46 Chapter 46
Something is wrong, something is wrong, something is very wrong.
It was not known when it started, but Nakajima Atsushi noticed something strange about the atmosphere in his home. Although Bailibian still cooked a crab dish for Dazai Osamu every week and a half as usual, and Dazai Osamu lived in the house as usual, Nakajima Atsushi was keenly aware that the atmosphere in the house had changed.
When did it start?
Trying to find the truth, the little tiger tilted his head, recalling the unusual behavior of the past few days. Was it yesterday when Dazai-san complimented his brother on the new clothes he picked out for him? Was it when Dazai-san changed his bandages three days ago? Was it when his brother went to bed early last week without watching TV? Or was it when Dazai-san wet the floor last month, a rare occurrence?
I don’t know, I have no idea at all.
When a person begins to doubt and suspect that the environment in which he lives has changed, then all the ordinary actions in the past seem to be covered with a layer of suspicion, just like a corner that was just cleaned last week. He suspects that it is covered with dust and feels that he is being too suspicious.
But in the absence of solid evidence, I can't help but suddenly laugh at myself for being too suspicious - it's just a feeling, and real life hasn't changed.
However, Nakajima Atsushi has always been an intuitive player. Since his clear memory cannot give a specific time point, when did the uneasiness in his heart appear?
About half a month ago, Dazai-kun stopped trying to pull Nakajima Atsushi into pranks, and even wore headphones when playing games.
At that time, Nakajima Atsushi, who had just finished his homework and walked downstairs, looked at Dazai Osamu playing games alone in the living room with headphones on. He just thought that his brother had reached some kind of exchange agreement with the other party, in exchange for adding more crab meat or speeding up the frequency of buying bandages in exchange for his temporary peace and quiet.
But now think about it, even if such an exchange really happened, Dazai-brother shouldn't be so obedient. He might even deliberately play some word games. For example, the one who agreed was Dazai standing in the living room, not Zhi lying on the sofa.
So did anything big happen half a month ago?
It’s just June now, so half a month ago was… the day when Dazai-ge received his salary.
But this shouldn't be the case. Even if Dazai-san had problems with his work, since the family is not short of money, his brother wouldn't hold it against him.
Then there must be something else. Counting further back, on May 10th, Dazai-kun secretly ate a can of crab meat, on May 8th, Kouga-kun bought a new gray shirt, and May 5th was his birthday...
It seemed like Dazai-kun came back very late on his birthday.
As an orphan, Nakajima Atsushi didn't know his birthday, and Bailibian had no research in this area, but Dazai Osamu was different. He couldn't calculate any date he wanted!
So, as a New Year's gift, Nakajima Atsushi learned his birthday from Dazai Osamu. For Nakajima Atsushi, this gift, though insignificant, was extremely important. As for why he gave this gift, Dazai Osamu explained, "All my money was spent by Momochi, and I had to spend so much time doing housework every day that I had no way to prepare other gifts."
It was his first birthday in his life (it may seem strange to say this, but it was the fact, let us respect the fact). With excitement in his heart, even Nakajima Atsushi, who never liked to trouble others, did not refuse Bailibian's proposal to celebrate this time.
Although a grand ceremony seems more solemn, for Nakajima Atsushi, celebrating this special day with his family is more precious.
And even though Baili Bian didn't say it, Nakajima Dun guessed that the other party was not used to entertaining strangers at home.
As the birthday boy, Nakajima Atsushi did not participate in the specific work of the day. It was not until the lights went out and Bailibian walked out of the kitchen with a cake lit with candles that Nakajima Atsushi realized that Dazai Osamu was not at home.
This little episode did not affect the atmosphere of the day, and Dazai Osamu never made it clear that he would attend Nakajima Atsushi's birthday party, so although he felt a little disappointed, Nakajima Atsushi did not say anything.
After eating the cake, Dazai Osamu returned home and brought a birthday present for Nakajima Atsushi - a set of clothes, a white shirt and black overalls. Although the colors were a bit monotonous, they were still lively.
Although he can still feel the joy of receiving the gift when he thinks about it now, Nakajima Atsushi is sure that the uneasy atmosphere originated on that day.
Is the conflict caused by different opinions on his birthday?
If it were Dazai-san, his ideas for the birthday party might indeed be different from his brother's...
But, I don’t think that’s the reason.
In their last meeting a year ago, Dazai, Sakunosuke Oda, and Ango Sakaguchi once again complained about their dissatisfaction with Hyakubi. The specifics of their discussion weren't important; at the end, Dazai still looked pleased with himself, like a cat having had a good sleep in the sun. Even with his squinting eyes, he exuded a sense of contentment.
"Dazai really likes Hyakuri-kun." Oda Sakunosuke sighed as he looked at Dazai Osamu who was wagging his tail.
Like a kitten being grabbed by the scruff of the neck, Dazai stared blankly with his eyes wide open, but Sakaguchi Ango nodded in agreement, "Indeed. It's really not easy for Baili-kun to tolerate a guy like Dazai for so long."
