The library was on the third floor of the library, right next to the classroom where they had classes every day. She walked the way up there many times every day.
Every day before, she always ran up and down in two steps, full of energy. But today or now is different, her steps have never been so slow as now.
Will she really go looking? What will she find?
Most of the teachers on the third floor have turned off the lights. Looking out through the empty classroom, the dark clouds outside the window have become even lower, looking like the dark eyes of a monster.
In fact, it was only 5:30, but there are always days like this in the summer when the sky suddenly becomes completely dark and you know a rainstorm is coming, but you don’t know when.
Because of the influence of menstruation, women tend to be sentimental and indecisive. Lin Chaoxi was torn between ideal and desire, but she finally stood at the door of the data room.
The two wooden doors closed, and she suddenly realized that it was summer vacation and the archive room should not be open.
With the intention of giving it one more try, she put her hand on it and tried to push it. Unexpectedly, the door was loose and it opened with a creak.
It was mostly dark inside, with only the chandelier above the door casting a dim yellow light.
There is a desk at the door.
There was an old thermos on the table. An old woman with gray hair and a bag picked up the thermos, bent down, and put it on the ground.
It looks like he's about to get off work.
"It's closed." The old woman said casually without turning her head.
Lin Chaoxi stood at the door and didn't leave.
"Come tomorrow if you want to find anything."
Lin Chaoxi put his hand on the door, not wanting to find any more reasons or excuses, and just said, "Teacher, I want to look at the school yearbook and see the one with my dad in it."
The old woman looked her up and down, not knowing what she was thinking. Finally, she said, "Well, I'll give you ten minutes. I don't have much to do when I get home anyway."
Lin Chaoxi didn't know what she said touched her, and she got the 10-minute opportunity so easily.
"Do you know where the yearbook is? I'll take you there." The old woman came over and took her hand.
Sanwei University was established over a hundred years ago, so there are over a hundred copies of the yearbook, which are placed on the bookshelf in an impressive manner.
The yearbook records a school's major events, important documents, departmental information, teacher and student lists, awards and punishments, etc., and its content is often astonishingly long.
Lin Zhaoxi stood on tiptoe and slid his fingers across the book.
Just as the female college student just said, she focused on the three age groups when Lao Lin might graduate from college or graduate school, and pulled out several yearbooks from the bookshelf.
She had developed a habit of looking at the table of contents first when reading a book, finding the column listing the names of graduates from the Department of Mathematics, and seeing the page number, she would flip directly to the back.
The yearbooks from the 1980s and 1990s were extremely brittle; the lighting in the library was dim, and each word was as small as a sesame seed.
Lin Chaoxi looked anxiously, once, twice, three times, one book, two books, three books, but she didn't know if her searching ability was too poor, she never saw Lao Lin's name.
Her eyes ached from watching so much, and she kept moving her finger to the next line to the right, and then to the next line again, but still nothing.
At that time, she did not feel confused, but was extremely anxious looking at those densely packed names. If she were Pei Zhi, she would probably be able to find where Lao Lin was directly by scanning.
From the names of students in the Department of Mathematics to the names of faculty and staff, whether graduate students, undergraduates, or master's and doctoral students, the three words "Lin Zhaosheng" have never appeared.
Finally, she took down all the books in that row.
But no, no, and still no...
The sound of keys jingling came closer, and Lin Chaoxi took a deep breath.
"Little boy, the shop is really about to close," said the old lady.
Lin Chaoxi was kneeling on the ground at the time, with more than a dozen thick school yearbooks in front of him, each spread out in the same section.
The old woman took a quick look and asked, "Who are you looking for?"
As if grasping the last straw, Lin Chaoxi raised his head suddenly: "My name is Lin Zhaosheng, do you remember him?"
The other party thought for a while: "Which department?"
“Mathematics Department.”
“I don’t remember.”
Lin Chaoxi's heart sank again.
"But I'm old enough now. I might remember some famous people from the school, but I've never heard of this name."
“He lived here in the early 1990s.”
"There are so many people in the mathematics department every year. You are testing me too much." The old lady patted her shoulder kindly, pulled her up again, and said earnestly: "In fact, it doesn't matter whether Dad is a graduate of Sanwei University or not. As long as you study hard, you can also be admitted here."
