Chapter 72
Yan Qing never imagined she would return here again.
High ceilings, floor-to-ceiling windows, cool-toned decor, an overly spacious living room… familiar yet strange. The huge faceless mural opposite the entrance had been replaced with a smaller abstract painting. Yan Qing recognized it immediately; it depicted the symbol for the smallest transfinite number. And the profile picture Yan Qing used on various social media platforms for years represented a set of numbers exceeding the smallest transfinite number.
She held her breath, unable to help but wonder what that person felt when they hung up the painting.
But she didn't have time to think much, because Cheng Jiaming pulled her to the master bedroom on the third floor without stopping for a second.
Pushing open the door, the room was as dark as the dead of night, shrouded in heavy curtains. Everything was as it had been, except that the refreshing scent of cedar was gone, replaced by the musty smell of tobacco.
From the doorway to the bedside, separated by countless mountains and rivers, she walked with a heavy, slow, and uneasy gait.
The bedside lamp illuminated the person sleeping soundly in the bed.
Shen Hanyang lay with his eyes closed, his usually cold and aloof face flushed, and his breathing was heavy. Perhaps awakened by the noise in the room, he shifted his body and laboriously raised his arm to reach for the bedside table. On the bedside table was a half-full glass of water and a bottle of pills with the cap unscrewed.
Yan Qing picked up the water glass and handed it to him.
Sensing someone, Shen Hanyang didn't open his eyes, but his brows furrowed tightly. He rudely pushed her hand away, turned around, buried his face in the blanket beside him, and snapped, "Get out! I told you not to bother me!"
Cheng Jiaming called out, "Hey, keep your voice down! It's Teacher Yan!"
Yan Qing saw the person on the bed visibly tremble, their hunched back gradually relaxing. He didn't turn around immediately, but tentatively, as if in a dream, called out, "Jiaming? Is that you?"
Cheng Jiaming replied, "It's me. I've brought Teacher Yan back to you!"
His hand, resting on the blanket, tightened uneasily and warily. After a few seconds of hesitation, Shen Hanyang struggled to sit up. In the thin, gauze-like light, he slowly turned around, his dark eyes misty and half-asleep.
Soon, those dreamy eyes turned fierce.
"What are you doing here? Who sent you?!" His voice lacked force, but it was overflowing with anger, like a wounded beast.
Yan Qing picked up the medicine bottle from the bedside table. The bottle was labeled with acetaminophen sustained-release tablets, which were antipyretics.
"Are you sick?" she asked in a low voice.
For some unknown reason, Shen Hanyang was struck by those words, and he snatched the medicine bottle from her hand and threw it away. He roared, "I'm perfectly fine! I'm not sick, and I won't die! I'm better than before, much better! Do you hear me?!"
Yan Qing rubbed her fingers, which had been hurt by his bump, and said, "That's good."
"That's good?" She wasn't angry or upset about his rudeness; she simply said, "That's good."
Shen Hanyang, having only just begun to vent his pent-up emotions, was at a loss for words. He gasped for breath, unsure who he was arguing with: "Then what are you still standing here for?"
Cheng Jiaming exclaimed in surprise, "Old Shen, can't you speak properly? I went through so much trouble to bring Teacher Yan here, don't make her leave in anger!"
Shen Hanyang said mockingly, "Don't be angry. Your Teacher Yan is always one to leave whenever she wants. She can dump me like she's throwing away a bag of trash, and then she can turn around and be all lovey-dovey with another man." He stared at her with a sinister look, "How was your date in the rain? Pretty romantic, huh?"
Yan Qing couldn't connect those words with the scene of Zheng Haofan walking her home in the rain; she only felt wronged. From the moment she entered the gates of Binjiang Jiuli to standing before him, she had expended immense mental and physical energy, summoning tremendous courage. He would never know that in the two years they were apart, he hadn't stopped growing and spreading in her heart, mind, and body for a single day. He clung to her like a domineering, invading creature, imprisoning her. For every step he took forward, she retreated. When there was nowhere left to retreat, she painfully cut off a part of herself. She fought alone, solely to accomplish an impossible task—to completely erase him from her life. But her hardship, her forbearance, her concessions, only earned her his inexplicable mockery today.
A wave of heat rose from the depths of her eyes. She moved her eyeballs and caught a glimpse of the fever-reducing medicine bottle he had thrown on the ground.
He was delirious with fever and wanted to say hurtful things to vent his anger; let him be. She would leave once he had vented enough, she thought. So she stood quietly, prepared to listen without saying a word no matter what harsh things he said.
But then he fell silent.
A strange heat began to build in the room, and the air pressure was so low that it was hard to breathe, much like the signs of an approaching storm in a tropical region.
