Chapter 89 Someone like you shows up unexpectedly in the middle of the night...
The sudden doorbell and the familiar knock on the door in the middle of the night awakened Chen Song's deepest memories. He got out of bed almost instinctively and walked towards the door.
Chen Song placed his hand on the doorknob. Open this door and he'd see that person. Should he open it and continue, or cut it off here? This door opened onto the past and also led to the future.
The doorbell was still ringing, and his thoughts were still going on, but his hand had already opened the door.
The wind in the corridor blew gently, carrying the lingering fragrance of fallen osmanthus mixed with the warm woody fragrance of Gu Xingjue's body and slowly slipped into the tip of the nose.
"Surprise~"
Gu Xingjue shook the transparent square cake gift box in his hand, which contained an exquisite and precious Black Forest cake.
Chen Song stared at the cake for a while, then looked up at Gu Xingjue without saying a word, but his eyes were enough to convey his meaning.
This is to drive him away.
"It's my birthday today," Gu Xingjue said with a smile, "Can you have some cake with me?"
Chen Song paused, lowered his eyes to glance at the cake, then looked up at him again. He pinched the corner of his clothes and then let go, saying slowly, "It's not raining outside tonight, and you're not drunk, and neither am I. We're both sober, so let's not do this anymore."
"You don't celebrate your birthday anymore, so there's no need to change. That way you wouldn't be yourself anymore."
"I've thought about it," Gu Xingjue said, taking a step forward and closing the distance between them. "From now on, I'll celebrate every holiday, and I'll celebrate them with you. I used to live a life that wasn't quite human, and I didn't have any concept of celebrating holidays. The only thing I knew about was Chinese New Year, but I didn't actually celebrate it before. I started celebrating it with you the year I met you."
“Every day worth celebrating, I want to be with you.”
"Gu Xingjue," Chen Song said with a frown, "You can eat the cake alone. If you really want company, you can go find someone else. Why do you have to hang yourself on this crooked tree of mine?"
Gu Xingjue chuckled softly, and Chen Song looked at him with some confusion.
"What are you laughing at?"
Gu Xingjue put the cake on the ground, raised his hand to stroke his cheek, and put away some of his smile, becoming more serious: "Who said you are a crooked tree? You are the most special person in this world, and no one else can replace you. I am not looking for anyone else, I am only looking for you."
When the thick calluses on Gu Xingjue's fingertips brushed against his cheek, it felt a little itchy. Gu Xingjue's palm was large, conveying his warm body temperature. The hand he touched himself was not the one that had been injured.
Chen Song lowered his eyes to look at Gu Xingjue's other hanging hand. The light was dim and he couldn't see the scar on the palm clearly.
"I still... haven't thought about it yet." Chen Song's voice was very soft.
Chen Song felt the thumb on his cheek pause, and then Gu Xingjue took it back. Chen Song saw out of the corner of his eye that the hand moved away and finally fell to his side.
Gu Xingjue took a step back, and just when Chen Song thought he was about to leave, Gu Xingjue sat down cross-legged on the ground.
"Okay, then I'll sit here and eat it by myself. You go back to sleep, and I'll leave after I finish my cake."
Chen Song: “…”
"You are a scoundrel, Gu Xingjue."
Gu Xingjue didn't look up at him, but kept facing him with his fluffy head.
Chen Song once again thought of Gu Xingjue as a giant, furry dog. Like a pug, he lay at the doorway, happily bringing a bone he had picked up from the wild, intending to share it with his master. But his master refused, saying it was dirty and told him to throw it away.
But it thought this bone was very good and it had prepared it carefully, so it had to squat at the door in disappointment and solve the problem by itself.
Gu Xingjue brought the cake box to his legs and began to untie the black ribbon tied to the outer wall. Then he heard the door slam shut. He was left with only a tightly closed door, the cramped space making him feel a little oppressive.
Gu Xingjue paused as he was untying the ribbon and smiled helplessly.
Gu Xingjue sighed and continued to sit on the floor to untie the ribbon. The narrow corridor was so quiet that the only sounds he could hear were his own still breathing and the rustling of the ribbon.
Gu Xingjue had just returned from a business trip to Country F tonight. He'd booked a flight back to Vancouver, and as soon as he landed, he went to pick up the cake he'd ordered and went to see Chen Song. He was a bit pressed for time, and fearing he'd miss it, he ran when he could have walked.
It was around eleven forty, and he'd made it in time, but she just didn't want to celebrate with him. He'd been looking forward to celebrating his birthday with Chen Song, just having a cake. Even though he was exhausted from the long business trip, he couldn't sleep on the plane because of the anticipation.
