42. Norwegian Dance No. 2
◎Take Care◎
Li Xun's voice was very soft; he shouldn't have disturbed someone who was sound asleep.
But perhaps because they were too close, or perhaps because she subconsciously sensed something, Liang Chuling's breathing quickened, and her brows furrowed, as if she were seriously pondering the answer to this question in her dream.
His lips moved, but no sound came out.
Li Xun remained in that bent-over position, looking at her very closely, and could feel her breathing.
For a fleeting moment, he imagined holding her hand as she slept, just like he had done many years ago.
But he didn't move.
Reason is both meticulous and resilient, restraining all impulses.
He couldn't wake her.
If she woke up now, she would simply get up and leave immediately. And then, she would never come back.
Li Xun didn't want it to be like this.
He stood up, took a step back, patted Chestnut's head, and then quietly went out.
Li Xun walked to the fitness equipment area on the first floor and sat down on a bench.
The autumn afternoon sun was warm and gentle. Several elderly people chatted idly in the distance, while children chased and laughed in the open space.
It was an ordinary afternoon.
Li Xun felt his heart beating unusually fast. He leaned back in his chair and looked up at his window. The curtains weren't drawn, but he couldn't see anything.
He didn't know when Liang Chuling would wake up or when she would leave. He just sat there and waited.
It was a strange feeling. It was his own home, yet he was waiting downstairs like a stranger, simply because there was someone upstairs who didn't want to see him.
A friend once asked him: If you can't let go of her so much, why don't you go back to her?
Li Xun did not answer at the time.
Now, sitting here, he suddenly understands part of the answer: because of fear.
It's not that I'm afraid of rejection—although that's one of the reasons.
His deeper fear was that once they reunited and spoke their minds, that long-held possibility would vanish. A good outcome would be wonderful, of course, but a bad outcome would mean a complete end.
While waiting itself is painful, it at least preserves the space for imagination regarding what has not yet happened.
Just like now, he knows Liang Chuling is upstairs in his house. He doesn't know what she will think when she wakes up, whether she will find out that he came back, or whether she will come again tomorrow.
This uncertainty hides a sweetness bordering on self-torture.
He didn't intend to tell Li Chi that he had been discharged from the hospital. He hoped Liang Chuling would come again.
Even if it's just like today, where he hides downstairs and she's upstairs, they don't meet or talk, but as long as he knows she was in that space, breathed the air he breathed, sat in the spot he sat in, and petted their cat, that's enough.
--
Once the process for the band's film is finalized and filming permits are obtained, the progress will be very fast.
Moreover, Huang Xiao's screenwriting skills are excellent, and the script he wrote did not require much adjustment during filming.
Before Li Chi returned from Nanjing, almost all the scenes that didn't require her to appear on screen had already been filmed. Li Xun had practically been living in the makeshift editing room these past few days. It wasn't that he really needed to rush, but rather that he needed to keep himself busy enough to not have time to overthink.
Only after finishing work late at night, on the drive home, do the anticipation and anxiety that have been hanging in my heart resurface.
He had never considered installing a security camera in the living room. First, he felt it was disrespectful; second, in Li Xun's memory, Liang Chuling was averse to cameras; and third, he wondered how disgusted Liang Chuling would be if she knew he was watching her on camera.
Three days had passed since their last meeting. Liang Chuling had only come to visit one day in those three days, and Li Xun could tell whether she had come or not just by glancing at her when he got home each night.
It was almost 11 o'clock when Li Xun finished work that day. As he drove downstairs, he looked up at the window and found that the lights were still on.
Why hasn't she left yet, it's so late?
Li Xun glanced at his phone; there were no messages. Of course, he wouldn't have her new contact information, and she wouldn't have any reason to contact him.
I sat in the car for ten minutes, and the light was still on. Twenty minutes later, it was still on.
The autumn night air was a bit chilly, so he lowered one window to look unobstructed at the other.
A jumble of thoughts raced through his mind: Was she asleep? Or was something wrong with Chestnut? Or had she already left but simply forgotten to turn off the light? Or was she actually waiting for him?
