Chapter 69
Huang Qian was taking a phone call in the bathroom.
"Oh, Mr. Shen, thank you so much, and I wish you a Happy New Year in advance. Yan Qing—" Huang Qian licked her lips, "She's already graduated from school, and I haven't seen her for quite a while. What's wrong, did you two have a fight? Oh, it's good that you're alright... Okay, okay, if I can get in touch with her, I'll definitely pass on the message."
When Yan Qing came out of the bathroom, she was braiding Huang Yanxiang's hair and seemed not to have heard her call with Shen Hanyang. Huang Qian pretended that nothing had happened, looked down at the app and swiped around, complaining as she looked: "Why is Xinjiang tourism so popular? We can't even book a room for New Year's Eve."
Huang Yanxiang gave her a disdainful look: "Tch, just say it's too expensive!"
Caught red-handed, Huang Qian muttered under her breath, feeling embarrassed: "These businesses are ripping people off! A guesthouse that usually costs 600 or 700 yuan will cost 2,000 yuan during the Spring Festival..." She tried to negotiate, saying, "How about we postpone our skiing trip by two weeks? I checked, and the room rates are halved after the Lantern Festival!"
Huang Yanxiang was very dissatisfied: "Stingy! I've been looking forward to this for so long. Sister Qingqing, do you think Da Huang is stingy?"
Yan Qing smiled and said, "Let's wait two weeks. If we miss the peak season, the ski resort will be less crowded, and you can enjoy yourself to the fullest."
Huang Yanxiang immediately felt disappointed, and even after her braids were finished, she had no heart to admire them. Bored, she picked up her tablet, skillfully opened a social media app, and saw that an account named "Little Sheep in Xinjiang" had just posted an update twenty hours earlier—a vlog.
Huang Yanxiang exclaimed, "Wow, look, the snow in Altay is already so thick!"
Yan Qing and Huang Qian leaned closer to the screen. In the lens, snowflakes as large as goose feathers fluttered and fell. Several young people, wrapped up like dumplings, jumped off the roof of a small wooden house, cheering as they sank into the blanket of snow.
Winter is a season where you can rightfully waste time, indulge in joy, and enjoy happiness.
Shen Hanyang once said he wanted to go to Norway with her to see the snow. Now, that promise seems so distant; the northwest corner of the European continent and the southern foothills of Arxan are not connected. Perhaps they are destined never to see the same snow.
Huang Qian noticed Yan Qing's absent-mindedness. While Yan Qing got up to pour water, Huang Qian followed her into the kitchen.
She decided to get straight to the point: "Girl, I haven't had a chance to ask you these past few days, have you and President Shen made up?"
Yan Qing hesitated but did not speak.
Huang Qian adjusted her glasses and said earnestly, "Although I've been quite unsuccessful in relationships, I still want to shamelessly offer you some advice. Misunderstandings and friction are inevitable in any relationship; just talk them out. As for Mr. Shen, I can't say I know him well, but from my work interactions, he's an excellent young man—capable, trustworthy, courageous, and responsible. I think he's quite serious about you, and I really hope you two will have a good outcome."
Yan Qing's eyes were a little swollen, and she didn't look well. "I understand, teacher."
With a perfunctory reply, Huang Qian sighed, "I understand that accepting his past isn't easy. But everyone has a past, right? We can't let a meaningless past hinder your present and future. Promise me you won't confine yourself, and you'll think it over seriously, okay?"
Yan Qing was lost in thought, and Huang Qian wasn't sure if she had heard her. She patted her shoulder, but couldn't say another word.
Cheng Jiaming was observed at the Ninth Hospital for three days, and then transferred to the best hospital in S City, the First Hospital, under Shen Hanyang's arrangement.
