27. Autumn
◎Jellyfish◎
Even at the end of October, when autumn is about to show its most presentable side, with clear skies and gentle breezes, it still seems reluctant to do so.
It's more like dryness than dryness.
The news that Zhou Xu caused a car accident while driving without a license initially circulated only in a small circle, with bizarre versions, such as a love suicide and a wealthy family feud, which sounded like a third-rate script.
But soon, questions about his age and driver's license came to light.
Unlicensed driving, dangerous racing, and damage to public property have stirred up controversy surrounding privilege and misconduct, causing a public outcry.
This finally brought a bit of fun to everyone's otherwise monotonous lives.
If previous live streams could be interpreted by some as genuine expressions of emotion, this incident is a completely illegal act, and the official response has been swift.
Several partners who had already given Zhou Xu a cold shoulder due to the livestream incident immediately issued statements suspending cooperation or canceling performances. Traffic management authorities intervened and investigated; the lawyer's letter was no longer sent to the online ID, but directly to Zhou Xu himself.
The hard-earned international reputation and commercial value are collapsing, and the school is facing enormous public pressure.
Besides, the man who had been publicly criticized by Zhou Xu during the live stream and the male student who had hit a cat while riding his bike at school started helping each other and posting leaflets to boycott Zhou Xu all over campus.
The two men were complete strangers before, but afterwards they became as close as brothers; the speed at which men unite is truly astonishing.
Liang Chuling was protected by the school and her team.
With her phone switched off and the internet cut off, Liang Chuling was practically escorted home from school by her mother.
"You stay put and behave yourself!" Madam Ma rarely put on a stern face. "Do you even realize how serious this is? Driving without a license! A car accident! Zhou Xu has his own circumstances; there are some rules he might not know or care about! But what about you? Don't you know them either? How could you dare get into his car! What if something serious happened?!"
Liang Chuling lowered her head, the scabs on her forehead itching, and she had no way to refute them.
The forced stillness gave her enough time to process what Li Xun had said.
After the impulsive act, there is a mess that needs to be cleaned up.
And she was one of the perpetrators of this mess... if only she had been more resolute in refusing back then.
A complex mix of guilt and helplessness in the face of reality collided on the same path, and Liang Chuling was the point of intersection, caught in the middle.
--
While taking Li Chi's video lessons at home, Liang Chuling was a little worried that Li Chi might hear about these things, and she also felt that she was being too impulsive.
She was trembling with fear that Li Chi would not approve of her, but Li Chi continued to teach her strictly and without saying anything unnecessary, as if he was unaware of the recent turmoil.
This tore Liang Chuling's heart in two, making her feel slightly relieved on one hand, but still troubled on the other.
Just as she was feeling troubled, one afternoon, Aunt Zhang came up to her room and knocked on her door: "Lingling, Li Xun is here. He said he wants to see you and also the cat."
Liang Chuling rushed to the door, put her hand on the doorknob, but couldn't turn it no matter what she did.
She wasn't ready, nor had she sorted out her chaotic feelings.
"Aunt Zhang, I'm not feeling well, so I'm lying down. Why don't you let him watch the cat?"
She felt the world suddenly become very quiet, allowing her to hear Aunt Zhang's explanation to Li Xun downstairs without any obstruction, hear Li Xun say "It's okay, let her rest well," then the sounds of him playing with Li Zi, and the sound of the door closing shortly afterward.
It was so quiet that her escape echoed throughout the room.
A few days later, seeing how pitifully she was cooped up, Ms. Ma relented and allowed her to use the computer to go online, but her cell phone was still confiscated.
It was rare for Liang Chuling to appear on a classical music forum. She hadn't paid much attention to it before, and her teachers always told her to spend less time on gossip and more time practicing.
Clicking on it, several posts about her and Zhou Xu floated on the homepage. Clicking on one of them, the thread was rapidly growing, filled with all sorts of speculations and analyses.
