Chapter 98 I Will Stay With You No Matter How Long It Takes Chen Song lowered his eyes,...
Chen Song lowered his eyes, his gaze settling on the porridge in the white ceramic bowl. The soft, glutinous rice, soaked in a rich tapestry of minced meat and preserved eggs, shimmered with golden hues, emanated steam, and exuded a warm aroma.
Hunger suddenly struck. Chen Song swallowed and tried to raise his arms, but they felt like they were strapped with forty or fifty kilograms of sandbags. The muscles beneath his thin skin had atrophied, leaving only a skeleton.
Just like his usual training, he tried his best to coordinate his breathing and raised his arm tremblingly. After finally putting it on the small table, he breathed a sigh of relief and slowed down his breathing.
Gu Xingjue also breathed a sigh of relief. He was actually even more nervous than Chen Song, with a thin layer of sweat on his forehead. He smiled and said, "Our little Songbao is really amazing. Great."
Although Chen Song ignored him, his frown gradually relaxed.
Everyone loves to hear compliments, and Chen Song is no exception. He's lived for over twenty years and has rarely heard any compliments. So when someone praises him or gives him affirmation, he's always at a loss for how to respond and can't accept it.
Until there was such a person in his life who accompanied him, affirmed him, praised him, and could not be driven away no matter how hard he tried. Even if he became tattered, he would not abandon him. So, unknowingly, he began to calm down quietly.
Gu Xingjue's comfort and encouragement could often soothe his soul and make him happy. A surge of energy could even slowly emerge in his body, and this energy seemed to be called... courage.
Did he have the courage to face the world and life again? Chen Song didn't have a clear answer in his mind.
"Take your time, you will be able to do it. I will always be with you, don't worry." Gu Xingjue said.
Chen Song slowed down, took a deep breath, moved his wrists and twisted his joints like a caterpillar crawling on the table. After approaching the bowl, he moved his elbows outward and supported himself on the table, using the force to raise his hand to touch the spoon in the bowl. After completing this big movement, he breathed a sigh of relief, and then he bent his five fingers slowly and forcefully, like a butterfly slowly closing its wings, and finally grasped the spoon.
Chen Song was sweating profusely, staring intently at the bowl. He strained, but his five fingers refused to obey, like a broken mechanism. His frown deepened, but he quickly found another solution. He twisted his wrist, and the spoon moved slightly. This worked, and Chen Song twisted his wrist more vigorously and scooped a small spoonful of porridge. Although he didn't get the minced meat or preserved egg, he was already satisfied.
Chen Song took a deep breath, clenched his teeth, and supported himself with his elbows on the table to lift his arms. However, the spoon brushed past his fingers and lay intact on the edge of the bowl, with his bent fingers still in the same position as before.
Chen Song paused, and some annoyance began to emerge in his heart, but he did not show it. He patiently grasped the spoon again, gathering strength to pick it up again. This time he was much more cautious than the first time, and the spoon was successfully lifted into the air. Just after moving a short distance, the spoon slid out like a snake and hit the edge of the bowl with a crisp sound.
Chen Song took a deep breath impatiently. Gu Xingjue became even more nervous. He leaned forward a little closer to Chen Song and wiped his sweat with a tissue: "Do you want to rest for a while? You're already very impressive, aren't you?"
Chen Song put his hand down again without caring about anything and held the spoon tightly, even if there was only a little soup stain on it, Chen Song didn't care. The harder he tried and the more anxious he was, the worse the balance of his arm became. His forearm began to tremble, and the last bit of soup was thrown out. When the spoon was about to reach his mouth, it slipped again, hit the table, and then bounced off the table, and the soup was scattered on the ground.
Chen Song pounded the table in anger. He wanted to overturn it, but he couldn't do it at all. He couldn't even curse, so he could only suppress his anger in his heart.
Gu Xingjue took his hand and checked it over. After confirming that he hadn't hit anything, he held him in his arms, stroked his back, and said, "You've done a great job today, baby. Let's take a break, okay? You'll definitely do better next time. You're already better than last time, right? It's definitely going to get better. Don't worry, I'm here with you, okay?"
"Don't be angry, don't be angry, dear baby, don't be angry." Gu Xingjue touched Chen Song's well-defined back again and again, coaxing him softly. After the person in his arms gradually calmed down, he took another spoon, put it around Chen Song's back, hugged him, put the spoon in his hand, and helped him hold it again.
