Chapter 104: Arriving at the Stars (Additional Update) [End of Text]
The cool autumn wind at night carries the sweet fragrance of osmanthus flowers far and wide.
"Give it to me, it's too heavy for you to carry." Gu Xingjue's hands were already full of gift boxes, but he still reached out to take the gift box from Chen Song's hand.
Chen Song walked forward: "It's not heavy."
When the two arrived at Lu Yuan's house, they were surrounded by a group of people and taken a seat. Ye Wenzhou and Dong Jingming had early shifts today and came over after work.
At first, the atmosphere was very solemn. One person was crying at the slightest provocation, and the other was crying at the slightest provocation. Everyone was so miserable that no one thought they could really wait for Chen Song to come back.
But they all knew that the one who suffered the most was Gu Xingjue. When everyone else had given up, Gu Xingjue persisted and took Chen Song to Country Y. The day they met him at the airport was just like the day they saw him off two years ago, with a group of people standing at the airport.
Chen Song could sense their suppressed emotions and poured himself a glass of wine. Chen Song had a bad stomach, but Gu Xingjue didn't stop him, just watched him quietly.
Chen Song picked up his glass and stood up to toast everyone: "I've made you worry all this time. I apologize to everyone today. I hope you will all be safe and sound from now on."
After Chen Song finished his speech, he drank it all in one gulp. Everyone applauded him and raised their glasses to toast him.
After the atmosphere eased, everyone chatted cheerfully, telling Chen Song about the interesting events of the past two years. Dong Jingming had gotten married, Ye Wenzhou had a child, and Lu Yuan had dated someone in the past year, but they broke up. However, his career luck was improving. He had taken over Lu Fenghai's company and, with Gu Xingjue's help, was expanding into the northern market. He'd taken time out of his busy schedule to come back for a meal, but he was leaving tomorrow...
After dinner, they drank a little more. Gu Xingjue wouldn't let Chen Song drink anything after his first glass. He said he hadn't recovered yet, and everyone was considering Chen Song's health and didn't let him drink. Chen Song wasn't a big drinker; he just wanted a few drinks today to cheer himself up, but everyone wouldn't let him, so he had to give up.
"It's half past eleven, I'll go back first. You guys take your time drinking, my wife and children are waiting for you at home." Ye Wenzhou said.
"Then I'll go back too. I have to go to work tomorrow." Dong Jingming also stood up.
The two said goodbye and left.
Gu Xingjue was still helping Tang Shihe clean up the kitchen while Lu Fenghai answered a call from a friend. Lu Yuan and Chen Song were standing on the balcony.
Lu Yuan drank quite a bit, and Chen Song looked at him and said, "You still can't put it down, what about you?"
The evening breeze sobered Lu Yuan up a lot: "You have time to care about me now? You and Gu Xingjue have reconciled."
Chen Song took the wine glass from his hand: "No."
Lu Yuan smiled: "You haven't reconciled yet? I'm really curious, why don't you reconcile with him?"
Chen Song was silent for a moment: "I seem to have lost my courage."
"What?"
"I don't have the courage to love."
Lu Yuan also fell silent. He lit a cigarette in the evening breeze and began to puff. "If this had happened before, I would have laughed at you and said I couldn't understand you. But you can only understand these things after you've experienced them yourself."
"But I really can't find a single thing to fault with the way Gu treated you these past few years. The night you had the accident, he was waiting for you at the door of your dorm. He said he brought you something delicious, but I can't quite remember. Everyone was in a daze that night. My mom kept blaming herself, wondering if she hadn't called you back, you wouldn't have gotten into trouble. For the past two years, he's been constantly going to temples to pray and repent. He doesn't even dare celebrate his birthday anymore."
"The only thing I remember about that night is that Gu Xingjue was covered in blood and rain, with the bones of his left hand's fingers exposed. Seeing it made me want to vomit, and scared me so much that I trembled." Lu Yuan said this and stopped to take a puff of his cigarette.
Chen Song's breathing slowed down.
"After you fell off the cliff, he drove to the mountain to look for you, following your phone's location. But when he arrived, he didn't see you or the car, and only then realized you had fallen. If Ye Wenzhou and Dong Jingming hadn't rushed over, he would have jumped." Lu Yuan laughed. "He's crazy to say he's going down like this to save you."
"Dong Jingming knew the way and said he'd take him there, so we stopped him. He ran very fast once he entered the woods and got separated from them. He ran and yelled, and his voice hurt. You should be able to tell he speaks differently now. When he found you, the car was upright. He flipped it over with too much force, and the raindrops slipped and hit the broken glass window."
Chen Song's knuckles turned white as he gripped the glass. The evening breeze that kept blowing into his mouth and nose made it difficult for him to breathe. His heart was trembling, and tears welled up in his eyes without him noticing when.
Lu Yuan looked at him and smiled: "Do you still like him?"
"Here's what, if it snows in Vancouver this year, you'll be brave again."
Chen Song's eyes moved slightly, and he looked up at the clear night sky, wondering whether to gamble his courage on this.
Vancouver doesn't snow year-round. I remember it only snowing twice: once when I was in elementary school, and once the night Gu Xingjue suffered hyperventilation. The probability of snow falling in Vancouver is very small.
While he was thinking, he heard a voice calling from behind: "Chen Song, go home."
Chen Song turned around and saw Gu Xingjue coming from the living room and putting a coat on him: "You've been exposed to the wind for so long, hurry home and take a hot bath."
"Um."
"Why are you crying?" Gu Xingjue wiped his tears and glanced at Lu Yuan, "What did you say?"
