Chapter 48: Sleeping Pills “Do you think everyone is like…
"Do you think everyone is like you, Gu Xingjue? Everyone is like you, with a heart that can contract freely, can love multiple people at the same time, can sleep with one person and think about another! I don't want to be a fucking substitute!"
"I'm narrow-minded. I have such a small, tiny heart that can only accommodate one person."
Chen Song gestured stiffly with shaking hands, like a child who had just learned to speak and could only gesture because he had difficulty expressing himself. However, the words he spoke were more coherent and clear than anyone else's. His trembling voice was extremely sad, and his eyes were red and firm without blinking. It seemed that if he relaxed for a moment, the last bit of his taut dignity would collapse.
"But this person came in and shattered my heart. Didn't I give you a chance? I did!" Chen Song's gray eyes turned crimson, like a withering red maple leaf in autumn. Transparent, full tears rolled down his cheeks as he choked out a sob. "I picked up every piece and put it back together, but it's broken. No matter how I put it together, it just bleeds. What can't be returned to, can't be returned to."
"Don't..." Gu Xingjue took a step forward, his frustrated fingertips wanting to touch the shattered porcelain. "Chen Song...it's okay, you can go back. I'll change. I'll change everything. I won't ignore your messages anymore. I won't let you spend the long nights alone anymore. I'll be with you. I'll take you wherever I go."
"Don't be so childish," Chen Song blinked, wiped away his tears, and suppressed his overflowing emotions. His expression returned to a calm state. "You said it. Why can you start it when you want to start, end it when you want to end, and reconcile when you want to reconcile? I'm going to give it back to you."
"I was wrong, Chen Song...I'm sorry"
"Enough! You're always quibbling! Get out!" Chen Song clenched his hands and growled, "Don't you understand what I'm saying? I told you to get out of my world, understand? Get out! All of you, get out!"
Chen Song's furious roar frightened Gu Xingjue. He froze, unable to move his feet. His hands, trying to reach out to Chen Song, were stopped by the wind. The meek and gentle Chen Song he had always remembered seemed like a cold, banished immortal. Gu Xingjue cynically dragged him down from his pedestal, plunging him into the mud.
He smashed this fragile piece of white porcelain with his own hands, and the flying fragments penetrated Gu Xingjue's body, which he thought was indestructible.
When he came to his senses, he found that he was already riddled with wounds and bleeding.
"Okay, I'm leaving. Don't be angry. I'm leaving, and you have to take care of yourself." Gu Xingjue said in a hoarse voice, his voice broken by the wind. "Don't eat cold food, don't eat raw, cold, irritating food. It's cold here in the winter, too. You...you have to wear more clothes, don't catch a cold. The wound on your face...take care of yourself, okay?"
The injuries on Chen Song's face weren't serious, just a slight scrape on his cheek and mostly invisible bruises on his body. But he didn't feel any pain.
Gu Xingjue withdrew his hands and slowly let them fall on both sides. Soft moonlight flowed in his dark eyes, filled with deep attachment and reluctance.
Chen Song's tense nerves continued until Gu Xingjue disappeared into the night. He slumped down in the garden, propped up his suitcase, and sighed deeply. He adjusted his breathing, and his violent chest gradually calmed down.
Chen Song suddenly felt so bored, as if his birth into this world was a joke.
The love he had longed for, the love he had humbly begged for, all surged back after he was completely disheartened. He momentarily suspected that the neglect and humiliation he had felt were fake. But the hurt he had felt was real, genuine, and deeply etched in his bones.
He couldn't forget Yu Li poking him in the back and saying, "I really regret giving birth to you." He couldn't forget Chen Shengping's furious emptying of the house, beating and scolding him, and demanding to know where he'd hidden Yu Li's money. He couldn't forget Yu Li pushing Chen Shengping down the stairs, Chen Shengping glaring at him with slitted eyes. He couldn't forget Gu Xingjue's sudden disappearance over the past three years, the deception that even his name was a fabrication, and the humiliation of the last night he stayed on the phone.
What he can't forget the most is that he was born into this world of billions of people, and no one loved him.
There were so many of them that whenever he recalled them, his whole body would be filled with excruciating pain.
He could not forgive Chen Shengping, could not forgive Yu Li, could not forgive Gu Xingjue, and could not forgive this world.
However, what he could not forgive the most was that he was born into this world with only endless pain and torture.