"However, since we're living together, it's better for you to go home earlier," Oda Sakunosuke said with a frown. "Even if you open the door yourself, you still have to consider each other's schedule."
It was unknown what had touched a nerve with Dazai Osamu, but he didn't say anything about Bailibian in the subsequent conversation. Even after returning home and successfully tasting the hangover soup he had just tasted, he wasn't that happy.
Then it was May, perfect for getting in the water. While rafting, Dazai Osamu was hooked by Bailibian, who was fishing. The afternoon sun was perfect, so he took a nap while drying his clothes. But when he woke up, he heard Bailibian's rejection: "Suicide for love is out of the question, and there can't be a suicide-themed birthday cake. Odun's birthday should include chazuke."
Everything made sense, Bailibian would never agree to such a request. But Dazai Osamu felt a little uncomfortable, and he couldn't tell why. Perhaps it was the scorching sun that made his head dizzy. He babbled and then asked something, but he didn't hear his own question clearly. Instead, Bailibian's answer was particularly clear -
"A-Dun."
In an era where decisiveness is often viewed as a compliment, Baili Bian is undoubtedly a truly exceptional individual. What made him this way wasn't the military principle of "hesitation when necessary leads to chaos," but rather his parents' words and deeds and his own childhood experience: hesitation only hurts both sides.
Just like Director Xu, who didn't want to disappoint Miss Bai who had just returned to China, and was reluctant to make Miss Dai beside him sad, he ended up becoming the villain in the hearts of the two ladies; President Long was embarrassed to break his childhood promise, and was unwilling to let go of Senior Sister Tian whom he was pursuing. In the end, he not only lost Miss Qing, but also lost Senior Sister Tian.
And just like his parents had told him, among all the princesses, none of them were prepared beforehand when they arrived in a new place. Even if they had lived a happy life again, they would often express regrets about their original world - I should have spent all my money, I haven't drunk the new wine I bought yet, there's someone I've been thinking about for a long time...
So when faced with choices, Bailibian always makes his own decisions decisively.
No one knows which will come first, tomorrow or time travel. If you must leave regrets, at least don't make them too big.
If I had to make a metaphor, Bailibian was a harsh, yet not very precise, balance scale. There was no such thing as a slight tilt or swaying balance; even a difference of a milligram would cause the heavier end to plummet and take the lead, while the lighter end would quickly soar into the sky.
There was no reason why Dazai Osamu wouldn't understand this. Just like he'd complained so many years ago, even after so many days of searching, even after so much hope of success, Bailibian wouldn't change his routine when it came time to eat or sleep. Even though he knew that just a little further forward would bring victory.
So what is he really worried about? What is he uncomfortable with? What is he resentful about?
He couldn't be regretting his position in Baili Bian's heart, wondering when he lost to a younger brother like Nakajima Atsushi.
What's the comparison?
Who is Nakajima Atsushi? He is the child that Bailibian brought back from the orphanage. He is the first and only person who took the initiative to stay at home after Bailibian came to Yokohama. He is the closest family member that Bailibian has found for himself since he came to this strange world.
Who is Dazai Osamu? He is a lobbyist sent by an adult with ill intentions, an uninvited guest, and a psychiatrist specially invited to treat Nakajima Atsushi's mental illness.
He didn't even have a key.
So did Baili Bian know? Of course he knew.
On the first day that Dazai Osamu was acting strangely, he knew that he had fallen into a vicious circle again.
But Bailibian and Nakajima Atsushi are different. Nakajima Atsushi knew Dazai Osamu when he was 20 or 21 years old, so if the other party looked a little listless, he would be on high alert and hope that the other party would get better soon.
But Bailibian knew Dazai Osamu when he was 15, Dazai Osamu when he was 16, Dazai Osamu when he was 17, and Dazai Osamu when he was 18, and then Dazai Osamu when he was 20 and 21.
Here in Bailibian, Dazai Osamu was always upset and uncomfortable. Even being out of tune was Dazai Osamu's most normal state.
Bailibian's perspective on Dazai Osamu's behavior differed from Nakajima Atsushi's. To Bailibian, Dazai Osamu was a man of contradictions, never a single day going his way. He was constantly frustrated, awkward, and angry, but the source of all this discomfort wasn't anyone else, but himself. This man, as he knew best, was at odds with the world.
So until now, Bailibian still believes that all that is wrong with Dazai Osamu is due to the fact that he once again discovered the differences between himself and Bailibian, and therefore feels disappointed and unhappy that he is traveling with him.
But this is something that cannot be changed by Baili Bian.
Because he was the type of person Dazai Osamu had always met, someone who preferred a stable and peaceful life, enjoying the warmth of family, and a bit of a perfunctory attitude towards getting by. He wasn't curious about the so-called nature of the world, and he turned a blind eye to the bad nature of human beings.
Let it be, there is no need to think too much, everything is just like this.
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