After a long silence, Cheng Jiaming yawned. Yan Qing felt there was no need to stay any longer, so she gave a pale smile and said, "Sorry to bother you." Then she turned to leave.
"You dare to leave!" Shen Hanyang was furious. She stepped off the bed, but her knees buckled due to her weakness. Yan Qing quickly supported her, and he took the opportunity to firmly hold her wrist.
His palms were burning hot, like branding irons.
"Yan Qing, how could you be so cruel? You weren't satisfied with just torturing me, so you had to finish me off! Would you be happy if I died?!"
Cheng Jiaming shouted, "Old Shen, let's talk this out! Why are you resorting to violence?"
Yan Qing could feel his hand tightening its grip; he wanted to crush her.
"Why are you in such a hurry to leave? Now that you're here, bring on all your punishments, I'll gladly accept them! Come on!"
Yan Qing's wrist was throbbing with pain, almost to the point of numbness. Exhausted, her voice was weak and feeble: "You're not feeling well, don't get so agitated..."
"Don't get so worked up?! Ha! 'Don't get so worked up!' At a time like this, his internal organs feel like they're being torn apart, while she remains like a ball of cotton, a cloud, a gust of wind, a pool of water—untouched by knives or axe, leaving no trace. No one can find any evidence of their existence in her! Does she even know how much pain he's in? For two years, he's driven to Shengzhou Road every night, just to catch a glimpse of her from afar. When he can't control himself, he'll recklessly walk into the residential area and, in a secluded corner of the greenbelt, stare blankly at her building. But what does he mean to her? Is he less important than a stray cat on the street?"
The man's eyes were red-rimmed, his gaze almost bursting. Yan Qing repeated, "Go back to bed and rest..."
Shen Hanyang heard a rumbling in his chest, intense emotions rising within him and surging to the top of his head. He completely ignored Cheng Jiaming, who was still beside him. His muscular arms suddenly became incredibly strong, and he roughly pressed her onto the bed. Thunderstorms and hurricanes swirled and collided within his body. He was a massive tropical rain cloud, thick, dark, and chaotic, with the momentum to engulf the entire world.
"Yes, I'm so excited! You're always so calm and collected, it's always me who's anxious and insecure! I'm excited because I'm afraid you'll disappear, afraid you'll cut off all contact with me at any moment! I wish I could be like you, indifferent to everything, easily and carefree, but I can't! You ignore me, you neglect me, and I have nothing to say. Even if you go on dates with other men, I wouldn't dare complain. But if you ask me to give you up, I can say with certainty: No! Never! Just like a person only has one heart, how can a person give up their own heart?!"
After finishing his long speech, he stared at her, panting. He waited for her to retaliate, to curse him as shameless, arrogant, and delusional, perhaps even to slap him. After all, she was the one who was hurt the most from beginning to end!
Ten seconds, twenty seconds, half a minute passed, and he saw not a trace of annoyance in her expression.
Yan Qing moved slightly, and Shen Hanyang immediately increased the pressure on her, like a cheetah dealing with prey trying to escape, staring at her fiercely: "Don't think I'll let you go just because you don't speak!"
In the dim light, he felt her pulse beating beneath her thin skin, gently tapping the base of his thumb.
"It's so hot at home with the heating on. Let me take off my coat so we can talk, okay?"
Shen Hanyang was stunned for a moment before he understood: "You...you mean...you're not leaving? Really?"
Cheng Jiaming covered his mouth and chuckled, then quietly left the room.
The two of them were left alone in the bedroom.
Yan Qing said, "If I stay in this position any longer, I'm going to fall asleep." Her eyelids drooped slightly, as if she was really sleepy. "I've been lacking sleep lately..."
Who can blame them when the bed in Shen Hanyang's bedroom, which cost a fortune, is just too comfortable?
Under Shen Hanyang's silent gaze, her eyelids slowly closed. Shen Hanyang stared at her sleeping face, just as he had in his dreams, unchanged. It felt as if they had been separated for ten thousand years, yet as if they had shared a bed just yesterday.
He gently helped her take off her blouse and panties, and hesitated for a moment when she was down to her shirt. Then he exercised his right as her boyfriend (which he declared on the spot) and helped her take off her bra.
His bra was fastened at the back, and he had to unfasten it without waking her. His fingertips searched for the right angle on her soft body, and eventually he pulled her into his arms.
She hadn't slept soundly; she only opened her eyes when she heard him turn off the light. In the man's arms, she pressed against his anger, against his burning body. The bed was soaked with his warmth, like a blazing flame. A thousand memories, each with its own flavor, surfaced in her mind. That summer during her second year of graduate school, she stepped into the Shen family's door, never expecting to step into a swamp. The relationships within the Shen family, and her relationship with Shen Hanyang, took turns pulling her deeper and deeper. In the two years since they separated, she had constantly been drawn back into the vortex of the past. She remained covered in mud, never able to breathe freely for a single day.