Chen Song got up from the ground, his uncontrollable tears blocking his vision. He pulled his suitcase and walked in the dark night. He walked to the place where the online car-hailing service was located and waited for a long time, but no car came.
Chen Song turned on his phone and discovered the driver had called him multiple times, something he hadn't heard. The debt collectors were coming to his house, but he ignored them. The platform sent Chen Song a text message, saying the driver had canceled the order.
It was now half past ten in the evening, and he couldn't leave tonight. Chen Song was also very tired and couldn't move anymore. He didn't have the mood or energy to go to the hospital anymore.
He sent a message to the section chief to apologize and say he would go back tomorrow. The section chief didn't reply, so Chen Song turned off his phone and walked home.
Chen Song walked through the ruins like a zombie and went upstairs. His heart was pounding, and he was sure he wouldn't be able to sleep under such circumstances.
But he was so tired, it would be great if he could just fall asleep and never wake up again.
In the darkness, Chen Song tossed and turned in bed, unable to sleep. The suppressed emotions were raging inside him. Chen Song turned on the small lamp by the bed, picked up the sleeping pills on the bedside table, opened the bottle cap and poured the medicine into his hand.
"Not enough, not enough, not enough." He muttered to himself, pouring medicine like a madman. Before he knew it, the bottle was empty. After shaking it a few times, he couldn't pour out any medicine. Chen Song threw the bottle away, and it smashed into the messy ruins with a dull thud.
Chen Song stuffed all the pills into his mouth, swallowed them a few times, and the pills got stuck in his throat, causing him to cough violently. His face suddenly turned purple and red, and a lot of pills were coughed out. Chen Song frantically reached out to pick them up, stuffing them into his mouth one by one, and covering his mouth tightly.
Chen Song couldn't swallow it and choked to tears. He reached out to grab the water on the table, but lost his balance and rolled off the bed. Something poked his back and he coughed violently in pain, and the medicine in his mouth sprayed out again.
Chen Song was shaking all over, sobbing and turning over. He lay on the ground and tried to pick up medicine with the help of the dim light. His vision was blurred and tears as big as beans fell to the ground.
Chen Song searched for a long time but couldn't find a single pill. His palms were numb and sweaty, so he took out a new bottle from the bedside table and swallowed it all with water. The pills he choked on and the water that spilled down his neck soaked his clothes.
Chen Song lay exhausted on the ground, with a stinging sensation in his throat as if a knife had scratched him, and every breath hurt his heart and lungs.
After an unknown amount of time, his stomach churned and churned as if on fire, like a giant pair of tongs gripping it, squeezing it repeatedly. Gastric juices flowed back up, hitting his throat. Chen Song pushed himself up and tried to run to the bathroom, but it was too late. He retched repeatedly. He hadn't eaten anything at all, and despite several attempts, he couldn't vomit.
To prevent himself from vomiting the medicine, Chen Song poured ice-cold water into his stomach and struggled with the fire tongs. His consciousness gradually blurred, and suddenly the sound of raindrops rang in his ears. The heat was so oppressive that it felt like he was back in early summer that year.
In the gloomy memory, someone hugged him and said gently: "You have a home, let's go back together."
"Please stop crying, it makes me...uncomfortable."
Finally, I can finally get a good night's sleep.
——
The fireworks on the first night of the New Year still filled the sky. Gu Xingjue sat in the car, holding a cigarette outside the window. The smoke floated in the wind. He took a deep breath and slowly exhaled.
Listening to the man's voice on the phone: "Are you saying that he is very resistant to you now and doesn't even want to see you?"
Gu Xingjue didn't say anything, but lowered his eyes to look at the ring on his hand.
"Didn't I ask you to find help? Didn't you find any during the New Year's Eve dinner? That shouldn't be the case, Young Master Gu is so rich."
Gu Xingjue said, "Yun Jingsheng is also there."
The man on the phone chuckled. "So ridiculous? You can even run into this. It's more interesting than the movies I acted in. I'm really at a loss for words. They've already met their parents. You better part ways amicably."
"Shen Qinglin," Gu Xingjue took a deep drag on his cigarette, the smoke escaping as he spoke, "Just teach me how to pursue someone. I really lost to him. He said I don't love him. How can I make him believe it?"
"No one wants to see you anymore, big brother." Shen Qinglin sneered, "You really want to be the third party who interferes with other people's affairs. You are the most dissolute young master in Beijing, and now you have come to this day."
Gu Xingjue reached out the window and lit the ash: "I told you to talk, why are you talking so much nonsense."
