Chapter 408 Asaho's True Feelings
Zhu Shi became my fiancée.
Old Master Zhu's initial goal was to marry Zhu Shi to me. Although he hadn't achieved his initial goal, he seemed to be satisfied for the time being. After finalizing the matter, he left the mansion. Lu Chan also had work to do, so he left after saying goodbye. Only Zhu Shi, Ma Zao, and I remained.
For a moment, I was at a loss for how to look at Zhu Shi. Just an hour ago she was a good friend, and an hour later she had transformed into my fiancée.
Fiancée... I used to think it was a word that was out of reach, but now it has suddenly become very real, catching me off guard.
Zhu Shi seemed unsure of how to maintain a proper distance from me, her eyes looking somewhat lost.
Perhaps she agreed to the engagement under pressure. Just in case, and also to break the awkward atmosphere, I asked her what she really thought.
"...After all, I don't really want to marry another man," Zhu Shi replied. "I'm not that opposed to marriage and having children, but I'd still feel a little uneasy. If it were you, Senior Brother Zhuang, I'd feel it's acceptable. Although there are many things about you that I worry about."
"So... Zhu Shi, when exactly do you plan to marry Zhuang Cheng?" Ma Zao asked with concern.
Although the engagement has been made, the specific wedding date has not yet been determined. This involves many factors, such as the Zhu family's plans for cultivating the believer community, and my future arrangements. Furthermore, I am only nineteen years old, while Zhu Shi is eighteen, neither of us yet of marriageable age.
It's not that we care too much about the legal marriage age, but in this day and age, getting married at eighteen or nineteen does feel strange. Even ignoring the opinions of those around me, I myself feel it's too rushed. Zhu Shi's feelings are also important; she doesn't seem to have any plans to completely give up her university studies. Even if they were to get married, shouldn't they at least wait until Zhu Shi graduates from university?
As I pondered, I found myself unconsciously scrutinizing the practical details of marriage. Was this really a good idea? I first glanced at Ma Zao's expression, then at Zhu Shi. Lu Chan's anxieties about the future surfaced in my mind.
What happened to the three of us was so unique that it's difficult to find similar cases. Many problems seemed to be something we had to discover and solve ourselves.
This feeling of the unknown, and the sense of crisis about what the future might hold, gave me a sense of déjà vu. It felt like an adventure, yet also strangely unfamiliar.
The only thing I'm certain of is that buried within our relationship is the possibility that something ordinary and stable might go off track and spiral out of control. On one hand, I want to rejoice at the emergence of this possibility; on the other hand, because it's so unfamiliar compared to the adventures I know, I can't help but wonder, "Is this right?"
Perhaps the reason I agreed to this marriage was because I wanted to explore more unknown territories.
"When exactly will you get married? At least after you and Senior Brother Zhuang have established a relationship," Zhu Shi answered without hesitation.
"Me?" Asaho asked, puzzled.
“Although I feel that you two are already in a real relationship, this agreement to ‘formally date after growing up’ is rather ambiguous. But one thing at a time. Since you, Ma Zao, think that you haven’t really dated Zhuang Cheng yet, then I, as the latecomer, shouldn’t rush ahead,” Zhu Shi said. “Marriage is a special thing. It’s already problematic that you got married while you were dating Zhuang Cheng. If I married Zhuang Cheng when you felt that you hadn’t officially dated him, I would feel even more sorry for you.”
"I don't care," Asaho said seriously.
“It’s me who cares.” Zhu Shi touched Ma Zao’s face. “Besides, Lu Chan is right. We should spend more time examining our relationship. If it doesn’t work out, we can call off the engagement.”
As she spoke, she said in a teasing tone, "Then I can become the heroine of the annulment story, and maybe my power will grow by leaps and bounds, and I can become the Great Impermanence even without forging the Yama Sword."
"A broken engagement story?" Asaha looked completely bewildered.
"Of course, even if we really get married, as long as you say you don't want to, I will immediately divorce Senior Brother Zhuang." Zhu Shi said seriously, "You can rest assured that even if we divorce, I will not take away half of his power."
Mazao's eyes lit up, and she said, "Ah, I can understand this..."
Zhu Shi smiled and chatted with Ma Zao for a while longer. Towards the end of the conversation, Ma Zao seemed a little tired and even yawned.
It was still broad daylight, but Ma Zao already seemed sleepy. No wonder; for the past week she had been highly focused on healing and repairing Chang'an's soul, which must have taken a toll on her mental energy. While she could recover using the power of reversion, the healthiest way to restore her mental well-being was still through normal rest and sleep.
