Chapter 35: Fragile Items: Chen Song did not...
Chen Song did not dream during his coma and was immersed in a fantasy world.
It was a boundless dark space, and he could not see anything around him. Countless invisible hands pressed down on his whole body, making it so suffocating that he could not breathe.
When he finally regained consciousness, he felt like a drowning man escaping from the shore, gasping for breath. The blurry scene in front of his eyes slowly became clear, and the empty white wall tops spread out in his sight. The pungent smell of disinfectant filled his nose, and the medical equipment made a slight mechanical sound.
"You're awake." Gu Xingjue's face covered the white wall, his eyes bloodshot, his voice hoarse. "How are you? Are you feeling unwell? Why are you breathing so fast?"
Gu Xingjue frowned, sensing a bad premonition, and immediately rang the bell to call the doctor. He took Chen Song's hand, stroked his head, and soothed him, "It's okay, the doctor will be here soon. The operation was a success, and you'll be well again soon."
Chen Song looked at Gu Xingjue in a daze. The suffocating feeling in the illusion had not yet dissipated, and his mind was a little dull. Gu Xingjue's touch gradually calmed him down.
When Dr. He arrived, Chen Song had regained his composure, his eyes as dark as a pool of stagnant water.
After examining Chen Song, Dr. He analyzed, "Mr. Chen's fever has subsided. He's fine now. His wheezing was probably caused by a nightmare and emotional agitation. Master Gu, I've already told you about his condition. I'll repeat my instructions now."
Gu Xingjue held Chen Song's hand and kneaded it gently, looking down at him and listening quietly to the doctor's words.
"Mr. Chen's long-term diet of raw, cold, and irritating foods led to a gastrointestinal infection. This, coupled with his weakened immune system from staying up late, led to acute appendicitis." Doctor He paused before asking, "Master Gu, how has Mr. Chen been feeling these past few days? Nerve irritation can cause the appendix muscles and blood vessels to constrict, leading to appendicitis."
Dr. He had seen Chen Song many times. Every year when Chen Song had a fever, Gu Xingjue would call him over in the middle of the night. Of course, he also knew the relationship between the two.
Gu Xingjue was silent for a moment, looking at Chen Song's thin cheeks, his heart heavy.
Chen Song lowered his thin eyelids and looked past him at the heavy snow falling outside the window. His face was as pale as the snow.
Gu Xingjue knew that it was all his fault.
"It's my fault that I didn't take good care of him." Gu Xingjue said in a deep voice.
Dr. He is a middle-aged doctor who has been treating all of Gu Xingjue's illnesses since he was a teenager. They have a close relationship and treat him like his own son, but Gu Xingjue is a child that makes people worry.
Gu Xingjue enjoyed extreme sports, and several of his visits to the hospital ended in the intensive care unit. Dr. He knew his family situation and understood that his love of extreme sports was simply a way to fill the void of a home, but he also felt sorry for him.
But no matter how he persuaded him, Gu Xingjue still refused to listen. Doctor He was afraid that Gu Xingjue would come to the hospital, fearing that an accident would happen and he would not be able to save him no matter how hard he tried.
In the early years, Gu Xingjue had a lot of fun abroad and almost couldn't come back a few times. He was really scared and worried, and his hair turned a lot whiter.
It's just that he has gotten much better in the past three years. Dr. He thought it was because he had traveled all over the world abroad and started to focus, so he didn't go out much.
He didn't know until late one night when Gu Xingjue called him to a small suite.
He wasn't tired of playing abroad; he had settled down for someone. Even though this person was a man, he was still better than Gu Xingjue, who was desperate to die outside. Besides, the child looked well behaved, and had a pure heart for Gu Xingjue.
Dr. He told him earnestly, "You'll need to stay in the hospital for a week after the surgery. You should eat a light diet. You can drink carrot soup, egg custard, lettuce, and other foods, but avoid irritating foods. Pay attention to your mood and sleep. If you experience abdominal distension, nausea, or retching, please contact us immediately. You can eat and drink only after the symptoms have basically subsided."
