Chapter 145 A Dream of an Old Friend Returns: A Tale of the Return Journey
The rain continued to fall gently, peaceful and serene, accompanying someone's peaceful sleep.
In a daze, a fragrance entered Cen Xun's lungs.
She closed her eyes and focused on feeling the warmth, then felt another wave of comfort. She took a deep breath, slowly opened her eyes, and saw a clear blue sky with sunlight streaming down, shining directly on her face.
She sat up, puzzled, shook her heavy head, and then looked up—the garden was full of blooming flowers, and baby birds chirped and hopped, causing petals to flutter down from the branches and fall into her raised palm.
This is... a garden? She scattered the petals in her hand and stepped forward.
The soles of his shoes rustled softly as he stepped on the fallen petals. Cen Xun frowned slightly as he looked around at the familiar scenery.
This is definitely not her first time here.
The trees were full of peach blossoms, red plums blooming in the wind, and large camellias... She stopped in front of a willow tree and couldn't help but reach out and touch the mottled trunk.
Cen Xun stared at the newly sprouted branches, stunned into place.
She turned back to look at the sea of flowers in the garden, and her mind went completely blank.
This place is clearly... Zhong Lishuo's cemetery.
But... where is the tombstone?
"Tongxi".
It sounded like someone was calling her from behind.
"Tongxi".
Cen Xun's heart skipped a beat, and she turned around abruptly. The figure that should never be here was standing straight behind her. Her nose stung, and her vision immediately blurred.
Ignoring the tears streaming down her cheeks, she ran towards the person in front of her and threw herself into his arms without a second thought.
Contrary to her expectations of a dreamlike state, she was actually holding that person tightly in her arms. Her arms tightened suddenly, the firm muscles rising and falling with her breath, her heart beating powerfully in her chest, and the warmth of his body seeping through the fabric into Cen Xun's fingertips and into her heart.
“Yude,” Cen Xun burst into tears, clinging tightly to Zhong Lishuo, “it really is you.”
“Tongxi, it’s me.” Zhong Lishuo reached out and pulled Cen Xun into his arms, resting his chin on her head. “These years… you’ve suffered.”
Cen Xun still held him tightly, burying her face in his chest and crying incessantly.
“Actually, Tongxi, do you know?” Zhong Lishuo sighed softly, gently swaying his body to coax Cen Xun, “I have seen and felt everything you have done and everything everyone else has done over the years.” His voice trembled slightly at the end, and his arms around Cen Xun tightened unconsciously.
Cen Xun's breath hitched, and she looked up at Zhong Lishuo through teary eyes, "Really? You... can see everything..."
“Really,” Zhong Lishuo said with a smile, but his voice choked with emotion, “Of course it’s true, why would I lie to you?”
Looking into his eyes, Cen Xun couldn't help but cry again upon hearing his words, "How could you not lie to me? You promised that you would marry me after the world was unified, but you..."
"I'm sorry." Zhong Lishuo paused, tears streaming down his face.
Cen Xun cried even harder, burying her face in Zhong Lishuo's chest, shaking her head, and pounding his back repeatedly, while tenderly stroking him out of fear of hurting him.
Zhong Lishuo bit his lip and took a deep breath. "In order to live on with my will, you disregarded your own heart and viewed everything from my perspective. You even abandoned literature for martial arts and followed Lingyu to learn swordsmanship, just so that my spirit could continue on the battlefield. You used my thoughts to do what I should do, leading me step by step to achieve my ideals, so that I would live forever in your heart and never truly die."
"And everyone else, I saw Qinglingyu avenge me and massacre Jiangbei; I saw my brother face Xiao Yan's ever-changing formations without flinching; and I saw Lingyu enter the formation alone and send out the map to break the Chang'an Formation with you. I saw all of that."
Zhong Lishuo gently released Cen Xun and bent down to look at her. He lifted Cen Xun's hand and looked at the exquisitely carved Nanyang jade bracelet with her. He watched the white jade dragon with pink flecks fly through the air, its tail connected, operating like an array, endlessly.
"Though I have left you, you have protected my dream." He sighed and pressed his forehead against Cen Xun's. "The bracelet, protect it. I originally wanted to use this bracelet to protect our relationship, but I never thought that I would be lost to those southern barbarians."
Zhong Lishuo chuckled self-deprecatingly, then reached out and pulled Cen Xun into his arms, as if trying to fill the void in his heart. "But I never imagined that you would hold this bracelet and firmly protect my dream, as well as my will."
Cen Xun nodded with tears in her eyes, then forced back her tears and looked up at Zhong Lishuo with a smile, "After you left, do you know how much the people loved you?" It was as if she knew that all of this was just a dream, so she wanted to do everything she could to tell him all the feelings that everyone had expressed over the past few years.