Ma Zao could understand this, and after a little persuasion, she obediently nodded. I took her to the bedroom and helped her lie down.
Zhu Shi seemed to have something to tell me, so I went with her to the corridor outside.
After walking a distance, Zhu Shi looked back at the direction of Ma Zao's room before saying, "Actually, there's another reason why I don't want to get married so soon."
"What's the reason?" I asked.
“The reason Ma Zao is so happy for me to marry you is because in her eyes, I am her best friend Xiao Wan,” Zhu Shi said. “But am I really that Xiao Wan?”
"Don't you think you are? Do you have some clue?" I asked.
“I have no clues to prove that I’m not Xiaowan, nor have I ever had a premonition that I’m not Xiaowan,” Zhu Shi said. “However, I still don’t feel a sense of reality. Will I really become a little girl in the future due to some factors, and then meet Mazao? Or will it not be me who becomes a little girl, but my abandoned dream from the past… just like Lu Chan’s dream in the past turned into the image of a young girl in an independent reality space?”
"In any case, although all the clues at present seem to support the reasoning that 'Xiao Wan is another me,' reasoning is still just reasoning. Before it is fully verified, it should not be regarded as an irrefutable fact and trusted."
"Moreover, we do have the means to verify this. So there's no need to rush to a conclusion before we officially begin the verification process."
Her point of view was quite rational, and I also think she was right.
The method to verify whether Zhu Shi is Xiao Wan is very simple: just tell Xiao Wan "you are Zhu Shi" the next time you enter the virtual realm, and then observe Xiao Wan's reaction.
I had mentioned the name Zhu Shi to Xiao Wan before. Although I never said that the name belonged to her, she had an intriguing reaction and said that the name sounded familiar.
The reason she didn't realize the name Zhu Shi belonged to her might be because she had a preconceived notion that Zhu Shi must be someone else's name, and didn't connect it with herself. However, I actually lean more towards another possibility: that Xiao Wan simply lacked a sense of identification with the name Zhu Shi.
Xiao Wan is a little girl around ten years old. When Zhu Shi was around ten, she wasn't called Zhu Shi, but Zhu Jiuxing. So even if Xiao Wan really is Zhu Shi, the name she identifies with is likely not Zhu Shi, but Zhu Jiuxing.
I must pay close attention to this next time I test the small bowl.
After parting ways with Zhu Shi, I went to Ma Zao's room to check on her. Although she was sleepy, she hadn't fallen asleep yet. She seemed a little curious about what Zhu Shi and I had talked about, but she didn't ask, keeping it to herself.
Actually, I didn't specifically avoid mentioning Mazao in what I said earlier, and Zhu Shi didn't ask me to keep it a secret, so I sat down next to the bed and told Mazao the truth.
"If Zhu Shi wasn't Xiao Wan..." Ma Zao muttered to herself as she lay in bed.
"You can rest assured, if that's the case, I will break off my engagement with Zhu Shi. Zhu Shi feels the same way," I said.
Ma Zao paused for a while, then shook her head and said, "Even so... I still hope Zhu Shi will marry you."
"Why?"
I was initially surprised, then, thinking about her recent interactions with Zhu Shi, I asked, "Is it because you and Zhu Shi have become very close lately?"
"It's because that would be very beneficial for you. Zhuang Cheng, it seems you also don't want Zhu Shi to marry another man."
Ma Zao seemed really sleepy. She looked drowsy, but still forced herself to stay awake and continued, "Besides... I still think that Zhu Shi marrying you won't affect our relationship. Although I was a little unhappy at first when I thought about Zhu Shi having a child with you, after thinking about it carefully, there's no need to be unhappy. I can have your child when I grow up too."
Is that how it works? Why do I feel something's off? At least, people who grow up in modern society wouldn't have this kind of thought. The Ma people of the past, having wandered for so long in a post-apocalyptic era without civilization or order, seem quite wild in many ways. To put it nicely, they're unconventional; to put it bluntly, they're out of touch.
Don't you want to have me all to yourself?
I felt embarrassed when I asked that question.
Ma Zao blinked in confusion, then asked me in return, "Zhuang Cheng, do you want to have me all to yourself?"
“Of course. I want you all to myself, not a single hair of yours to share with anyone else,” I said without hesitation.
Ma Zao slowly reached out from under the covers, grabbed my hand, and then held it to her heart.
“Just hearing how much you want to possess me makes me feel so happy,” she said. “I want to give you every drop of my blood, to gather all the good things in the world for you, so that you can be as happy as I am now.”
Her voice grew softer and softer, and finally, she held my hand, slowly closed her eyes, and fell asleep.
(End of this chapter)
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