Chapter 82 Chapter 82 Do you need me to accompany you? …
"That's really weird." Xia Chun said expressionlessly, "I clearly didn't tell anyone where I was. How did you find me? Are you a stalker?"
"Or you should tell me, this late at night..." He propped his elbows on his knees and looked down, "Why did you come to this kind of hellhole to relax?"
After climbing up more than ten floors in one breath, Gu Yang almost fainted. He hadn't had such high-intensity exercise for a long time. At this moment, he could only lean on the wall and catch his breath silently. After he had caught his breath enough, he turned his head back quietly.
Those eyes seemed particularly deep in the darkness. Xia Chun didn't know if it was an illusion, but he actually sensed a hint of resentment in them, as if they were blaming him for climbing so high.
"What stalker?" His breath was still a little unstable, so that the words he said sounded like complaints between acquaintances, "Who is that kind of pervert?"
"Didn't you tell me? It's an unfinished building."
Xia Chun's eyes widened slightly.
Gu Yang was not too sure. Originally in the plot, Xia Chun jumped off the building at school, but because they had taken precautions in advance, it was obviously impossible to continue doing so now.
He asked Ying Jiayi to help get a list of the tenants who had purchased the building, and found the building number purchased by a householder named Feng Xiaochun and came to take a look.
"Just because of this groundless reason, you came all the way here to see me?" Xia Chun thought it was a bit ridiculous. "What if I'm not here?"
"Who knows." Gu Yang said nonchalantly, "Maybe he's just too lazy to look for it. After all, running around is really tiring.
Xia Chun was speechless, not knowing how to respond: "What on earth are you doing here?"
"...No, who asked you to come here?" He shook his head and smiled, "Thinking about it carefully, I don't think we are that familiar with each other."
After saying this, he stared at the other person motionlessly, not knowing what answer he wanted to get.
Gu Yang was also looking at him, his eyes hidden in the hazy moonlight were not clear enough, but Xia Chun turned his face away gently, as if he had just realized something.
Trying to hide the swelling on the side of his face.
"Is it my mother?" he asked.
This is the only answer that Xia Chun thinks is reasonable.
Because she couldn't find him and he didn't answer the phone, the woman, who was always nervous, ran out frantically to look for him, and alarmed her classmates on the way. This sounded like the most reasonable explanation.
"Haven't I given her what she wanted? That bank card contains all my savings, and the password is on the note underneath."
The soft sigh was diluted by the night wind, both in volume and emotion.
The night wind blew his long hair, and his indifferent face was hidden under the messy hair and swallowed up by the shadow behind him, so the expression on his face could not be seen clearly.
"You can go back." Xia Chun said to Gu Yang, her tone calm and natural, "She and I had a little quarrel, and I don't want to stay at home. I'll stay here for a while and go back when I calm down."
This sentence sounded perfunctory, like lying to a child, but Xia Chun felt that judging from Gu Yang's character, he would not want to stir up such muddy water. It was already a great kindness of his to find this place.
All that’s left is to notify them again and complete the handover.
And before the next group of people arrives... he will definitely end it all.
"Does it still hurt?" Gu Yang asked suddenly.
Seeing that Xia Chun didn't react, he pointed at his face.
Xia Chun curled up his knuckles and pressed them against his face subconsciously. Feng Xiaochun would slap him when he lost control of his emotions. From the initial grievance to the numbness later, he no longer had any waves about it.
Of course, no one would care about him because of this, as he always dressed himself up well when going out.
Only this time is an exception.
"Guess why she hit me?"
Really, why would he ask such a question?
If it was a chat interface, Xia Chun should have withdrawn this sentence, but words are always more impulsive than written words.
Gu Yang remained silent and just looked at him.
Having already started talking, he simply continued on his own: "She was playing cards outside and owed a lot of money. I helped her pay it back once, and she promised me that she wouldn't do it again."
"But she broke her promise again, what a bitch... It's hard to change a person's nature." A mocking look flashed across Xia Chun's face. What he originally wanted to say was that a dog will always eat shit, but this seemed a bit vulgar.
During the argument, Feng Xiaochun, who was already on the verge of collapse because of recent events, slapped him in the face.
This was accompanied by hysterical shouting.
"How can there be a heartless child like you in this world? If it weren't for the troubles you caused, would I not even dare to leave the house now?!"
"I shouldn't have given birth to you in the first place—"
"Get out of here, get out! This is my home, not yours!"