Lu Yuan put out his cigarette and pushed them into the bedroom. "We're talking about whether it will snow in Vancouver this year. Chen Song wants to see snow, but it's not so easy for him to get snow in Vancouver."
Gu Xingjue smiled and hugged him into the house: "It will come down, I said."
Lu Yuan snorted: "You said to go down, so go down. What are you doing?"
"It will rain," Gu Xingjue said, "He will see it, so don't cry."
——
Winter is coming very quickly this year, with the Chinese New Year arriving in January. It's the end of November now, and a cold front has already swept across the country.
Chen Song was waiting for snow, but the snow didn't come. Instead, Gu Xingjue caught a cold.
That day, Gu Xingjue took Chen Song to the hospital for a rehabilitation checkup. After returning, he slept all afternoon and didn't wake up until around 8 o'clock in the evening. When he woke up, the room was pitch black and there was no movement at all. It was very strange.
Normally, Gu Xingjue would have come to call him for dinner, and Chen Song would have stayed in bed until Gu Xingjue used his trump card: Chen Baisui would have jumped up and down and licked Chen Song to wake him up.
Now even Chen Baisui is missing. Chen Song turned on the light, got up and went downstairs to look for him, but there was no sign of them. Could they have gone out?
Suddenly, there was a sound of a door opening upstairs, and then Chen Baisui jumped out, biting his trouser leg and walking upstairs. Chen Song seemed to sense something, and his heart tightened as he ran upstairs quickly.
The room at the back of the second floor was where Yu Li lived when she was little. Yu Li and Chen Shengping slept in separate rooms very early on. Later, it was converted into a guest room by Chen Song. After they returned from abroad, Gu Xingjue has been living here ever since.
There was only a small light on at the head of the bed in the room. There was a body hunched over the bed. Chen Song called his name, but there was no response. He turned on the light and climbed onto the bed to check on Gu Xingjue, only then did he realize that he had a fever.
Gu Xingjue was sweating profusely, his clothes and sheets soaked through. Chen Song went to get a dry towel to wipe his body, his mind preoccupied with the fact that he had a fever. When he lifted his clothes, the scar on his back caught Chen Song's eye without warning.
Chen Song froze on the bed, his blood congealing as he swayed back a bit. His limp hands paused in mid-air, and Gu Xingjue's clothes slipped through his fingers. Chen Song lowered his eyes and blinked, trying to calm down. Gu Xingjue turned over uneasily, facing him, his expression painful, as if he was having a nightmare, muttering, "Don't leave, don't leave me... Chen Song..."
Chen Song saw his left hand that could not be closed and his right hand with a scar on the palm. His heart felt like it was trapped in a heavy deep sea, being squeezed and squeezed, feeling painful and suffocating.
"Gu Xingjue," Chen Song leaned over and touched his hair, coaxing him gently, just like how Gu Xingjue had coaxed him so many times before, "I'm not leaving. I'm here. Can I wipe you down? You have a high fever and you've been sweating a lot."
As soon as Chen Song withdrew the hand that was on his head, Gu Xingjue suddenly woke up, sat up and tried to get out of bed, shouting in fear: "Chen Song! Chen Song!"
Chen Song hugged him and said, "I'm here. I'm here. Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid."
Chen Baisui threw himself on the bed and cried out to him twice. Only then did Gu Xingjue come to his senses and hugged Chen Song tightly with tears in his eyes: "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't take good care of you. Don't go, don't leave me, you are all I have, you are all I have, why do you want to leave me too... How can I let you go... I really can't let you go, can you please not leave, please, please——"
"Can you please stop hating me..."
Gu Xingjue wept until his entire body trembled. The tears that remained burned Chen Song's neck and rolled into his heart, warming his parched heart like a spring. The flowers that Gu Xingjue had planted in his heart, which had withered, bloomed again.
Chen Song stroked his back, rubbing the uneven scar, and said softly, "I don't hate you."
"Liar..." Gu Xingjue cried very aggrievedly, "Liar, you are a liar! You said you would give it to my family, and then you ran away. I, I couldn't catch you back no matter how hard I tried. The first thing you said to me when you woke up was, get out."
"Get lost, get lost." Gu Xingjue let him go and held up three fingers with tearful eyes, as if complaining to him, "I said 'get lost' three times in total. You just..." He lowered his head and whispered, "You just hate me."
Chen Song paused. He was so emotionally broken that he forgot what he said. He only remembered that he was very fierce to Gu Xingjue. He didn't expect that he would cause such deep hurt to Gu Xingjue.
They have been quarreling for four years and entangled for seven years. Chen Song was in a trance for a moment, remembering the first time Gu Xingjue burst into tears in front of him. It was quite similar to his current look.
He only realized it now. He pushed Gu Xingjue away in every possible way, but Gu Xingjue didn't leave. The fact that Gu Xingjue didn't speak out his grievances didn't mean that his heart was made of steel. He would feel uncomfortable too, but he would just endure it. When he reached a critical point, he would explode.
"You still told me to find someone else," Gu Xingjue snorted, "I don't want anyone else! I don't want anyone else ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah——"
"Ahhh!" Chen Baisui rushed over to comfort him and licked away his tears.
Chen Song felt sad and uncomfortable: "You have a fever, why don't you lie down first? I'll wipe the sweat off your face, and then we can change clothes and talk about this."
"No, no, no, no." Gu Xingjue pushed his son away, holding Chen Song's hands, looking at him sincerely, tears streaming down his red eyes. "Why do you hate me? Tell me, okay? I'll change. As long as you say I'll change. Just don't let me go, okay?"