Lin Chaoxi finally understood. She probably thought it was a lie told by parents to their children, but Lin Chaoxi just couldn't explain the strange problem.
Now things are getting weird.
Before she came up, she had already prepared herself mentally to open the pages of Lao Lin's past, but at this point, in the yearbooks filled with signatures in front of her, Lao Lin's past seemed even more empty.
This school bears traces of him.
He has read books here, and his handwriting is on the books here, but he does not belong here.
——
Lin Chaoxi never thought that her life was a huge scam, because Old Lin was too lazy to even scam her.
He never talked about his past, nor did he talk to her about their future together.
It seemed like he just leisurely held her hand and spent 22 years with her, but what was behind the peaceful years?
She never knew.
Same day, same staircase. Every time, her mood was completely different.
Up to this point, she felt empty and lost.
There seemed to be a huge hole in my body, but there was not even a breeze blowing. Everything was like the sky outside the library, damp and hot, as if frozen.
——
It was not yet 6 o'clock in the evening. For the first time, she didn't have the energy to do anything. There was no one around her to talk to. Before she knew it, she walked back to the dormitory.
There were a lot of people in the corridor. Girls who had just washed their hair and clothes were walking around in the corridor, and the sound of chatter was everywhere.
The door of Room 202 was open. Lin Chaoxi walked slowly to the door and heard the voice of his roommate.
"Xiaoling, you should go talk to Lin Chaoxi. I think it's too uncomfortable for you to endure it every day."
Lin Zhaoxi stopped.
"Since you can't sleep every night, let her move to another dormitory." This was another roommate.
“She’s been very attentive.”
"But the door was opened and closed, and someone suddenly came in and out. I was sometimes woken up because she tiptoed around, as if we were bullying her."
“She is also studying hard.”
"But this kind of effort is wrong. I only sleep four hours a day, so my test scores keep getting worse."
"I guess she had good grades before, so now she is anxious after falling down. A girl in my school jumped off a building just like that."
The girls' idle chatter could be heard one by one. The air in the corridor was stuffy and the mixed smell of various toiletries made it hard to breathe.
"There's nothing we can do. Some boys are just too smart," Yin Xiaolin said finally.
Lin Zhaoxi picked up the umbrella leaning against the wall and turned to leave.
——
The repressed life of more than a month was suddenly released at this moment.
Holding an umbrella and carrying a schoolbag, Lin Chaoxi walked aimlessly. She didn't need to learn anything or think about anything. She just walked forward mechanically.
There are clusters of food stalls, nice clothing stores, and electrical appliance stores near the university campus. Everywhere there are smiling men and women. It is hot and noisy, filled with the most genuine joy and happiness in the world.
But maybe it was the depressing weather, or maybe it was the emptiness in his heart, but Lin Chaoxi felt colder and colder as he walked.
From the bustling campus into the quiet streets, she arrived at another bustling campus.
It still hadn't rained, and she looked silly holding the umbrella.
Looking around, Lin Chaoxi felt that this should be a day to sit with some friends, drink a cold beer and chat.
But there were so many people here and she didn't know any of them.
She passed by Baicao University, Yongchuan University, and she also passed by a brand new jewelry store.
The shop is spacious, brightly furnished and lit with spotlights, and everything looks like a girl’s best dream.
Lin Chaoxi looked up and saw the word "Neon" on the sign.
Her eyes were a little sore. She was very familiar with the name. There were this jewelry store near many schools in Anning.
——Our boss is going to open a new jewelry chain store in Yongchuan, and she wants to find our old employees to go there.
Someone said this to her more than a month ago.
With a strange thought in mind, Lin Chaoxi put the umbrella into the umbrella bucket at the door and walked into the jewelry store.
Beautifully dressed female students were choosing their favorite hair accessories, and the sound of laughter was everywhere.
She walked from one end of the store to the other, wandering between each shelf, carefully looking at the appearance of each salesperson, but she did not see the face she wanted to see.
Bao Xiaomeng is not here either.
When she finally walked out of the jewelry store, Lin Chaoxi thought, this is probably the day like this.
A day when no matter what she was looking for or what she wanted, she would never find it.
