Chapter 193
Meng Jing sat on the threshold, facing the swirling snow.
In the depths of winter, Sangyu Mountain is like a secluded paradise far removed from the world. As far as the eye can see, everything is covered in white snow, with a thick blanket of snow everywhere. There is not a single person or bird in sight.
The prescription in her hand was still scalding hot, but a few snowflakes fell in and quickly cooled it down. Meng Jing held the bowl and sipped the medicine slowly, hearing her mother say from behind, "My dear child, my back pain has flared up again these past few days. Go and bring your father his meal later, and remember to come back early. Don't wander around in the woods with him; it's so cold, you might catch a cold."
Meng Jing nodded, tilted her head back, and drank the medicine in one gulp. Her mother added clothes for her, and wrapped her in a small fur coat. Meng Jing herself put on a patched felt hat and asked, "Mother, there's something I don't understand."
Mencius' mother asked, "What is it?"
Meng Jing sniffed, a little unhappy, and said, "Yesterday morning, my father and I went to the city to sell goods, right? We passed by a school and heard many people reciting their lessons. They were reciting so well. I asked my father when I could go to school, but he wouldn't tell me and told me to ask you."
Meng's mother looked troubled. She put a few freshly steamed buns and pickled vegetables into a bamboo basket and covered it with a cotton cloth. With her back to Meng Jing, she said, "Let's wait a little longer. You have to take medicine every day, and we don't have enough money at home. It's the dead of winter now, and your father hasn't even been able to catch a rabbit in days. We're almost out of food. How can we send you to school?"
Yesterday, Meng Jing squatted outside the school and listened for a long time. At noon, many young masters and ladies from wealthy families were picked up by their family carriages to go home for lunch. A pretty little girl, as beautiful as a New Year's picture doll, tossed a few copper coins in front of her. Meng Jing was overjoyed, grabbed them, and stuffed them into her sleeve. She hadn't told her parents yet, but now she took out the copper coins and asked, "How much money do I need to go to school? Do I have enough?"
Upon hearing the origin of her few copper coins, Meng's mother was speechless for a long time. Finally, she sighed and said, "This is far from enough. Wealthy families hire tutors to come to their homes, and those who are not so rich send their children to private schools. But they are still much better off than us. Look how poor we are. We are lucky if we can even afford to give you medicine. But don't worry, when your father and I earn money in the future, we will send you to school."
Holding the copper coin, Meng Jing suddenly lost his temper, pushed the medicine bowl on the table to the ground, and cried out, "You are all useless! Since you are so poor that you can't even afford to send me to school, why did you even give birth to me? You just let me be envious of others. You don't need to take this medicine. Just let me die of illness. At least that will save you a couple of coins!"
Upon hearing these words, Meng's mother felt as if her heart had been crushed by a heavy object, wishing her bones would shatter. Just then, Meng's father returned and overheard every word Meng Jing had said. He threw down his basket, grabbed Meng Jing by the back of her collar, lifted her up, and began to beat her, cursing, "You wretched thing! I didn't even mind that you're a sickly child coming to collect a debt, yet you complain about our poverty! Even the beasts in the mountains know their own dens are the best; you're not even as good as a beast! I'll beat you to death today, you disrespectful wretch!"
Mr. Meng had a good haul today; he'd raided a pheasant nest, caught two pheasants, and netted a few small fish in the ice pond. He planned to make soup for Meng Jing to cheer her up. However, before he even entered the house, he heard Meng Jing yelling at her mother. Enraged, Mr. Meng hit her hard, making Meng Jing cry loudly. Her mother couldn't stop her. After a chaotic scene, Mr. Meng's anger subsided slightly, but he still threw Meng Jing out the door, slamming it shut, and said, "You ungrateful brat! This family is dirt poor; we can't afford to raise a pampered young lady like you. If you're so capable, go to the city and find someone else to be your father and mother!"
Meng's mother wiped away her tears and said, "Pah, pah, pah! What delicate young lady! The doctor said that this child has bad luck and must be raised as a boy to live a few more years. By throwing him out, aren't you sending him to his death? In this freezing weather, if he gets frostbite, we'll have to spend money to find a doctor to treat him. You're going to cut off your own lineage!"
The couple argued incessantly inside the house. Meng Jing, like a radish planted in the snow, struggled to get up but couldn't. She was heartbroken and still angry. After howling twice, she rolled her eyes and fainted. When the couple finally finished arguing and opened the door, Meng Jing was already frozen solid outside, and they couldn't wake her up no matter how much they called.