It was not known whether it was because she could not push the boy in front of her who was taller than her, or because she realized that she had said too much, but after pushing him a few times, Feng Xiaochun slammed the door, jumped into her room and locked it.
He stood there silently, his chest feeling very blocked. When he finally caught his breath, he reached out to wipe the tears all over his face.
He tremblingly pulled out the tissue and kept pressing it against his eyes, crying so hard that his whole body was shaking.
He didn't know why his mother could say such things again and again, nor did he know why he could be so weak.
He clearly has the ability to support himself and doesn't need to ask for pocket money from his parents, but if he really had to leave this home, his world would completely collapse.
When his emotions finally calmed down, he walked into his room and took out a bank card from the safe.
Basically, all the money he earned from work was deposited into this card, which contained all his savings.
He put the bank card on the table, wrote down the password, and put the note under the teacup.
Then he put on his shoes, opened the door and left.
"I don't usually use the money in that card except for daily expenses. She has paid off her previous debts. If she continues to live like this, she can get by for a while. I don't know what to do next."
"I originally thought that when I went to college, I would go to a city far away from Jiangcheng where housing prices were not high, and bring her with me."
"We are renting a house now. She has always wanted a home of her own. I can use the money to pay the down payment first, and then pay the rest back slowly."
"We can start a new life in a place where no one knows us. It was all good in our minds..."
Xia Chun took a long breath, suppressed her trembling voice, and said in a rare relaxed tone: "Although it has come to this point, there is no need to explain, but I still have to say that I am not a pervert with a cross-dressing fetish."
"It's easier for female models to get jobs. My mother was in a hurry to use the money, so she changed my gender when filling out the information. After that, I did get a lot of jobs."
"She was very happy at the time, hugged me and praised me for being great, so I just grew my hair long afterwards."
He immersed himself in empty and cheap love, and eventually allowed this mistake to continue, leading to the situation today. It was indeed his own fault.
He should bear the consequences of the path he has chosen, and the money he saves should be regarded as a way to repay his parents for raising him.
He no longer has any worries.
"I'm sorry for talking so much on my own, but the things I'm talking about are a bit beyond your scope." Xia Chun said, "Just think of it as a casual story, so that it won't be a waste for you to come here."
"Gu Yang."
"It seems that I really can't understand it." Gu Yang kept thinking while listening. Xia Chun originally thought that it was just a courtesy from the other party, "Because my mother would not do that."
Xia Chun's nails dug into his palm.
He originally thought that he had been completely numb, but when he heard such words, he still got angry for no reason.
This anger even diluted the original pain.
"She died a long time ago." Gu Yang said calmly, his tone as if he was discussing a trivial matter.
"She swallowed poison in her room that day. It must have been a sudden decision. She didn't tell me in advance, and she didn't leave me any message. I was the first to find out and called the adults over, but she couldn't be saved."
The anger suddenly died down, and Xia Chun looked at the people below in astonishment: "Why... why?"
"She..." Gu Yang paused, but continued, "Maybe it's because the man who should be considered my father died a long time ago, and they had a very good relationship."
"Wait, what do you mean he should be considered your father..." Xia Chun was a little confused.
"My mother's fiancé died in a car accident before the wedding. She was found to be pregnant not long after, so there is no way to determine who the father is. After all, there is the deceased's ill-intentioned brother around, and no paternity test has been done afterwards."
"But this is not the point." Gu Yang said indifferently, intending to skip this topic.
"Isn't this the point?" Xia Chun murmured in shock. When he was a child, he didn't have a father figure around him, so he always liked to pester Feng Xiaochun for information. After learning the truth, he regretted why he wanted to know so much.
Thinking of this, he felt relieved about this statement.
Gu Yang really didn't care. After all, he was his mother's biological son, and the person the other party loved deeply died in a car accident. He was the man with whom they had some passionate memories.
"She couldn't get out, so no matter how hard I tried to get close to her, it was useless."
"As far as I can remember, she has always stayed in her little room and rarely came out. The person who took care of me was a hired nanny."
"When I want to see her, I knock on the door. If someone says come in, I open the door and go in. But if there's no sound from inside..."
Gu Yang paused for an exceptionally long time this time, with a dazed look on his face, as if the simple recollection was enough to crush his delicate nerves.
Xia Chun's breathing became tense, and his originally indifferent emotions were aroused.
"If there is no sound inside, it may be because she is not in the mood to see people at the moment, or it may be because she has committed suicide again."
"So Gu Yuhui always reminds me to learn how to judge and to open the door and go in if I feel something is wrong. If I am not in time, I may never see her again."
