Chapter 34
Lin Qi's nasal request was like a stone dropped into a calm lake, stirring up huge ripples in Shen Yan's heart. Or perhaps it was like a key that finally found its way to the door he had always kept closed but longed to be opened by her.
Lin Qi felt the arm around him tighten instantly. His body stiffened for a moment, as if her blunt question had caught him, a man accustomed to restraint and introversion, off guard.
He didn't speak immediately.
The living room was very quiet, with only the faint sounds of wind and rain outside the window, and the steady yet somewhat disordered heartbeat in his chest.
He simply pulled her deeper and tighter into his embrace, his chin resting gently on the top of her furry hair, as if he was looking for a fulcrum to place all his emotions.
It was a long time before Lin Qi heard a very light, almost inaudible sigh from him.
Then, his voice, low and a little hoarse, sounded just above her head.
"Lin Qi..."
He called her name, then paused, as if trying to formulate words he had never practiced before.
"I thought..." he said slowly, his voice heavy, "that what I did was clearer than what I said."
He was being honest. He was being honest about his own clumsiness in language, and also about the fact that he thought all his actions had given her the answer.
He pulled her away slightly so she could look into his eyes. In those eyes, which were always calm and composed, there was now a complex expression she had never seen before, a mixture of seriousness, heartache, and a hint of helpless tenderness.
"The word 'like'..." He looked at her and spoke very slowly, word by word, "It's too light for me."
"It's not enough to describe the admiration I felt when you said 'Who has the bigger span?' in the bookstore."
"It's not enough to describe the shock I felt when you said in the record store that I had an 'urge to feel uneasy' inside of me."
"It's hard to describe. Just now, when I was waiting for you downstairs, thinking that from now on, in this stormy city, there's finally someone who needs me to take them home, I felt that...completely filled, secure feeling."
He raised his other hand and, with his fingertips, very gently wiped away the moisture that had seeped out from the corner of her eyes.
"So, if you ask me if I like you..."
He looked into her eyes with an unprecedented and unquestionable certainty.
"Then I've already liked you for a long time."
After saying this, he didn't give her any more time to panic and respond. He simply embraced her gently, yet with immense strength, once again.
This time, there was no temptation or restraint. It was a man's simplest and most sincere promise to the woman he had chosen and wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
Lin Qi lay on his chest, listening to his steady and powerful heartbeat, and said sullenly, "If you didn't tell me, I'd think you hadn't thought it through. Actually, I noticed you when we first met at a dinner party. I thought, this guy doesn't drink, doesn't talk much, and has such a charming voice, what could he like? I didn't expect you to add me on WeChat later, and even take the initiative to talk to me and ask me out. I was actually very happy at the time."
Hearing her muffled words, which were filled with a hint of grievance and frankness, Chen Yan hugged her arms even tighter.
He could feel her in his arms, like a small animal that had finally found its nest and was beginning to confide all its anxieties and past. This distressed him, and it also completely filled the softest part of his heart.
He rubbed his chin gently on the top of her head, and his voice was lower and hoarse than before.
"sorry……"
"It's my fault," he said slowly, as if he was doing a deep self-examination. "I'm too stupid and too slow. I always thought that if I did enough, you would understand. But I forgot that I allowed someone like you to have such wild thoughts for so long."
Hearing her subsequent confession about their first meeting, he was stunned at first, and then a very low but heartfelt laugh vibrated gently from his chest.
"Really?" He turned his head and put his cheek against her hair, his voice filled with a smile and surprise that he himself hadn't even noticed. "There were so many people that night, and it was so noisy... I thought I was just a silent background."
He paused, as if recalling the night that changed everything.
"Actually, I was watching you the whole night." His voice was soft, as if he was telling a secret that belonged only to the two of them. "You were sitting in the corner. Everyone else was making a lot of noise, but you were the only one smiling the quietest, with just a slight curve of your lips. I was thinking at the time, this girl seems a little different from the others."
"So later, I mustered up the courage to add you on WeChat and ask you to see the exhibition. Every step of the way, I was afraid that I would seem too deliberate, and I was also afraid that I would be too slow and make you think I was insincere."
He hugged her tighter, as if he wanted to put all the uncertainty of the past two months into this hug.
"Fortunately..." He closed his eyes and whispered in her ear with a relieved and grateful tone, "Fortunately, you are happy too."
Lin Qi raised her head, her eyes still a little misty, but her gaze was clear and calm. "Okay," she said, "now you can enjoy your meal in peace."
Seeing her like this, the sour and swollen feeling in Chen Yan's chest finally turned into a very solid and warm smile.
He didn't let her go immediately, but just brushed her cheek very lightly with his thumb. He lowered his head and laughed, a low, chest-deep laugh filled with satisfaction.
"So," he looked into her eyes and said slowly in a tone that was a bit helpless and doting, "I said all this just to let our classmate Lin have a peaceful meal."
His eyes fell on the food on the coffee table that had already lost its heat.
"But," he reached out and gently pushed a strand of hair that was stuck to her cheek behind her ear, "the food is getting cold now."
He didn't say anything else, but just lightly and gently kissed her smooth forehead.
"You sit here and don't move."
He stood up and began to clear the dishes from the table, his tone more gentle than ever before and as a matter of course.
"I'll go heat up the soup and vegetables."
When he reached the kitchen door with the tray in his hand, he stopped again, turned around and looked at her, and added a promise very seriously:
"From now on, I won't let you go hungry and have crazy thoughts anymore."
Lin Qi looked at him with a smile and asked cunningly, "Your words are ambiguous. From now on, do you want me to have a full stomach before I start to think about random things, or should I be hungry but not think about random things, or should I be full and not think about random things either?"
Hearing her "logical analysis" with a sly smile, Chen Yan paused in his action of picking up the tray.
He turned around and looked at her smiling face, like a little fox who was very proud of herself after she had stumped her teacher. Finally, he couldn't help but laughed softly.
He didn't leave in a hurry, but put the tray back on the coffee table, then walked to her, leaned down slightly, put his hands on the armrests of the sofa, and trapped her between him and the sofa.
He looked into her eyes, which were gleaming with cleverness and mischief.
"Lin Qi," he said in a low voice, with a hint of a smile of contentment after being defeated by her, "It seems that my linguistic rigor still needs to be improved in front of you."
He paused and did not directly answer her roundabout options, but gave his final definition directly.
"What I mean is," he looked into her eyes and said word by word very seriously, "From today on, the option of 'wanton thinking' can be permanently deleted from your life."
"Because, from now on, I will tell you the answers to all your uncertain questions that require you to think too much before you can get the answers."
He stood up straight, his face full of complete and warm certainty.
“So, the standard answer is—”
"From now on, your only responsibility is to eat on time and be happy."
He reached out and very lightly scratched the tip of her nose.
"All the rest," he said, "leave it to me."
Lin Qi looked at him, seeing the seriousness and doting in his eyes, smiled, and replied in a well-behaved and soft tone: "Yes, Teacher Shen."
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