Chapter 348 I am yours
Between the suggestions from Xiaowan and Zhushi, I ultimately took Zhushi's advice and directly expressed my feelings to Mazao.
Seeing Ma Zao's stunned expression, I did feel uneasy and wavering.
My relationship with Asahi was distorted in more than one way. It wasn't just the age gap; the imbalance of power between us made this confession seem like a powerful person demanding something from a weaker one. Furthermore, my feelings for Asahi weren't always benevolent; in fact, for a long time, I harbored extremely malicious intentions towards her.
Even though I told Asao about my pursuit of her, which she considered a jinx, and she seemed overjoyed, it doesn't mean that the matter has no negative impact right now. On the contrary, if I suddenly confess my feelings to her now and expect her response, will she interpret it as me ignoring her or even abandoning her in the future if she gives a negative answer?
She so desperately wants someone who can accept everything about her. So, when that person reveals feelings to her that she doesn't expect, will she feel pressured and give an answer against her will?
I don't know. Actually, I haven't made enough preparations myself, nor do I know what specific preparations would be reasonable. But just like the battle I'm about to face, many things can only be grasped through practice. Keeping thinking that I'm not ready or that the perfect opportunity hasn't arrived will only lead to more procrastination until nothing comes of it.
On the other hand, although I put pressure on myself to "do it", I still did not want to put pressure on Asaho.
Perhaps it's been like this for a long time. Seeing my friends happy makes me feel relaxed; and seeing Mazao's happy smile as she eats delicious food makes me share in her joy. Thinking about it this way, my affection for her is definitely not just based on her jinxed nature. However, that's probably not enough.
Perhaps a part of me actually hopes she rejects my confession. Because my feelings for her are diametrically opposed to the concept of purity, and I might even prioritize my desires over her happiness. If her answer helps me let go of these thoughts, I can go back to being the person who only thinks about how to use her. How easy that would be.
Asaho looked hesitant, so I added, "I just wanted to express my true feelings; I don't necessarily expect you to give me feedback right now. Things happened so suddenly, and you might be having trouble processing your emotions. If you find it difficult to respond, it's okay to put this topic aside for now."
She shook her head, then asked, "Zhuang Cheng, do you really like me?"
“I won’t lie to you,” I said.
"So, you mean you want to do...do that kind of thing with me?" she asked hesitantly.
"I can't say I have absolutely no feelings for you, but I didn't confess my feelings to you for that reason. That's the truth of my heart," I said.
"Why? Zhu Shi is much better than me, isn't she?" she said insecurely. "Compared to Zhu Shi, I'm like a child. It wouldn't feel comfortable for someone to hug me."
"I don't know much about modern society, I'm not funny, and I have a dark personality. When other people are around, I often don't know what to say and can only pretend I don't exist."
"In less than a year, Zhu Shi will probably be able to use the power of the Great Impermanence, which will be of great help to you in battle. But every time you fight, I can only stay far away. Even though you are going to fight desperately for me, I can't help you at all."
“Zhu Shi and her grandfather know a lot of people in Luoshan, and they can help you find your footing in the strange world. I don’t know anyone else besides you and Zhu Shi, so I won’t be able to meet any more people if I’m with you…”
Her tone grew increasingly insecure. Strange, why did she compare herself to Zhu Shi so frequently? Did she perhaps hope I would be with Zhu Shi? It wasn't that I had no feelings for Zhu Shi, but overall, I preferred to see her as a friend.
As she continued, a look of frustration crossed her face: "And... if you have that kind of relationship with me, other people will think you're a pervert."
“It’s okay, I’m a pervert,” I said.
"Huh?" She was stunned.
“Xiao Wan and Zhu Shi have both said that to me. Although I was a little bothered at first, I’ve come to terms with it now. If liking a girl like you is abnormal, then I’m abnormal,” I said. “Ma Zao, I heard from Xiao Wan that you saw a lot of terrible people and things in the apocalypse, so you deeply abhor this kind of thing. Maybe in your eyes, I’m no different from those people, but I still want to ask, are you willing to accept me?”