Despite having several assistants, the day of the transfer was still chaotic. After a morning of fuss, Cheng Jiaming finally moved into his new ward. He quickly fell asleep after being hooked up to an IV drip. Ren Ruiyun leaned back in her chair, yawning wearily, feeling a tightness in her skin. She reached into her purse and took out a powder compact, looking at herself in the mirror by the windowlight. Since Cheng Jiaming's hospitalization, she, who had once treated skincare as a sacred ritual, had become frantic, even washing her face became a matter of precious time. Coupled with staying at the hospital for several days without changing clothes, the person in the mirror looked slightly haggard. She turned the mirror, letting the dim winter light evenly cover the corners of her eyes. She was horrified to discover that beneath the poorly applied foundation, a few fine lines were faintly visible.
Ren Ruiyun slammed the foundation lid shut, staring incredulously at the window. The reflection in the glass was no different from usual, still beautiful. This offered her some comfort. Perhaps it was just her eyes playing tricks on her? She carefully opened the foundation box again, and with a gambling mentality, slowly moved the small round mirror very close to her eyes.
One, two, three… very subtle, very messy. But they weren't there before, were they? Ren Ruiyun was completely baffled. Her outstanding appearance was her trump card, something she was very proud of. She cherished her face and understood it well. She had spent so much effort cultivating and leveling up; she deserved to have an invincible appearance.
However, time, like a monster, flows through her skin, leaving indelible marks.
Ren Ruiyun was still in a daze until Shen Hanyang came in.
"Are you tired? Go back and rest, I'll stay here."
Upon hearing Shen Hanyang's voice, Ren Ruiyun subconsciously swept her hair forward, almost covering her entire cheek.
“Jiaming will be worried if he wakes up and doesn’t see me,” she said.
Shen Hanyang didn't press the matter further and brought up another matter: "Cheng Can will come to visit Jiaming at noon."
Ren Ruiyun didn't look up, and said expressionlessly, "Didn't you just come here the day before yesterday?"
"If you don't want to be disturbed for the time being, I can tell her we can do it another day..."
“Let’s do it another day,” Ren Ruiyun said. “I don’t want to see anyone else today. I just want the three of us to spend a quiet day together.”
“Ruiyun,” Shen Hanyang said, though he didn’t want to say such things at this moment, “if you want to stay here, I’ll come back tomorrow to replace you.”
Ren Ruijun looked up from her long, loose hair: "Today is Lunar New Year's Eve, aren't you going to spend time with us?"
Lately, one thing after another has happened, and Shen Hanyang has been running out of time. The hospital has long been decorated with red lanterns, but Shen Hanyang has no time to pay attention.
"The doctor said Jiaming's diet should be mainly light, and I will send someone to bring some food over later. The computer will also be delivered. He mentioned last time that he wanted to watch some game live streams. Today is the New Year, so don't restrict him. Let him watch. I have something to do, so I won't stay any longer."
The hospital room was a suite, and Shen Hanyang was stopped by Ren Ruiyun as soon as he entered the living room. She had indeed had a hard time these past few days, and the radiance on her face had faded.
"Are you still going to go see her?" Ren Ruiyun asked, her tone a mix of questioning and stating a fact.
Shen Hanyang did not deny it: "Yes, I'm going to find her."
"What if I don't let you go?"
“Ruiyun, no matter what I did that caused you to misunderstand, I want to reiterate that you have no right to make demands of me. I have a clear conscience towards you and Jiaming.”
A sharp, stabbing pain shot through Ren Ruiyun's throat: "Did it have to be at this time...?"
"Whether it's sooner or later, we'll have to face it eventually."
Ren Ruiyun shook her head painfully: "But I'm very vulnerable right now, I need you..."
Shen Hanyang said calmly, "Ask yourself carefully what you really need. A man? You know I can't be your candidate. Money? I can give it to you in Jiaming's name, maybe not as much as you imagine. I can also assure you that whenever Jiaming needs me in the future, I will lend a helping hand unconditionally. Other than that, I can't give you any other promises."
"You can't give me a promise... Hah!" Ren Ruiyun's expression suddenly changed. "You have no right to talk to me like that. You raised him for eight years, does that mean you've done a great deed? When I left Jiaming behind, I left you a message, I repeatedly told you to treat him well. If I could come back safely, I would repay you. I trusted you so much, I believed Jiaming wouldn't make a mistake following you. But now, it's not like that at all, Jiaming is completely different from what I thought! I'd like to ask, how did you raise him? His grades are terrible, and he has no backbone whatsoever that a boy should have. He immediately becomes timid and submissive the moment I frown."