That last thought was too dangerous, so he immediately put it out.
As the night deepened, only a few streetlights and a handful of windows remained lit in the neighborhood.
The chirping of autumn insects was intermittent, making the night seem even quieter.
The light from the window shone warmly in the night, like a lighthouse on a vast sea. He knew that light wasn't for him, but at that moment, the person he wanted to see was inside that lighthouse.
About half an hour later, the lights went out, and the door to the apartment building opened a moment later. Liang Chuling came out, her steps somewhat hurried. She looked down at her phone as she walked, seemingly calling for a car.
Li Xun sat in the car watching her.
Is it safe for someone to go home alone so late?
The ride-hailing car Liang Chuling had called arrived, and she opened the door and got in. Li Xun followed in his car; he couldn't just watch her disappear into the night.
Only after Liang Chuling got out of the car at her doorstep did Li Xun slowly exhale and turn to leave.
Li Chi returned three days later. On the day he returned, he sent Li Xun a message: "I'm going to my friend's house tonight to ask her about some paperwork. I'll start keeping an eye on the orchestra's performances tomorrow. How are you doing?"
Li Xun said he was fine and had been discharged from the hospital.
Li Chi's return means that starting tomorrow, Liang Chuling will no longer go to his house to feed the cat.
The day after returning, Li Chi began full-scale preparations for the orchestra's performance at the Beijing Concert Hall. This performance would be included in a film as the climax, so additional filming permits were required.
Li Xun couldn't get involved in this aspect; Li Chi handled all the coordination. So, Li Xun gave the entire crew two days off. He originally planned to review the footage himself, but he overestimated his abilities and couldn't concentrate at all. Leaning back in his chair, he rubbed his sore eyes and glanced at his social media—
He didn't need to pay special attention to Liang Chuling; her name would always come into view from all directions.
On the trending topics list, a familiar name caught his attention: Ivan followed by the name of a top-tier female singer in China.
He clicked on it. It was the female singer's concert at the Workers' Stadium last night, with Ivan appearing as a special guest.
In the video clip, the stage lights are dazzling, and thousands of people are cheering. When the performance ends, Ivan takes the initiative to step forward, opens his arms and hugs the female singer, his arm resting on her shoulder, and smiles brightly. The female singer turns her head and smiles at him, saying something. The image freezes, and it is reposted by countless entertainment accounts with ambiguous headlines.
Perhaps because Ivan's name was trending, Liang Chuling's name quickly appeared in related topics.
The general public outside the classical music circle may not know much about this piano duo, but with the help of the media, fragmented information is pieced together.
[Ivan Liang Chuling's Romance]
How long has it been since Liang Chuling and Yifan were last seen together?
Several new terms have seen a surge in popularity.
For male celebrities, rumors about their affairs have a certain allure.
For female celebrities, spreading rumors about their affairs is considered to be spreading falsehoods.
So the content started to become chaotic. Some people dug up early photos of Liang Chuling and Ivan together, comparing them with Ivan's current intimate interactions with female singers, speculating whether the two had already broken up and were each doing their own thing.
Some irresponsible marketing accounts made veiled accusations, labeling the female singer as possibly having a third chapter in her life, while others directly mocked Liang Chuling for not being able to keep her boyfriend.
Truth and falsehood, malicious speculation, and any means necessary for traffic.
For female celebrities, especially beautiful and successful ones, their love lives are always a rich source of public imagination, regardless of the truth or whether they themselves are willing to be put under scrutiny.
The rumor itself is the goal.
Li Xun stared blankly for a while, then felt a surge of annoyance.
Well then, he should head home too.
--
Li Chi was so busy that he had a headache and no time to go home. He couldn't even think about the implications of Li Xun's statement that he had been discharged from the hospital. It wasn't until the afternoon, when he was rummaging through his bag for documents, that he saw the gift he had bought for Liang Chuling in Nanjing. He slapped his forehead and hurriedly called Liang Chuling.
Liang Chuling answered the phone: "Teacher Li Chi."
