41. The Veil of Love
This time the headhunter was very reliable. Within a few days, he arranged for Vivian to meet with the boss of that client.
This institution is not large in scale, but it has a compact team. Although it has a short history, it has no historical baggage. Nowadays, too many old investment institutions are still climbing out of the big pits they stepped into several years ago, and it is hard to say whether they can climb out.
The CEO, a woman with a high reputation in the industry, demands perfection from both herself and others, to the point of being nitpicky. Two female assistants work around the clock, often so stressed out that she cries in the bathroom. She cries for only a few minutes, then quickly wipes away her tears and returns to normal.
The firm originally had offices in Beijing and Hong Kong, having just moved its Hong Kong office to Dubai the previous year—just as the term "the ruins of the international financial center" was gaining traction. As a result, many positions required half or more of the time spent in the Middle East, and qualified candidates often had families, making international relocation difficult. Consequently, despite the excellent qualifications, finding the right candidates was difficult.
When it came time to interview, HR was supposed to conduct a round of interviews first. However, the boss had been dissatisfied with all the candidates they had sent him, and his frustrations were often met with outbursts of anger. This made HR increasingly uncertain about the type of candidate the boss was looking for. Therefore, this time, HR simply arranged an interview with the boss himself, to avoid wasted time and the subsequent scolding.
Before the interview, the headhunter called Vivian specifically to tell her that this boss was not easy to deal with and that she should be more humble.
This made her a little nervous, but also very curious: What kind of mean and difficult master was this?
When they actually met, Vivian didn't think she looked as demanding as the rumors said. She looked like a typical successful career woman, with black shoulder-length curly hair, a gray wool suit, and a black Kelly bag. Her makeup was delicate, and her expression was solemn. She rarely showed any obvious emotion on her face, perhaps because she was worried about wrinkles.
The two chatted briefly, all about common questions about their previous careers, when she suddenly asked, "Ms. Fang, I have a general understanding of your situation. I'll just ask two questions directly. I hope you don't mind."
"No, please go ahead."
"Frankly, I've met some candidates recently who I'm quite satisfied with, but this position requires a long-term overseas base. Is that okay with you?"
"The headhunter mentioned this to me before meeting you. I have no problem with it."
She asked probingly, "Don't you need to discuss this with your family?"
"Mr. Wang, I'm single." Vivian answered simply.
"That brings me to my second question. I'd like to know if Miss Fang has any plans to get married and have children in the near future. Frankly, many companies are concerned about this when hiring older, single women." She chuckled. "If I asked this question in a European or American interview, I'd definitely complain. But please understand."
When you're under someone's roof, you have to bow your head. Of course, this question shouldn't be asked, but that's the current atmosphere in the workplace, and Vivian wouldn't change her expression over such a small matter.
"Mr. Wang, thank you for being so direct. I'll be frank," she replied after a moment's hesitation. "Actually, even if I swear I won't have children anytime soon, it won't have any legal significance. But let's do the math: I don't have a boyfriend yet, so it's highly unlikely I'll get married within a year or two. Even if I did get married, I might not still want or be able to have children. Even if that day does come, it'll be at least three years from now. Three years of my time should still be worth it for the company."
After chatting for so long, Vivian saw her smile for the first time.
Ms. Wang was notoriously difficult to deal with and was particularly picky about her hires. She preferred a female candidate for this position. Many people assumed women weren't as hardworking and adaptable for overseas positions, but in reality, female employees were more adaptable and stable than men, were less prone to trouble, were easier to manage, and had a better ability to withstand pressure.
But female candidates inevitably raise the issue of fertility. Previously, candidates had either evaded or swore about this sensitive topic. Only Vivian acknowledged this account today. Indeed, who hires an employee these days expecting a permanent relationship? Using someone for three years is already worth the price of admission.
"Very good. Then let me confirm again. If everything goes well, can we leave after joining the company?"
"Of course, I obey the company's arrangements."
"Okay, HR will follow up on the next matter."
She left in a hurry. Vivian stayed in her seat, thinking for a long time.