Shen Hanyang chuckled. Ren Ruiyun's so-called "repeated admonitions" were nothing more than a sticky note on the door lock. As for Cheng Jiaming's studies and growth, she hadn't asked a single question about it in eight years. Shen Hanyang was too lazy to pay attention to Ren Ruiyun's unreasonable nagging. The only thing he couldn't help but say was, "You still don't understand Jiaming. Why is he so timid? It's because he's afraid, afraid of losing his mother again. He hopes that if he's obedient, he can please you and won't be abandoned again."
Shen Hanyang's tone still left room for maneuver, but Ren Ruiyun felt that every word he uttered was a merciless judgment against her. She had no way to refute him, and she lowered her head in dejection, her long hair half-covering her fair and bright face.
“You can criticize me, you can scold me, I'll accept it all. I'm the one who has let you and Jiaming down.”
Her expression was sorrowful, and glistening tears clung to her lowered eyelashes. Without warning, her fingers, like peeling lotus seeds, unbuttoned the buttons on her dress one by one, until the cashmere dress slipped to the floor, revealing her alabaster skin. She grasped Shen Hanyang's hand and placed it against her cheek. "But you can't leave me," she pleaded softly, biting her red lips. "Hanyang, can you feel it? I haven't changed."
In the room, the aromatherapy, like the desire within a woman's body, gradually intensifies.
Then, she felt Shen Hanyang pull his hand away, like a fish that had escaped.
“But I’ve changed,” he said listlessly.
"Is it because I'm old?" She looked sadly at the man opposite her. "Back then, I said I was too much older than you and I didn't have confidence in this relationship. It was your persistence that gave me courage. In the end, you couldn't withstand the test."
Shen Hanyang took two steps back, his eyes revealing nothing but frankness and no other emotion.
"The one who failed the test is not me, it is you."
The ward door closed gently in front of Ren Ruijun, concealing Shen Hanyang's back.
She returned to the bedside, deep in thought, unaware that Cheng Jiaming had already opened his eyes.
"Mother."
"Hmm?" Ren Ruiyun checked the time; Cheng Jiaming had only slept for less than half an hour. She said softly, "Sweetie, close your eyes and sleep a little longer."
"Mom, don't be sad."
Ren Ruiyun moved her stiff facial muscles and made a smile: "Mom isn't sad."
Cheng Jiaming said, "Even if Lao Shen doesn't like my mother, I will always love my mother the most."
Ren Ruiyun touched Cheng Jiaming's forehead sadly, "Mom loves you too. But it's different."
"Mom, don't be afraid. I'll grow up soon. I'll be taller and more handsome than Lao Shen. Then I can protect you."
Ren Ruiyun stared blankly at Cheng Jiaming. Compared to her own utter defeat, the child's eyes were innocent and resolute. He had no doubt about his promise.
Ren Ruiyun kissed his cheek: "Go to sleep."
As Shen Hanyang walked out of the inpatient building, he stopped by the roadside and looked across the small garden at a building diagonally opposite, where the neurosurgery ward was located. Qiao Yi had been assigned to a special needs ward on the 16th floor.
Shen Hanyang took out his phone. In the pinned chat window, there were long messages he had sent unilaterally, with only a few simple words in response from the other end, repeatedly saying things like "I'm fine" and "I'm okay." When he asked to see her, she said she was on a business trip with Huang Qian. When he suggested a video call, she simply didn't reply, only making up a very lame excuse the next morning: "I was busy too late yesterday and fell asleep."
He wasn't fooled by her, and Huang Qian had confirmed there was no "business trip" at all. She was avoiding him; how could he not know? Cheng Jiaming's car accident had thrown everything into chaos, leaving him overwhelmed, yet his worries never ceased. She must know his situation, which was why, even heartbroken, she didn't want to bother him and went to great lengths to avoid him. This person always considered others, never herself. He was both angry and heartbroken.