One reply caught her attention. The person confidently stated, "My dad is a doctor at the Third Hospital. He personally saw Zhou Xu come for a follow-up examination. His arm injury was quite serious. It's hard to say whether it will affect his ability to play the piano in the future."
Liang Chuling was restless. Although Zhou Xu seemed indifferent, and Ms. Ma said she had called the school and they said it was nothing serious, Liang Chuling still couldn't stay at home peacefully.
After much pleading with Ms. Ma, Liang Chuling managed to go out with her when Ms. Ma was at the hospital for a check-up. Ms. Ma knew that Liang Chuling wanted to see Zhou Xu, so she didn't stop her. After the check-up, the two went together.
Zhou Xu's assistant opened the door, looking rather grim. Seeing it was her, he sighed and stepped aside to let them in. Madam Ma patted Liang Chuling's wrist, saying she would be sitting by the door waiting for her, and urged her to finish quickly.
Zhou Xu was curled up on the living room sofa, his left arm in a cast and slinged across his chest. The main light was off, and he was in the shadows.
What brings you here?
Liang Chuling walked over and sat down next to him. "What did the doctor say about your hand?"
"It's just a minor fracture, a small injury, nothing serious, I'll be fine soon." Zhou Xu said he would be fine soon, but there was uncertainty in his eyes, which did not escape Liang Chuling's notice.
“Things outside are a bit troublesome, but don’t worry, as long as…” Liang Chuling said carefully, and it was also her true feelings. Zhou Xu played so well that any country would cherish a genius of this caliber, especially since he was a foreign citizen and male. This identity was indeed a tangible protective shield. The eye of the storm seemed fierce, but it would most likely pass; it was just a matter of time.
But Zhou Xu interrupted her, picked up an apple with his uninjured right hand, and said in a deliberately relaxed tone, "I'm not worried, someone will handle it. At worst, I just can't perform for a few more years, and I'm getting a little tired of it anyway."
Liang Chuling took the apple, intending to peel it for him, but couldn't find a peeler. There was only a fruit knife on the table, which was too sharp for Liang Chuling to use, so she put down the fruit knife and the apple.
The moment I put it down, I felt a little uncomfortable. I wondered if I was being too selfish. Zhou Xu had injured his hand but didn't say anything, while I wouldn't even peel an apple for him.
But she really didn't want to.
So he came up with a good reason: "Apples aren't very tasty, so don't eat them."
Zhou Xu had no objections and obediently agreed. Then it was Liang Chuling's turn to hesitate, and she suddenly said sorry.
Thinking she was apologizing for the car accident, Zhou Xu shook his head, "You don't need to apologize. It was my choice to drive, it was my choice to drive fast, it's my problem."
"But if it weren't for me, you wouldn't have done live streams before, you wouldn't have been restricted from performing, and you wouldn't have needed to vent your feelings." Liang Chuling couldn't hold back from saying all this; she hated people who got the benefits but then acted innocent.
After she finished speaking, Zhou Xu caught her eye and said, "It's okay. It's good that you're here to see me. Don't say sorry."
After saying that, he went to rummage through other fruits on the coffee table, accidentally knocking over a bottle of disinfectant alcohol that wasn't properly capped. Liang Chuling quickly stopped his instinctive movement—to use his injured hand to catch the bottle. But the smell of alcohol pulled her back to the hospital, and she remembered that her mother was still waiting for her at the door.
"My mom is still waiting for me at the door. She's not feeling well, so I need to go home with her as soon as possible. I'm leaving now. You take good care of yourself." She hesitated a little when she said this, after all, she hadn't been sitting for very long.
Zhou Xu awkwardly adjusted the bandage on his left arm with his uninjured right hand, a movement that made him groan and appear even more vulnerable.
“Okay.” He looked at her with his gray-blue eyes, which seemed to be veiled in mist. “You know, here, I don’t really have anyone else to talk to. It seems like only you are willing to come and see me.”
Then, as if making a huge decision, she asked the question, "You won't leave, right?"