"Chu Ling!" Li Chi said with a smile, "I'm back! I was too busy yesterday and forgot to tell you, sorry. Li Xun also said he's been discharged from the hospital. If you haven't been home yet, don't go today. If you have already gone, be careful... He's probably still busy editing. You two didn't run into each other, did you?"
“It’s okay,” Liang Chuling said calmly, without directly answering the question.
Li Chi was a little puzzled. Why was this child so quiet today? Wasn't she making a ruckus when talking about Li Xun before? But she couldn't discern any subtlety in her expression now. One thing after another was happening. If Liang Chuling said it was nothing, then it was nothing!
"I brought you a gift, I'll give it to you next time," Li Chi said. "Thank you for your hard work these past few days."
"Okay, I'll take it next time. It's no trouble at all, Chestnut is a good girl."
"Hey, why are you being so well-behaved today?" Li Chi laughed on the other end of the phone; she couldn't help it.
Liang Chuling didn't respond to that, but simply said, "Teacher, you've just gotten back, you should rest more."
"Okay, that's settled then. Let's have dinner together another day!"
"Okay, goodbye, Professor Li Chi."
--
When Liang Chuling came to feed the cat yesterday, she found that Chestnut was listless, so she took it to the vet. The vet said it was gastroenteritis, prescribed medicine, and told her to feed it three times a day.
The cat was fed at the hospital at noon, and by evening the task was entirely Liang Chuling's responsibility. She used cat treats to trick the cat into giving her medicine. Chestnut licked the treat twice and then realized something was wrong. She turned and ran, nimbly darting out of the living room.
Liang Chuling chased after her, and Chestnut slipped into Li Xun's room, whose door was ajar. Liang Chuling wasn't one to enter other people's rooms casually, especially not this person, so she could only stand frozen at the doorway.
Ms. Ma called to ask what time she would be home. Liang Chuling said she would be home soon, her eyes fixed on the cat inside the door, anxiously waiting.
The medicine hasn't been given yet!
After hesitating again and again, Liang Chuling called out three times to the empty doorway, like a self-permitted incantation, and then tiptoed in with great apology.
Liang Chuling knew that Li Xun wouldn't install surveillance cameras at home. Even if he did, if he saw her through the cameras, he wouldn't continue observing her; he would immediately turn them off or at least look away.
It wasn't because of any special consideration for her, but because Li Xun was simply the kind of person who would see without infringing upon her.
Li Xun always respects the boundaries of others.
He would only try to understand her, but he wouldn't dissect her to satisfy his curiosity or desire for control.
It was this quality that gave Liang Chuling an indescribable sense of security.
When he's around, he won't scrutinize her flaws with a magnifying glass, nor will he use them as weapons to hurt her.
This distant trust gave her the courage to step into the room.
She knew that even if he found out later, he wouldn't ask her "Why did you come into my room?", but would only ask "Is Chestnut alright?"
Li Xun's room was still tidy, but Liang Chuling wasn't interested in looking at it much, as she was only focused on following Chestnut. Chestnut had crawled under the desk, seemingly chewing on something.
"Chestnut!" She crouched down and picked it up, managing to snatch a Polaroid photo from its mouth.
The scene depicts autumn in Curtis, with golden and red leaves forming a blurred background. Liang Chuling is running, her hair flying in the wind. The composition is excellent, with half of the image being trees and the other half being her.
The photo had faded a bit, but Liang Chuling's heart pounded as if it were brand new. She unconsciously stuffed the photo into her pocket.
Chestnut broke free from her arms again, jumped onto the desk, and let out a dissatisfied yelp. Liang Chuling followed, wanting to pick it up.
My gaze swept across the table, where two or three identical Polaroid photos were scattered about—all of them of hers.
Different angles, different scenes, different periods, but all created by the same person.
There was also an old cell phone next to it, Li Xun's phone from five years ago—Liang Chuling recognized it of course, and there was a cat sticker that Liang Chuling had put on the back of the phone.
The screen lit up because she touched it. Liang Chuling didn't turn it on, but she didn't need to; the lock screen showed her photo...
