Chapter 3 Chen Shengping Chen Song quickly denied: "I didn't see it...
Chen Song quickly denied it: "I don't mean to look down on you. I have some money on hand, and I've saved quite a bit from working, so I can let you go to school too."
Gu Mo paused and continued eating without saying anything. Seeing this, Chen Song became a little nervous and felt that he had said something wrong again.
Gu Mo swallowed his food before speaking slowly: "I don't study because I don't have money. It's because I don't want to. Do you understand?"
Chen Song breathed a sigh of relief. He was glad that the person wasn't angry. After pondering for a long time, he said gently, "Studying is the easiest and most promising way to change the fate of people like us at the bottom of society. Won't you...consider it carefully?"
Gu Mo was a little annoyed by his endless chatter. He hated being lectured the most, so he said perfunctorily, "I'm not interested. I don't do things I don't like."
As he said this, he raised a smile and looked at Chen Song: "I won't do it with someone I don't like."
Chen Song blushed at his jumping words, and he was quickly led astray by Gu Mo's love words: "Gu Mo."
Gu Mo was stunned by his serious call, pinched his earlobe and kissed him: "What's wrong?"
Chen Song looked at him and asked, "Have you dated many people?"
Gu Mo remained noncommittal and smiled faintly: "Do you mind?"
Chen Song shook his head: "I don't care about your past. I am serious about you and hope you are well, so..."
The smile on Gu Mo's face had disappeared, he let go of her hand and stood up to leave.
Seeing this, Chen Song grabbed his hand somewhat helplessly, as if if he didn't hold on, Gu Mo would never come back.
Chen Song said nervously: "I won't say anything more, let's eat well."
From this moment on, Chen Song knew that Gu Mo was the wind that he would never be able to catch in his life.
Gu Mo didn't stay for dinner. He touched his head and smiled perfunctorily: "I'll come to see you when I have time."
Chen Song didn’t know what Gu Mo’s job was, nor did he know what he was busy with, let alone how long the next time would be.
They don't even have contact information.
When Chen Song thought it would take a long time to see Gu Mo, Gu Mo appeared at his doorstep two or three days later.
Late at night, the doorbell rang, and I smelled of alcohol.
"Surprise~"
They didn't have much to talk about, only those things. Chen Song was afraid that if he said something wrong again, Gu Mo would leave again.
Gu Mo also seemed to be very satisfied with Chen Song, and the two of them had a sweet and short time together.
Gu Mo knew that Chen Song was going to move to the school after school started, so he gave Chen Song a key.
The key led to a small apartment near the school. It was twice as big as the house he had rented before, but not too big for an average family. It was just big enough for one person to live in without feeling cramped, and it had a small living room.
Gu Mo said it was his home and asked Chen Song to wait for him here. Chen Song was a little suspicious about where he got the money, but Gu Mo just smiled and teased him, saying that he had just paid off his rent a few days ago.
Chen Song still didn't believe it.
Gu Mo said confidently, "Then why is your husband so busy that he doesn't come home every day?"
Chen Song thought about it and agreed, but didn't ask any further questions.
Sometimes Gu Mo would stay for two or three days, and sometimes he would not be seen for one or two months.
They still haven't added contact information.
Until one day, Gu Mo, who had not been seen for two months, came back for the first time with injuries all over his body, which scared Chen Song so much that the worry that he had been suppressing for a long time suddenly burst out.
The way he cried looked like his husband had died, and he treated Gu Mo's wound without a word, which made Gu Mo feel distressed. It was both distressing and funny.
It's obviously just a superficial wound.
Gu Mo coaxed him gently, then told him that he worked in a racing club. He was a... handyman and a motorcycle racer. It was normal for him to have some injuries.
Chen Song's collapsed emotions gradually calmed down.
He was very happy that Gu Mo was finally willing to tell him something about himself.
He learned about racing with Gu Mo and felt that it was a bit dangerous, but he just supported it silently, and all his worries turned into a woven red rope chain to bless safety.
After making the bracelet, he would take it to a famous temple for a blessing. It was a tedious process, but Chen Song was happy to do it.
It’s just that Gu Mo often loses them. Chen Song would get angry at first, but later he got used to it and just redid it over and over again.
After that breakdown, Gu Mo finally added him on the phone. But Gu Mo never read messages and would only answer when he called.
Later on, he didn't answer the phone. Chen Song never saw Gu Mo again.
Chen Song thought that his relationship with Gu Mo was over.
He was very sad, but he knew that this day would eventually come, and he kept giving himself hints in his heart.
So when that day came, he didn't shout at the top of his lungs, nor did he struggle. He kept the beautiful memories of this relationship and maintained dignity for both of them.
However, a bigger change came in June, early summer of the second semester of his freshman year, when Chen Song received a call from the hospital.
"Hello, Mr. Chen Song. This is Vancouver Second People's Hospital. Your father, Mr. Chen Shengping, has regained consciousness, but his condition is not optimistic. He may not have much time left. Could you please come over?"
Chen Song took a week off and flew back to South Vancouver.
The man on the hospital bed, who was as thin as a mummy, was holding an oxygen tank. As soon as he saw Chen Song, turbid tears fell on his wrinkled face.
He spoke softly, slowly and with great difficulty: "Song... Dad... I'm... sorry... you... Dad loves... you"
Chen Song sat beside him with an expressionless face, but his heart was filled with turmoil.