Gu Xingjue had never celebrated his birthday because he didn't think his birth was worth celebrating. No one in the world remembered it either. No, there were two people who did remember it.
One is Ye Ai and the other is Chen Song.
The first time Gu Xingjue heard about "birthday" was from Yun Che.
Yun Che declined the invitation to play football after school, saying that he wanted to celebrate his brother's birthday.
Only then did he realize that the day a person is born is called a birthday, and that the celebrations on this day of each month are called birthdays. He was dismissive of Yun Che's plan to celebrate Yun Jingsheng's birthday, thinking it was nothing important. He was even scolded by Yun Che for this.
He didn't understand until Ye Ai showed up when he was seven. Ye Ai had put a lot of effort into coaxing him, preparing a grand birthday party for him. Gu Xingjue was a little overwhelmed, but also very happy. It turned out that celebrating a birthday was such a happy thing.
Later, he saw through Ye Ai's disguise and realized that all sincerity was fake, and love was also fake.
So he didn't celebrate his birthday anymore and missed the birthday party Chen Song prepared for him.
Gu Xingjue's eyes felt a little sore and his vision was blurred by tears. He stopped untying the ribbon and held his breath to hold back the tears. The tears obediently retreated, but the next moment the tightly closed door suddenly opened and a pair of white legs appeared in his peripheral vision.
A soft sigh fell from overhead.
Gu Xingjue looked up at Chen Song, and the tears he had held back came out again.
The strands of hair on Gu Xingjue's forehead were wet with sweat, and his eyes were red with tears that were about to fall.
Chen Song's eyes moved slightly, as if a net was slowly tightening around his heart. The net was squeezing against his heart, making it difficult for him to breathe.
"Come in."
Gu Xingjue's gloomy and lost eyes suddenly brightened up, and he stood up holding the cake.
Chen Song saw the tears sliding down the corners of his eyes, turned around, led him in, and brought him a pair of slippers.
Chen Song turned on the light and sat on the sofa to wait for him. Gu Xingjue quickly changed his shoes, walked to the sofa with the cake, sat down, and placed the cake on the small coffee table.
Gu Xingjue continued to untie the ribbon, picked up the transparent frame and placed it on the ground, then inserted a candle.
Gu Xingjue suddenly laughed. Chen Song looked at him and thought he looked silly. He asked, "Why are you laughing so suddenly?"
Gu Xingjue shook his head and said it was nothing. He just remembered that Chen Song had celebrated his birthday here last time. Lu Yuan sent him a video of Chen Song making a wish. Chen Song in the video looked very good and happy, so he smiled.
"When did you become so fond of crying?" Chen Song looked at the candles on the cake and said lightly, "You cry at the slightest provocation, even more than a woman."
Just when Chen Song thought Gu Xingjue would angrily refute him, Gu Xingjue smiled calmly and did not refute:
"I don't know either. I always feel like I owe you too much. I regret letting you down so much. I'm thinking about how to make it up to my little friend so that he can slowly be happy."
"Later I realized that love is like always feeling indebted, it's never enough, and no matter how you compensate, it's never enough."
Chen Song counted the candles on the cake: "Why is there one more?"
"Really?" Gu Xingjue counted them again, "That's right, 25."
"Isn't he 24 years old?" Chen Song asked.
"Hmm?" Gu Xingjue was a little disappointed. "So you can get my age wrong."
Chen Song frowned: "I can't remember it wrong, unless what you told me is wrong."
"I didn't. I was right. Two thousand years, October 26th."
"Then why is it 25? Isn't it 24?"
Gu Xingjue smiled, understanding what was going on: "25 in lunar years, 24 in actual years."
"I was wondering why you are one year older than me."
"Hey, isn't a year in the belly a year? What's the matter?" Gu Xingjue couldn't help but pinch his earlobe. "It seems that you are not convinced that I am older than you. You want to be the big brother."
Chen Song pushed his hand away: "I am older than you, it's a fact."
"Okay, okay, you're older than me. Four months older is still older. You're my big brother, so you have to protect me from now on."
Gu Xingjue took out a lighter to light the candle, and Chen Song got up to turn off the light.
Gu Xingjue waited for Chen Song to sit back next to him, then put his hands together and said, "Are you ready? I'm going to make a wish."
"Just be ready. It's you who makes the wish, not me."
Gu Xingjue smiled and closed his eyes:
"My first wish is that my Chen Song will be safe and live a long life."
"My second wish is that my Chen Song will be happy."
"My third wish is that my Chen Song will bravely love this world again."