"You heartless bastard, why did you use so much force!" Meng's mother picked up Meng Jing and started running down the mountain, turning back to say, "With such thick snow, how can he get up without someone helping him? If anything happens to Jing'er, I'll go back to my parents' home, and you'll live alone!"
The wind that day was icy cold, stinging her face like a knife. Meng Jing was still conscious, but she couldn't open her eyes. She heard her mother calling her name again and again, and for some reason, a deep sorrow and grief suddenly welled up in her heart.
The feeling was like a raging storm, like a flood, completely engulfing her. Meng Jing struggled for a long time before finally catching her breath. She hugged her mother tightly, tears streaming down her face, and said, "I'm sorry, I was wrong, I know I was wrong..."
"Mother, I was wrong..."
"I will never do it again. I really know I was wrong..."
She kept admitting her mistakes and apologizing to her mother, but her mother's voice never rang in her ears again. The cold wind seemed to be gradually fading away, and the biting chill was gradually replaced by warmth. The gloomy sky slowly faded, and suddenly bright light appeared before her eyes. Meng Jing opened her eyes with difficulty, but what she saw was not the wintery Sangyu Mountain, but the disciples' quarters of Wenxin Peak.
The light stung her eyes, making her see stars, and all the images from her dream vanished in that instant, yet the comforting embrace remained. At the same time, a gentle voice soothed her—
"It's okay, it's okay... It will be alright, everything will be alright."
Meng Jing stared blankly at the furnishings in the room, unable to come to her senses for a long time. After a while, she stiffly turned her head and met Yin Qiu's worried eyes.
The two stared at each other in silence for a moment. Yin Qiu seemed to only then realize that Meng Jing was awake, and asked with delight, "You're awake? How are you? Is anything in pain? Is anything else bothering you?"
Meng Jing looked at her, her dry and bloodless lips parted twice, but she couldn't utter a single word. Tears streamed down her face and soaked Yin Qiu's shoulder.
Yin Qiu wiped away Meng Jing's tears and cold sweat with a handkerchief, pretended to let go of her, and said, "You lie back down first, I'll go and call Elder Xu over to take a look at you."
Seeing that Yin Qiu was about to leave, Meng Jing, with a sudden burst of strength, grabbed her and hugged her tightly.
"Don't go..."
Yin Qiu paused, then patted Meng Jing's thin back and asked, "Did you have a nightmare?"
Meng Jing choked back tears, unable to speak, tears streaming down her face. Yin Qiu, hearing her call for her father and mother in her dream, knew she must have been dreaming of something heartbreaking. Yin Qiu was silent for a moment, then sighed softly and said to Meng Jing, "It's good that you're awake. Whatever you dreamed of, it's all in the past." At this moment, she didn't have time to think of the best way to comfort Meng Jing, so she just said whatever came to mind, picking up the words, "I also dreamed of my mother. Isn't it amazing? I've never even met her, yet I could dream of her. Although I didn't see her face in the dream, she was just standing behind me holding an umbrella for me, but I've always remembered her, and I haven't forgotten her even now."
Meng Jing sobbed twice, her voice hoarse, "Was it raining in your dream...?"
“Hmm, what a heavy rain,” Yin Qiu said softly, “and a huge fire too.”
Meng Jing paused for a moment, then asked, "How could there be a fire in the rain?"
Yin Qiu smiled, recalling how Man Jiangxue had taken care of her when she was ill. She then imitated Man Jiangxue, gently rocking Meng Jing in her arms, and said, "I was wondering too. The rain was so heavy, but it couldn't put out the fire. I wandered around, not knowing who I was looking for, yet I felt like I should be looking for that person. But everyone avoided me, and I felt like I could never get close to them. Later, when I got tired of running, my mother held an umbrella for me and sheltered me from the rain. I even talked to her for a while."
Meng Jing leaned against her, tears streaming down her face, soaking Yin Qiu's clothes once more. She closed her sore, swollen eyes, and asked wistfully, "What did you two talk about?"
Yin Qiu recalled for a moment and shook her head: "I don't remember that. I only remember that her voice was very nice, just like I imagined."
Meng Jing's eyes were vacant, her gaze wandering elsewhere. She inhaled the faint fragrance emanating from Yin Qiu and continued to ask, "And where is your father?"
Yin Qiu said, "I have never dreamed of my father. When I first arrived at the palace that year, my uncle once impersonated my mother, and I vaguely remember it. But I have no idea what my father looks like. I have only heard people say that my eyes are almost exactly the same as his, but the rest of my body looks like my mother's."
Meng Jing looked up at her and said, "Your eyes are very beautiful."