The question had a childlike quality to it.
Looking at his pale face and dangling hand, Liang Chuling felt a pang of unease at having seen through his intentions, but this was quickly replaced by pity. At that moment, he truly resembled a child who had caused trouble and was afraid of being abandoned.
Liang Chuling could sense that Zhou Xu was deliberately amplifying her guilt in an attempt to bind her. This feeling was uncomfortable, but at the moment, she really couldn't harden her heart towards such a down-on-his-luck "companion".
In this moment of hesitation, an embarrassing thought struck her—
This scene is all too familiar.
She used almost blackmail to keep Li Xun by her side back then.
Did Li Xun look at her back then with the same helpless pity she feels now when she looks at Zhou Xu?
This pierced through a corner she had always been unwilling to think about, like having her shameful secret exposed to her face.
If Li Xun's feelings for her were always just helplessness, pity, and staying by her side out of responsibility and kindness, then wouldn't her dependence and attraction, which she herself hadn't even figured out, be a complete joke?
She projected herself onto Zhou Xu, and looking at the young man before her, she saw her past self.
"I will come to see you." She avoided directly answering whether she would leave, only promising to visit.
Liang Chuling dared not directly ask Li Xun, "Did you agree to my request out of pity?" for fear of hearing an unbearable "yes." Nor could she pretend nothing had happened, because the thought had already taken root.
Therefore, she increasingly avoided meeting Li Xun.
--
Two days later, the rumors outside subsided. Some malicious speculations targeting Liang Chuling disappeared, and more arguments began to appear online emphasizing that she was also a victim in the incident and that she was young and had already been strictly disciplined by her family. This effectively guided public opinion and prevented her from becoming the target of public criticism.
Liang Chuling vaguely sensed that the operation behind this was not something Zhou Xu would have been able to accomplish. However, she was trapped at home, lacking information, and had no way of investigating the source of this change.
Seeing that she was still in low spirits and looked listless, after confirming that she had really learned her lesson, Ms. Ma finally returned the phone to her and allowed her to go out for some fresh air accompanied by her bodyguard.
Liang Chuling didn't have any particular place she wanted to go. She replied to some messages of concern from others and also let Lin Jiani know that she was safe.
Lost in thought, she decided to go to Jinxi's house. Jinxi had recently returned from a tour with her teacher.
After listening to her recount the car accident and Zhou Xu's current situation, Jinxi sighed deeply and held her hand, repeatedly saying that it was good that everyone was alright.
To dispel the gloom on her friend's face, Jinxi said mysteriously, "Come on! It's time to see the surprise."
She pulled Liang Chuling through the living room and into a specially decorated, dark room. It was a study with bookshelves against the wall, a desk by the window, and in the center of the room, a huge aquarium that resembled a separate dream world.
Jinxi walked to the wall and turned on the light inside the box.
It was as if a small patch of the deep ocean had been brought to life before my eyes.
Dozens of jellyfish, like a group of solitary dancers, floated and swam in the water, their translucent luster shimmering. Their tentacles swayed with the current, reflecting a dreamlike glow under specially adjusted lights.
A flash of light and a falling lamp flame, yet it faces the glowing glass fire.
Liang Chuling stood in front of the water tank, almost forgetting to breathe. The chaotic thoughts that were swirling in her mind were temporarily shut out in front of this tranquil blue space and these dances, allowing her soul to catch its breath.
"How about it? My dad's precious baby." Jinxi said softly from the side, her tone filled with pride and joy. "He's a professional at raising these things."
"So beautiful," Liang Chuling murmured, her gaze following a jellyfish with a pale purple halo around the edge of its umbrella-shaped cap. She stared at it for a long time before finally looking away.
“We have an endangered freshwater jellyfish in Sichuan called the peach blossom jellyfish. I saw it once in Dujiangyan. If we have the chance in the future, let’s go see it together.” Jinxi tapped her shoulder gently.