——
The rain finally fell.
It had been accumulating for days and it looked like a rainy day was coming, but when the big raindrops actually fell, there was no sign at all.
In a flash, rain crossed the sky and fell from the sky with great force, as if it was going to flood the world.
There was the rumbling sound of waves crashing against the shore. Lin Chaoxi opened her hands and looked at her empty palms. Then she realized that she had just left her umbrella in the jewelry store.
The rain was so heavy and there were people running around all around that Lin Chaoxi was instantly soaked to the skin, but she had nowhere to go, so she was not in a hurry at all.
She continued to walk slowly at her usual pace, and stopped only when she reached the eaves of a house.
Looking around, the old street area was suddenly emptied, and the sky and the earth were dark and vague.
It turns out that real life is not as full of romantic encounters as in the movies. She had used up all her luck that time in elementary school.
Feeling wet and cold all over, Lin Chaoxi sat down on the steps in front of the eaves, hugged his knees and closed his eyes.
Although she was very sleepy, she couldn't fall asleep at all.
She is very tired now and wants to go home.
This thought kept haunting her.
With the matter of Lao Lin and the matter of the training team, her grades were getting worse and worse, and the girls in the same dormitory didn't like her anymore.
She forced herself to think seriously and carefully whether it was still necessary for her to stay in the training team and receive training.
The summer training camp is to train top math students to compete for the national team. If this is the teaching outline written by Lao Lin, then he may even be training them to become future mathematicians.
But the gap in talent gradually became apparent. Is it necessary for her to continue?
With her abilities, shouldn't she just focus on one thing?
I was trying very hard to think. I didn't know how long the rain had been falling. I could still hear the sound of raindrops in my ears. The sound of the rain was sometimes fast and sometimes slow, but there were more and more people on the road.
Someone stepped across the pond, making a soft "pat" sound.
Lin Zhaoxi raised his head.
It was a familiar face.
She had two ponytails, big eyes, and was dragging a tattered suitcase. Although her face was no longer as plump as it was back then and she looked very haggard, she had an umbrella in her hand.
The other party looked at her in disbelief.
After a while, Lin Chaoxi looked at the parasol with one corner raised and smiled: The plot seems to be better than I imagined.
"Do you know where I can get a cold beer?" she asked.
——
When old friends meet again, they should always have a drink together.
Lin Chaoxi and Bao Xiaomeng sat down in the snack bar.
It was already time for school to end and the rain had stopped. This snack bar hidden in a deep alley was very busy. It was very close to Yongchuan University and the students packed the small shop.
The owners are a middle-aged couple, and there is also a waiter in the store.
He was a young man who looked like a college student, wearing a plaid apron and had a handsome face. Like most handsome men, he seemed indifferent to everything. But Lin Chaoxi noticed that whenever the boy met children and the elderly to order, he would bend down and listen carefully to their requests, which made people like him easily.
"How have you been lately?" Bao Xiaomeng asked her first when a voice came from the other side.
"Obviously not." Lin Chaoxi said calmly.
"The provincial team's training is...too hard?"
"Yes, there are too many smart people and too many things to learn. You chase me every day." She raised her head and looked at Bao Xiaomeng, "Maybe you are right."
Lin Chaoxi didn't know what was wrong with this sentence, and Bao Xiaomeng's eyes suddenly turned red.
Lin Zhaoxi stared at her.
"I'm not wrong at all. Study hard and don't be like me!"
"Is work very tiring?" Lin Chaoxi looked at the suitcase at her feet.
"I'm not working there anymore. I've resigned."
"What's wrong?" Bao Xiaomeng has lost so much weight that Lin Chaoxi was actually very worried.
"It's too tiring. I have to stand for 12 hours every day. It's my turn to rest after 6 o'clock, but the store manager still arranged for me to stand. I really can't stand anymore. It's obviously someone else who should be working, but she can be switched to another shift just because she is the store manager's fellow villager. The agreed salary is 800 yuan a month, but the store manager said he would only give me 600 because I didn't watch the goods. 200 yuan, that much money, is gone." Bao Xiaomeng talked more and more, but suddenly stopped, lowered her head and didn't look at her.