However, as long as she refused to face him, he was unable to resolve her inner conflict.
Qiao Yi was the last person he could turn to. He hadn't visited Qiao Yi since the last time he came to sign the contract. He didn't know how he was doing.
Shen Hanyang adjusted his collar and walked towards the building across the street.
Feeling guilty for standing Yan Qing up at the Altay ski resort, Huang Qian wanted to invite her to spend the Spring Festival with her. Yan Qing politely declined with an excuse.
The day Qiao Yi's ashes were transported back to Anchuan for burial happened to be Lunar New Year's Eve. The rent for the Anchuan Waterworks residential compound was due in a month, and after finishing with the cemetery matters, Yan Qing returned alone to the empty house.
Following local funeral customs, she set off a string of firecrackers at the entrance of the building. A little girl passing by excitedly pulled her mother over to watch: "Mommy, it's New Year's!"
The woman affectionately smoothed the little girl's bangs: "Yes, it's Chinese New Year! Say Happy New Year to your older sister!"
Happy New Year, sister!
Yan Qing stared at the burnt-out firecrackers, her eyes blurry with tears.
It was six o'clock in the afternoon in the dead of winter, and the sky was already mostly dark. Yan Qing turned on the light and saw a bag of frozen minced meat, bought sometime ago, on the side door of the refrigerator. She put it in the microwave to defrost. Then she took out a small half-bag of flour from the cupboard.
Turn on the tap, which hadn't been used in a long time. After a brief interruption, the water sputtered a few times before filling the pipes. Add a small spoonful of salt to cold water and pour it into the flour while stirring. Roll the kneaded dough into a long strip, cut it into small pieces, flatten them, roll them out into wrappers, and fill them with meat filling.
As the dumplings were dropped into the boiling water, firecrackers went off outside. Pushing open the narrow window, the smell of gunpowder filled the air. Everywhere was filled with joy and celebration. The dumplings bobbed and tumbled in the pot; even though I had only casually made a few, they filled two large plates after cooking.
The photos on the confession table had increased from two to three, with Qiao Yi standing between Jiang Xiaoman and Qiao Dezheng, smiling broadly. Yan Qing offered incense, knelt down and kowtowed three times before sitting down at the dining table.
Two plates of dumplings and four sets of bowls and chopsticks were placed on the table.
It was noisy outside, but the room was too quiet. Yan Qing turned on the TV; the countdown to the live broadcast of the Spring Festival Gala had just begun. Last Lunar New Year's Eve, Qiao Yi complained that the Spring Festival Gala was getting worse every year and vowed not to watch it next year. His words proved prophetic.
Beside the door lay the things she'd brought back from the hospital room, mostly Qiao Yi's old clothes, laptop, and books. With nothing else to do, Yan Qing opened the suitcase and took out Qiao Yi's belongings one by one. She put the clothes in the wardrobe and the laptop back on the bedside table, where he usually kept it. At the bottom of the suitcase was a pile of manuscript paper; in his later years, when he couldn't use a computer, he often liked to doodle on it, meaningless lines. In the middle of the paper, she found a contract. Just as she was about to examine it closely, the ceiling light flickered a few times and went out. She groped her way to the small bedroom to get a flashlight and found Qiao Yi's leather-bound notebook in a drawer. By the flashlight's light, it read: "Date: Light bulb repair, cost: 25.9 yuan." Yan Qing suddenly remembered that Qiao Yi had broken his arm while trying to repair a light bulb.
Vivid memories flashed before her eyes, as if it were yesterday. Holding the notebook with illegible handwriting, Yan Qing's eyes were filled with tears.
She had little appetite and was full after only a couple of bites, but she was reluctant to clear the table. Instead, she curled up on the sofa with her knees drawn up to her chest, staring blankly at the leftover food and extra dishes on the table, imagining Jiang Xiaoman, Qiao Dezheng, and Qiao Yi sitting around the table with her, spending a warm and happy Spring Festival together.
