52. You hide it from me
Hearing Vivian say "I only like your body", he raised his head from her hand and asked: "How could you say such a thing?"
"I don't understand your character. I can't see your soul. I had no chance to participate in your past. I don't necessarily agree with what you did. We've never had a soul-crushing experience, nor have we had long conversations all night long. But I don't know why, but when I see you, my heart beats faster and my head feels dizzy. Even when you send me an ordinary message, my heart stops for a few seconds, and then it starts beating wildly again. The same words, when spoken by others, seem cliché to me, but they sound particularly touching when you tell them to me. I can't explain it, and I don't want things to turn out like this, but this is the fact, and I can't pretend otherwise." Vivian finished speaking in one breath, as if she was worried that she wouldn't be able to continue if she stopped.
The game of push and pull is a technical one, and she understood that, but she wasn't prepared to do it to him.
Before the game even started, she laid all her cards on the table. I'm doing it, you can do whatever you want.
"But you never expressed it to me. You have always been so distant to me." He seemed really confused.
"It's just hormonal fluctuations. Do you really need to shout it out to everyone? Besides, you were someone else's boyfriend at the time."
He suddenly felt unconvinced. He'd had a few women who'd been so calm and distant towards him. Besides, she wasn't particularly special, just the type you'd find in skyscrapers. The only difference was that she seemed to dismiss him. He deliberately approached her, while someone else might have been swooning over him. He could have leisurely chosen to take the next step, or "we've always been just friends."
Only she didn't mind interacting with him, but she never took the initiative to move forward.
"What should we do then?" he asked in confusion.
"What should we do? We should finish our meal first." She gently pushed him away, "We'll talk about it after we finish eating."
He ate a bowl of cold soup in silence, while she carefully found the movie they were going to watch, brought out a plate of fruit from the kitchen, and ate it slowly, as if they were just chatting about other people's gossip instead of remembering their own affairs.
This is the perk of those who are about to leave: whether in the workplace or in the love field, they can flip the table. At this moment, she gently sympathized with Louis XV: Even if the flood is overwhelming after I leave.
He finished his meal, washed the dishes, and returned to her. The TV show "Coco" had reached the scene before the Day of the Dead, where dead souls were trying to cross the border between the living and the dead to return to the human world. A ghost, no longer remembered in this world, attempted to impersonate the painter Frida Kahlo, but the border officer saw through her and refused to let her pass.
A person who is not loved will be a lonely ghost even after death. He may return to the mortal world for one night only if someone still remembers him and worships his photo every year in the other world.
He sat down beside her and naturally extended a hand. She silently handed it over, and their fingers intertwined. He touched a small, hard callus under her thumb.
"What's wrong?"
She pursed her lips, gesturing to the dumbbells in the corner. "I don't know either. There are only two calluses, but they're asymmetrical. On my left hand, they're on the thumb, and on my right, they're under the pinky. Maybe it's from uneven force."
He held her hand tightly: "You are not... going to discuss how to train the upper body now?"
She shook her head, reached out and touched his bulging upper arm: "It really feels good to touch."
"Why is it 'as expected'?" He said with some pride.
She leaned her head on his shoulder: "Don't pretend to be innocent. I admit that I have wanted to touch you for a long time. It's just that men and women were not allowed to touch each other at that time, so I couldn't do it."
"Do you want to see my abs?" He pretended to lift up his clothes.
"No, no, that's too pornographic."
"Then first explain to me what 'I just like the physical body' means?"
"Are you sure you want to listen to it now? You won't get angry if you listen to it?"
"Are you saying I have no brains?"
"No, no, just the opposite. He's too smart. I prefer beautiful, stupid men now. Brains and so-called sincerity aren't necessarily real, but height and muscles are always fake. Ever since I was hurt by so-called smart people, I don't believe in brains anymore. The word sapiosexual is the most disgusting. Why don't true sapiosexuals love Hawking? Weng Fan is a true sapiosexual, integrating knowledge and action. Liking a 985 PhD and calling yourself an sapiosexual is just cheap admiration for the strong."