Liang Chuling quickly flipped her phone back onto the table.
She knew Li Xun wouldn't pry into her privacy, but she still took his phone and saw his lock screen. If this behavior were done by someone else, it might be seen as double standards, but Liang Chuling didn't feel any self-reproach.
Because the other party is Li Xun.
Facing Li Xun, she naturally possessed a certain privilege, a kind of unbridled behavior stemming from complete trust.
She trusted that he wouldn't hurt her, and that even if she violated his privacy, he wouldn't retaliate in the same way.
This sense of security was so deeply ingrained that she could follow her instinctive curiosity to explore his hidden world without worrying that it would trigger a war.
This is an unequal sense of security, perhaps unfair, but she firmly believes in Li Xun more than she believes in the truth.
After leaving Li Xun, she never felt that terrifying sense of security again.
--
When Li Xun pushed open the door, he thought he would be faced with an empty room. After all, Li Chi had already returned, and Liang Chuling had no reason to come back.
So to everyone's surprise, the TV in the living room was on, playing a movie that the two of them had seen before, "Mountains May Depart." Li Xun knew why Liang Chuling was watching this movie, because the only DVDs in the drawer were this one and Akira Kurosawa's "Dreams," and Liang Chuling didn't like watching Kurosawa's films.
Two years ago, Li Xun returned to China to attend a film festival. While walking on the city wall of Pingyao, the song "Take Care" was playing in his headphones: "The weather is getting colder there, and there may be snow flying in the future... Even if we are in two different places, I will wait for you for a lifetime."
It was early summer, but it snowed that night. How lonely, snow falling in summer.
In the movie "Mountains May Depart," Liangzi says to Shen Tao, "Goodbye."
Li Xun said to this loneliness, "Goodbye."
Jinsheng bought the CD for her, and then the TV started playing the song, "Hoping that things will always turn around... Even if we are in different places, I will wait for you for a lifetime."
Liang Chuling was curled up asleep on the sofa. Chestnut had disappeared somewhere. Li Xun stood at the door and waited for a minute.
She was sleeping soundly. She looked much the same as she had a few days ago, but her face was a little pale. Li Xun noticed the medicine box on the coffee table; it was pet gastrointestinal medicine, already opened.
Chestnut suddenly appeared at the doorway. Li Xun reached out and patted Chestnut's head. The cat rubbed against his palm and purred. It seemed to be in good spirits.
Li Xun sat down at the other end of the sofa without waking her. The movie was still going on, and the song "Take Care" had finished playing, leaving the living room in a silent interlude.
Those questions about "why" that I asked a few days ago have now been answered.
because I love you.
I love you. Therefore, you hold the key to my world.
I love you. Therefore, you have the power to hurt me.
The implication of "I love you" is never a request for your love in return, but rather, "Now you can hurt me as you please."
Liang Chuling didn't wake up until 2 PM. When she woke up, she saw Li Xun and couldn't believe it, thinking it was a dream. She even sat up and moved closer, bringing Li Xun's face almost touching hers.
Thin and narrow double eyelids, like ripples on the water, will disperse in a while.
Before they dispersed, Liang Chuling saw her reflection in his pupils, and her mind went blank for a few seconds.
Then he suddenly leaned back, and the back of his head hit the back of the sofa with a thud.
Liang Chuling clutched her head in pain, fully waking up.
Li Xun refrained from rubbing her head, instead sitting up straight: "Did you have a nightmare?"
Liang Chuling's face flushed red, partly from pain and partly from embarrassment.
"What are you doing here?" Liang Chuling asked preemptively.
“This is my home,” Li Xun said calmly.
Liang Chuling was stunned for a moment, looked down at herself, then looked up at him, and had fully realized what was happening. She felt a little embarrassed and a little annoyed.
It was at this moment that I received a call from Li Chi.
"Teacher Li Chi said you would need to stay in the hospital for two weeks." Her voice was stiff.
"He was discharged from the hospital ahead of schedule."
"oh."
silence.
Chestnut came over and rubbed against Li Xun's leg. Li Xun bent down and stroked its head, and the cat purred.
