Chapter 37. Dad's Boomerang.
Xiao Hei was completely bewildered. He was exactly five hundred years old this year, which is about five years old in human terms.
These little flower and grass spirits who live deep in the mountains are pure-hearted and ignorant of the ways of the world. They will not transform into human form unless necessary. Most of the time, they quietly live as grass and cultivate themselves. Therefore, they have no concept of propriety, righteousness, or shame.
Most importantly, Xiao Hei's father, Da Hei, is an unreliable monster himself, so how could he possibly teach his son these things?
What is diarrhea? What exactly is diarrhea?
Xiao Hei scratched his face innocently and said honestly, "We never wear clothes. Wearing clothes is too much trouble, with layers upon layers."
Pei Yiyan realized that this little monster was even more naive than Xixi was back then, more like a little wild man.
“Yeah, yeah,” Xi Xi chimed in from the side, “We little monsters don’t wear clothes.”
When Xixi first took human form, she was naked. Aunt Huahua said that she would scare the humans down the mountain, so she made her first little dress with her own petals.
However, she still prefers to be naked, because that's the most comfortable way to be buried in the ground.
Pei Yiyan glanced at her sideways: "None of your business, go play in the dirt."
He turned to Xiao Hei and continued lecturing him: "Even if it's inconvenient, you have to wear clothes. Since you can transform into a human, you should learn to wear clothes. Running around naked is illegal, and you'll get caught by the police and locked up."
Little Black opened his clear, innocent eyes and asked, "Who is the policeman? Is he very powerful?"
Based on what he had just said, Pei Yiyan roughly estimated his current level of understanding.
"They're like the constables of ancient times." He said this in a serious tone, "If they see you, they'll arrest you and take you to the yamen, where you won't be given dirt to eat or sunbathe for three days."
What?! That's so brutal!
Xiao He Shou Wu was stunned, and suddenly remembered his father Da Hei's instructions.
His father, Dahei, had gone down the mountain once a few hundred years ago and was almost captured and made into soup. After that, Dahei never dared to go down the mountain again and often talked in his ear about how terrible humans were, especially those humans who wore uniform clothing.
If you encounter this, don't hesitate, run! If you can't outrun it, find a pool to wash yourself and then peacefully and dignifiedly go into the pot.
Xiao Hei swallowed hard: "What kind of clothes are they wearing?"
The unusual angle of attention almost made Pei Yiyan lose his composure. He bit his cheek and said calmly, "They're all dressed the same, mainly in blue."
Doesn't that make sense?
The little black boy clenched his buttocks in fear: "Th-what should I do? Can I wear it now?"
They are the weakest among the flower and plant-type monsters, easily used as ingredients in soups, and utterly powerless against powerful Taoist priests.
Pei Yiyan took off his sun protection clothing and gave it to him: "Wear this for now."
Xiao Hei gratefully accepted the clothes and put them on. It looked like he was wearing a large sack, and his already short stature shrank even further.
It finally looked a bit better. Pei Yiyan reminded him with some concern, "Remember to wear clothes when you go out to meet people in the future. The temperature is low in the mountains, and clothes will keep you warm."
Despite the sweltering heat, there's a significant temperature difference between the mountaintop and the foot of the mountain, so you'll need to wear an extra layer when going into the mountains at night.
"I'm not cold, it's warm in the soil."
Xiao Hei touched the soft, delicate clothes on his body, feeling both excited and pleased, and grinned foolishly at Pei Yiyan.
"Grandpa Tree Spirit, would you like to come to my house for a visit? My soil is crisp and sweet, and my dad and grandpa both love to eat it. We grew up eating soil."
Pei Yiyan's forehead creased with three black lines, his entire being screaming rejection: "Thank you, but no need. Also, don't call me Grandpa Tree Spirit, call me Uncle."
"You're welcome, Xixi, come along too."
Pei Yiyan quickly grabbed his daughter's hand and held it tightly, coldly looking up at the sky: "It's getting late, let's go home first."
Xi Xi, who is usually playful, surprisingly cooperated: "Xiao Hei, I'll come find you to play again next time."
Both father and daughter were in a hurry to go home, so Xiao Hei had no choice but to give up. He flipped his palm and a fresh he shou wu vine appeared out of thin air as a return gift for the clothes Pei Yiyan had given him.