Chen Song wiped his tears: "Gu Xingjue, I don't hate you."
"Chen Song doesn't hate Gu Xingjue."
Gu Xingjue's eyes moved slightly and he sniffed: "Really?"
Chen Song smiled slightly and wiped his snot: "Really."
Gu Xingjue frowned and turned around, looking for something. Just as Chen Song was about to ask, he took out two tissues to wipe Chen Song's hands. "It's very dirty. Don't touch my snot, baby. You've made your white hands dirty, and you're such a clean person."
"It's not dirty. You are not dirty no matter what you do." Chen Song said.
Gu Xingjue doesn't even dislike his excrement, so how could he dislike Gu Xingjue?
Gu Xingjue carefully wiped all five of Chen Song's bony fingers clean, then held Chen Song's hand again and asked him, "Why don't you like me? Can you like me again? Can you love me again?"
Chen Song opened his mouth but no words came out, and he didn't have the courage to take the next step that was about to take.
Gu Xingjue's red eyes gradually dimmed, and he put down Chen Song's hands in disappointment, then let go.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have forced you. Yes, I was confused because of the fever." Gu Xingjue wiped his tears to make himself look less embarrassed.
"I. I'll wipe it myself. You go back to sleep. I'll take my medicine myself. I'll infect you by then."
Gu Xingjue picked up a towel on the side. Chen Song held his hand and pulled the towel away. He said, "Can you let me think about it again? Now let's get better and get better. Be obedient. Didn't you say you were the best, huh?"
Gu Xingjue's gloomy eyes instantly lit up with fireworks of hope and expectation. He looked at Chen Song and said, "Okay, okay. I'll be good and treat the disease. But I will infect you, so I'd better do it myself."
Chen Song pushed away his hand that was about to take the towel again: "I've already had a cold this year, I won't catch a cold again, I've already developed antibodies. I'll be fine."
Gu Xingjue had no choice but to obey Chen Song. Gu Xingjue took off his clothes with a smile, and then Chen Song quickly dried him, changed him into clean clothes, pulled him back to his room, let him lie on the bed, and tucked him in.
Gu Xingjue's room was facing away from the sun, and it was very cold in winter. There was no air conditioning, and the sheets were wet, so Chen Song took him to his own room.
Chen Song turned on the air conditioner. Gu Xingjue seemed to be really confused by the fever. He kept smiling and staring at him infatuatedly, his voice a little nasal: "Baby, let's sleep together tonight."
Chen Song didn't respond: "Does your throat hurt?"
"Hmm..." Gu Xingjue thought slowly, swallowed, and said, "It hurts."
"Is it itchy?"
“It doesn’t itch.”
"Is your nose blocked?"
Gu Xingjue stretched out a hand from under the quilt and poked his right nostril: "It's blocked here. It's uncomfortable."
Chen Song stuffed his hand back and said, "I'll go downstairs to get you some medicine. You stay here for a while and don't come down. I'll let Sui Sui watch you and see if you behave."
Gu Xingjue frowned as if thinking, then relaxed his brows and muttered reluctantly, "Okay. I'll wait for you obediently. You have to come back soon."
"You must come back, wife~"
Chen Song's heart moved, and he touched his hair: "Okay, good boy."
"Sui Sui," Chen Song waved towards Chen Baisui who was sitting on the ground, "Come here and watch him. Don't let him get out of bed."
After receiving Chen Song's order, Chen Baisui jumped onto the bed and lay down beside Gu Xingjue, looking at him. His originally cheerful face also became gloomy.
After Chen Song went downstairs, the man and the dog stared blankly.
"Hehe," Gu Xingjue said with a smile, "If your dad tries harder, he'll be able to catch up with you."
Chen Baisui didn't move, but rolled his eyes to look elsewhere.
Gu Xingjue: “…”
"What do you mean? You're not happy about it. Even if you're not happy about it, you have to be happy for me. You little ungrateful bastard, you don't even know who's going to give you food and drink."
Chen Baisui: “….”
"Why hasn't your dad come up yet? Why hasn't he come up yet? What is he doing? Doesn't he want me anymore?" Gu Xingjue kept looking at the door. "But I promised him that I would be good and not go down. Otherwise, go down and see why your dad hasn't come up yet?"
Chen Baisui glanced at him and didn't move.
"Oh~ You agreed to him too. Good, you are worthy of being my son. I taught him to be so obedient."
When Chen Song came up, Gu Xingjue's eyes were red and tears were welling up in his eyes.
"Wife - why did you come just now?" Gu Xingjue said aggrievedly, tears coming out again.
"I cooked millet porridge for you. You can't take medicine on an empty stomach." Chen Song first put the porridge and medicine on the coffee table, took out a small table and propped it up on the bed, then brought the porridge over, helped Gu Xingjue up and put on thick clothes for him.
"I thought you ran away again."
Chen Song took out two tissues to wipe his tears: "Don't run away. Why are you crying again? You're such a crybaby."
Gu Xingjue felt that Chen Song's hands were very cold. He covered his hands and blew on them: "Why are they so cold?"
Chen Song let him blow for a while before withdrawing his hand and feeding him porridge. He passed the spoon to Gu Xingjue's mouth. Gu Xingjue didn't eat and asked him, "Have you not eaten yet?"
"Well, you eat first, and I'll eat after you finish." Chen Song handed the spoon to his mouth again, "Be obedient."
Gu Xingjue had no choice but to eat obediently. After feeding him the porridge, Chen Song went downstairs to feed Chen Baisui. He just made do with it and waited until it was almost time before giving Gu Xingjue the medicine.