"Shouldn't you ask Xie Yanchen this question? He's so good at playing tricks. How can I compare to his methods?"
Gu Xingjue said, "You also know he's just playing around. I'm serious about dating. I haven't done it, and he's not serious either. Only you have."
Shen Qinglin smiled: "Okay. Chasing someone depends on two things: money and emotional value. If both are in place, you can get twice the result with half the effort. Buy him whatever he likes, take him on sweet trips. Say sweet words to him, and give him little surprises every day. Even though we are all rough men, we still need some fun."
"Have you ever heard the saying that a beautiful love begins with a bouquet of flowers and a confession? Even a man would be happy to receive flowers. This kind of thing can only be understood, not expressed in words. There's no point in saying more. You have to figure it out on your own."
"Brother Lin, your coffee..." Shen Qinglin's voice was interrupted by a clear male voice.
"Hiss..." There was a sound of something breaking from the other end of the phone, and then Shen Qinglin laughed softly, "He Jingshan, are you here for revenge? I'm very angry, what should I do?"
"Or else, you can lick it clean for me."
Gu Xingjue: “…”
Gu Xingjue hung up the phone, put out his cigarette, started the car and drove to a nearby town, only to find that all the shops were closed.
Gu Xingjue then realized that it was already past two in the morning on the first night of the Lunar New Year, which was the second day of the Lunar New Year. How could he buy a little surprise for Chen Song?
Gu Xingjue smiled bitterly, thinking that he was so crazy that he had lost his mind. He searched through his fragmented memories to find out what Chen Song liked, and he found out that Chen Song actually liked a certain type of cake.
When Gu Xingjue came home, Chen Song would always buy him a piece of Black Forest cake. He would always scoop a spoonful and feed it to Gu Xingjue, but Gu Xingjue always refused, saying that he didn't like desserts.
Chen Song said, "This isn't sweet. Try it."
Gu Xingjue still shook his head and fed Chen Song with a spoon: "Cake is for children. Eat more, little Chen Song."
Gu Xingjue refused every time, but Chen Song would still give him the first bite next time.
Gu Xingjue asked him, "Why do you always eat cake?"
"Because I'm happy." Chen Song looked at him with his gray eyes.
Gu Xing made up his mind, fed the cake into his mouth, kissed his lips, and grabbed the cream in his mouth. It was exactly as Chen Song said, not sweet, but slightly bitter. After the bitterness, the sweetness slowly lingered back.
These were the moments that Gu Xingjue ignored. He opened the memo on his phone and wrote:
What Chen Song does when he is happy:
1. Eat Black Forest Cake.
Gu Xingjue searched the town in vain, drove back to the parking lot next to Chen Song's house, got out of the car and walked towards Chen Song's house.
The only house without any lights on had its lights on at this time, and the door was ajar. Through the gap, one could see the mess inside the house. Gu Xing's determination tightened, and he quickly ran forward, climbed the stairs and pushed open the door. The clothes hangers in the house fell to the ground, the shoes on the shoe rack were lying on the ground, and the dishes in the kitchen were broken all over the floor. The scene was once in chaos.
Amidst the ruins, Gu Xingjue spotted a large black suitcase standing at the foot of the stairs. This was the same suitcase Chen Song had just brought out. Gu Xingjue felt increasingly uneasy, as Chen Song's shoes were not at the foot of the stairs.
Gu Xingjue tried to shout a few times: "Chen Song! Where are you?! Are you home?"
No one responded.
The cement stairs were also littered with all sorts of things, leaving no place to step. Gu Xingjue didn't care and ran upstairs anxiously.
"Chen Song?" The front door on the second floor was still open, and a faint light shone from inside. Gu Xingjue's heart began to beat violently, and a huge sense of uneasiness enveloped him like an abyss, causing cold sweat to form on his body.
Gu Xingjue pushed the door open and walked in. He looked around and saw Chen Song lying on the ground on his left.
"Chen Song!"
Gu Xingjue knelt beside Chen Song and held him in his arms, touching his face, which was covered in cold sweat and burning hot. Chen Song was holding a bottle in his hand, and Gu Xingjue took it from him in the light. The empty bottle of sleeping pills shocked him.
The abyss of fear swallowed Gu Xingjue in an instant. His panicked heart suddenly dropped and his limbs lost strength for a moment.
Crazy, really crazy!
"Chen Song!" Gu Xingjue hugged Chen Song in grief and ran out of the house as fast as he could...
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