"Really?" Yin Qiu smiled gently. "Many people have said that, and you think so too? Then my father must be quite good. He might be a handsome and dashing man."
Meng Jing's gaze fell on Yin Qiu's face and never left her. Yin Qiu wrapped her arms around her, holding her close. In all the years since she came to Yunhua Palace, no one had ever hugged her like this, and even Yin Qiu was getting so close to her for the first time.
Meng Jing was captivated by her warmth and scent, and utterly charmed by her soft embrace. Because of Yin Qiu's presence, she quickly forgot the people and events of her dream. Meng Jing secretly thought: If only this person were hers.
But she already belongs to someone else.
An indescribable and unspeakable sorrow welled up in her heart. The mistakes she had made were now too late for regrets, and the person she loved now was someone she could never have. Meng Jing's heart ached again, but she silently endured it, showing no sign of it, and simply said, "Why did you come?"
Yin Qiu stretched out her hand, pointed to the desk under the window, and said, "I went to the city yesterday and brought you a bag of pine nut candy."
Meng Jing looked at her hand, then looked away and examined Yin Qiu, saying, "Your eyes are so red, and your hair is all messy. Did you not sleep all night?"
“You’re asleep,” Yin Qiu said. “I was sleeping on the low couch outside. I only came in because I heard you talking in your sleep.”
Meng Jing knew she was lying. She knew Yin Qiu too well; even if she hadn't been the one who fell ill yesterday, Yin Qiu would have stayed up all night to watch over her and would never have left a sick person alone in a room to sleep soundly.
Meng Jing didn't know what she was talking about in her sleep, nor did she know if she had troubled Yin Qiu that night, but she was overjoyed when she found that the first person she saw when she woke up was Yin Qiu.
But amidst the joy, there was also a greater sense of melancholy.
“You shouldn’t have come,” Meng Jing stopped crying, but her voice still trembled with sobs. “The last person I wanted to see after my illness started was you.”
Yin Qiu asked, "Why is that?"
Meng Jing remained silent.
"Then why didn't you let me leave just now?" Yin Qiu said with a smile. "When are you going to change this stubborn personality of yours? We are good friends, it is only right for me to take care of you. You can work day and night to develop an antidote for me, what is it for me to stay up all night to watch over you?"
Meng Jing closed his eyes, but still didn't speak.
Seeing that she had calmed down a bit, Yin Qiu straightened up and said, "Alright, now that you're awake, we need to let Elder Xu check if you're alright. I'll go call him; you wait here."
Meng Jing quickly opened his eyes again and pulled Yin Qiu away, saying, "No, Master is getting old and probably didn't sleep well last night. I also study medicine, and I know I'm fine now. Don't wake him up."
Yin Qiu looked her over carefully: "Really? But seeing you like this... I'm not entirely at ease."
“I’m fine,” Meng Jing took a deep breath and sat up with his arm around Yin Qiu’s shoulder. “Help me to somewhere.”
Yin Qiu asked in surprise, "Now? You've only just woken up and you're still weak. What are you going to do?"
Meng Jing put on his shoes, stood up unsteadily, reached for the clothes on the hanger, and said, "You'll know when you get there."
Yin Qiu hesitated and said, "But you are still sick and should be resting. How can you wander around like this? Tell me where you are going first, otherwise I will not agree."
Meng Jing dressed herself and then walked unsteadily to the side to wash her face with cold water. Her head was spinning and her breathing was uneven, but she forced herself to appear calm and said, "Don't stop me. There's something I really want to do right now. If you won't come with me, then I'll go by myself."
How could Yin Qiu not stop him? The two argued in the room, making a commotion but not waking Elder Xu next door. It was still early, and the disciples of Wenxin Peak had not yet gotten up. Meng Jing insisted on going out, leaning on the table and chair. Seeing that she could not stop him and worried that she would upset Meng Jing again, Yin Qiu had no choice but to nod.
The two supported each other as they pushed open the door, descended the steps, and left the courtyard, departing from Wenxin Peak. Yin Qiu kept questioning Meng Jing about his intentions along the way, but Meng Jing remained calm and silent. It wasn't until a familiar building appeared at the end of the road that Yin Qiu realized what was happening and asked, "You came to the Hall of Punishments so early in the morning, it couldn't be...?"
"I'm here to kill someone," Meng Jing said calmly, then staggered down the path and turned into the gate of the torture chamber.
"Wait a minute—" Yin Qiu hurriedly caught up with her, a little anxious, "You're so weak, how can you kill anyone? Come back with me!"