Gu Xingjue opened his eyes and blew out the candle. The room fell into darkness again, with only the faint moonlight coming in from the window.
"I'll go turn on the light." said Gu Xingjue.
When he was about to stand up, Chen Song stopped him.
"What's wrong?"
"Make a new promise."
"Why?"
"This is your wish, don't make it about me. It's not too late to make it again now, God hasn't heard it yet. Wishes you make out loud won't come true, you have to think about it silently in your heart." This is what Lu Yuan taught him last time on his birthday.
Gu Xingjue smiled. The night was dark, but his eyes were filled with extremely bright moonlight.
"This is the wish I made to my future self. It doesn't matter whether God hears it or not. As long as my future self hears it, that's all that matters. I will protect you and never let you get hurt again. I will love you well, give you all my love, and make you happy. I will help you regain the courage to love again."
"Tell me, how can you be happy, someone like you."
"What kind of person are you? Do you think you're terrible? But do you know that you're the best person in the world to me? You're a very good friend to Lu Yuan, and a very well-behaved, sensible, and lovable child to Aunt Tang and Uncle Lu. You're also a very good student to Yun... to your teacher. During your part-time job, your meals warmed the stomachs of your customers. At work, you're a very responsible doctor to your patients, and a very caring senior to your subordinates."
"You are gentle, resilient, brave, kind, independent, strong, responsible, and accountable. Why can't you be happy? Everyone can be happy, so why can't you?"
"God is fair. Some things lost will always come back in another form."
"People say that souls have already read the script before coming to this world. You are willing to come because you must have seen something beautiful. That beauty is worth your willingness to endure all the suffering."
"So now, you can't completely forget all the good things just because of the dark times and bad things that happened to you in the past."
"What kind of person are you? Are you starting to redefine yourself now?"
Chen Song was stunned. Gu Xingjue's words were like warm spring water flowing into his heart, and all the dry land was reborn. There was too much sweet spring water, and his small heart could no longer contain it. The spring water overflowed, flowing to every corner of Chen Song's body, and his eyes were moist.
Fortunately, the lights were not on, so Gu Xingjue couldn't see it.
"Is it really possible? But I don't even dare to think so in my dreams." Chen Song lowered his eyes, trying to hold back his tears.
Chen Shengping's death from being beaten and scolded, Yu Li's regret for giving birth to him, An Desheng's frame-up, Gu Mo's empty fantasy, the kiss between Gu Xingjue and Cheng Song, the phone call on Christmas...
Even though Chen Shengping apologized, Yu Li apologized, and Gu Xingjue apologized, he couldn't let it go. He couldn't get over it, and the dark pain was like a thorn planted in his body.
Two forces were always pulling at each other in his body, and he didn't know which side to choose...
Why he could enlighten so many patients, he himself couldn't figure it out.
"Gu Xingjue, am I sick? Why can't I understand such a simple truth? Why am I always stuck in the past? People should live in the future."
Gu Xingjue still saw Chen Song's tears, so he hugged him and wiped his tears: "No, you are not sick. You are just scared. Once bitten by a snake, you will be afraid of ropes for ten years."
"But dear, it doesn't matter. I will use ten years, twenty years, even my whole life to prove it to you."
"I will be happy, definitely, definitely."
Later, Gu Xingjue had many moments of regret. He regretted why he didn't pay attention to Chen Song's inner distress signal at that moment. He also wondered if it was really bad to speak out his wish, which made him fail to protect Chen Song...
"Let's eat cake. Eating cake will make you feel better." Gu Xingjue cut a piece of cake for him and fed him.
"The first piece of cake is for myself," said Chen Song.
"Okay." Gu Xingjue cut him another piece and fed him.
Chen Song took the spoon and wanted to eat it himself.
Gu Xingjue smiled and let him do as he pleased. He picked up his piece of cake and ate it with Chen Song.
He wanted to celebrate his birthday with Chen Song for another reason. He knew that missing the birthday dinner that Chen Song had carefully prepared for him was a knot in Chen Song's heart.
Every year on this day, Chen Song would recall the pain of the past. Gu Xingjue would use new memories to cover up the pain. Every year on this day, he would eat cake with Chen Song.
In this way, all the bad memories will slowly be replaced.
"By the way, you said you wanted to get a dog. What breed do you want?"
The dense cream melted in his mouth. Chen Song pursed his lips and said, "Golden Hair."
"Large dogs? I thought you liked puppies."
“Large dogs provide a sense of security.”
Gu Xingjue smiled and said, "Am I big enough? I'm over 1.9 meters tall. Do you feel safe?"
"Please support me, okay?"
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