"The cat has been fed." Liang Chuling stood up, her movements a little hurried. "I'm leaving."
Because she had been in one position for too long, her legs went numb, and she staggered as soon as she stood up. Li Xun reached out and supported her arm.
His hands were warm; the warmth emanated from through his sleeves. Liang Chuling immediately pulled her arm away and continued walking towards the door.
"Wait a minute," Li Xun said.
Liang Chuling stopped but didn't turn around: "Is there anything else?"
"How is Chestnut now?" Li Xun pointed to the medicine on the coffee table.
"Much better." Liang Chuling said, squatting down to touch Chestnut. "It had a bit of gastroenteritis yesterday, but I gave it some medicine, and it's lively and energetic today."
Li Xun hesitated for a moment, then asked, "And you? How are you?"
Liang Chuling asked, puzzled, "Me? I'm fine."
Seeing that she didn't seem to be putting on a brave face, Li Xun asked again, "Did you see the trending topics?"
Liang Chuling pulled out her phone with a puzzled look, and quickly saw the discussions about Ivan and the female singer, as well as the related mention of her. After browsing a few posts, her expression shifted from confusion to understanding, and finally to calm.
"Is this it?" she said nonchalantly. "It's fake, don't believe it."
Her nonchalant attitude inexplicably irritated Li Xun. He smirked and gave a mocking laugh: "You seem to trust your boyfriend quite a bit, huh?"
These words sounded harsh, but Liang Chuling didn't notice them at first because it just dawned on her—oh right! Ivan was her boyfriend!
Whether it was out of weariness with this fake relationship or because Li Xun's sharp tone made her uncomfortable, Liang Chuling blurted out, "He's not my boyfriend."
After she finished speaking, she herself felt a little like swallowing, realizing that the explanation was unnecessary.
"You two broke up?" Li Xun blurted out.
Li Xun was surprised that she would deny it so directly. A look of astonishment flashed across his eyes, followed by a restlessness. He stood up and walked towards Liang Chuling.
She had only taken three steps when Liang Chuling took a step back, her back pressed against the entryway cabinet.
Liang Chuling couldn't control her nervousness. She had a feeling that if things continued like this, something out of control would happen. She was so nervous that she felt the air was getting thinner.
Li Xun stopped in front of her, just a step away. Seeing her trembling body, he instantly calmed down. He began to blame himself. Had his tone been too harsh? How could he have frightened her like that? Or was Liang Chuling still upset about the news about Ivan?
He didn't want to see Liang Chuling so tense and anxious, so he wanted to help her relax first.
The words that were about to come out changed to: "Have you eaten?"
Liang Chuling paused for a moment: "...No."
"I haven't eaten either." Li Xun turned and walked towards the kitchen. "There should still be some ingredients at home."
"I won't eat it!"
Liang Chuling looked up at him. She wasn't short, but she only reached Li Xun's chin. With her face upturned, her eyes showed a variety of emotions—anger, embarrassment, and unease.
"I'm going home to eat! I'm not eating here!"
"Why?" Li Xun asked.
"Why? You dare ask why?" Liang Chuling was dumbfounded. "Li Xun, what happened to you?"
Do you think this is normal?
"how?"
"Let me stay here and eat. In your house. We can sit together and eat as if nothing happened?"
Liang Chuling was really angry.
Li Xun has a girlfriend. He keeps saying he cherishes and pities her, but what does this mean now?
Li Xun can't be like this. He can't become the kind of person who's entangled in the past and dishonest with his current partner.
Liang Chuling hated this kind of person. She had seen enough of them abroad, and Li Xun couldn't become like that.
"I can't possibly eat with you!" Liang Chuling said and left.
[Author's Note]
I am truly grateful to all the readers who have been following along. When I don't feel like turning on my computer, the thought of having people reading gives me energy again. Thank you all.
Thank you so much to all the readers for your support and continued reading! I am truly grateful!
This is not all. If there are any readers I have forgotten to thank, I bow to them and apologize! My eyesight isn't very good, so I may have missed some, but my gratitude is the same!
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