Cen Xun took a deep breath and strolled through the garden with Zhong Lishuo in his hand. “Every flower and every tree here was planted by us and the people together. The little girl said that you are very young and must like flowers. If there are bouquets in front of your grave, you will not be lonely.”
With a smile on her face and choking back tears, she introduced every plant and tree in the garden to Zhong Lishuo. Her eyes glistened with tears, filled with reluctance and hope. She held Zhong Lishuo's hand and pointed out the surrounding plants to him, "Yude, look, that willow tree, I planted it myself. The pine and cypress trees next to it were planted by Zhao Qinglingyu. And that camellia and plum, that's..." Cen Xun turned to look at Zhong Lishuo, only to see him still smiling, his gaze fixed on her, not looking away for a moment.
"Yude." She gazed longingly into Zhong Lishuo's smiling eyes and called out softly, only to be pulled into his arms and have her head rubbed.
"Tongxi," a gentle voice came from above. Cen Xun quietly held him, sensing everything around him. "My lifelong wish has been fulfilled, so..." The voice above paused slightly, "After you wake up, forget me completely."
Cen Xun stood frozen in place, staring in disbelief at Zhong Lishuo's gentle face, tears streaming down her face.
Looking at Cen Xun's expression, Zhong Lishuo couldn't help but tighten his grip on her hands. "Ever since my accident, you've lived for me. You've abandoned your true self for me, learned martial arts for me, and fought on the battlefield for me..." His voice choked with emotion. "But the one I love has always been the most authentic you. I want to see you break free from all constraints and truly live for yourself."
“But…” Cen Xun looked at Zhong Lishuo with teary eyes, “How could I possibly forget you?”
Zhong Lishuo sighed softly upon hearing this, "In the past, you have endured many trials for my ideals, but now, I don't want you to suppress your true self anymore. When faced with a situation, you should first think, 'If Yude were here, how would this be handled?' Tongxi, I don't want to see you like this anymore. I want you to be yourself again and do what you truly want to do."
“Yude, I know, I…” Cen Xun clung to Zhong Lishuo, tears welling up in her eyes. She had to take deep breaths to calm herself down. She took a deep breath and looked up at Zhong Lishuo, “So, Yude, do you… still love me?”
“How could I not love you?” Zhong Lishuo’s voice trembled. He gripped Cen Xun’s hand tightly, tears welling up in his eyes. “It is precisely because I love you that I cannot bear to see you constantly compromising for me, and I do not want you to become just a shadow of me remaining in this world.” He choked out, “I want you to completely forget me, and then truly live for yourself, and cherish all the beauty in this world.”
He sighed deeply, his eyes brimming with tears as he looked at Cen Xun, "Let's live out the rest of our lives peacefully, Tongxi. We will surely meet again in the next life."
Cen Xun nodded and sobbed silently, then suddenly threw herself into Zhong Lishuo's arms. "Yude, I know what you mean. I will live for myself..." She hugged Zhong Lishuo tightly, as if afraid that he would disappear in the next second. "But I will never, ever forget you. Not in this life, not for eternity."
“Tongxi, you…” Zhong Lishuo sighed, then hugged Cen Xun tightly and said nothing more.
The two embraced each other, reluctant to let go, until their breaths mingled, their heartbeats returned to normal, and their senses were just as they had five years ago, as they dissipated together in the fragrant garden.
"Yude!" Cen Xun suddenly tightened her arms, but missed. She sat on the bed in a daze, clutching the quilt in her hands, feeling a sense of disorientation.
Her pillow was already soaked with tears, and her nightgown was drenched in sweat. She slightly opened her tightly clenched palm and saw a dried flower petal stuck to her hand. Her heart ached instantly. Looking out the window, she saw only a light drizzle washing the streets, the ground covered with fallen flowers, trampled and scattered by early risers, yet still beautifully red and fragrant.
"Tongxi," Yang Xiao, who was waiting next door, rushed over upon hearing the commotion. She knocked on Cen Xun's door, then peeked in and was startled. "Why do you look so haggard?" She quickly walked to Cen Xun's side, looked at her red and swollen eyes, and then raised her hand to wipe away the dried tear stains.
Cen Xun took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. She held Yang Xiao's hand and stood up. "Lingyu, I dreamed about Yude last night."
She gently pulled Cen Xun into her arms and softly replied, "What did he say to you?"
“He said he had seen everything we’ve done over the years,” Cen Xun said, her voice trembling as she reached out to hug Yang Xiao. “He also said that I should forget him completely…” She choked up and couldn’t speak. “Let me live for myself.”
