Chapter 14 Su Shi: Zhao Xiaolang, you've ruined me! ...
Fusu: !!!
He instinctively froze, even his breathing stopped, as if afraid that the person behind him might have something unpleasant to smell on their hands.
But after a moment, he tried to wiggle his little body and felt that the person behind him had no intention of stopping him, and the hand covering his face loosened its grip.
Good news, the visitor is not a bad person.
Fusu breathed a sigh of relief.
He pressed his advantage, trying to break free, when Su Shi's voice rang out beside him, demanding, "Who are you? Why are you deliberately scaring us?"
“Amitabha, this humble monk also wishes to know why the two young benefactors would trespass into the Abbot’s monastery.”
As the man finished speaking, Fusu's vision returned. He looked up and saw a young novice monk, about twelve or thirteen years old, with a bald, bluish scalp bearing newly formed ordination scars, and a face that was honest and simple. In Buddhist terms, he had a compassionate appearance.
"Of course, it's to watch the Western Xia envoy discuss Buddhism with the eminent monks of the Great Xiangguo Temple. You agree, right, Zhao Xiaolang?"
As he finished speaking, Su Shi winked at Fusu. The latter immediately nodded in understanding and said crisply, "That's right, I'll go back and tell my father. If he's interested, he might even visit the abbot himself."
The young novice monk, who had initially intended to shoo the two children away, hesitated upon hearing the name "Zhao" and hearing what Fusu said next. How could a distinguished guest, worthy of being personally received by the abbot, be of ordinary status?
Moreover, Fusu was born with a beautiful and lovely appearance, like a glutinous rice ball wrapped in brocade, which made him very easy to like and did not seem like someone who would make up stories.
"By the way, senior brother, you just said that the abbot's courtyard has been deserted these past few days. What's going on?"
“Alas!” The novice monk was filled with bitterness at the mention of this: “It’s all because of those Western Xia people. They made excuses that their Buddhist practice was not good enough and that they were afraid of losing to us and bringing shame to their country. So they told us to stay far away and shut ourselves in to debate with the abbot and several masters every day.”
Um? ?
Fusu sensed something was wrong: "Where are the abbot and the others?"
"The abbot is also overwhelmed by it. He's constantly being pestered and barely has time to see the worshippers. So it's up to my fellow disciples and me to handle it. But I'm too shy, and the worshippers don't believe me at all."
Daxiangguo Temple was a royal temple of the Song Dynasty, and its abbot was also a state-appointed official, required to undertake certain administrative functions. Receiving diplomatic personnel was one of these functions, and arguably the most important task at present. Therefore, even if they were unwilling, they had no choice but to bite the bullet and act as companions to the Western Xia delegation.
Fusu wanted to press further, but Su Shi laughed and said, "Senior brother, you're not just young in appearance, you're naturally very young."
Fusu: "..."
Fusu: "Hey!"
Fusu was finally convinced. He had witnessed Su Shi's ability to stir up hatred three times in a short period. Even if... it was true, how could he say it to someone's face? It was too offensive!
Fortunately, the young novice was a magnanimous person and let go of this ridiculous remark, rubbing his face with both hands: "This humble monk hopes to look more mature, preferably like someone who has been enlightened for many years."
“Then you’ll have to grow a beard,” Su Shi suggested. “Brother, you have a round face, so growing two beards along your lips would definitely look good.”
“That makes sense!” the young novice said cheerfully. “I’ll grow a beard as you suggested, little benefactor.”
Fusu stared at the little monk's baby face without saying a word, then looked at Su Shi with a reproachful gaze: Are you really not teasing him?
Baby face with a beard... pfft.
Su Shi raised an eyebrow, his meaning clear: I never expected him to actually believe it!
Their eyes met for a moment, and they both reached a consensus: they shouldn't bully honest people anymore. Even if the young novice monk was willing to chat with the two children instead of quickly kicking them out.
As if on cue, just as they were having a pleasant conversation, a voice came from inside the door: "Who's making a racket outside?"
"Abbot! Master!...It's me!"
Seeing that he was a little flustered, the young novice first responded loudly, then lowered his head and said to the two, "You two should leave now, lest my master blames you later..."
His voice abruptly stopped.
Because the abbot had already pushed open the main hall door: "Jingjue, why are you so reckless... uh?"
The abbot and the two little kids stared at each other wide-eyed: "Who are you? Where did you come from?"
Fusu thought to himself, "This is bad."