When he went upstairs again, Gu Xingjue looked like he was about to cry, which made Chen Song smile.
"What's wrong, crybaby?" Chen Song lay down in bed and turned off the light. "Why are you crying again? Did you think I was going to run away again?"
Gu Xingjue didn't say anything, but Chen Song could hear the rustling sound of him nodding in the darkness.
Chen Song smiled and said, "What will you do if I really run away?"
"To find you."
"Can't find it?"
"We'll find it."
"Why are you so sure?"
"That's for sure. I've told you before, no matter where you are in the world, I can find you."
"Well, let's go to bed then."
"I'm still so cold, wife—"
Chen Song thought about it and realized that the air conditioner was already at its highest setting, but it was slow to heat up. "Then I'll get another quilt."
Just as Chen Song was about to stand up, he was pulled into a hot embrace.
"That's good."
Chen Song's pupils dilated slightly, and he could feel Gu Xingjue's beating heart against his chest. Chen Song slowly reached out and hugged him back, gently stroking the uneven wound.
"Do you think it will snow in Vancouver this year?"
"Yes."
"How do you know? It rarely snows in Vancouver. I checked the weather forecast for the next 30 days, and it won't snow."
"The weather forecast is not as accurate as mine. I am the weather messenger."
......
Gu Xingjue's illness took a week to fully recover. He slept with Chen Song for a week and hugged Chen Song every night. Of course, Gu Xingjue got hard many times, and every time he got hard, he would let go of Chen Song and turn away silently.
Chen Song would laugh at him, and he would pretend not to hear and start snoring to pretend he was asleep.
Of course, Chen Song knew he was pretending because Gu Xingjue never snored when he slept.
On the last night that Gu Xingjue slept with Chen Song, Gu Xingjue and Chen Song said that it would snow the next day.
Chen Song woke up the next day to a phone call.
Chen Song opened his eyes and found that Gu Xingjue was not there. He squinted his eyes, a little confused, then picked up his phone and saw that it was a WeChat call from Gu Xingjue.
Chen Song had just picked up the phone when a voice came from the other side: "Chen Song, open the window quickly and look, it's snowing!"
Gu Xingjue's voice sounded upstairs at the same time. The ceiling on the second floor was made of wooden boards and the sound insulation was very poor, so everyone could clearly hear what Gu Xingjue was saying.
Chen Song's heart moved. Without time to think about why Gu Xingjue was upstairs, he got up and opened the curtains. Sure enough, it started snowing.
Chen Song opened the window and came to his senses in a daze, then he understood what was going on.
The sound of spray was heard above his head. It was the snow in Vancouver that Gu Xingjue had made for him.
It was a snowfall in the bright sunshine, the birds were singing on the branches, and the cold wind blew, bringing pearl-like snowflakes.
Chen Song slowly blinked his thin eyelids. A snowflake landed on his eyelashes. Chen Song smiled and said, "Yeah, I saw it. It's snowing."
"Wow! It's snowing!" The children in the open space downstairs shouted happily, "Look, that uncle is making it snow!"
Gu Xingjue: “….”
Gu Xingjue gestured to him to signal them to stop arguing.
"Really, there's really an uncle making it snow! He's holding a snow spray!"
Gu Xingjue: “….” As expected, he still hates children.
"Can you play with us now, handsome uncle?"
Gu Xingjue couldn't stand it any longer: "No, this is the snow I showed to the brother below. If you want to play with it, go buy it yourself. Also, I'm not that old, call me handsome."
The children chattered non-stop while Chen Song leaned against the window to watch the snow. It wasn't until the snow stopped that Gu Xingjue came down from upstairs, covered him with clothes, and closed the window.
Chen Song's hands were very cold, so Gu Xingjue warmed them up for him.
"So, I told you it would snow." When Gu Xingjue smiled, there seemed to be stars in his eyes.
Chen Song smiled and said nothing.
"Are you hungry? I'll make you something to eat."
"Are you well now? Are you still feeling uncomfortable?" Chen Song touched his forehead, which was no longer hot.
"No, I'm fine." Gu Xingjue held Chen Song's hand again to warm it up. "Hmm... Century egg and lean meat porridge or tomato and egg noodles?"
"Porridge bar."
In the afternoon, Gu Xingjue took Chen Song to the city mall to buy some new winter clothes. He also visited Tang Shihe and drove back after dinner.
The temperature had dropped sharply today, and it was very cold at night. Gu Xingjue placed a heating lamp in Chen Song's bathroom. While he was showering, he turned on the air conditioner and covered him with his newly bought electric blanket.
After Chen Song came out of the shower, he brought him a cup of hot milk. Chen Song sat on the bed and drank the hot milk while Gu Xingjue blew his hair, just like on those winter nights in the past.
Chen Baisui was lying on the ground with sleepy eyes. Lu Yuan had teased him all day at Tang Shihe's place and he was exhausted.
The buzzing sound of the hair dryer stopped. Gu Xingjue combed Chen Song's fluffy hair and sat by the bed waiting for him to finish drinking the milk.
"Are you happy today?" Gu Xingjue asked. "If you want to see real snow, I'll take you to Hokkaido. I'll help you build a snowman. Okay?"
Chen Song smiled and shook his head: "It's all right now. Be happy..."
"Ba--what does that mean?" Gu Xingjue looked at the milk stains on Chen Song's mouth with burning eyes. He lowered his eyes and took a tissue to wipe it for him.
"Hmm..." Chen Song thought for a moment and said, "Maybe... I think I know that this is actually a happy feeling."
Gu Xingjue smiled and said, "There will be many happy things in the future."