"Okay, okay." Liang Chuling nodded, then turned to the other side, wanting to see a jellyfish with knotted tentacles, but instead caught sight of a photocopy of an honorary certificate on the bookshelf next to her. A quick glance revealed the words "First Prize in Provincial Piano Competition." Curious, Liang Chuling casually asked a question.
Jinxi tucked the photocopy inside, her tone as relaxed as ever: "It's nothing, just an award I won before, not very important, it's just gathering dust here."
Liang Chuling wisely refrained from asking further questions; everyone has past events they don't want to mention.
Jinxi quickly became excited again, pointing to the aquarium: "Choose one, I'll give it to you as a consolation prize."
Liang Chuling was startled and quickly waved her hands: "No, no, absolutely not! I can't harm such a beautiful life!"
Jinxi tilted her head and thought for a moment, then proposed a compromise: "How about this, it will stay at my house, you can adopt it, and you can name it. That way, you can come see it anytime you want, and my dad will take care of it!"
Liang Chuling was amused by the suggestion, but her laughter was tinged with emotion. Suddenly, she thought of Li Xun and Chestnut.
Chestnut was originally Li Xun's cat, and that's the name she gave it.
Now, this jellyfish is also her jellyfish, kept at Jinxi's home, waiting for her to give it a name.
She looked at the jellyfish with its knotted tentacles, floating gracefully in the water, beautiful and fragile, and said, "Let's call this one Xunxun."
Jinxi nodded: "Okay, Xunxun is an Atlantic sea thorn. From now on, it's yours. You can come see it anytime."
Returning from Jinxi's house, Liang Chuling's mood was cleansed by the blue sky, feeling slightly lighter. She turned on her computer and logged into the forum again, this time clicking on a post that read: "Why is Li Chi so obsessed with teaching? She hasn't released an album in a long time, what's going on with her?"
Liang Chuling was also curious, so she clicked to take a look. As a result, the post led to another post, and Liang Chuling read on and on, and time flew by.
The last post, posted by someone who seemed to have some inside information, used rather cryptic language, appearing quite secretive, but they actually said everything they needed to say, so it's unclear what they were pretending to be...
The post said that Zhou Xu was able to achieve a soft landing this time, and was not completely defeated by the iron fist of public opinion and rules. In addition to the relentless crisis management efforts of the capital behind him, the most important factor was that the dean, the organizing committees of several competitions, and Li Chi conducted a lot of communication and guarantee work in private.
They strongly emphasized the need to protect young artistic talents and prevent their artistic lives from being ruined by momentary mistakes, and expressed their willingness to work together to urge Zhou Xu to recognize his mistakes and correct them through future actions.
The post concluded with a casual remark: "According to sources, Li Chi has a son named Li Xun, and he has coordinated some communication between the school and the family."
Liang Chuling's hand holding the mouse stopped moving, then trembled slightly, but she accidentally clicked the button, automatically refreshing the page. The top post now read: "[Seeking information about Li Xun]".
In late November, the sun sets at four o'clock, and everything outside the window is a hazy gray. There's no magnificent blue hour, but there's a unique kind of rose gray. The wind is biting, snatching leaves from the trees one handful at a time.
Liang Chuling suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to see Li Xun.
It had been almost two weeks since they last saw each other. During that time, he would still send messages to ask how she was doing, how Chestnut was doing, and occasionally share snippets of his life.
She would reply after getting her phone back, her tone normal, but both of them knew that something was standing between them, making things different.
She felt a pang of sadness in her heart.
She desperately wanted to see Li Xun.
They dialed Li Xun's number, but no one answered.
Liang Chuling no longer hesitated and decided to go find him directly. Li Xun's activity area was very fixed: the music room, his teacher's house, and his own house. The routes to these three places were connected, making him easy to find.
I searched high and low, but all my efforts were in vain.
As autumn deepened, her breath dissipated like smoke, but her unease lingered, sometimes dissipating, sometimes gathering again.
She couldn't find him in this autumn when they should have had a good chat.