He had only intended to sneak a peek at the legendary Western Xia envoy and had no intention of revealing himself. Now, however, the abbot had discovered him. Running away would prevent him from being exposed, but it would also ruin everything. But if the Western Xia envoy remembered him, it would be difficult to negotiate a peace deal if they encountered each other again.
While Fusu was racking his brains for a solution, Su Shi showed no fear. He grabbed Fusu's sleeve and said loudly, "We are just passersby who want to see the eminent monks of Western Xia and Xiangguo Temple debating scriptures."
Fusu: ...Help!
At this moment, his mind was filled with memes from his past life. Su Shi was a so-called "E-person Society big shot," and he was the "I-person" friend who was dragged and manipulated by E-person Society.
He instinctively burrowed behind Su Shi, then covered his face with his sleeve, looking like a shy child afraid of strangers.
The two young benefactors were quite different; one spoke clearly and had a poised and confident demeanor, while the other was young yet exceptionally adorable. The abbot, who had intended to reprimand them sternly, found himself unable to utter a word.
But the abbot refused to speak, while others insisted. A smiling man emerged from the main hall, hands behind his back: "What? Are there uninvited guests at the Great Xiangguo Temple?"
You can tell from the sound that this is what a Western Xia envoy would say!
Fusu opened his eyes wide and peeked furtively out from the seam of Su Shi's sleeve, expecting to see a tall horseman with a full beard, the stereotypical image of a nomadic people.
To his surprise, the speaker was very refined and had a distinct Central Plains appearance. However, his clothing and attire were different from those of the Song people, instead displaying the style of the Western Xia, which made it easy to identify him at a glance.
That's true. The degree of Sinicization in Western Xia was much higher than expected, which must have been due to the efforts of Han Chinese advisors. Fusu didn't think much of it; their ancestor Shang Yang, the reformer of the Qin Dynasty, was originally from the State of Wei.
The abbot and Su Shi were in the wrong after all, so they remained silent for a moment.
This man, however, went too far, saying in a low voice, "Anyone can just barge in like this? Is this how the Great Song treats us Western Xia? Does it not care about the safety of us envoys at all?"
Fusu: "?"
Are you saying that we are seven years old and three years old, what kind of security threat could we pose to you?
Moreover, according to what the novice monk said earlier, it was clearly you who asked the abbot to move the people in the courtyard away, and now you're blaming us for barging in?
Fusu: I've decided to take back my previous indifference.
He was somewhat taken aback by this person's shamelessness.
The abbot was about to speak up to offer some advice when Su Shi bluntly said, "The uninvited guest is more like your country from a few years ago than me."
Three years ago, it was the Western Xia that took the initiative to attack the borders of the Song Dynasty.
These words were spoken with a rather inflammatory tone.
The onlookers gasped in unison. The listener, however, smiled nonchalantly: "Truly an eloquent child. I've heard that the Song Dynasty is never short of child prodigies and talented individuals; I'm fortunate to have encountered one today."
Su Shi: "You must also be a person from the Song Dynasty, right?"
The translation is: What are you pretending to be, a foreign guest?
The man nodded leisurely and admitted without hesitation: "My name is Yang Shousu, and I am from Hejian County, Song Dynasty."
"Is this now a delegation from the Western Xia?"
Yang Shousu, however, was not ashamed, but rather proud: "I am unworthy to serve as the Grand Secretary of the Great Xia, and to meet with the King of Song on behalf of the Wuzu."
Fusu could no longer hold back.
"Wuzu? Where did Wuzu come from? The Emperor and the Liao Emperor haven't agreed yet."
"Wuzu" means "Blue Emperor," symbolizing that Li Yuanhao and Emperor Renzong of Song were on equal footing. However, the Western Xia in history never succeeded in negotiating and ultimately became a nominal vassal state.
Is Yang Shousu using this title to fool children?
Ugh, how annoying, he's still such a child.
What made Fusu even more uneasy was that Su Shi pointed out Yang Shousu's identity as a Song person. The Western Xia envoys around Yang Shousu clearly heard this, but they didn't show any unusual expression and weren't worried about his stance at all.
What does this tell us?
This suggests that Yang Shousu must have done many more things that were detrimental to the Song Dynasty in order for the Western Xia to trust him so much.
He went from feeling indifferent to disliking this person to feeling utterly disgusted with him.
"The matter of peace talks will be judged by public opinion. Whether my lord is a fool or not, young man, we will know in time."
Yang Shousu even tried to persuade them: "He is a man who treats the virtuous and talented with respect, and he does not limit the age or nationality of those with talent. He will be overjoyed to see young and courageous talents like you from the Song Dynasty and will offer you generous rewards."
"So, would you like to return to Western Xia with me?"