The father who always beat and scolded him apologized to him for the first time. What made him even more unbelievable was that he said... he loved him?
No one will believe what people say without words. All trust comes from the proof of actions.
But where is Chen Shengping's love?
His lifelong gambling without any pursuit of self-improvement made him feel inferior and unable to answer countless people’s questions - What does your father do for a living?
When his debtor came to his house, he fled to another place, while he and his mother were bullied and beaten?
Or did she gamble away all her money and then beat and scold him, forcing him to hand over his mother's money?
Or... or he kept poking him on the back of the head and cursing, how could you give birth to a useless homosexual like you?
Which one is it? Who can tell me which one it is?
Chen Song desperately grabbed his hair and pulled it hard. He really couldn't figure out which one it was.
Chen Shengping watched his son gradually collapse in pain, and reached out his hand to comfort him, but he would never be able to reach him again.
Chen Song had no time to care about Chen Shengping and was trapped in the process of self-argumentation.
He didn't understand, he didn't understand why Chen Shengping said she loved him!
Then he proved it to himself! Why did he not live long after saying he loved him?
Chen Song roared in excitement. Chen Shengping tried his best to comfort him, but no matter how hard he struggled, he was unable to hold his collapsed son. He also became emotional and tried to comfort him incoherently.
By the time Chen Song calmed down, the ward was in chaos and Chen Shengping was pushed into the operating room.
Chen Song knelt on the ground, feeling increasingly breathless and his hands numb. A ringing phone woke him up.
As if Gu Mo kept ringing the doorbell, he subconsciously picked it up.
I really heard Gu Mo's voice...
The other party was a little angry: "Where are you? How dare you stay out all night!"
Chen Song choked up: "Gu...Mo..."
Gu Mo heard something was wrong with him: "Where are you?"
Chen Song didn't say anything.
Gu Mo's tone became more serious, almost gritting his teeth as he said, "Chen Song!"
Chen Song's heart skipped a beat: "If I tell you, will you appear in front of me?"
Gu Mo couldn't stand it any longer: "Tell me the address!"
Chen Song told Gu Mo the address of the hospital and he hung up the phone without saying a word.
Chen Song looked at the three red words "Operating Room" and couldn't stop shaking all over.
The scenes before his eyes were all about that summer when he was in his senior year of high school and about to take the college entrance examination. Chen Shengping rolled down the stairs, staring at him with his eyes wide open.
On the eve of the college entrance examination, Chen Song finally got a vacation and went home, but he happened to see his parents arguing.
Chen Shengping cursed his mother with the dirtiest words while pulling her suitcase.
The two argued fiercely, and the mother pushed Chen Shengping in anger. Chen Shengping rolled down the stairs, struggled for a few times, and never got up again.
In the end, the mother left with a rich man who arranged a caregiver for Chen Shengping.
Chen Song never saw his mother again. The man said he would provide child support until he turned 18 and told Chen Song not to disturb them.
Chen Song doesn't have a deep affection for this family or his parents. It can be said that he has hardly ever felt love, but why does he still feel so uncomfortable?
Is it because he and his father have the same blood roaring in his body?
It was the summer of 1918, a week before Chen Song turned eighteen. He was homeless. The family he had once maintained on the surface finally fell apart.
Chen Song performed poorly in the college entrance examination. Although he had always been a top student, he was admitted to a poor undergraduate program.
Chen Song went to the north city and escaped from the damp and cold Jiangnan.
It would be a lie to say that he didn't blame or resent his parents, but Chen Song could understand his mother's departure.
But he couldn't understand why she gave birth to him without loving him.
When Gu Mo appeared in front of him, Chen Shengping had already declared that rescue was ineffective.
The bright lights in the hospital corridor were on all night long, and the pale light shone on Chen Song's swollen and painful eyelids.
A pair of Martin boots appeared on the ground before him, their bold black color catching his eye. The sound of a young man's heavy breathing could be heard overhead.
Chen Song raised his head and looked at Gu Mo sadly, his eyes were empty and his pale lips mechanically repeated:
"I killed my father. I... killed my father... I shouldn't have been born... I shouldn't have..."
Chen Song, who had not been seen for a long time, was so thin that his cheeks were a little sunken. A pair of blood-red eyes were embedded in his haggard and pale skin. His hair was messy and stuck to his forehead covered with cold sweat, like a flawless white porcelain with a few cracks suddenly appearing.
Gu Mo's anger disappeared in an instant. He squatted down and hugged him in his arms, stroking his hair.
Later, Chen Song developed a high fever and was in a coma for a long time.
When he regained consciousness, it was raining heavily in Vancouver.
Gu Mo was holding an umbrella and standing beside Chen Song in a black suit.
Chen Song knelt in front of Chen Shengping's grave.
On the low, sloping hillside, layer upon layer of coffins and tombs of the Chen family's ancestors were built. The surroundings were covered with shady trees, overgrown with weeds, and the damp, sticky rain kept falling.
This was Gu Mo's first time seeing a cemetery in the countryside. It was eerie and sad.
After an unknown amount of time, Chen Song asked, "Has my mother been here?"
Gu Mo looked at Chen Songqing's thin back and gaunt profile and said calmly, "Here he comes."
Chen Song nodded: "You go back."
Gu Mo frowned and breathed a little heavier: "What do you mean?"
Chen Song's tone was exceptionally calm, cold and devoid of any warmth: "That's what you think."
Gu Mo suddenly pulled him up: "You don't want to study anymore?!"
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