She couldn't defend her cowardice; she was too afraid of being alone. She could only sit motionless, as if as long as she maintained the scene before her, her fantasy would not be shattered.
A sudden, urgent ringtone pierced her thoughts. She looked at her phone screen; Shen Hanyang's name was flashing.
The ringing paused briefly after going unanswered, then resumed. Shen Hanyang dialed frantically, as if he wouldn't give up until she answered.
Yan Qing hesitated for a moment, then slowly reached for her phone.
"Where are you?" His fiery voice came through as soon as the call connected.
"I..." Yan Qing paused, "...am with Teacher Huang."
"How long are you going to keep this from me? Qiao Yi is gone, why didn't you tell me?!" Even though they were hundreds of kilometers apart, Yan Qing could still feel him trembling. Her fingers gripping the phone tightened involuntarily, and her heart ached.
“Xiao Bao, Bao Bao…” he called her, his voice hoarse, “I’m such a jerk, I actually left you to face this alone, how could you handle it, you must have been terrified…”
Yan Qing quietly took a deep breath, trying to appear natural: "It's alright, not that difficult."
The firecrackers outside suddenly stopped, and she had already muted the television. The room was once again so quiet you could hear a pin drop. His voice sounded like it came from the bottom of the sea: "I want to see you, now."
"It's not convenient right now," she said.
"I must see you, you know I have a way."
He wasn't exaggerating; she had nowhere to hide in his presence.
He showed her no consideration whatsoever. She was already struggling, exhausted, and in pain, yet he relentlessly pursued her. In that instant, she felt as if a string had snapped.
"What do you want me to do? Don't push me."
"I'm not forcing you, but I have to see you. I have something to say to you."
"Let's say it here."
"You still won't forgive me because of Ren Ruiyun. But it's not what you think, there's nothing between us..."
“You’re wrong,” Yan Qing interrupted him. “I don’t blame you.”
"Really?" He was somewhat incredulous.
"real."
"You...aren't angry?"
Yan Qing smiled and said, "I'm not angry. I've thought a lot through these past few days, and I understand your difficulties." After a short pause, she added, "There's something I hope you can promise me."
Shen Hanyang seemed relieved: "As long as you're not angry with me, I'll agree to anything."
"Don't send Jiaming away," Yan Qing said.
The person on the other end was clearly stunned. After a long pause, they asked, "What?"
“Give him a complete family, love him and treat him well as you have in the past, and his mother too.”
Shen Hanyang remained silent for a long time. When he finally spoke, his tone was weak, tinged with a hint of wishful thinking: "I will treat them well. I will give them some money, and I am friends with the Cheng family. As long as they need me, I welcome them to visit often..."
With her last ounce of strength, Yan Qing said to the phone, or perhaps to herself, "Let's break up."
"Why..." he seemed puzzled.
"Just think of it as me being petty. I can't accept that you had such a close past with other women, I can't accept that you once loved someone wholeheartedly, but that person wasn't me."
Shen Hanyang said, "You can break up with me because I hurt you. You can break up with me a hundred times, a thousand times, ten thousand times, but I will never give up on you."
“It’s no use, I won’t change my mind. I’ve already moved on from this relationship. My mother-in-law is right, your family’s relationships are too complicated, I don’t like it. I just want to live a simple life.”
"I'm sorry, it's all my fault. I promise I'll never let those things bother you again... Please let me see you one last time..."
His cautiousness tore at her heart. She covered her eyes, her eyes stinging and burning, and she cried. But she could only harden her heart.
"You are a good person. We didn't spend much time together, but I was very happy and content. I will never forget you. Let's treat each other as friends from afar. Although we don't contact each other often, we will always keep each other in our hearts."
“Baby, don’t push me away,” he pleaded desperately, “I know I’ve done terribly… but I can’t lose you…”
Shen Hanyang spoke incoherently, trying to persuade Yan Qing to stay, but Yan Qing only said three words: "I'm sorry," before hanging up the phone.
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