"How old were you at that time?" Xia Chun found it a little ridiculous.
"Elementary school? I don't quite remember." Gu Yang said vaguely.
Xia Chun fell silent for a moment, and spoke after a long while.
"Why should you bear this responsibility?"
He may have asked this question in his mind countless times.
With uncomfortable long hair, I couldn't fit in with the girls or the boys, and felt like an alien who didn't fit in.
Classmates would discuss how much living expenses their families would give each month, but in his world, he was the one who had to give living expenses to the adults.
So he just turned his head away in silence and didn't listen, feeling hurt by the happiness he took for granted.
During his junior high school years, because of the popularity of his photos in blue and white school uniforms, he received a lot of cooperation offers from various brands. He could only make money first and had no way to balance his studies. In the end, his results in the high school entrance examination were not satisfactory.
In fact, it doesn't matter to him which high school he goes to.
But Feng Xiaochun went to find the man and got him admitted to Guanli High School as a special admission student with free tuition.
For a private school, this was not a particularly unusual thing, but that day, the desperate feeling of shame almost swallowed him up and brought him back to that snowy day.
That boy who helped him out of kindness was also his...
Half brother.
The school is so big, isn't it normal to meet each other within the designated area?
What should I do if I really encounter this?
wrong--
He should have known the news. After knowing it for so many years, he still shamelessly appeared in the other person's world.
But the spot had already been obtained, and any resistance on his part would have been a challenge to Feng Xiaochun's already extremely fragile nerves.
Wrong.
It was wrong from the very beginning, from the moment he was born into this world.
He slowly looked at Gu Yang with complicated eyes.
I didn't expect that the last moments would be spent with this person.
They are not familiar with each other at all, but they just happen to have the most subtle positioning for him.
Why say these things to him?
He knew how painful it was to confess those not-so-good memories, but the person in front of him still told him.
Do you want to save him?
There is absolutely no need for that. Doesn't he know what the relationship between him and that person is?
Xia Chun closed his eyes, feeling the night breeze on his face. For some reason, the wind was particularly gentle tonight, as if coaxing him into its embrace.
“I still wonder, did I do something wrong?”
A dazed and confused voice came faintly in the night, interrupting his instant determination.
"Gu Yang, it's not your fault, it's definitely not your fault, so stop blaming yourself." Xia Chun said with a sigh.
This is what he wanted to say to himself, but it was easier said than done.
Gu Yang had a gloomy expression. It was obvious that Xia Chun's comfort had no effect on him.
"If it's depression, you should go to the hospital. Why do you have to..."
"It's not depression." Gu Yang shook his head and interrupted the other person softly, "It's because I want to commit suicide for love."
The originally gentle wind suddenly became extremely cold and sharp. At that moment, Xia felt himself enveloped by a creepy chill. He almost thought he had heard it wrong.
"A long time ago, my mother told me a story." Gu Yang said slowly with a gentle and nostalgic look.
"Her parents had a very close relationship and promised at their wedding that only death could separate them, and they stayed together from their youth to middle age.
"Until one of them was diagnosed with a terminal illness, they looked for the most authoritative doctors in the field but could not find a cure. This disease is a complete torture in the late stage."
"They finally fulfilled their wedding promise."
Xia Chun frowned subconsciously, and a very bad premonition arose in his heart.
"They held hands and hanged themselves together."
The plain words were like thunderclaps out of the blue. A loud noise came into Xia Chun's ears. He looked over in surprise and found that it was the unused steel bars piled up on the open-air platform downstairs that fell to the ground.
He didn't know why the steel bars suddenly collapsed, but Gu Yang seemed unaware of it, and he didn't have time to care about such trivial problems.
He broke out in a cold sweat: "Then your mother..."
"She witnessed all this after she came back from outside. Later, she lost her guardian and went to an orphanage. When she grew up, she was admitted to a local school. It was at that time that she happened to meet the man who came to study abroad."
"I thought it was the beginning of a new life, but I didn't expect that in the end, she would end up on the same path."
"Since then I've been wondering..." Gu Yang said, "Is there really no such thing as a suicide gene in genetics?"
As he said these words, his tone inexplicably took on a vague and lingering meaning.
"Will I also meet someone I like enough in the future, and when he unfortunately leaves, will I leave with him under the influence of this gene?"
"Or should I choose my own ending before this happens?" He paused slowly, then raised his eyelids and said softly to Xia Chun, "So if you are lonely, do you need me to accompany you?"
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