47. Toccata
What was our relationship before?
The winter light was so soft it was almost merciful, covering the disheveled sheets.
Liang Chuling woke up first. Her body felt like it had been disassembled and reassembled. Every muscle retained the long memory of last night, but strangely, the turbulent waves in her heart turned into a near-exhausted calm.
Li Xun was still asleep, but his sleeping face was as innocent as she remembered.
She looked for a while, confirming that she was completely calm!
Only then did I dare to take out my phone to check the messages; what's meant to happen will happen.
Open social media —
Hmm? The expected bloodshed did not materialize.
Ivan's name is indeed trending, ranking high on the hot search list, but the related keywords are:
[Ivan's Drug Use Confirmed by Video]
[Recording of Ivan verbally abusing his colleagues leaked]
Ivan's ex-boyfriend accuses her of domestic violence.
[Ivan was a gay man who tricked his girlfriend into marriage?]
The attacks were concentrated and incisive, causing a public uproar and shaking both the classical music and entertainment news sectors.
However, not a single trending topic or report mentioned the chaos backstage at the theater last night. There was no Liang Chuling, and certainly no Li Xun. The frantic clicking of cameras at them seemed like a collective hallucination.
In discussions related to Ivan, the focus shifted to Liang Chuling—
She was a deceived victim, a lovelorn woman who misjudged people, and someone who was thankful that Liang Chuling didn't become a wife of a gay man.
A few comments occasionally questioned whether she knew the inside story beforehand, but they were quickly drowned out by voices saying, "Yelena has already apologized, how could it be fake?"
Liang Chuling was so shocked that she rushed to find Yelena to apologize. What apology? Who was she apologizing to?
But Li Xun had woken up at some point, wrapped his arm around her from behind, and rested his chin on her shoulder: "What are you looking at?"
Liang Chuling blushed instantly and could only pretend to be calm as she turned her phone screen to show him.
Li Xun glanced at it for a moment: "Something's not right, is it?"
"It's too clean, isn't it?" Liang Chuling said, expressing his opinion.
Like after a downpour, the small patch of ground where they stood was spotless.
“That means it was specially cleaned.” Li Xun also took his phone and searched for Liang Chuling and his own name, but found nothing.
Liang Chuling's phone rang. She glanced at Li Xun, answered it, and pressed the speakerphone button.
“Ling,” a slightly tired female voice came, carrying the restraint of a Moscow intellectual, “it’s me. Are you alright?”
Liang Chuling sat up straight: "Teacher Yelena."
"Please allow me to formally apologize to you." Yelena's voice was steady, interrupting Liang Chuling's possible polite remarks. "I express my deepest apologies for everything my son Ivan did to you, and for the trouble and harm caused to you by my own rash request. This was my mistake, caused by my arrogance."
Yelena sought out Liang Chuling because she believed her child's future was ruined simply because of a different sexual orientation. Yelena genuinely found this absurd and unfair.
She thought Ivan was a good kid who just needed some cover-up.
“I took advantage of your respect and affection for me. It was my arrogance—I arrogantly thought I knew my son, and arrogantly thought it wouldn’t have any real impact on you.”
“Until recently, I realized how despicable he was. He not only deceived you, but he also deceived me. This is not a matter of sexual orientation, it is a matter of character, and I have caused you such serious harm.”
"Teacher, please don't say that..." Liang Chuling was a little flustered, her left hand waving unconsciously, but Li Xun held it.
“That’s the truth. That’s why I came. I won’t allow Ivan or myself to hurt you again. I arrived in Beijing last night. Those photos that shouldn’t have appeared won’t appear. I’ve also dealt with the people involved. Ivan will take responsibility for all his actions and accept the consequences.”
"He will never have the chance to get close to you again, nor will he bother you in any way. I will be responsible for cleaning up the mess he left behind. This is my responsibility and my way of making it up to you."
Liang Chuling and Li Xun exchanged a glance. This pianist, known for his toughness and professionalism, was always highly efficient.
Yelena's tone softened: "Ling, Ivan and I are sorry for what happened. Going forward, whatever clarification, statement, artistic collaboration, or recommendation you need, I will definitely help you. This is my personal commitment and has nothing to do with Ivan."
"Teacher, you don't have to do this!" When faced with her idol lowering his stance towards her, Liang Chuling's first feeling was actually guilt.
“This is what I should do. You are the most talented child I have watched grow up. I cherish your talent, and I cherish you as a person even more. It was my oversight and mistake to put you in this situation.”