Meng Jing brushed Yin Qiu's hand away and continued up the steps. Just before entering the room, she turned to the side and said, "Can I borrow your dagger?" After she finished speaking, without waiting for Yin Qiu's reply, she took the Zhu Bing herself.
Just as Yin Qiu was about to offer some advice, Meng Jing turned back and said, "You'd better not come in. I'm not responsible if you have nightmares after seeing this."
After saying that, he entered the innermost cell and closed the door behind him.
Soon, Meng Jing also drove out the disciples who were guarding the cell. Yin Qiu exchanged a few glances with them. The disciples seemed quite calm, as if they were used to Meng Jing's arrival so early in the morning. After nodding to Yin Qiu, they all went to the side hall to rest and wait.
Yin Qiu tried several times to go in and check on the situation, but she couldn't hear any movement from inside, so she sat on the stone steps, her thoughts racing as she waited. Fortunately, she soon heard footsteps behind her. Yin Qiu turned around and saw Meng Jing holding Zhu Bing, standing at the doorway trying to calm his disordered breathing.
Her face was covered in blood, and her clothes and skirt were splattered with blood as well. Only her hands were dripping with water, while Zhu Bing was clean.
“You…” Yin Qiu looked at her with complicated emotions.
“I washed it with water,” Meng Jing said, sitting down next to Yin Qiu and handing the ice cream back to her. “It’s not dirty.”
Yin Qiu frowned, reaching out to take Zhu Bing. The thin, unblemished blade reflected her solemn face. Meng Jing sat down beside her silently. The golden rays of the distant sky broke through the clouds, casting a soft golden glow on the colorful flowers and green plants in the courtyard.
Neither of them spoke.
“I asked my martial aunt, and she said that this person is no longer of any use, and whether he lives or dies is entirely up to me,” Meng Jing said softly after a moment of silence, resting his head on Yin Qiu’s shoulder. “I gave him a quick death and pierced his heart with a sword.”
Yin Qiu, bearing the weight that was being distributed to her, was speechless for a moment.
“I’ve got my revenge,” Meng Jing laughed with a sigh of relief. “I’ve finally gotten my revenge.”
She smiled, yet tears streamed down her face.
Yin Qiu sighed, "Meng Jing..."
"Have you ever killed anyone?" Meng Jing tilted his head to look at Yin Qiu and asked. "This is the first time I've killed someone."
Yin Qiu felt a mix of emotions and said slowly, "Let's go back."
Meng Jing slid down her shoulder and rested her head on Yin Qiu's lap, saying, "Can you tell me about you and your martial uncle?"
Yin Qiu asked, "What are you going to talk about?"
Meng Jing said, "Anything is fine. I've never liked anyone, nor have I ever been truly liked by anyone. I want to hear it."
Yin Qiu looked down at her profile and said, "Then there's a lot to talk about, I'm afraid it would take three days and three nights to finish."
Meng Jing laughed and said, "Then you can talk for three days and three nights, I'll listen."
Yin Qiu looked up, and the increasingly intense golden light enveloped the two of them, bringing the warmth of spring. After a moment's thought, she sat down and began to tell Meng Jing about her entire journey of getting to know Man Jiangxue, from the beginning to the present. She told Meng Jing everything she could remember without holding back.
At first, Meng Jing would chime in with a few words or ask a few questions, but as they talked, she stopped responding, becoming motionless and silent. Yin Qiu leaned closer to look at her; Meng Jing's eyes were tightly closed, and her face was as white as her dress.
Yin Qiu's heart pounded wildly. She stared at Meng Jing for a moment, then softly called out, "Meng Jing?"
Meng Jing did not answer.
Yin Qiu felt as if she had fallen into an ice cave. She called out to Meng Jing a couple more times, but Meng Jing did not open his eyes or respond. Yin Qiu's wildly beating heart sank again, and a few tears rolled down her cheeks and landed on Meng Jing's face. She reached out with trembling hands and touched the side of Meng Jing's neck.
Fortunately, a weak pulse was still beating in that place.
The disciples who had been waiting in the side hall came out again and saw Yin Qiu and Meng Jing sitting on the steps. They then went into the cell to check on the situation. Soon after, several people ran out with horrified expressions and stared straight at Yin Qiu.
“Don’t tell me,” Yin Qiu said, holding Meng Jing and pinching her fabric with her fingers. “I don’t want to hear it.”
The disciples looked at each other, then asked, "Then this..."
Yin Qiu's lips trembled as she forced back her tears, and after a moment she picked Meng Jing up.
She descended the steps, and after taking two steps, she said in a barely audible voice, "Bury it."
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