"Good night, and go to bed early." Gu Xingjue took the cup from Chen Song's hand and stood up. When he was about to leave, a slender and soft hand held him.
Gu Xingde's mouth paused for a moment, and he turned to look at him: "What's wrong?"
Chen Song was also looking up at him: "Don't you want to sleep together tonight?"
Gu Xingjue's heartbeat was so intense, he couldn't control his desires anymore. Even when he was sick, it was hard to control his brother. Now that he was completely consumed by his anger, if he slept in the same bed with Chen Song, he would definitely be tempted to go off on a tangent.
Gu Xingjue pulled his hand away and touched his head: "I'm well now, go to sleep in the back."
Chen Song: “…”
"It's very cold in the back because there's no air conditioning," said Chen Song.
Gu Xingjue smiled and said, "It's okay, I'm not afraid of the cold."
Chen Song: “…”
"Good night." Gu Xingjue said and went out with the glass.
Chen Song sighed slowly and looked at Chen Baisui, who had a pair of confused eyes: "Your father... seems a little stupid."
Chen Baisui blinked and whimpered softly, also seeming helpless.
Gu Xingjue rinsed the cup in the bathroom and then began to shower. After cleaning himself up, he returned to the back room. It was indeed very cold in the back room, even the blanket was cold. Although he had laid out an electric blanket, he had forgotten to turn it on beforehand. He lifted the blanket, lay in, and turned on the electric blanket, and only then did the blanket slowly warm up.
After a while, he heard the door of Chen Song's room suddenly open, and then the door of his room also opened. In the darkness, Chen Song slipped into his bed and groped his way to his side.
"What's wrong?" Gu Xingjue turned around and touched his hand, which was still cold. He hooked his feet and wrapped them around himself. "You're not wearing slippers, so why are you here? Can't you sleep?"
"Gu Xingjue." Chen Song called him seriously.
Gu Xingjue paused, his heart beating faster: "Yeah, I'm here."
"It snowed today." said Chen Song.
"Yes, it's snowing."
"So, I'll be brave once more, for the last time. I believe you, I believe you really love me."
Chen Song's voice in the darkness was clear and hot, burning Gu Xingjue's heart and making his blood boil.
Chen Song held Gu Xingjue's hand in reverse: "Gu Xingjue, let's try again. If I lose this time, I'll accept it. The worst that can happen is that we'll never see each other again."
"I'll let you win." Gu Xingjue's voice trembled. "I don't want to miss this meeting."
"You know my temper," Chen Song said, "I can't tolerate any grain of sand in my eyes."
Gu Xingjue hugged him and kissed his forehead: "I know, I know. I only love you, I only love Chen Song, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you..."
He felt like he had found a rare treasure that he had lost, and with the most pious tears, he thanked Chen Song for his return.
Chen Song rubbed his broad chest, put his ear close to the violently beating heart, and said:
"I love you too."
.......
This year on New Year's Eve, Chen Song took Gu Xingjue to Tang Shihe's house.
Gu Xingjue was standing in the elevator carrying gift boxes of various sizes, looking extremely nervous.
Chen Song smiled and wiped the sweat from his forehead: "Why are you so nervous? It's not like you haven't been here before."
"This is different," Gu Xingjue said, "Today is different. We are together, and this is a formal meeting of the parents."
Chen Song later found out that what Gu Xingjue was really nervous about was not this matter.
"Hmm..." Chen Song pretended to think and teased him, "But they don't know about this yet. In their eyes, today is just the New Year's Eve dinner."
Gu Xingjue smiled, realizing Chen Song was teasing him. There was no one in the elevator, so he leaned in close to Chen Song, pressing him to kiss his wicked mouth. Chen Song hooked his arm around his neck, his breathing disordered when a dog's bark interrupted them.
Chen Song pushed Gu Xingjue away, but Gu Xingjue was not satisfied and stared at Chen Baisui with squinted eyes. Chen Baisui was now very big and had grown into a big golden retriever. His milky white fur was as smooth as the waves, and he stared back with his big eyes squinting.
Gu Xingjue snorted coldly.
The door of Lu Yuan's house was open. When the people in the house heard the ding of the elevator, they knew they had arrived and came out to greet them.
"Oh, Sui Sui is here!"
Chen Baisui was wearing a new red dress, with the little bell hanging around his neck ringing. He rushed in with his tongue hanging out and his big tail wagging, and he pounced on and licked everyone he saw.
"Do you miss grandma?" Tang Shihe smiled from ear to ear and took out a red envelope for it. "This is a New Year's red envelope for our baby Sui Sui."
"Oh, grandpa has one too." Lu Fenghai also took out a red envelope from his arms and gave it to Chen Baisui to hold in his mouth.
"Hello, Aunt Tang. Hello, Uncle."
"Hello, auntie, hello, uncle."
Chen Song and Gu Xingjue followed in.
"Okay, okay. Come in quickly, put your things wherever you want. Let's eat." Tang Shihe invited them in.
Lu Yuan touched the small tag around Chen Baisui's neck. It had his name and a phone number written on it. "Hey, why is he called Chen Baisui? That's such a tacky name. Who gave him that?"
"I got it. I hope it lives a long life." Chen Song put down the gift box with a smile, caught the red envelope that fell from Chen Baisui's mouth, and patted its head. "Hurry up and thank grandpa and grandma for the red envelope."
Chen Baisui cried out twice, making everyone laugh.
"Dogs only live for a dozen years, how can they live to be a hundred years old?" Lu Yuan threw a date into his mouth.
"It's a kind of hope. It will always live in our hearts."