"In Russia, we have a saying: 'You have to drink the bitter wine you brew yourself.' So, let me handle it. Alright, I won't take up any more of your time. Focus on preparing for your concert. The stage is yours, and no one can take it away."
"Also, regarding your relationship with Ivan, you are free, child. You have always been free, only trapped by my foolish advice. I am sorry."
After hanging up the phone, Li Xun gently squeezed Liang Chuling's fingers.
Liang Chuling finally found Yelena's registered Chinese account and saw her statement, in which she expressed that Liang Chuling was a victim and had been deceived by Ivan all along, while also promoting Liang Chuling's new album...
This Weibo post was liked by Li Chi, Jin Xi, Zhou Xu, and even Director Chen, whom he had only met once.
The tacit support enveloped Liang Chuling safely.
A anticipated storm vanished without a trace, even earning her sympathy and attention.
Liang Chuling felt a little unreal. A scandal involving men hadn't dragged women into it at all. In fact, because Ivan was gay, the perpetrators and victims of this trending topic frenzy were all men.
Liang Chuling looked out the window. The winter sky in Beijing was a grayish-blue, the sunlight was thin and bright, and the sparse branches of trees cut across the horizon, making it look desolate yet open.
Those fears, and even the intense passion that Li Xun displayed in the face of adversity, seemed to have lost some real weight because of this overly swift resolution.
Li Xun seemed to sense something and continued to hug her tightly from behind, as if to prove that the passion was real.
The quiet embrace lasted for a few minutes, then Liang Chuling jerked away from his arms as if she had been suddenly electrocuted.
"Oh no!" she exclaimed, frantically searching through the scattered clothes on the floor for her belongings. "What time is it? My flight is tonight... No, I need to go home and get my luggage first. Oh my god, I didn't prepare anything!"
Li Xun was amused by her sudden panic, but he also sat up and glanced at his phone: "It's still early, just past nine. What time is your flight tonight?"
"8:40!" Liang Chuling had already put on her shirt and was struggling with the buttons on her jeans. Her hair was messy and hanging over her shoulders, and her face was still flushed, but her eyes had already switched to rushing to her schedule. "I have to go home and get ready."
Li Xun got out of bed and picked up his own clothes to put them on. Watching her pacing around, he couldn't help but smile. The image of Liang Chuling trembling and passionately asking for kisses in his arms last night overlapped with the image of Liang Chuling now rushing to catch her flight, making him find her adorable.
"Don't rush." He walked behind her and straightened the collar of her tucked-in coat. "I'll see you home."
Liang Chuling turned to look at him: "Aren't you busy today?"
"The crew has a day off today, so there are no plans. Besides, getting you off is more important. You can have your assistant go directly to the airport to wait for you."
Liang Chuling breathed a sigh of relief and began assigning tasks without any hesitation: "Okay! Then take me home to get my luggage first, then take me to your house to say goodbye to Chestnut, and then take me to the airport!"
After she finished counting, her stomach suddenly growled, so she added matter-of-factly, "Buy me some more food on the way! I'm starving! I haven't had anything proper to eat since noon yesterday!"
Li Xun was genuinely amused by her and couldn't help but laugh out loud: "Okay, I'll follow the little genius's arrangements."
Liang Chuling felt a little embarrassed by his laughter, but hunger got the better of her, so she gave him a push: "Hurry up! I'm really hungry!"
It was already 4 p.m. when the car got onto the airport expressway.
The scenery outside the car unfolded in a vast yet desolate manner. The trees had shed their leaves, their branches reaching towards the sky, their lines as clear as a sketch. Occasionally, there were evergreen pines and cypresses, their greenness stubbornly persistent.
The air was dry, cold, and clear, with high visibility, making the world seem vast. A powerful winter chill, typical of the north, enveloped the moving train carriage.
On my way to Daxing Airport, I unexpectedly passed through a patch of lingering snow, a stark contrast to the climate differences between districts. The remaining snow stubbornly gleamed white in the shade.
Liang Chuling leaned back in her chair, the reluctance she felt when saying goodbye that afternoon lessening, and thought that leaving now wasn't so bad. She would leave a bunch of things behind and head to a place with music and the aurora borealis.
My phone rang again; it was my agent.
"Chu Ling, the public opinion is very favorable to us. I think you should come out and respond. Everyone is sympathizing with you now, so take this opportunity to solidify your image. Issue a statement expressing your shock and disappointment at the deception, but also focusing on music and such."
Liang Chuling didn't answer immediately. She was wondering if she needed to play the role of the "shocked, disappointed but strong" victim? To show her hurt in order to gain more sympathy?
"Forget it, I don't want to respond. There's nothing to say."