Finally, I left the music room feeling dejected, only to see someone not far away taking pictures of something with a camera. Following the direction of the lens, I noticed a poster hanging on the exterior wall of a building next door: "[Light of the Arctic: Arctic Ecology and Scientific Expedition Image Exhibition]".
What first caught Liang Chuling's eye was a photo of a jellyfish glowing in the deep blue sea, captioned "Arctic jellyfish".
As if possessed, she went inside.
The exhibition hall was quiet, showcasing many things about the Arctic: glaciers, the aurora borealis, polar bears, and an introduction to Longyearbyen, the world's northernmost city, where death and birth are forbidden.
Liang Chuling found the photo of the jellyfish and was standing in front of it, lost in thought, when her phone suddenly vibrated. It was Aunt Zhang.
"Lingling, come back quickly! Your mother has vomited again, and this time it's especially bad. Her face is frighteningly pale, and she refuses to go to the hospital no matter what. Please come back quickly and persuade her!"
"Li Xun? Arctic exhibition? I'll be right back!" Liang Chuling hung up the phone and ran home.
--
Li Xun wasn't stupid; he could sense that Liang Chuling was avoiding him.
At first, he was puzzled. He reviewed the argument that ended badly last time and concluded that Liang Chuling was probably still angry about his "calmness" and "grand principles".
He understood her black-and-white, youthful spirit, and inevitably felt stifled.
Li Xun himself had been incredibly busy lately, needing to be on his toes at every step of Curtis's registration process. He thought he'd wait a bit longer, until this most stressful phase was over, then he'd set aside a large chunk of time to have a proper talk with her. Some things just couldn't be explained over a screen.
He was also closely following the developments of the Zhou Xu incident, and seeing the public outcry escalating, he worried that the fire would inevitably reach Liang Chuling—after all, she was in that car at the time. So, through some indirect channels, he tried to ease the situation, hoping to minimize the negative impact of the Zhou Xu incident and thus protect Liang Chuling from being dragged into the vortex.
Today, everything finally came to an end. The registration system showed that the submission was successful, and everyone who had helped, including the professors, was happy for him. Li Xun invited everyone to have dinner at a nearby restaurant.
As he stepped out of the building, the wind blew on his temples, which were aching from lack of sleep, and he felt a rare sense of relaxation.
Perhaps it was the sudden release of tension that left him somewhat dazed. After sitting down at the restaurant and ordering, he realized his phone wasn't with him. He thought back and realized he must have forgotten to take it when he left the music room.
The atmosphere at the gathering was pleasant, with everyone chatting about music and future plans, temporarily setting aside their fatigue.
When everyone had almost finished eating, Li Xun stood up and smiled apologetically at them, "I left my phone in the music room, so I have to go back and get it. You guys eat first, I'll be right back."
He only noticed the missed call from Liang Chuling when he picked up his phone, and his heart skipped a beat with a touch of unexpected excitement. He immediately called back, holding the phone to his ear as he locked the door and headed out, but no one answered.
Back at the restaurant, after paying the bill, he stood on the autumn street again and dialed Liang Chuling's number once more. The result was the same.
He stopped and texted her, "Where are you? What's wrong? My phone wasn't with me."
Only after sending the message did he realize he was standing at the entrance of an exhibition. The poster was a deep blue, titled "Light of the Arctic: Arctic Ecology and Scientific Expedition Image Exhibition." Li Xun saw the introduction to Longyearbyen, the city located at 78 degrees north latitude, a city where there is no birth or death.
He knew this place, a place where the flow of time seemed to change, a place that isolated the most bustling beginning and end of life, leaving only eternal ice and snow and the starlight of the polar night.
I wish I could go with her to see it.
Late November, late autumn in Beijing. The wind was cold and sharp, swirling up the withered yellow leaves scattered on the ground. Looking up at the sky, bare tree branches stretched out against the canopy.
This was the autumn when they couldn't find each other.
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