"This is a small part of my clone. You can take it back and plant it. Don't underestimate it; it can be very useful in critical moments." Xiao Hei revealed a set of clean, white teeth.
The little vine was as thin and small as its owner, as if it would be blown away by the wind, with fresh soil still clinging to its roots.
Pei Yiyan didn't care about the smell, he casually stuffed the he shou wu vine into his bag, and hurriedly led Xixi down the mountain.
As soon as the father and daughter exited the subway station, Xixi was so attracted by the oden stall on the roadside that she couldn't move and ran forward on her short legs.
"Daddy, meat!" she said loudly.
People were coming and going along the roadside. Pei Yiyan hooked his arm around Xixi's neck and said, "Don't run around like that. Didn't you eat enough on the mountain?"
Xi Xi struggled twice to no avail, then suddenly reached out and pinched her father's nose, pulling him away while covering her mouth and laughing loudly.
Pei Yiyan's face darkened.
"Xixi is full, but Daddy hasn't eaten." The little girl knew when to stop, patted his shoulder with her little hand, and generously gave him a treat, "Xixi is treating Daddy to dinner."
Do you have money?
"Yes! Xixi has a lot of money." The little girl proudly waved her wristwatch. "Mom and Grandma always give Xixi so many red bills that she can't even count them on both hands."
She deliberately winked and made faces, as if afraid Pei Yiyan wouldn't understand.
Tremble, you stingy dad who only gives one ticket each time! Look at this comparison, how can you be so shameless?
Pei Yiyan's lips twitched, and he angrily retorted, "What do you need so much money for as a child? Don't be fooled by the fact that Dad is only giving you a hundred yuan now. It's because Dad is keeping the rest of your money safe for you. Think long-term."
Xi Xi's ears twitched.
"Xixi doesn't need to keep it safe. The clever little monster can keep the money herself." Don't think she doesn't know that some money disappears if you keep it safe.
For example, her uncle's red envelope was gone before it even had a chance to warm up, and her grandmother kept it all.
"Stop talking, this meal is on me." Pei Yiyan tried to shut her daughter up with food. "Order whatever you want."
Xi Xi ordered a ton of meat without any hesitation, and her bowl of oden was overflowing.
Pei Yiyan stroked his chin thoughtfully. Shouldn't a herbaceous plant like to eat vegetables? Is it a species mutation for a plant to like eating meat?
He racked his brains but couldn't come up with a solution, so he simply gave up on thinking about it and turned his attention back to the chubby little cub.
After eating and drinking her fill, Xixi was so confident that she couldn't walk anymore. Without saying a word, she ran up to Pei Yiyan and opened her arms wide.
Pei Yiyan stared for two seconds: "New after-dinner entertainment, 'The Great Roc Spreads Its Wings'?"
Xi Xi proudly raised her chin: "Hug."
The boy's father picked up the child and weighed him in his hands. Sure enough, he was heavier. It seemed he was quite skilled at raising children.
Two more traffic lights and they would reach the Chen family's house. Pei Yiyan planned to stroll back slowly along the road. The chubby little girl perched on his shoulder, her little tufts occasionally brushing against his sensitive chin, her plump little feet swinging leisurely, leaving gray marks on his plain white T-shirt, but he seemed oblivious, his expression unchanged.
As soon as the father and daughter stepped into the residential area, Xixi, nestled in his arms, propped her neck up and looked at her father with a faint, brooding light in her eyes.
"Dad, can I ask you a question?"
Pei Yiyan glanced at her casually: "No."
Why?
Pei Yiyan smiled: "Because you didn't hold in your fart properly."
So it's best not to say anything; he wants to live for another two years.
Xi Xi actually thought about it for a moment, then firmly shook her head: "Xi Xi didn't eat roasted sweet potato today, so I didn't have to fart."
Children are born with a rebellious streak; the more you forbid them from doing something, the more they want to do it. Xi Xi's stubbornness is exactly like Pei Yiyan's.
Pei Yiyan was annoyed by her.
"Stop reading, just ask."
Xi Xi's eyebrows are curved, and her clear, innocent eyes are full of curiosity:
"Dad, why did you tell Xiao Hei not to walk the bird? Did you see his bird? Where is it?"
How come she can't see it?
“”
Pei Yiyan slipped and nearly fell into the green belt next to him.
It really hurts when a boomerang gets stuck in your skin.
"You went out all day just to dig up some he shou wu for me?"