She's incredibly sensitive to heat. When traveling, she prefers to choose bitterly cold destinations. Even if she has to trek through ice and snow every day, she feels clear-headed, refreshed, and even her skin feels firmer, as if she'd just had a Thermage. But years ago, she and friends traveled to Thailand, Malaysia, and Cambodia. The sweat poured down her face every day, she felt dizzy, and even collapsed from heatstroke. The suffering was unbearable. Since then, no matter how incredibly cheap the airfare to Southeast Asia, she has never returned.
Is she going to a place where it is hot all year round?
She asked her good friend Chen Chen how she decided. Although Chen Chen was reluctant to let her go so far, he supported her 100%.
"Work is like love; once there's a rift, there's no going back. It's like Wang Shuo's novel: two greedy people digging for treasure underground only to uncover a human skeleton. They quickly bury it, even planting trees and flowers on top, but both of them know what's buried underneath."
"I'm actually really lazy and don't have any plans to move forward. There's no one in this industry whose lifestyle I envy enough to emulate. But it seems I have no choice but to move."
"It's better to think about moving forward than to think about stopping. Even if things don't go as planned, at worst you can just come back. At our age, the opportunity to change isn't always available."
"You talk as if we were dying."
She knew in her heart that Chen Chen was right. This industry was no longer as prosperous as it had been in its heyday, and finding a job willing to accept a woman approaching 35 in its twilight years was rare.
It's ridiculous. I'm in my prime, but it feels like the sword of Damocles is hanging over my head and could fall at any moment.
But the thought of moving across the country is really a headache.
Even the most ordinary of lives, over the years, will accumulate like a bird building a nest, rustling and rustling, building a home with endless details and countless items. Every time the season changes, I have to find a free weekend to sort out my out-of-season clothes, fold them, and vacuum them. Then, I find the new-season clothes one by one, steam iron them, and hang them up. It's a tedious process, yet it feels like nothing needs to be left behind.
Do people really need so many things? She really wants to go back to the time when she came to Beijing with just a 28-inch suitcase.
If you have nothing, you will have no worries.
There were many things she couldn't let go of, and naturally, people too. Eric was quiet. He was always like this, appearing in her life a moment later and disappearing again. He was never a stable, reliable presence.
Vivian didn't harbor any deep feelings, but she thought of him from time to time. During those days, the stock market plummeted and soared, and everyone was talking about stocks and funds. She was always conservative and didn't care about market conditions. But one night, she suddenly had a dream. In the dream, they were sitting in a restaurant, and he complained, "All my money is trapped. I'm miserable." Despite his complaints, his face was still smiling, and he looked particularly beautiful.
When she woke up, she was still content. It took her a while to come back to her senses. It turned out to be just a dream. The surroundings were dark and silent.
She buried herself deep in the quilt, trying to return to her dream.
How could I still have such dreams at my age? Perhaps it's because I've never had them that I can't shake the fascination. Vivian has read that a psychologist says that if you dream about someone frequently, it doesn't mean they're thinking about you, but rather that the trauma they caused you hasn't healed. Dreaming is a protective mechanism, your brain protecting you from harm, and every dream heals the trauma a little. When you no longer dream about that person, you're truly healed.
There was no question of hurt between Vivian and him. She was simply strangely drawn to him. This attraction was different from falling in love, because it had nothing to do with character. She would think of Maugham's famous line from "The Painted Veil," but not to indulge in narcissism or self-pity. It seemed to her that it took years to fully grasp the novel, to understand how Maugham penetrated the veil of hypocrisy, evil, and hatred within human nature.
This veil is often euphemistically called love.
"I know you're stupid, frivolous, and clueless, but I love you. I know your goals and ideals are vulgar and ordinary, but I love you. I know you're second-rate, but I love you." This kind of love is like a ferocious beast, terrifying. Fortunately, she's leaving. Even the most ferocious beast can't cross a distance of thousands or tens of thousands of kilometers.
Physical distance is the best memory erasing weapon.
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