Her agent knew her temperament: "Then after you land, post a Weibo message mentioning the upcoming concert in Norway."
"Let's talk about it when we get there," Liang Chuling said dismissively.
She put down her phone. The winter scenery continued to unfold, but something else was swirling in her mind. Since waking up that morning, that matter had been stuck in her throat, becoming clearer and more difficult to speak of as she got closer to the airport.
She stole a glance at Li Xun driving. Everything from last night—the hugs, the kisses, the tears, the sweat, the panting—had really happened. But now that the sun was shining again and the crisis was suddenly over, what were they really?
Is it a rekindling of old flames? Or a new beginning?
She didn't know.
The words were on the tip of his tongue, but he swallowed them back.
It was Li Xun who spoke first, saying, "I have another question to ask."
"Um?"
Why didn't you come to see me when I was in the hospital after drowning?
Liang Chuling immediately turned to look at his expression. This question was strange; it didn't seem like something Li Xun would ask. He was always considerate, even overly so, and now asking it sounded like he was being coquettish or expressing dissatisfaction.
Li Xun was naturally understanding of her situation. So when Li Chi told him that Liang Chuling cared about him and that her mother was busy contacting the fire department, Li Xun, despite being distraught, did not contact Liang Chuling. He believed that she and Ivan were truly in love, so in order not to cause trouble or upset Liang Chuling, he could only remain silent.
But now that he knows it was all a lie, his truest emotions are finally showing.
The emotion translates to: I'm hurt, and you clearly care about me, but you haven't come to see me.
Since Li Xun had revealed this emotion, Liang Chuling spoke frankly: "Because I thought Huang Xiao was your girlfriend. She's taking care of you, and it would be awkward for me to go over there."
Li Xun asked helplessly, "Was it a misunderstanding when we first met?"
Liang Chuling nodded. "You said you cherish her."
"Huang Xiao is a screenwriter. We were talking about my mother's script that day. It was a metaphor for classical music."
Liang Chuling slowly replied, "Oh." Then she added, "Okay."
Stopping at the red light, Li Xun turned to look at Liang Chuling intently, trying to read the air. He tentatively asked, "Is there anything else you want to say to me?"
Liang Chuling hesitated, wanting to speak but then stopping herself, and finally shook her head.
Li Xun felt that her behavior was strange and wanted to try to guess what was going on, but after a few words, the light turned green and he continued driving.
Li Xun parked the car outside the terminal, and Liang Chuling wrapped her scarf tighter. Li Xun pushed her suitcase and escorted her to the boundary of the security checkpoint.
Amidst the bustling crowd, Liang Chuling took the suitcase and was about to turn and go inside when those words finally broke through all her hesitation: "What is our relationship now?"
Li Xun hadn't expected her to ask that question. Just then, a passenger walked behind Li Xun and blocked the wind for him. As a result, the wind stopped, and he lost his senses, as if he were suspended in mid-air.
The person quickly walked away, and Li Xun landed on the ground.
Li Xun didn't answer, but instead asked her, "What was our relationship before?"
They had already broken up before they even officially got together.
We never walked hand in hand in the sunshine on campus, never attended any events as a couple, and never introduced each other as boyfriend/girlfriend to mutual friends.
They were never really together.
But they truly experienced all the pain, tug-of-war, hurt, and long separation that come with a breakup.
It never truly began, yet it truly ended.
A life yet to be born has a complete epitaph.
They were sentenced to death before they even had a proper beginning.
They lacked a starting point. Without that starting point, all subsequent separations lost a coordinate from which to trace back.
Is Li Xun bringing this up now to say that our relationship is what it was before, and what our relationship is now?
A relationship that never had a formal name, yet carried the weight of all parting?
Liang Chuling suddenly woke up on the plane.
The cabin was very warm, but she felt cold.
An uneasy person has grown up;
A person who prefers to confront problems directly chose to put them aside.
A person who takes relationships seriously is now in an ambiguous relationship with her.
All the awkwardness, contradictions, and abnormalities—the source lies within her.
He struggled to adjust to her reappearance amidst the trauma she had caused.
Liang Chuling gazed at the dark, boundless night sky outside the window, enveloped by both loneliness and clarity.
She needs time and space to think things through and figure out what kind of relationship and beginning she can offer Li Xun.
She couldn't let him wait for an uncertain future any longer.
[Author's Note]
Last night I suddenly got really excited and was frantically writing "What He Thought She Was Him," feeling like I could finally finish it before the New Year. I'm having so much fun writing! Hope everyone will subscribe to my column~
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