46. Gadgets
Vivian entered the bedroom, leaving the door ajar, and quickly turned off the lights. He felt a little annoyed. Was it so difficult to say something? "I broke up with her," "Have you really decided to leave?" "That place might be boring and hard."...
It's really hard to find the right words.
Who can be so arrogant as to try to change someone else's beautiful life that has already been planned with a few casual words?
A dim yellow light was left on in the living room for him. As a teenager, during the scorching heat of Lingnan, he often lay on a bamboo mat to cool off, with a light like this one on in the house. His mother would make herbal tea and chill it for him. Even now, on hot days, he can still smell the slightly bitter medicinal aroma.
The light before him made him relax, as if he had returned to the carefree days of living in his ancestral home, when there was at least one person in the world who loved him completely without any conditions.
Ever since his mother's death, he's been gone. Some people approach him because he's a handsome, seemingly wealthy guy, some because he provides emotional value, and some simply want to flirt with him, just for fun. People approach him for many reasons, but no one truly loves him simply for who he is.
Years had passed since he'd left that dim yellow light, and living under someone else's roof was unbearable. His aunt naturally loved him, but she didn't have much say in her husband's household, and his uncle was always strict, a figure he feared. To his uncle, he was just a stranger, a non-blood relative. He had earned a place at a prestigious university through his own hard work, a real honor for his aunt, allowing her to hold her head up high in front of her husband.
His aunt had secretly prepared for him to study abroad, like a bird building a nest, little by little, long before her. He had nothing to repay her, and could only endure the hardships of a foreign country.
It's not like I've never had a girlfriend before. Living in a foreign country, you have to rely on yourself for everything. At least with someone, you can share the chores. It's freezing cold, the snow is so heavy it casts a faint blue light outside the window, and the nights are long. Someone said it's nice to just talk and laugh.
Many of his friends fell in love with fellow townspeople or junior high school students, cooking and washing meals together, living like an old married couple and getting married soon after graduation. He attended several such weddings over the years, often simple ceremonies with only a dozen or so classmates and friends in attendance to witness the couple's vows.
"To have each other, to support each other, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."
He was deeply moved by this, but he knew that this was not what he wanted: an apartment or a suburban house, two children, a dog, a weekly trip to Costco, and a family outing on weekends when the weather was nice, hiking or camping.
That was too ordinary, and it was a shame that he had to go through all that.
Later, he had a girlfriend he truly loved, but because her family was wealthy, he felt so inferior that he didn't dare bring her back to his tiny apartment. The girl, three years his junior, was equally innocent and had no problem eating out with him at low-end restaurants or going on budget road trips. When her father was on a business trip, she treated him like a treasure to a meal with him. After a few words, he knew his family background and demanded a breakup.
The daughter naturally refused, but financially dependent children were not difficult to deal with. Her father stopped providing her with living expenses for two months, and in the third month, the daughter obediently returned home to admit her mistake and broke up with him by phone in front of him.
We are all just mortals. There is no such thing as someone you absolutely must have, someone you have a special liking for.
But this wasn't entirely a bad thing. He'd learned from his mistakes, and from then on, he rarely flirted with anyone, his social skills becoming increasingly refined. If he could devote half the attention he put into his studies to pleasing girls, that would be enough.
After returning to China, thanks to his aunt's love, he begged his uncle to help him find a job in the company. Even though his uncle didn't like him, he agreed because he believed that in the business world, one's own people are more reliable than outsiders.
He had been living under someone else's roof since he was young, and was good at observing people's expressions. He could handle the local bosses that his uncle dealt with on a daily basis. However, his uncle was not as good as he seemed to be. He always left all the good things to his son, and gave him all the hard and tiring work, even risky things.
As time went on, he became miserable and could no longer complain. His aunt had no say in the family and had done her best to protect him.
He could only rely on himself. It wasn't that he was a vulgar person who wanted to live off his wife. But over the years, his friendships had never been simple. He was good-looking, had a high emotional intelligence, and was willing to be humble. Making people likeable gradually became his specialty. It just so happened that during those years, the market was lucrative and people were eager to make a living, so anyone with even a little foundation could find a place to live. His uncle was kind enough to give him some start-up capital, but it was a loan, to be repaid within five years.
Five years. He had five years to find his own path in life. He could do it, he had no doubt about it. Having made it this far, he had achieved a semblance of respectability. But he knew how fragile this shell was, its existence dependent on the whims of others, precarious and unreliable.
Lin Yang was his golden opportunity. His family was ten or even a hundred times richer than his uncle's, yet Lin Yang was willing to befriend him without reservation, bringing him to various social events. He had indeed made some connections through this opportunity.
Yang Ziqi was a good opportunity. Feng Simiao's description of her as a dull girl was true. For over twenty years, she'd mastered nothing more than eating, drinking, and having fun, becoming a semi-expert. She wanted to ski today, and she'd be in Niseko tomorrow. Unlike him, who had spent countless extra hours in adulthood acquiring these essential hobbies.
Yang Ziqi was innocent and guileless, completely without ulterior motives. Yet, innocence can sometimes be a form of cruelty. For her, nothing in the world was truly desirable, and nothing was truly precious.
Whatever it is, there is a better alternative.
Just like ready-to-wear, no matter how expensive it is, it is still just ready-to-wear. The ladder of haute couture has no end.
To her, everything is purchasable and replaceable.
She liked him, and it wasn't fake. But she didn't care about his affairs, what he had experienced, what he loved most in the world, what he was afraid of, what he loved, what he hated, what he feared... She didn't know and never asked.
She didn't care about his soul.
This may sound pretentious, as few men care about their souls. But when no one thinks about it late at night, it plunges him into an abyss. He can sell his emotions, sell his labor, but he won't sell himself.
That time, Yang Ziqi took him to that luxurious house halfway up the mountain. Although it wasn't as large as the villas in the mainland, every inch of land was worth a fortune. The crystal chandeliers in the hallway were as bright as day. He suddenly felt very uneasy.
He would rather not have been there.
Fortunately, these things are over.
He sat under the dim yellow light for a long time before taking two pills and swallowing them with water.
He didn't know if it was the effect of the pills or the fact that eating oranges in the shower really did wonders for relaxing the body and mind, but he slept through the night.
When I woke up, Vivian had already left. There was a note on the coffee table. Her handwriting was long and graceful:
I have a meeting this morning, so I won't wait for you. There's food in the oven and coffee and milk in the fridge, so you can make do. Otherwise, go downstairs and eat. Turn left when you get out. I have a card for the coffee shop, so just give me my phone number.
He was stunned for a moment. Since he became an adult, others have always asked anything of him, but no one has ever been so attentive to him.
Tomorrow she will return home to her parents, shed that outer shell, and be a good daughter again.
Where should he go?
///
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
