Chapter 403 Chang'an Dream Fox
Compared to Yin Yue's memories, Chang'an's memories are far too small. Although I have tried to argue that the length of a memory cannot be the absolute basis for the latter being inevitably devoured by the former, in the battlefield of mental consciousness, a massive memory is indeed more advantageous than a small one, and this is equally undeniable.
Even though I have sealed away the Silver Moon aspect of Chang'an's soul, he did break the seal that the Zhu family had placed on him and roamed freely outside for a period of time. Perhaps a lot of Silver Moon's influence has been mixed into the Chang'an aspect of him.
I can't help but worry that if Chang'an has memories of Yin Yue's past, her self-awareness might be affected again, and she might become like Yin Yue.
Fortunately, Chang'an gave a negative answer.
"If you're asking me if I can remember all of Silvermoon's memories... I can't."
When this issue came up, Chang'an became serious and explained earnestly: "However, if it's the memory from when I was kidnapped by that man who looked like he went to the gym often, to when I was rescued by Acheng... I still remember it."
"He looks like a man who goes to the gym regularly..."
Zhu Shi was puzzled at first, then suddenly realized: "Oh, you mean Chenlong, right?"
“To say I remember is really just to say I can vaguely recall it,” Chang’an continued. “The memories from that period felt like a terrible nightmare. After waking up, I could recount the general outline, but I couldn’t remember many details, and I might even have misremembered some parts.”
"If I hadn't woken up to find myself in this kind of place, and my sister hadn't been asking me all sorts of questions, I would have even doubted whether that experience had actually happened."
After thinking for a moment, Zhu Shi suddenly said, "Fortunately, you either can't remember or can't remember clearly, otherwise you might be able to recall from a first-person perspective how your biological mother, Yin Yue, gave birth to you, and how she raised our biological father from childhood to adulthood and fell in love with him."
"ah!?"
Chang'an seemed to realize that there was such a terrifying possibility, and was immediately shocked, his eyes almost popping out of their sockets.
While he was deeply shaken, Zhu Shi first looked at him with a discerning eye for a while, then turned to me and said, "My brother is not lying or putting on an act."
"Wait, were you secretly giving me a lie detector test?" Chang'an exclaimed in surprise.
Zhu Shi said irritably, "How could it not happen? Who told you to scare me just now? This is a necessary procedure, so just bear with it."
Perhaps Zhu Shi had been conducting lie detector tests ever since Chang'an woke up. This might be one of the reasons she was present when Chang'an awoke, but she didn't say it aloud, instead saying the tests were only starting now. Revealing the truth might make Chang'an uncomfortable, but it was also to protect her.
“Now that you know what happened before, many parts that need explanation can be omitted,” I said. “You should also be able to guess that your father, Ying Lingyun… is our mortal enemy.”
"Hmm...I understand." Chang'an's face darkened.
Then, I said directly, "Ying Lingyun is dead. I killed him."
Neither Yinyue nor Chang'an witnessed Ying Lingyun's death. Chang'an seemed to be avoiding the question, but I directly brought it up.
Chang'an's expression changed, finally turning into a long sigh.
"Do you hate me?" I asked.
Chang'an shook his head and said, "After learning what he had done, I no longer had any expectations of him. He had done so many evil things, and it was his own fault that he was killed."
"If I had the power to stop and kill him, I would probably make the same choice. Ah Cheng, you just did what I wanted to do too."
"Besides, you did all that to save me, didn't you? If I hated you, that would be truly ungrateful."
"...No, actually I did some ungrateful things to you too. Although I was driven by my Silver Moon self at the time, I kept saying things like disillusionment and that I misjudged you, even though you had already done things that I wouldn't dare to do... I deserve to die."
Towards the end, he revealed complex emotions.
“Those are all things of the past,” I said.
“But I still have to apologize to you in person.” Chang’an looked at me. “Acheng… I’m sorry.”
"And thank you."
I didn't stand on ceremony with him and accepted his apology and thanks directly. Seeing this, he smiled with relief.
After a moment, he finally returned to his usual emotional state. This lighthearted style suited him much better than his somber demeanor.
So I got back to the main point and continued asking, "How are you feeling right now? Have you experienced anything unusual? For example, are you having auditory hallucinations, or feeling like your consciousness could be replaced by another form of cognition at any moment?"
"No, everything is normal." Chang'an seemed to be carefully assessing her own condition as well. "However..."
Zhu Shi pressed further: "But?"
“I don’t know if it’s related to my state of mind,” Chang’an said. “Before I woke up, I had a strange dream.”
Upon hearing this, Zhu Shi's expression immediately turned extremely serious: "What kind of dream was it?"
It took me a beat to realize why she was so serious.
I sealed and suppressed Silvermoon's self-awareness into the unconscious realm with the stone collar, and dreams reflect phenomena in the unconscious realm. Although Silvermoon's self-awareness has been fragmented to the point of being unable to form a coherent self-awareness after the last depletion, it is certainly not something we can take lightly.
Perhaps the remnants of Silver Moon's heart can influence Chang'an through dreams.
“I dreamt that I turned into a white-furred fox,” Chang’an recalled. “In the dark forests filled with poisonous insects and wild beasts, I was constantly hiding from danger and struggling to survive. My intelligence also seemed to have become no different from that of an animal, ignorant and foolish, and I couldn’t even remember who I was.”
"One day, I accidentally ran out of the forest and saw some humans passing by on the road, chatting and laughing easily. After returning to my nest, I had a dream in which I became a human named Zhu Chang'an, and was eating hot pot together with a human named Zhuang Cheng and another human named Zhu Shi."
"After that, I, who originally did not even have the concept of 'I', suddenly had a thought - was I originally a white fox who dreamed of becoming a human named Zhu Chang'an; or was I originally Zhu Chang'an who just had a dream of becoming a white fox?"
"As I was thinking, I came to my senses and found myself awake in this room."
After he finished speaking, he seemed to still have a bit more to say.
The forest teeming with poisonous insects and ferocious beasts likely refers to the ancient Moon-Hidden Mountain, said to be the origin of the Silver Moon. As a demon, the Silver Moon may indeed have had a period of struggle for survival in dangerous forests as an animal. Meanwhile, Chang'an's description reminded me of the story of Zhuangzi's butterfly dream.
Did Yin Yue really have such a dream a long time ago, and then recall it in the form of a dream in present-day Chang'an? Or was it just a dream that mixed multiple consciousness materials?
In Silver Moon's worldview, could it be that she was originally just a weak white fox, and could only become the powerful Silver Moon and the Chang'an she is today in her own dreams?
The spiritual world of monsters is perhaps a mystery I am destined never to explore.
The thought that this seemingly silly, cheerful young man was actually the same person as that alluring and bewitching monster girl made me feel uneasy. They might not even be different personalities, but rather different facets of the same personality.
"Chang'an, are you happy to be my friend?" I asked.
"Um?"
Chang'an was puzzled at first, then broke into a big smile.
"I'm very happy!" he said matter-of-factly.
I have a feeling that Silver Moon may not wake up for a very long time.
(End of this chapter)
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