"Have you told your boss? Doesn't your boss like you very much?"
"The boss is not Mr. Li, so he doesn't care about this kind of thing."
"Well." Lin Chaoxi asked, "Where are you going next? Are you going to change jobs?"
Bao Xiaomeng fell silent, tears welling up in her eyes. She didn't answer, but it was more like an answer.
She wiped her tears and changed the subject: "Don't keep talking about me. Are you going back to the training team?"
"I might..."
When Lin Zhaoxi said this, a fresh and pleasant male voice suddenly rang in his ears: "You have been sitting here for ten minutes. What do you want to eat?"
Lin Chaoxi looked in the direction of the voice and asked, "Do you have any ice beer?"
The waiter looked at me carefully, spun the ballpoint pen in his hand, and said, "No."
"You clearly have it in your refrigerator." Lin Chaoxi said, pointing to the transparent freezer in the corner.
“I didn’t see it.”
"Do you have iced Coke?"
“No.”
"Why?"
The boy looked her up and down, and finally glanced at the puddle of water dripping from her body on the ground, and said, "I think it would be more appropriate for you to eat two bowls of hot wontons now."
"Then let's do as you say." Lin Chaoxi said.
But the boy still didn't move.
"What's the matter?"
"Pay first."
Lin Chao opened the zipper of his schoolbag and rummaged around for a long time, then gradually came to a halt.
Bao Xiaomeng reacted and took out her wallet, which contained only a handful of change, a total of 7.4 yuan.
"I just wanted to go to the store to ask for my wages." Bao Xiaomeng looked extremely embarrassed, "Before, I was provided with food and accommodation."
Lin Chaoxi looked up at the menu in the store and found that a bowl of wontons cost 8 yuan. She and Bao Xiaomeng looked at each other. She thought, they had no choice but to leave.
The waiter left at some point, and just as they stood up at the same time, two bowls of hot wontons were placed down.
In the heat, Lin Zhaoxi raised his head and said, "We... don't have enough money."
"Can you count?" the waiter asked.
Lin Chaoxi was confused: "What is that?"
"Fortune telling."
Lin Zhaoxi was completely stunned.
"You can say whatever you want, after all, I'm just looking for an excuse to pay for your meal."
The boy's eyes were clear, without any intentions between the opposite sex, but more like a brother's care.
"Remember to settle the bill before you leave."
Leaving this sentence, he left to go to work.
The boss in the kitchen smiled and said, "Student Lin is doing good deeds again?"
Lin Chaoxi looked at the boss and realized that he was calling the waiter.
It was only after she drank the hot soup that Lin Chaoxi realized she was really hungry. During the time it took to finish a bowl of wontons, she and Bao Xiaomeng said nothing.
The wontons disappeared one by one, and the soup bowl gradually became empty. She drank the last mouthful of soup, wiped her mouth, and placed a hand in front of her.
The finger bones were long and thin, with distinct joints. Lin Zhaoxi raised her head and bumped into a pair of dark pupils. The waiter looked at her with extremely gentle eyes, as if he had the magic power to see through people's hearts.
"I...I don't know how to tell fortunes." She said stutteringly.
"Then answer me a question?"
"You... ask."
"I feel like life is very difficult right now and everything is overwhelming. Should I just give up on the things I still want to do?"
The boy was looking at her and also at Bao Xiaomeng.
This was obviously a casual question, but Lin Chaoxi was shocked. This was clearly the question she wanted to ask, but the other party asked it so naturally.
Lin Chaoxi took a deep breath and felt that the answer was too difficult: "I don't know."
"Oh, then remember to return the money for the wontons to me next time. It's 16 yuan in total." After the boy said that, he put his hands in his apron pockets and turned away in such a cool manner.
Lin Chaoxi didn't know what the other party's intention was. He asked this question perhaps because he heard their conversation, or perhaps he was simply facing an extremely unsolvable moment in his life.
She and Bao Xiaomeng walked out of the store in a daze.
After the rain, the sky was covered with sunset clouds.
Although it was still a hot and humid evening, life was filled with countless confusions and puzzles.
Lin Chaoxi turned around and looked at the waiter busy in the shabby wonton shop, but seemed to know how to answer his question.
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