He is both a vortex and oxygen.
At the spring equinox, the sun shines directly on the equator, lengthening the days and shortening the nights. The Northern Hemisphere is about to enter a warm, sunny, and rainy season. Walking a little longer, Yan Qing found herself slightly sweating. After wandering around for a while, she finally found the coffee shop at the end of the street.
There were only two or three tables of customers in the coffee shop. Ren Ruiyun and Cheng Jiaming sat in a prominent spot by the window. Cheng Jiaming was reading aloud from a book. Ren Ruiyun, on the other hand, rested her chin on her hand and looked outside, her beautiful profile revealed.
No matter how many times Yan Qing sees her, she is always struck by Ren Ruiyun's beauty. She doesn't have to do anything; just sitting there, everything around her automatically becomes a backdrop.
Out of the corner of her eye, she sensed a shadow and turned around.
"You're here," she said, gesturing to the seat opposite her. "Sit down."
Cheng Jiaming was quietly reading English aloud to Yan Qing by the window when he mischievously winked at her: "Good day, Miss! I'm so glad to see you!"
Ren Ruiyun said, "Baby, go read to the side. Mommy wants to chat with Teacher Yan."
“Sure.” Cheng Jiaming walked away cooperatively.
Half of the café space has been partitioned off as a reading area, with bookshelves filled with books. To be precise, it's more like a book bar.
"Jiaming's initiative in learning has improved a lot now." Yan Qing made conversation, she wanted to say it was because of Ren Ruijun's good education, but in the end she was too embarrassed to say it.
Ren Ruiyun sensed the conciliatory tone in her words and casually replied, "Hong Kong's education is entirely in English. What if he can't keep up with his English and isn't diligent? What would you like to drink?"
"Anything is fine."
"This place has good Irish black coffee, are you okay with it?"
“Sure.” Yan Qing knew about black coffee, but not Irish black coffee. Even after living in S City for so many years, she was still bewildered by all those strange and unusual names.
The waiter brought over a glass of liquid that looked like Chinese medicine. She took a sip, and the bitterness lingered on her tongue for a long time.
"How are you feeling?" Ren Ruiyun asked.
"It tastes pretty good," Yan Qing replied, though she didn't mean it.
Ren Ruiyun pouted: "I'm asking how you feel about going back to him."
"Ah..." Yan Qing hesitated for a moment. Every time she faced Ren Ruiyun, she couldn't think straight. What was even stranger was that although she had seen Ren Ruiyun's frantic and out-of-control moments, that memory seemed to have been erased; she couldn't recall it at all now. Ren Ruiyun possessed magic, capable of erasing all the bad impressions she had left on others. Yan Qing saw that the Ren Ruiyun sitting opposite her was still the same beautiful, generous, composed, and confident Ren Ruiyun, every smile and frown highlighting her own awkwardness and coldness. As for the joy and ecstasy that returning to Shen Hanyang's side brought her, they all became insignificant in the face of Ren Ruiyun.
Seeing Yan Qing in a daze, Ren Ruiyun changed the subject: "I heard you're renting a place on Shengzhou Road?"
"yes."
"Don't you work at Schindler? It's quite a distance away."
"The rent near my workplace is too expensive," Yan Qing said honestly.
Ren Ruiyun chuckled: "You're really ruthless to yourself. These days, very few young people are this stingy. What's the point of saving so much money? Do you have some kind of obsession with money?"
"Actually, that place is alright to live in; it's a pretty big community..."
"Come on," Ren Ruiyun said with a dismissive smirk, "They don't even meet fire safety standards."
It seems that Ren Ruiyun also saw the news about the fire, but she certainly couldn't have guessed that Yan Qing's house was right in the center of the fire.
Ren Ruiyun habitually swirled her coffee cup: "I heard your life used to be very tough. Now you've finally escaped that misery and won't have to live in subsidized housing anymore. Are you happy?"
Yan Qing remained silent.
Ren Ruiyun asked a crucial and sensitive question: "Has he mentioned marriage to you?"
Yan Qing reflexively withdrew her left hand, only then remembering that she had specifically taken off her ring before leaving the house. Even after reconciling with Shen Hanyang, Shen Hanyang still seemed unable to shake off the shadow of her past. He watched Yan Qing's every move like a frightened bird, guarding her like a thief, and even nervously took out a diamond ring he had bought long ago and put it on her ring finger—although it was only under the guise of a couple's ring.
Yan Qing said, "I didn't think that far ahead."