“I find those people disgusting, but as for you…”
Ma Zao looked at me with a complicated expression for a while, then said, "Zhuang Cheng...can you hug me?"
This wasn't the first time I'd hugged Asahi, or been hugged from behind by her. Since she'd asked for it herself, I didn't feel any shyness or hesitation, and slowly embraced her. She paused for a moment, then hugged me back.
"...If only it could always be like this." She uttered a sigh that seemed to come from the bottom of her heart.
Clearly, she has already given her answer.
I felt my heart pounding and my joy exploding together, tangled and chaotic. Then, slowly, little by little, I regained peace in the embrace.
After a long while, we parted. She seemed to have thought about many things, looked into my eyes, and said, "Zhuang Cheng... could you give me a little more time?"
"Time?" I asked.
She said, "I still don't want people to look at you strangely. Although I don't mind being looked at strangely by others..."
“I don’t mind,” I said.
“But I find it unbearable to see you like that. So, could you give me a little more time? At least, um…”
She touched her body, thought for a moment, and said, "At least wait until I grow up to have a body like Zhu Shi's that's comfortable to hug, before we become real lovers. Is that okay?... Or do you prefer me as I am now?"
"My power of return cannot accelerate my growth, but once I have grown, I can change back and forth between my pre-grown form and my post-grown form. If you are not satisfied with me then, and feel that I was more charming as a child, I can change back to my childhood self at any time."
Although I admit I'm a pervert, I don't only have desires for Asako now. As mentioned before, I've also had fantasies about Zhu Shi, so I believe my orientation is still within the range of normal, healthy men. Of course, I have no objection to Asako's current suggestion.
"That's possible," I said. "So, what is our relationship now?"
When unmarried people agree to spend their lives together, they are considered engaged. But what about relationships where couples make this promise before they are officially dating?
"I don't know either," Mazao said, "but I'm already yours."
As she spoke, she seemed embarrassed to say it, so she hugged me again and buried her flushed face in my chest.
-
Listening to Zhu Shi's advice was indeed the right thing to do. A roundabout strategy might work in ordinary situations, but it's not suitable for me. A direct, decisive approach is what I should be doing.
I confessed my feelings to Asa, and Asa accepted me. As a gift before the battle, there couldn't be better.
Now I'm about to leave. Seeing me turn to leave, Asako couldn't help but show a worried expression. However, she probably knew she couldn't dissuade me. Even if I'm destined to lose more than I win this time, especially since she sees me fighting for her while she can't join the battle, it will undoubtedly make her feel even more tormented.
Mazao closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and then exhaled. When she opened her eyes again, her expression had become very determined.
"Zhuang Cheng, you have to win!" she said.
For me, the greatest encouragement was that she could say such a blessing to me.
I felt as if a tremendous power had been injected into my heart, and the shadow of fate's turbidity instantly vanished from my mind. Although I still couldn't figure out how to defeat fate's turbidity, I had absolutely no feeling that I would be defeated.
Those who don't know me well assume I challenged Mingzhuo because I had some chance of winning; while those who know me well believe I had no chance from the start. Even I can't imagine how to win.
If I actually win, it will definitely surprise a lot of people.
Then I'll try and beat him once.
I said goodbye to Ma Zao and went to the hotel lobby. Lu Chan was standing there waiting for me. Our eyes met, and he turned around tacitly, leading me out the door.
Led by him with practiced ease, we quickly left the hotel and headed towards the outermost area of Luoshan's headquarters. The surrounding scenery gradually became desolate, and after a while, Lu Chan led me to a huge building.
He looked at the building with a mixture of nostalgia and hatred, then turned to me and said, "This is where Mingzhuo is. He's probably in the deepest part of this building right now."
(End of this chapter)
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com