Today, Gu Xingjue didn't stop him and let Chen Song drink a little wine. After the New Year's Eve dinner, Lu Fenghai and Tang Shihe both drank too much.
Lu Fenghai held his wine glass in silence for a long while, then said earnestly, "You two, live well from now on. Just live in peace and safety. Ah. Xiaojue, does your family know Songsong?"
"I know. I agreed to it a long time ago." Gu Xingjue said.
Chen Song looked at him doubtfully. Gu Xingjue had never told him this.
Gu Xingjue held his hand and said with a smile, "We will live well."
"That's good, that's good." Tang Shihe said as she suddenly lowered her head and started crying.
Lu Fenghai snorted twice and hugged her: "Why are you crying for no reason? You are already old and you are still crying in front of the children."
Lu Yuan wiped her tears with a tissue: "It's New Year's Day, Mom, you should be happy, Mom, everyone is doing well, right?"
"Awoo awoo~" Chen Baisui rubbed her nearby.
Chen Song thought for a moment, then stood up and walked over to Tang Shihe. He squatted down, held her hand, took a deep breath, and said, "Aunt Tang, I really can't blame you for that. Really. Don't blame yourself anymore. If you're still willing, can I call you mom from now on?"
Tang Shihe paused, then hugged Chen Song fiercely: "Okay! Good, good, good, good boy."
"Mom." Chen Song gently patted her crying back, coaxing Tang Shihe like Gu Xingjue coaxed him.
"Hey!" Tang Shihe responded, "Good son!"
Lu Fenghai smiled, his eyes moistened: "What about me?"
Tang Shihe let go of Chen Song, but she was still reluctant to touch his hair. Chen Song said to Lu Fenghai, "Dad."
"Okay!" Lu Fenghai shed tears.
"Why are you crying? They've already called me." Lu Yuan hooked his arm around Chen Song's neck and pulled him up. "Should you call me brother?"
"Songsong is older than you, you have to call me brother." Tang Shihe said.
Lu Yuan: “…”
"Okay, brother, Happy New Year, give me the red envelope!"
"Everything!" Lu Fenghai pulled out several thick red envelopes from somewhere, "One for every child!"
"Happy New Year!!"
"Happy New Year."
Amidst the laughter and joy, Chen Song noticed Gu Xingjue sitting quietly opposite him, looking at him with a smile, his eyes slightly red. His eyes seemed to say that he was very happy to witness his happiness and was proud of him for bravely taking the step of accepting family love.
After the New Year's Eve dinner, they set off fireworks together and played mahjong until after three in the morning. Gu Xingjue made a lot of money by himself, and the two elders couldn't hold on any longer and went to bed first.
"Let's take our son for a walk. He seems to need to go to the bathroom." said Gu Xingjue.
Chen Song then remembered that it had probably been holding it in all night.
It was very cold at night, so Gu Xingjue put gloves and a scarf on Chen Song before pulling him downstairs.
"What's wrong with you?" Chen Song looked at Gu Xingjue, who still looked very nervous. The wind was howling outside, but he was so hot that his forehead was covered with sweat.
"It's okay. Oh, by the way. There is a set of fishing rods for Uncle Lu left in the trunk. Go get them and we can take them up." Gu Xingjue handed the keys to Chen Song.
Chen Song took the key and the two walked towards the parking space outside the community.
When they arrived, the underground garage was full again, so they could only park their cars outside the community.
Chen Song was stunned when he opened the trunk. Many colorful balloons floated out, surrounded by a large bouquet of roses amidst the flashing lights, and the white cloth raised on the hood was covered with photos of Chen Song.
They were all recent photos of him and Chen Baisui, as well as photos of the two of them together. As his sight shifted, he saw a silhouette of him standing on the coast at dusk, looking back. His memory brought him back to that afternoon. Gu Xingjue held his hand to his chest, and he felt his violently beating heart.
Chen Song paused again when he turned around, his heart stagnated and then began to tremble violently.
Gu Xingjue knelt on one knee on the ground, holding up a black velvet ring box. Inside the ring box was a pair of familiar and dazzling rings, sparkling in the moonlight, more dazzling and brilliant than the fireworks blooming in the sky.
On New Year's Eve, when thousands of houses were brightly lit, Gu Xingjue's deep but powerful voice echoed amid the sound of fireworks:
"Someone told me that a relationship starts with a bouquet of flowers and a confession." Gu Xingjue's deep eyes flashed with colorful fireworks, like a meteor shower in the vast universe. His face flushed slightly from the cold, his red lips trembled slightly, and his breath was disordered, puffing out white mist. He looked nervous and sincere.
"You said that loving someone should be like cherishing a fragile object. You should be very careful, afraid that it will be bumped, hit, or hurt. When he is happy, I am happy, and when he is sad, I am sad. You are my fragile object that I hold in the palm of my hand and carefully care for. In the past, you asked me if I knew you. Asked me about your family, life, what you want to do in the future, what you like, what you hate... I couldn't answer before, but I can now."
"Your family of origin didn't bring you happiness, so I'll make it up to you. You can always be an unbridled, happy, playful, and unreasonable child with me. Your life has always been hard, always alone. You went to school alone, worked alone, went north alone, experienced injustice alone, were schemed against, and were let down by me. I'm sorry I fell in love with you so late. You always think you're not good enough, but do you know that you're also a star in the eyes of many people?"
"You are the star for the lives you saved on the operating table, the lives you snatched back from death in the Anshan collapse. You are the star for that little girl with an amputation. You saved Lu Yuan when you were young, so you are Lu Yuan's star. You are the star for Aunt Tang and Uncle Lu, and you are also my star. In your many kind moments, you have illuminated so many people. Without you, the world for all of us would not be able to function."
