keep up with his consumption, so Chen Song breathed deeply through his mouth and nose. A cold wind mixed with ice and snow gurgled in, tearing at his delicate organs.
Qi and blood gradually surged to his brain, and his limbs felt stiff, numb, and painful. Chen Song trembled, clutching his chest and arching his back, trying to make himself feel better. His deep breaths released a large amount of mist, which lingered in the wind and snow, then dissipated, regenerated, and dissipated again...
Chen Song's eyes were filled with tears, burning his vision and cutting his cheeks like a knife. All the complicated and embarrassing emotions suddenly burst out like a tsunami.
He bit his lower lip hard, his sharp, pure white teeth biting through the flesh, and the smell of blood invaded his numb tongue.
But he felt no pain and continued to bite, and the bright red blood slid down and fell into the snow.
One drop, two drops, three drops... so sudden and gorgeous in the pure white snow. But in a moment they were buried by the dancing snowflakes.
The fragmented sobs were bitten and crushed in the throat. Chen Song's face turned red and blue veins climbed up his neck. Like this heavy snow, like this fate, the more he restrained himself, the more unstoppable it became.
Finally, in the Christmas snow, he burst into tears.
It was heart-wrenching, like a well-behaved and sensible child who vented all the grievances, pain and anger he had felt since birth to his mother, and it was deafening.
The crying and shouting, the instant emotional outburst, overloaded him mentally. The feeling of suffocation became more and more intense. Countless hands strangled his breathing tube, his heart and lungs, and his limbs fell unconscious in the snow.
The snow covered him layer by layer, as if it would only take one night to wipe him out from this cruel world.
The remaining consciousness told him that this was a symptom of respiratory alkali poisoning.
Chen Song curled up in the snow. When he was about to faint, he raised the back of his hand to cover his mouth, leaving a small space to save himself.
After an unknown amount of time, Chen Song regained consciousness. He had an agonizing headache, broke out in a cold sweat, and was covered in ice and snow.
At the last moment, Chen Song was still thinking, it would be nice to sleep forever like this.
But he knew that God would not let him go so easily and would continue to torture him slowly.
Chen Song stayed there for a long time before standing up.
The sky gradually brightened, the wind and snow continued, but he seemed to see the sun breaking through the sea of clouds, the dawn offering a baptism of light, reshaping his body like a bath in fire.
No one can save himself, only he can save himself...
Ye Jiajia was right, love was not subject to any reason or rules.
When emotions overwhelmingly triumph over rationality, a person's bottom line and dignity will endlessly decline. Only when they are on the verge of death will their innate desire to survive give rise to absolute rationality, allowing them to carve out a path through adversity.
However, the price of this is the complete destruction of sensibility.
Don't turn back until you hit the wall. The wall will bend your proud bones, trample your dignity, and crush your courage.
Only then did Chen Song realize how humble he was.
More importantly, he clearly realized how stubborn and cold-blooded Gu Xingjue was.
Twice, twice I mustered up all my courage to try to save this relationship. The first time was preparing his birthday and confessing my love for him, and the second time was begging him not to be with Cheng Song and to get back together with me.
The first time I got deception, the second time I got humiliation.
Chen Song looked at the snow all over the sky.
If only time could go back to the snowy New Year’s Eve three years ago.
He will not take Gu Xingjue home.
——
After the heavy snow on Christmas Day, the temperature dropped sharply and the wind and snow became severe.
Winter vacation was approaching, and the final week was exam week, leaving Chen Song no time to think about anything else. He had to put aside any chaotic thoughts. No, to be more precise, they were now incredibly clear. He wasn't just putting them aside temporarily, but sealing them deep in his heart forever.
After taking a professional course on Wednesday, Chen Song met Yun Jingsheng at the classroom door.
Yun Jingsheng stood there elegantly in a beige coat, exuding a gentle and refined dignity. He smiled when he saw Chen Song, but there was a kind of weariness in his eyes that could not be concealed. "How did you do on the exam?"
Chen Song walked towards him and responded with a polite smile: "Not bad."
Yun Jingsheng: "Fortunately, it's pretty good."
Chen Song looked at the dark circles under Yun Jingsheng's eyes and asked, "Just got back from a business trip?"
Yun Jingsheng paused for a moment and gave a wry smile. "Why, even you can tell? It's not really a business trip, I went to Country Y to attend my brother's wedding."
The smile on Chen Song's face suddenly disappeared. He lowered his eyes and glanced away, thinking of that painful and desperate night again.
Gu Xingjue had mentioned to him that Yun Jingsheng's younger brother Yun Che was getting married... and it turned out to be true.
"You must be a little tired from running back and forth." Yun Jingsheng added, but Chen Song could hear a very complicated emotion in his tone.
He sighed as he spoke, and looked at Chen Song with some worry between his brows: "Chen Song, how can I say hello to you? Every time I see you after a while, you look more haggard than the last time. Did you go to see the doctor as I told you last time?"
Chen Song pretended not to hear and pointed at the document in Yun Jingsheng's arms and asked, "Is this the application form to be filled out?"
Yun Jingsheng, of course, saw through his little trick and handed him the document. "In my opinion, your eating disorder is caused by psychological reasons. Don't be so tense, Chen Song. Try to relax a little. In life, nothing matters except death."
"Don't think too much. Eat every meal well and get a good night's sleep. This is what you should do most right now."
Chen Song's eyes curved into a beautiful arc, and he said with a smile: "Brother Jing Sheng, do you have two days off in the Department of Psychology and Orthopedics?"
Yun Jingsheng smiled and tapped Chen Song's forehead gently: "If that's the case, why can't I cure you?"
Chen Song: "I'm really fine. I'll go see him after I finish school these few days."
Yun Jingsheng nodded. "Just be careful. How many exams do you have left?"
Chen Song calculated: "Three."
Yun Jingsheng: "When is the latest time for it to end?"
Chen Song: "Friday afternoon, what's wrong?"
Yun Jingsheng: "Friday afternoon, then. You have to come to see me off at the farewell party I told you about last time. Huang Qian and the others should also come, as well as several deans and teachers from your school."
Chen Song had already refused once before, at Yun Jingsheng's welcome party, and his teacher had even lectured him. This time, he couldn't refuse for any reason, so he agreed: "Of course I have to say goodbye to you."
Yun Jingsheng: "Okay, let's contact each other on the phone. I have something else to do, so I'll leave first. Take care of yourself. The temperature is going to drop again in the next few days, so dress warmly and don't catch a cold."
A warm feeling came over Chen Song, and he smiled and said, "Okay."
Finals week had passed in a frenzy, with heavy snow warnings. On Friday, a light snow was still falling in Beijing, and just as Chen Song finished his exams, Yun Jingsheng called.
Chen Song picked up the phone: "Hello. Brother Jing Sheng."
Yun Jingsheng's gentle voice came from the other end of the phone: "I'm waiting for you at the door. Come over, let's have dinner together."
Chen Song said, "I'll go by myself. No need to trouble Brother Jing Sheng."
It took Chen Song more than ten minutes to walk from the teaching building to the main gate, and he didn't want Yun Jingsheng to wait for him in vain.
Yun Jingsheng said, "It's not a big deal. You don't have to worry. I have Huang Qian and the other two in my car. I'll take the three of you. They just finished their exams."
Chen Song then agreed: "Okay, I'll be there soon.
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