Chen Song's hand was wrapped by Gu Xingjue's big hand. When the back of his hand touched the wound on the palm, Chen Song's whole body stiffened and his heart trembled. The scene of Gu Xingjue catching the knife with his bare hands flashed through his mind, with blood flowing down.
Chen Song lowered his eyes and looked at Gu Xingjue holding his hand, slowly scraping the top layer of white porridge, and putting the delicious minced meat and tender preserved eggs into the spoon.
The scar on Gu Xingjue's palm was still clearly visible. Chen Song's eyes suddenly became moist. He blinked and looked away, but he saw Gu Xingjue's wound again.
Gu Xingjue held the bowl in his left hand, but his ring finger and little finger were sticking out separately, as if they could not be closed. There were centipede scars at the base. Chen Song felt a little depressed, wondering when he had been injured.
Why is this man covered in wounds? Ever since Gu Xingjue was picked up on New Year's Eve, he has been constantly injured, always with new wounds before the old ones heal.
Chen Song opened his mouth and wanted to ask, but no sound came out.
Gu Xingjue scooped a spoonful of porridge and handed it to Chen Song's mouth: "Blow it. Don't burn your mouth."
Chen Song retracted his gaze and looked at the porridge in front of him. He puffed his lips and blew on it gently. When he opened his mouth to eat, the spoon was moved away again and moved to Gu Xingjue's mouth. Gu Xingjue touched it with his lips to test the temperature. After finding it was fine, he handed it back to Chen Song's mouth.
"Eat it."
Chen Song: “…”
Ever since Chen Song woke up, Gu Xingjue has taken such meticulous care of him that he was afraid that he would melt if he held him in his mouth, or break him if he held him in his hands.
Chen Song felt that it was really...a bit exaggerated.
Seeing that Chen Song didn't move, Gu Xingjue felt a chill in his heart. He said with a hint of grievance, "Do you dislike me? ... Then I'll get you a new spoon."
Chen Song heard Gu Xingjue's tone, which sounded like he was about to cry again. He felt inexplicably nervous, sighed, opened his mouth and drank the porridge quietly.
Gu Xingjue has become much thinner and more haggard, but the fact that he always cries has not changed at all.
Over half a month later, with Gu Xingjue's patient guidance, Chen Song's hand had improved considerably, and he could already hold a spoon and eat on his own. It was still a bit laborious and time-consuming, and he still couldn't use chopsticks, but being able to use a spoon was already a huge improvement. Chen Song felt genuinely happy as Gu Xingjue praised him.
Gu Xingjue also bought him a large cake as a reward. It was a combination of six small cakes of different flavors. Because Chen Song's digestion was still not good, Gu Xingjue only allowed him to take a bite of each cake.
After the hand exercises progressed smoothly, the doctor added leg rehabilitation training for Chen Song. This was much more difficult than Chen Song had imagined, like climbing over a mountain and expecting a beautiful plain or a vast ocean beyond, only to find a taller, more majestic peak looming before him.
After a week of leg training, Chen Song's legs had no feeling at all. The negative emotions that had been pent up in Chen Song's heart surged up again. Gu Xingjue's comforting words were of no use, and he began to passively rehabilitate again.
The brief and bright spring of Country Y passed, and it was rainy again. Chen Song turned his back to Gu Xingjue, looking at the rain outside the window, and suddenly remembered what Zhou Shudie had said to him -
"You don't understand what it feels like to lose your legs and not be able to walk anymore."
Now he could understand and empathize with Zhou Shudie's despair and helplessness.
Gu Xingjue was afraid to see Chen Song's back. Chen Song used his back to leave him, to reject him, to escape him, to resist everything. He had no way to deal with Chen Song like this, but he had to be helpless. If even he gave up, who would be there to help Chen Song out?
"I'm just too tired these past few days. Get some rest and sleep, and you'll be back to full strength tomorrow. It's okay, I'll always be with you. No one will rush you, and I'll be with you no matter how long it takes. Let's welcome that day together."
Chen Song had heard these words so many times that he no longer felt anything, or even felt numb. He closed his eyes, listened to the sound of rain, and slowly calmed down. Perhaps, as Gu Xingjue said, he was just too tired. He felt a little sleepy and fell asleep.
There were bursts of thunder in the middle of the night, startling Chen Song awake. Chen Song subconsciously looked at the chair beside the bed, but there was no one there. He glanced sideways at the bed next to him, where the quilt was neatly folded on the side, but there was still no one there.