Ren Ruiyun took a thoughtful sip of black coffee. The coffee had gone cold, and a slightly sour taste seeped out, spreading down her lips and into her smile: "Do you know how many girls in S City rack their brains hoping to achieve upward social mobility through marriage? They may not be much worse off than you, but they are far less lucky than you."
"well enough."
Ren Ruiyun narrowed her eyes, her tone subtly sharp: "I have to remind you, don't think that everything will be fine just because you've become his official girlfriend. Hanyang is long past the age of prioritizing love above all else. In his world, interests are more important than right and wrong. Ask yourself, what makes you think you deserve his favor, and how long can this luck last?"
“I don’t think this is any great luck,” Yan Qing said. “I used up my greatest luck when I was eight years old.” She stopped there, not intending to go into details about meeting Jiang Xiaoman when she was eight.
“Don’t think you’ve won against me,” Ren Ruiyun said. “Feelings are an ethereal thing; you can’t hold onto them or keep them. It was because I chose the Cheng family and gave up Hanyang first that you had the chance to get everything that should have belonged to me.”
“I know you are much wiser than I am.”
Ren Ruiyun stared blankly at Yan Qing for a long time, as if studying her, or perhaps lost in thought. Then, a smile appeared on her luscious red lips, a smile that was beautiful even in its sorrow.
“Maybe I really am getting old, and I have no choice but to admit defeat. Forty years old, what a terrifying age.” Ren Ruiyun took a deep breath, her gaze fixed on a distant place, as if it held something she was searching for. “But you must know, everything you have now, I once had too—a young body and face, a youth that could be squandered at will…”
Yan Qing said, "I never thought of using these things as leverage to compete with you. To be honest, when I was determined to break up with him, Jia Ming was only one of the reasons. More importantly, I lacked confidence. In you, I saw what I feared most and longed for most—the courage to not be bound by reality. Even in the most difficult days, I only reacted passively and never dared to take the initiative. You are the complete opposite of me. I think your appearance is the least important aspect of all your strengths; your personality is what made you so irresistibly attractive to him. He loved you so wholeheartedly; he didn't love the wrong person, he just didn't have the right opportunity. Frankly, even now, thinking about these things, I still can't help but feel jealous. Perhaps, that's why I've never dared to look you in the eye as an equal."
Ren Ruiyun remained silent, her mind reeling. This rival, whom she'd only met a few times, had dissected and thoroughly analyzed her. It took her nearly a minute to process Yan Qing's words, and finally, she nodded resignedly: "You're better than me, more precocious, more insightful, but don't let your guard down. The life of the wealthy isn't all smooth sailing; in reality, high society is full of traps and temptations. You have to be constantly vigilant. He's a good person; cherish him, don't follow my example."
Yan Qing felt that some parts of these words seemed familiar, as if Jiang Xiaoman had said something similar.
“Forget it, I was just talking nonsense,” Ren Ruiyun said with a wry smile. “He saved you from the fire, and he was willing to risk his life for you. Isn’t that enough to show how much he cares for you? Yan Qing, the one who is truly jealous is me.”
Yan Qing was stunned. The "kind person" who saved her—was it him? She suddenly recalled the scene Gu Feimeng had described: a man leading her out of the ruins ravaged by fire, and them kissing in the rain. So, everything had been foreshadowed in Gu Feimeng's joke years ago. She hadn't waited for a rain shower, but instead, she had waited for a grander, more intense flame of love. Love, like a miracle, like divine will, arrived before the sweet dew.
While she was still in a daze, Ren Ruiyun grabbed the sunglasses and car keys from the table.
Cheng Jiaming came out, books tucked in his pocket, shaking his head and muttering English under his breath: "You either starve to death or live like Robinson waiting for a boat which never comes."
A red BMW X7 was parked on the side of the road. Ren Ruijun walked to the front of the car, and Yan Qing chased after her from behind.
“Sister Ruiyun, I want to be your friend, even if it’s just for Jiaming’s sake…”
Ren Ruiyun was taken aback; she clearly hadn't expected Yan Qing to make such a request. Behind her sunglasses, her sharp eyes searched Yan Qing's face, trying to see through her pretense. But she failed; what she saw were a pair of clear, sincere eyes.
Ren Ruiyun couldn't describe her feelings. The very foundation of her life's beliefs had been violently shaken; something was shattering from within. Her long, slender, white fingers clenched tighter and tighter, as if she were desperately trying to hold onto her crumbling life convictions.
Give me some time.
She said. Then, unexpectedly, she hugged Yan Qing, patted her back, and led Cheng Jiaming into the car, speeding away.
Yan Qing stood there for a long time, gazing in the direction the car had gone. She knew that Ren Ruiyun must have also gone through a great deal of inner conflict and heart-wrenching torment; that hug was already a huge breakthrough for her.
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