Gu Xingjue said in a deep voice: "Well, I understand."
After giving the instructions, Dr. He left with the nurses.
The anesthetic on Chen Song's body had worn off by then, and he felt a dull pain in his lower abdomen.
It turned out to be acute appendicitis, which he had initially thought was gastroenteritis. He had wanted to wait until Wednesday to come to the hospital, but he couldn't.
It was snowing heavily outside the window, so it must be very cold. But the ward was so warm that he didn't feel it at all, and it even felt a little stuffy. He was so afraid of the cold, but now he wanted to walk into the snow and touch it.
Gu Xingjue tucked him in and said, "I've asked for leave from school for you. Just stay in the hospital and recuperate."
Chen Song didn't say anything. It was unclear whether he didn't have the energy to speak or didn't want to pay attention to him. Gu Xingjue felt that it was both, but he didn't care now. He just wanted to make Chen Song better.
Although Chen Song didn't react to what he said or did, at least he didn't resist him. He obediently let him wipe his face, give him water, and feed him. The same things happened as before when Chen Song was sick, but the two of them could never go back to the way they were before.
Whenever Chen Song was sick, he would become especially clingy, clinging to Gu Xingjue like a cat, his voice soft and gentle, almost like a spoiled child. It seemed like he loved him so much that he allowed someone as impatient as Gu Xingjue to stay with him all the time.
But Chen Song was different now. He was too cold, like ice that could not be melted.
Gu Xingjue thought it was okay, and that he could just comfort Chen Song after he recovered. It wasn't until the night before Chen Song was discharged from the hospital that Chen Song suddenly spoke to him.
"Gu Xingjue," his voice was hoarse and difficult, "You said you loved me. But do you understand me?"
Chen Song sat on the hospital bed, his face pale as a trace of blood. His words were soft and cold, like an icy needle piercing one's heart, the pain making one's breath shudder.
The lunch box in Gu Xingjue's hand trembled slightly, and a voice sounded in his mind.
Chen Song no longer loves him.
He would rather Chen Song acted foolishly and scolded him, but the man before him was as thin as a withered leaf, which would wither away at the slightest breeze.
Gu Xingjue wanted to answer, "Of course, he understood," because it was the correct answer. But when he opened his mouth, the false lie was on the tip of his tongue and he couldn't utter it.
Chen Song looked at him quietly: "What is my family like? What is my life like? What kind of person am I? What do I want to do in the future? What do I like and what do I hate? What happens when I'm happy? What do I long for when I'm sad? Do you know all this?"
"Have you ever asked me what I'm thinking? Do you ever care?"
"I've always felt," he chuckled self-deprecatingly, "that loving someone should be like protecting a fragile object. You have to be extremely careful, afraid that they'll get bumped, bruised, or hurt. If they're happy, I'm happy; if they're sad, I'm sad too."
"But the love you speak of," Chen slowly closed his eyes, took a deep breath, tears hanging from the corners of his eyes, "is nothing more than the possessive desire you feel after losing something as the dominant one."
"I thought you loved me, but you just changed your mind and fell in love with someone else. Maybe I wasn't good enough. But after all this time, I turned out to be just a substitute. If you don't love me, stop lying to yourself, Mr. Gu."
When Chen Song opened his eyes again, his vision became clear again. The tears in the corners of his eyes flowed back into his eye sockets, but did not fall out in the end.
"Please let me go. I'm about to graduate. I'm very busy with my studies. Please," he gritted his teeth, enunciating each word in a sonorous and powerful voice, "don't bother me anymore."
"Life is long, and we are on different paths. I don't believe that I will only love one person in this life."
Gu Xingjue was speechless. Chen Song was right. He knew nothing about Chen Song's problem and had never tried to understand it.
If the love that Chen Song talks about is true love, then what are his feelings for Chen Song?
Gu Xingjue dug his nails tightly into the callus. The callus was so thick that he could not feel any pain.