Zhou Yi, sitting on the living room sofa, was unexpectedly moved. Her pupils reflected a he shou wu (Polygonum multiflorum) covered in fresh soil, which looked like it had just been dug up not long ago.
Pei Yiyan remained calm, as if he hadn't seen the surprise and emotion in her eyes, and said without taking credit, "I didn't dig it, Xixi did."
Xixi stood up straight, but spoke very modestly: "Xixi only dug a little bit."
Zhou Yi had a vague suspicion in her mind, but still wanted to ask clearly: "Why would you suddenly go dig for He Shou Wu? It's so hot outside."
"Grandma, drinking the soup made from this will make you grow lots of new hair."
Xi Xi happily presented the he shou wu (a type of medicinal herb) to her, shaking her little head and saying in a childish voice, "Grandma won't be worried anymore when she grows new hair."
Zhou Yi: As expected.
The young grandmother's lips were hooked, her eyes sparkling with moisture.
"Oh, you silly child, Grandma was just saying it casually, why did you take it so seriously?"
With tears in her eyes, Zhou Yi hugged the little girl tightly. She had never experienced such a touching and heartwarming moment in all her years of having two children.
She once again marveled at the joy of having a daughter at home and secretly decided to give Xixi more shares, spoiling her into a true heiress.
Fresh Polygonum multiflorum cannot be eaten directly; it needs to be repeatedly steamed and dried before it can be consumed. After a month of this process, Zhou Yi finally got to drink the Polygonum multiflorum and pork rib soup that her granddaughter had painstakingly dug up.
bitter.
It was so bitter it almost made my tongue ache.
However, thinking that every drop of soup in the bowl represented her granddaughter's love, Zhou Yi gritted her teeth, pinched her nose, and finished drinking it.
While sleeping at night, she vaguely felt an itch on her scalp. The itch was very slight, like being bitten by a mosquito, so she didn't pay attention to it, turned over, and continued to sleep.
When she woke up the next day, her husband, Chen An, who always got up early to go to the company, was unusually still there. He sat silently by the bed and watched her for a long time.
Zhou Yi was startled and kicked him irritably: "What are you looking at? Aren't you going to the company today?"
"I'm watching you."
Zhou Yi pulled the blanket up a little and glared at him reproachfully: "You're already so old, and you still say such mushy things. Aren't you ashamed?"
Chen An looked at her, hesitant to speak, and asked with concern, "Don't you feel that something is wrong?"
Zhou Yi: "What?"
Chen An rubbed his temples: "I don't know how to say it, why don't you get up and take a look?"
Zhou Yi was baffled by his strange words. She rolled her eyes lazily and said, "Just say what you want to say, stop beating around the bush."
Chen An sighed, carefully observing her expression, and said, choosing his words carefully, "Feel how heavy your head is today."
Zhou Yi switched to a caring look towards the patient, "You have a fever, have you had your temperature taken?"
Chen An gave up on playing coherent games, pointed to her head, and calmly said, "I'm not sick. Go look in the mirror and you'll understand."
Zhou Yi habitually scratched her scalp, then froze for a couple of seconds before quickly getting out of bed, putting on her shoes, and running to the mirror.
"!!!!"
"Ahhh, my hair has grown!"
"My hair has grown! Lots of new hair!"
Zhou Yi was both surprised and delighted. She had just drunk the He Shou Wu soup yesterday, and today she had grown a full head of long, black hair. Was this really not her imagination?
No wonder my neck felt sore as soon as I woke up; it turns out it was because my hair was too thick and heavy.
Zhou Yi was as excited as a little girl, sporting her new urchin-shaped haircut, and happily jumped into her husband's arms: "Old Chen, did you see it? My new hair!"
A gentle smile appeared in Chen An's eyes as he stroked his wife's black hair: "I saw it."
Zhou Yi's happiness didn't last long, because she was shocked to find that not only had she grown a lot of new hair, but the body hair on her limbs had also grown out.
When she rolled up her sleeves and trouser legs, the thick, dark body hair on her arms and thighs almost made her faint.
She underwent full-body laser hair removal years ago, spending tens of thousands of yuan to achieve her current smooth and delicate skin. Who knew that she would be back to square one, with her leg hair growing out of proportion to the point where it could swing on a swing.
Zhou Yi was both amused and exasperated, but her attitude was incredibly positive; at worst, she could just get her hair removed a few more times.
Surely you can't take it off.
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