To take care of him, Gu Xingjue was practically inseparable, even sleeping in the bed next to Chen Song. Whenever Chen Song opened his eyes, he could see Gu Xingjue. Gu Xingjue usually sat in a chair, occasionally sleeping in the bed. And whenever Chen Song opened his eyes, Gu Xingjue would wake up and ask him what was wrong, whether he wanted a drink of water or to go to the bathroom.
Thunder roared outside the window, but Chen Song didn't feel scared. He wasn't afraid of thunder. He had been afraid of it as a child, but he had grown out of it. But a small fear still lingered in his heart, stemming from Gu Xingjue's disappearance.
Chen Song took a deep breath, wanting to go to the bathroom, so he slowly lifted his upper body. After more than a month of training, he had gradually gained control of his upper body. Chen Song sat up, threw back the covers, and slid his legs to the edge of the bed, letting his bare feet dangle onto the cold floor.
He took a deep breath and used the dim light from the bedside to see his two skinny feet. He supported himself on the edge of the bed with his hands to stand up. As soon as his hands released the edge of the bed, he fell to the ground suddenly. A loud thunder covered the sound of his fall.
Chen Song fell to the ground and struggled to get up again. However, no matter how many times he tried, no matter how much effort he put in, he couldn't stand up. Chen Song's breathing became more and more rapid. He clenched his thigh tightly, but he felt no pain at all. He let go of his thigh, pounded his fist hard on the floor, gnashing his teeth and tearing his vocal cords. Finally, a low, hoarse groan came out, but he still couldn't speak.
After venting his anger several times, his emotions gradually calmed down. He twisted his upper body and crawled, dragging his abandoned legs towards the toilet with difficulty. Just as he touched the toilet door, he felt a warm and sticky current coming out of his body. His whole body stiffened and he closed his eyes in despair.
Even after nearly two months, he still couldn't control his excretion properly. Aside from the first day he woke up, Gu Xingjue had always been by his side, taking good care of him. Whenever he needed to go to the bathroom, he only needed to give Gu Xingjue a look, and he would carry him there.
Until today, when Gu Xingjue suddenly disappeared, this situation happened again. Gu Xingjue's careful care made Chen Song think that he could control it, and he self-righteously believed that he had gotten much better, but reality slapped him in the face and made him wake up.
He couldn't stand or defecate on his own. Without Gu Xingjue, he was a useless person who could do nothing.
Why? Why? Why should he be deprived of his right to take care of himself? Did he do anything wrong?
He clearly didn't do anything bad, so why should he be punished like this?
In the dim ward, the warm current stopped and gradually cooled down. Chen Song gave up struggling and fell to the ground. He looked at the ceiling and thought carefully about why he came back.
What is the meaning of life? To go through all this pain?
He knew that most people in this world were miserable. He had thought that as long as they had money, they wouldn't have so many troubles, and Yu Li wouldn't run away with another man. They might even be a happy family.
It was not until he knew Gu Xingjue's life experience that he realized that even rich people are not necessarily happy.
So why do we continue to live despite all the pain? Wouldn't death be the end of everything?
It was as if all the pain had vanished during the days he slept.
Why do I have to come back and continue to endure the unknown pain?
The dark ceiling wrapped around him like a dense net, tightening tighter and tighter. He couldn't think straight and was caught up in these emotions again.
"Chen Song!"
Until a voice called him back. Ignoring the unpleasant smell and dirty excrement on his body, they picked him up, put him on the bed, opened his clothes, and anxiously checked his wounds.
"Can you show me where it hurts? Hmm?"
Chen Song looked at him quietly. When Gu Xingjue touched his wet and cold pants, his hands trembled and his eyes suddenly turned red. Tears as big as beans rolled down and fell on his pants.
"I'm sorry...it's my bad. I'm sorry. I'll help you clean up now."
Gu Xingjue started crying again, and Chen Song was upset. Gu Xingjue's pity for himself made Chen Song feel even more like a useless person, but he couldn't change it, so he took out his emotions on Gu Xingjue.
I want to question him, didn’t you say that I could see him as soon as I opened my eyes? Didn’t you say that I would always be by his side?
Where was that person just now? Liar! Liar!
But he couldn't speak, couldn't shout. The more his heart churned, the calmer his face became. This was Chen Song's masterful disguise.
This disguise lasted until the next day of recovery, when he completely exploded and tore off the disguise.
It was also on this day that Gu Xingjue heard the first words Chen Song said to him after waking up.
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