"To love someone, isn't it to fall in love with his soul?"
"The soul...is unfathomable, unpredictable, and ever-changing. How arrogant must one be to think they can see into another's soul. I once thought I knew someone's soul, but it was completely wrong, and the outcome was tragic. So I gave up trying to understand other people's souls."
He shook his head. It was a matter of pride for a man to be admired for his physical body, but he couldn't stand her only seeing this.
Seeing that he was silent, she took his hand and placed it on her left chest: "Do you feel anything?"
He thought about it carefully and replied slowly: "No bra"
Her face flushed. "No wonder you like The Heaven Sword and Dragon Saber. You're just like Zhang Wuji... a little pervert."
"I'm sorry, I was just kidding. Go ahead."
"Do you feel that my heartbeat is unusually slow?"
He leaned over and pretended to listen: "It seems so. Do you want your heart to beat faster?"
"Come on, try it."
"Honestly, if we weren't together right now, I know what to do. Now, I don't dare to act rashly, for fear of being scolded by you again."
"If you're not here, what will you do?"
"Don't forget you used this trick on me. Who sent me a message in the middle of the night and then immediately withdrew it? It kept me guessing for a long time."
Vivian covered her face with her hands. Oh my god, how shameful! Those self-righteous little tricks she had back then seemed ridiculous now.
"Even though I know it's just a trick, I'll still wonder what you're up to."
She still covered her face and nodded.
"Go on, you slow-hearted man."
"My heart is broken, really." She lowered her hands that were covering her face.
"It's okay, you can stick it together."
“Even if it’s glued together, there are still cracks.”
He pulled her hand towards his chest and said, "There's a whole one here. I'll give it to you."
The two of them were silent, both knowing the origin of this sentence. Before Sanmao and Hexi became lovers, they had a conversation like this. Hexi said he would give Sanmao his heart of gold in exchange.
If the other person is an ordinary date, this is just a normal flirtation. Just like Li Chen can give heart-shaped stones to one person after another, if you don't know the inside story, you will be very touched. Giving a stone is more effective than giving a two-carat diamond.
"He found this heart by chance somewhere. It's a natural stone heart that has been shaped like this after enduring countless storms and collisions. I hope it can be as strong as this heart and withstand all tests. I hope I won't have a fragile heart anymore."
But when the truth is revealed, the stone heart becomes a joke.
But at this moment, their hearts were swaying, and they didn't care whether this sentence was cliché or not. Her hand slowly moved up from his chest, stopping when it passed his shoulder blade. "Is this the legendary collarbone that can hold coins?"
He was a little angry: "Can you please stop objectifying me?"
"No, I'm your number one fan."
Her hand continued up his collarbone, reaching his Adam's apple. He swallowed involuntarily. She hadn't met his eyes the entire time, intensely focused, as if admiring an object. That calm, admiring look even made him uneasy. He knew he was beautiful, but it wasn't to the point of being worthy of such lavish admiration.
"What... are you doing?" He didn't understand why, as a grown man, he couldn't help but act like a spoiled child in front of her.
"Shh." Her eyes followed her fingers, moving very slowly to his lips. He couldn't help but purse his lips, his throat dry, wanting to pull her closer.
But she suddenly changed the subject: "Don't you think there's a song that's particularly appropriate for this occasion?"
"Um?"
"Dating is like sharing the joy of a full stomach/We keep any problems to ourselves/If this is romantic/Why do I feel like we're about to part...isn't it exactly the same? Thanks to Lin Xi for the lyrics and Chen Guangrong for the music."
He reached out and touched the corner of her eye, wiping off some smudged eyeshadow, then continued expertly, "You've cried, but your eyeshadow shimmers even more beautifully... Anyone who's been to Guangzhou wouldn't love this song, 'You Hide It, I Hide It.' But how come you speak Cantonese?"
"It's just a Guangdong provincial song. How hard is it to learn? Even a mute can sing it. Even a passing dog can sing a few lines."
He opened his mouth and gently bit her finger: "Woof woof."
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