He began to doubt whether his feelings for Chen Song were truly merely possessive. He had indeed lived a heartless life for a long time, but he had never been so devoted to someone before. He stared blankly into Chen Song's gray eyes.
I don't know when it started,
Chen Song's eyes are always filled with a pool of clear spring water. His eyebrows are curved, and there is a unique melancholy in his clear eyes, which makes people feel as if it has rained in the south of the Yangtze River. Once you take a look at him, you can no longer look away.
Chen Song was born with an extremely handsome appearance, a cold and aloof quality that was both stunning at first glance and enduring to behold. Gu Xingjue was surrounded by numerous beautiful women, so why was Chen Song so unique?
Like an old-fashioned tea that becomes more fragrant the more you sip it, and its flavor becomes more pronounced the longer you sip it, it makes people dependent on it and addicted to it.
It's not as addictive as poison, but if you don't take a sip of it in an ordinary day, you will feel uneasy and lonely.
Gu Xingjue's thoughts raced, his heart and lungs aching. He loved Chen Song, and he couldn't live without him. Otherwise, he wouldn't be able to survive. The time he spent waiting for Chen Song outside the emergency room was incredibly long and agonizing, and the world he had built up in his heart collapsed in an instant.
"Chen Song," Gu Xingjue softened his tone, his nose a little sour, "I turned out to be a bastard who couldn't love. I don't make excuses for my behavior, but I..."
"If you know, then get lost." Chen Song calmly interrupted Gu Xingjue. He didn't know which of Gu Xingjue's words were true and which were false, and he didn't want to guess anymore, nor did he want to listen to these hypocritical words anymore.
I'm so tired, really so tired.
Gu Xing's resolve suddenly trembled, his lips trembling slightly, and he said in a hoarse voice: "I won't leave. I will slowly understand the love you talked about. It took me a lot of effort to understand... I love you, and I won't give up on you. I know you are hard on the outside but soft on the inside, but I know you still love me."
"I don't love you anymore," Chen Song said lightly, "The Chen Song who loved you is already dead."
Died on a snowy Christmas Eve.
Gu Xingjue's scalp was numb, his blood was boiling, and his patience had reached its limit. He really couldn't bear to hear his good boy Chen Song keep saying these words. He suppressed his emotions and said, "Stop it, Chen Song. Really, I really love you."
"Go away. It's none of my business who you love. Don't bother me."
Gu Xingjue was so angry that he felt dizzy. He gritted his teeth and said, "You are sick now. Who will take care of you except me?"
"Haven't I always been like this?" Chen Song looked up at him, the emotion in his eyes unclear.
Gu Xingjue's anger was instantly extinguished.
His Chen Song was very well behaved and obedient. He would occasionally throw a tantrum, but he would just coax him. He was so easygoing that Gu Xingjue couldn't believe that someone could be so easy to coax. He had never coaxed anyone before; it was always others who coaxed him, and he wasn't that easy to coax either.
Gu Xingjue thought Chen Song was so strong that he didn't need any pampering or love, but this was just his disguise. He was always alone, just like himself.
"I don't need anyone's care. Go away." Chen Song's tone relaxed. He just wanted to end this meaningless argument quickly. His stomach ached slightly. "I'll pay you back for the medical expenses."
Gu Xingjue held his hand and said, "I won't leave. I'm relying on you. You must be hungry. What do you want to eat?"
Chen Song dodged him: "I'm disgusted by you. I feel like vomiting and can't eat. Get out of here now."
Gu Xingjue slowly lowered his hand and stared at him gravely: "Do you hate me so much?"
Chen Song said, "Would I chase away the person I like? We're all adults now, so be respectful and stop being so childish."
"Childish?" Gu Xingjue questioned. He hated being called childish. "How am I childish?"
Gu Xingjue didn't know when his temper became so good, but he just couldn't lose his temper when facing Chen Song.
At this moment, a series of inopportune cell phone ringtones rang. Chen Song glanced at the phone on the table. It was a call from Yun Jingsheng. He leaned sideways to take it, but was snatched away by Gu Xingjue.
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