Su Shi's face immediately turned cold: "That won't be necessary." But he was still young and had no official rank, so his rebuttals lacked strength.
Fusu was also thoroughly disgusted.
However, he felt... this part had a bit of a déjà vu vibe.
Oh, I remember now, isn't that the classic scene in "Romance of the Three Kingdoms" where Zhuge Liang battles Wang Situ? Yang Shousu's rhetoric is really similar to Wang Situ's.
Then he didn't hesitate to borrow Zhuge Liang's ideas.
Su Shi suddenly felt an itch on his back and couldn't help but shudder, only to find that someone was writing words on his back.
"You... in..."
Su Shi gradually connected the characters into a whole, and his eyes lit up. He immediately cleared his throat and said, "Yang Zhongshu, I thought that as the Grand Secretary, you would have some profound insights. But if all the Han officials of the Dangxiang are like you, then our Great Song Dynasty has nothing to worry about."
Yang Shousu was so humiliated by a child that he could no longer maintain his previous calm and composed demeanor.
Su Shi's words hit him where it hurt—he was just a scholar who had failed the imperial examinations for years, which is why he made the difficult decision to defect to the Western Xia.
He was about to retort when Su Shi, with his eloquent and confident demeanor, preempted him: "Think about it, if the Western Xia learned all the etiquette and teachings from the Central Plains from you, wouldn't everyone be heartless and ungrateful, forgetting their ancestors? The Western Xia would be in grave danger."
Yang Shousu blushed: "I didn't... it was the Song Dynasty that first put me in an unjust situation!"
But those words were useless; the way people around Yang Shousu looked at him had changed.
Seeing this, Su Shi pressed his advantage: "You say you are from Hejian County, that you grew up eating the rice and millet of Song, drinking the soil and water of Song. You read books of propriety and learned the teachings of Confucius and Mencius to understand principles. Yet you use your physical body and the rituals you have learned to harm your parents and fellow villagers. If they knew, wouldn't they want to eat your flesh raw?"
He clicked his tongue dramatically twice: "I have never seen such a shameless person!"
"I have never seen such a shameless person."
That very night, the triumphant Su Shi recounted the day's events to his father: "Father, you have no idea how angry Yang Shousu was when he heard those words—he almost fainted! No wonder he's Prime Minister Zhuge Liang, he's truly remarkable!"
Su Xun: ?
He narrowed his eyes: "Prime Minister Zhuge? Who is he cursing?"
Without a second thought, Su Shi replied, "Wang Situ, Wang Lang."
He only learned this from Zhao Xiaolang after asking him about it later. Zhao Xiaolang said he didn't have the ability to recite those elaborate lines; he had learned them all from the Romance of the Three Kingdoms. Zhao Xiaolang also said that although the double act was performed by two people, Su Shi should treat it as a one-man show.
Su Shi naturally could not agree.
If you want to show off, of course everyone should do it together.
But Zhao Xiaolang said that if his appearance at the Daxiangguo Temple were exposed, it would cause a lot of trouble, and begged him to keep it a secret.
Thinking of the young master Zhao, Su Shi's smug smile faded slightly—who could be so high-ranking as to appear at the Xiangguo Temple? What trouble would ensue if word got out? And those rings of guards…
"Thud!" His head was hit solidly.
Su Shi was both surprised and aggrieved: "Father?"
Su Xun retorted angrily, "You've fallen into your old habit of fabricating historical allusions again, and you won't change your ways no matter how many times I've told you. Where in the Records of the Three Kingdoms is this story? Wang Lang died of illness in Luoyang when Zhuge Liang first launched his Northern Expeditions. How could the two of them have met?"
Su Shi: "Huh???"
Seeing how confident Zhao Xiaolang was, he thought it had really happened, but he just hadn't read about it yet.
Su Shi, clutching the bump on his head: QAQ
Although I do have a history of making up stories, this time it's really not!
Zhao Xiaolang, you've ruined me!
A note from the author:
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Zhuge Liang's battle against Wang Situ is a famous scene from the 1994 TV series "Romance of the Three Kingdoms". It's a staple of Bilibili's parody video section. If you haven't seen it, you should check it out.
This article quotes phrases like "I'd eat your flesh raw" and "I've never seen such a shameless person."
It's true that Su Shi fabricated allusions and famous quotes from ancient figures. This actually happened after the imperial examinations, when the examiner, Mei Yaochen, approached him, saying he'd never heard of such an allusion (poor Mei Yaochen probably thought it was his fault). Su Shi replied, "Just my assumption!" (I think that's how they would have thought!)
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