"So, please be sure of yourself. You are a very good, excellent and brave person. When you are happy, you like to buy some small desserts to celebrate and commemorate this moment. When you are sad, although you tell others to let yourself be quiet, what you want in your heart is for others to hug you and comfort you. You like hugs very much, which can give you a sense of security. You like autumn and hate summer. You like to watch the sea, like snowy days and hate rainy days, but you like to stay at home and sleep on rainy days. You like to eat spicy dishes, stir-fried beef, Kung Pao chicken, spicy hot pot, like to eat seafood, don’t like to eat fruit, and hate the smell of durian the most. I like gardenias, roses, and baby’s breath. My wish has always been to have a home of my own and raise a puppy. Also, your net height is 180, your weight is 56kg, your shoe size is 43, your clothes size is L, and you wear underwear..."
"That's enough." Chen Song's eyes sparkled with tears. "That's enough, Gu Xingjue. I get it. I know you understand me."
Gu Xingjue was panting, and a large amount of white mist came out of his mouth. The cold wind could not cool his burning heart and his hot words.
Chen Song was waiting for him, waiting for his next words, but Gu Xingjue suddenly burst into tears and was unable to speak. Chen Baisui, who came running, howled twice and urged Gu Xingjue.
Chen Song wiped his tears and said softly, "I love you too."
Perhaps Chen Song's words gave him strength, and he finally said those words:
"Chen Song, will you marry me?"
Chen Song paused and said with a smile, "But we are men. How can two men get married?" He thought Gu Xingjue was asking him whether he would be with him forever.
"We're going to get married in Country L. People who get married there can never get divorced in their lifetime."
Chen Song's eyes trembled, and he took off his gloves and held out his hand: "Okay. I do."
Gu Xingjue took off a ring from his hands that were red from the cold in the wind and put it on him. Chen Song helped him up and put another ring on him.
This pair of rings was the same one that Chen Song made for them four years ago, except that after Gu Xingjue destroyed the one he had made, he made a new one.
The roaring fireworks illuminated the dark night, and scattered snowflakes floated in the cold wind and landed on the two of them.
"It's really snowing." said Chen Song.
"I said it would snow."
They hugged each other in the wind and snow, just like when they first met on the snowy New Year's Eve in Beijing.
"Thank you for being willing to start over with me." Gu Xingjue sniffed the unique fragrance on Chen Song's body with longing.
A piece of icy snowflake fell on Chen Song's black eyelashes. He trembled his eyelashes lightly and said with a smile:
"Gu Xingjue, thank you for loving me."
——End of text——
Jinjiang Exclusive/Rainy Rain·2025.7.15
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The author has something to say: Their stories are too depressing
Fragile was inspired by personal experience.
The whole story was born out of some painful memories of mine, which exhausted all my emotions and energy. Finally it is over.
To put it simply, well, it's like I just came out of the novice village and encountered the ultimate boss.
Only when those things really happened to me did I understand this sentence: stories come from life.
I thought to myself, is this a TV drama? Why is it so melodramatic and why are there so many coincidences?
I've been stuck with these unresolved and useless thoughts:
“Why do these things happen to me?”
“Why do I have to go through all this?”
“Why am I always so unlucky?”
“Why do I have to suffer so much when I haven’t done anything wrong?”
“Why is my sincerity being trampled on like this?”
“Why do I have to meet such a bad person?”
“How can such a bad person live so well?”
“Why do I fail at everything I do?”
"Why, why? Why!"
"Why? Why is it always me?"
Deception, betrayal, PUA, they are like flesh-eating poisonous insects that keep drilling into my body, biting my flesh, eating my blood, and hollowing me out. I am trapped in endless internal consumption, inferiority, and pain. I can't save myself. No one can save me, and no one will come to save me.
…
I made an excuse for myself, thinking maybe I really owed him a debt of love in my past life, and I came to repay him in this life. Thinking this way makes me feel much better, because I am also a person who has made mistakes, and it is only natural for people who have made mistakes to be punished.
I lost over 10 pounds. It wasn't until two years later that my condition became known, and by then, I had developed an eating disorder. This lasted for six months. It wasn't that I didn't want to eat or drink; I simply couldn't eat. I'd chew a mouthful of food and feel like vomiting. I'd bite it for ages, force myself to swallow, and then I couldn't eat anymore. I experienced mild respiratory alkaloid poisoning, with tremors all over my body, numbness in my hands and feet, difficulty breathing, and a tingling scalp. The pain in my heart manifested itself in my body at that moment.
I was sick, but I didn't know it. I thought I was just too sad.
I was in such a bad mood that I sent a message to my head teacher asking for a week-long vacation to go home and rest.
The head teacher called me and asked me what was wrong. I couldn't help crying and said I wanted to take a leave and my mother had agreed.
My mother lied to the teacher for the first time, saying that a relative at home was not in good health and asked me to go back.
In the past, if I didn’t eat, my mother would scold me.
But during that time, my mother didn't say anything and just told me to eat as much as I could.
I cried secretly, hid in the bathroom to retch, cried under the covers, and drank with friends until I was completely vomiting... That was my first experience of what it felt like to vomit from drinking. The alcohol poured out, beyond my imagination, like a waterfall, an endless stream. As I vomited, I was surprised. So this is what vomiting feels like? It's not what I imagined.
I tried to numb my nerves with alcohol, but the alcohol was really hard to drink, it tasted like Shuanghuanglian oral liquid, and I really didn't like it at that time.