A pang of sadness welled up in Yang Xiao's heart. She held Cen Xun and gently rocked him, just as Zhong Lishuo had done in his dream.
Cen Xun burst into tears, burying her head in Yang Xiao's neck. "But how can I forget him?"
Upon hearing this, Yang Xiao frowned, immediately understanding the reason. She sighed, tears welling in her eyes. She gently patted Cen Xun's back, comforting him, "His dream has been achieved. He probably doesn't want you to see yourself as his shadow anymore, living for him." She tightened her arms slightly. "Besides, your life is still incredibly wonderful. You've fulfilled his wish, and now you should truly live for yourself."
“You’re right, but…” Cen Xun wiped her tears on Yang Xiao’s shoulder, still sobbing uncontrollably.
"Have a good cry, Tongxi," Yang Xiao said, looking at Cen Xun, her voice choked with emotion. "After you've vented, it's not too late to discuss what to do next."
Cen Xun nodded, hugged Yang Xiao and cried bitterly, only stopping his tears after a long time.
Yang Xiao patted her back, gently wiped away the tears on her face, and teased her with a smile, "Look at you crying, I don't know whether to call you a little goldfish or a little kitten."
Cen Xun raised her hand to wipe her eyes, sighed deeply, and shook her head. "Perhaps, I should let go of my obsession with him and live for myself." She brushed off Yang Xiao's wrinkled clothes. "The dead cannot be brought back to life. I have already fulfilled Yu De's dream, so why force myself to let go of the vicissitudes of life and only keep a fleeting image of him in the world?"
Yang Xiao sighed with emotion, then looked earnestly at Cen Xun, waiting for her to continue.
“However…” Cen Xun hesitated, then frowned.
"But what?" Yang Xiao turned her head and looked at her inquiringly.
Cen Xun closed his eyes and sighed, "I have abandoned literature for martial arts for him and experienced the glory of the battlefield. In the past five years, although I have always acted according to his will, I have also benefited from all of this. How can I abandon these insights and return to the days of studying poetry and formations?"
Upon hearing this, Yang Xiao chuckled and tapped Cen Xun's forehead. "You, with such a broad mind and unparalleled resilience, how come you can't sort out your thoughts now?" She pulled Cen Xun to sit down on the edge of the bed. "Those experiences you've had are already a part of you, so why bother getting rid of them? Those insights are the practical gains you've made over the years through your own practice. Even if it's what Yu De supposedly brought you, it's still your own. 'Living for yourself' doesn't include overturning your past self or forcing yourself to shed such precious insights."
Looking at Cen Xun's thoughtful expression, Yang Xiao sighed softly, "It's not just Yu De, even we think the same way." She turned back and looked sincerely at Cen Xun, "You really should do whatever you want. We are born into this world only to experience the world's myriad aspects and enjoy the life that belongs to us, not to become a shadow of someone who regrets, experiencing this world for others."
She gently took Cen Xun's hand, "When will this cycle of revenge ever end? Someone has already died unjustly, so why drag another person down with them?"
“You’re right,” Cen Xun said, her eyes filled with tears as she smiled at Yang Xiao. “Perhaps this dream about Yu De is just another manifestation of my deep-seated obsession.” She looked up and sighed softly. “Isn’t this a wake-up call for me? Perhaps I really should let him go and start a new life that truly belongs to me.”
She smiled and looked back at Yang Xiao, her tear-filled eyes brimming with a hope and longing that Yang Xiao knew all too well.
A tingling warmth flowed through Yang Xiao's heart. Cen Xun was always so strong and optimistic. No matter how much trauma he experienced, it seemed that after collapsing, he could immediately heal his wounds and embark on a new path.
“Lingyu,” Cen Xun stood up, smiling at Yang Xiao with his back to the sunlight, “thank you.”
Why should we thank each other?
“From now on, I’m going to truly live for myself,” she said with a smile and a solemn nod. “You’ll be in charge of supervising me.”
“Okay,” Yang Xiao said, taking her hand and running towards the sunlight outside the door. “If you hesitate even once, I’ll punish you with an hour of horse stance.”
"You're so heartless," Cen Xun said, running after Yang Xiao, his voice carried away by the wind. "Where are you going, running so fast?"
Yang Xiao took her hand and ran forward, turning back to look at her and smiling, "Let's go eat!"
Cen Xun was pulled along by Yang Xiao. Looking up at her unrestrained and carefree figure, he suddenly felt the fragrance of flowers filling the city. The sky, washed clean by the heavy rain, was as blue as a mirror, reflecting her ever-flowing emotions.
It felt as if a piece of her heart was empty, and from then on, she would fill it with the sights and sounds of the world.
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