My mother didn't let me have a dog.
But that time I said, I want to get a dog, otherwise I really don't know how to divert my attention. Actually, I wanted to say that I would die, but I held back the words.
My mom said yes
But in the end, the dog was not raised because of the epidemic and I had to go to school.
My mother also said, otherwise you should not go to study there.
I said no, I can’t stop going because of this.
Ah, why am I crying again when writing this? I thought it was all over. Maybe I feel sorry for my mom.
Through constant self-reflection, I gradually came to see that person's true character. In reality, what I knew all along was just a lie to myself. I no longer dwell on that person. The tears I shed are only for the pain of my once innocent self. So foolish, so easily deceived.
So, I went to a city alone to visit friends, saved money for travel, signed up for dance classes on my own, rode a shared bike from school, and went to driving school alone. I went shopping and watched movies alone, enriching myself and nurturing myself. I used to be so afraid to go out alone that I couldn't stand it anymore, but because of myself and some things, I've grown rapidly.
The first talk was such a failure. Haha, the shadow it left on me cannot be erased until now.
I go back and forth between light and darkness. The past is a shackle that I cannot break free from and a cage that I cannot escape from. I always thought that I had gotten over it, but it was just time that had passed.
In reality, I simply ran away, unable to face it. Even now, I haven't confronted it. I simply tossed that person out of my world. No matter how much he harassed me later, I told him to get lost, deleting and blocking him from all platforms, along with the new account he'd opened to find me. Over two years later, at the beginning of this year, I removed him from my blacklist. I didn't want him to even exist in a single corner of my world.
I feel that I have no right to be happy. I am a very bad person. I am skeptical about all relationships, I don’t believe in promises and confessions, and I don’t believe that love will last.
I believe that someone like me, a failure at everything, a lazy, awful person, doesn't deserve happiness in this life. I failed at school, failed at work, failed at interviews, failed at family, failed at love, and even the only friendship I thought was going smoothly has run into problems. I gave up painting, piano, dancing, photography, and writing because I could never get a signature. My personality is terrible, not at all positive, but rather negative, fragile, and sensitive. I cry so much, not at all strong, and I'm in a daze. I'm like a drifting duckweed, the world doesn't recognize me, but it still wants me to survive.
Seeing deeply affectionate protagonists in literature and film, precisely because the stories are so sweet and beautiful, makes me even more sad. I pessimistically think that no one will ever love me this way in my lifetime, and I will never be able to love someone so purely again. Deep affection is rare in this world; everyone is selfish. Selfless, unconditional love is truly rare.
I don't want to be like this, but I can't change it. All my experiences—my bleak childhood, the ridicule and treacherous puberty, the fruitless crushes of youth, the painful loves of youth, the social isolation I can't find—have shaped me into this. I can't change it, not even if I were to tear my bones apart. Pain and cowardice have become part of my blood.
I also want sunshine and brightness, so I always look up at the blue sky and the sun through the green leaves.
One night, after listening to my details
My friend F said he was a real devil and she was so scared that she didn't dare to go to the bathroom alone in the middle of the night. I thought she was exaggerating, so I smiled and still accompanied her to the bathroom.
That night F said seriously:
G, you are a very good person, you will definitely meet someone who is very good to you!
I smiled bitterly and asked, what do you think is good about me?
She said, you are very kind, you care about others, you are very good, you will be happy! Don't worry, what I said is very effective, there will definitely be someone who loves you very much.
That night, I cried, and I felt a sense of relief.
Over the past two years, I've tried several jobs, failed numerous interviews, and fallen into countless pitfalls when renting an apartment. Living naively can be deceptive, but I ultimately found a satisfying job that suits me. Although exhausting, it's also fulfilling. I gave up writing twice, doubting I was cut out for it. Editors rejected me nearly forty times, but I finally found my way back to writing and signed with Jinjiang. I love my editor, thank her. Although my grades are terrible, and my writing couldn't have been more disappointing, consistently topping the charts, "a writer must believe in what they write." I'm no genius, I have no natural talent, and I'll certainly be immature and green at first, but I can write for another ten, twenty, or a lifetime. As long as my heart beats, my pen won't stop. I'll always get better and better, and I'll definitely improve. Plant the trees slowly and wait for the flowers to bloom.
Maybe I wasn't that bad. After stumbling and falling, I managed to get through countless nights of frustration.
I am cheap, I deserve it, I admit it, but I am gradually living a better life.
Along the way, I thank my friends and family.
The original intention of writing Fragile Things was to let go of the knot in my heart. If the knot cannot be untied, I will tie it into a bow and leave it in the world.
Haha, God, I never thought that someone like me could leave something in this world. Is signing with Jinjiang and embarking on the path of writing your way of keeping me here?
If someone can empathize with me, then this article will have achieved its value. But at the same time, I am afraid that someone will empathize with me, because it hurts me.
Baby, you've also experienced bad things. Hug me.
I hope someone understands, yet I'm also afraid someone will understand. There are surely many people in this world who, driven by love, repeatedly lower their boundaries and their self-esteem. Male or female, the past is gone with the wind. I hope one day we can step out of the haze together and regain the courage to embrace love once again.
We will definitely crawl out of the pile of mud and bones after risking our lives, peel off our bones and tendons, reshape ourselves, and become a brand new self.
Countless nights of shouting at the top of one's lungs, living towards death.
It will all pass, definitely, definitely.
From King Xiaoxiao, July 18, 2025
F said, after writing this article, I will get out of the haze and feel like I am starting over.
I said, I don't know, let me go out, "lighting a cigarette emoji"
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