Chapter 16
The unpleasant argument in the darkroom, like a sudden rift, stood between Qiu Yayu and Lü Xiaoyan.
After that day, Qiu Yayu no longer would naturally slip into the darkroom after class as usual. She felt a surge of resentment, a mixture of grievance and disappointment at being misunderstood. She felt that she was clearly concerned for him, feeling sorry for him pushing himself too hard, only to be completely pushed away by his cold "You don't understand." That feeling of being excluded from his professional world was more painful than any direct accusation.
Lü Xiaoyan didn't contact her either. He was introverted by nature, not good at handling conflicts, and even less knew how to back down and apologize. The argument left him upset. On one hand, he couldn't accept the criticism of his work, even if it came from Qiu Yayu; on the other hand, the way she ran away with red eyes was like a needle, pricking him from time to time, making it impossible for him to concentrate on his work.
The two fell into a silent cold war.
The campus is so big that it doesn't seem difficult to deliberately avoid someone. They no longer sit together in their usual corner of the library, no longer walk side by side on the paths covered with the new green of early spring, and their quiet dining figures opposite each other are no longer seen in the cafeteria.
Qiu Yayu tried her best to appear normal. She went to class, ate meals, and participated in club activities with her roommates, her smile still bright, though occasionally, when her mind wandered, a barely perceptible dimming would flash in her eyes. She would still subconsciously glance at her phone, hoping that familiar profile picture would light up, even if it was just a trivial emoji. But the screen remained silent.
She began to replay the details of their argument in her mind. Had she said something too harsh? Should she have questioned his professional judgment when he was under the most pressure? But... the thought of his stubborn and cold gaze hardened her heart again.
Lu Xiaoyan's days were equally difficult. The darkroom became emptier and quieter than ever before. Gone were her constant chatter, gone was her figure swinging her legs on the bar stool; even the air seemed to lack the warm, sunny feeling she brought. He often stared blankly at the carefully developed photographs, his mind filled with the image of her excitedly showing him the "interesting moments" she had captured with that rangefinder camera.
Was her talk of "truth" and "something that touches the heart" truly worthless? He picked up the photo that had sparked the argument, his gaze falling once more on the colorful toy car. The initial glare was gone; instead… it seemed to have truly captured a touch of the everyday life she had described.
He put the photo down in frustration and rubbed his temples. This wavering of perception made him uncomfortable, as if some kind of barrier he had always held onto was being quietly crumbled.
---
This stalemate lasted for three or four days.
That afternoon, Qiu Yayu was reading alone in the library, but she couldn't concentrate. Her gaze swept over the empty seat next to her, and she felt a pang of emptiness. She sighed, closed her book, and decided to go for a walk by the lake to clear her mind.
In early spring, willows sprouted tender green buds by the lake, swaying gently in the breeze. The lake water shimmered, carrying a slight chill in the air. She walked slowly along the shore, but the scenery did not lighten her mood.
When she reached the bench where they used to watch the sunset together, she stopped in her tracks.
A person sat on the bench. She was wearing a familiar dark gray coat, her back was slender and upright, and she was looking down slightly, as if she was looking at something in her hands.
It's Lü Xiaoyan.
Qiu Yayu's heart skipped a beat. She instinctively wanted to turn and leave, but her feet seemed rooted to the spot, unable to move. She saw him raise his hand, seemingly... wiping his eyes with the back of his hand?
He's...crying?
This realization struck Qiu Yayu like a bolt of lightning, instantly making her forget all her grievances and resentment. She had never seen Lü Xiaoyan show such a vulnerable side. In her memory, he was always calm, restrained, and even somewhat indifferent.
She hesitated for a few seconds, but ultimately couldn't rest easy, so she quietly walked over.
As she got closer, she realized that what he was holding wasn't a tissue, but a photograph. It was the photograph of the old shoemaker who had sparked their argument. And what he had just been wiping away wasn't tears, but a small water stain that had accidentally gotten onto the photograph. His movements were gentle, with an almost precious care.
Qiu Yayu stopped behind him, unsure whether she should speak.
Lu Xiaoyan seemed to sense the movement behind her, her body stiffened slightly, and she slowly turned her head.
Their eyes met.
After a few days apart, he looked thinner, with faint dark circles under his eyes, and his eyes showed an undisguised weariness and... a hint of unexpected disarray.
The air seemed to freeze. The cold war, resentment, and longing of the past few days surged and crashed against Qiu Yayu's heart at this moment. Looking at his somewhat haggard face, all the sharp words she had prepared vanished without a trace.
"You..." She opened her mouth, her voice a little dry.
Lu Xiaoyan looked at her, her lips moved as if she wanted to say something, but in the end she just silently looked away and returned her gaze to the photo in her hand, her fingers unconsciously stroking the edge of the photo.
Qiu Yayu sat down beside him, a small distance between them. The cold touch of the bench seeped through the thin fabric of her clothes.
The silence was spreading, more suffocating than any argument.
Finally, Qiu Yayu spoke first, her voice low and tentative: "That photo... you still didn't crop it out in the end?"
Lu Xiaoyan stopped stroking the edge of the photo. He was silent for a moment before letting out a soft "hmm".
"Why?" Qiu Yayu couldn't help but ask.
Lu Xiaoyan raised his head and looked at the shimmering lake. His profile was still taut, but his tone was less cold and hard than it had been that day, and more complex. “I’ve been watching for a few days,” he paused, seemingly reluctant to speak, “and I think… what you said might have some merit.”
He admitted it? Qiu Yayu was stunned, hardly believing her ears. Given his stubbornness, for him to say such a thing was almost a form of "surrender."
"Then... what about the competition?" she asked softly.
“Let’s just hand it over like this.” Lü Xiaoyan’s voice was soft, but it carried a sense of relief after making a decision. “It’s not perfect, but… it’s what it’s meant to be.”
Qiu Yayu's heart felt a gentle, bittersweet ache at his words. She understood how difficult this step was for him, a man who pursued absolute perfection. He was compromising with her, and also with a principle he had once firmly believed in.
Looking at his still tightly pursed lips and tired profile, the last bit of resentment in her heart vanished. She reached out and gently touched the back of his hand resting on his lap.
His fingers were cold.
Lü Xiaoyan's body trembled slightly, but she did not dodge.
"I'm sorry," Qiu Yayu's voice choked with sobs, "I... I said something too harsh that day. I didn't mean to deny you..."
Lu Xiaoyan grasped her hand tightly, as if afraid she would run away again. He turned to look at her, his eyes swirling with emotions he had suppressed for many days—apology, exhaustion, and a hint of relief.
“I’m the one who should apologize.” His voice was hoarse. “I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that.” He wasn’t good at apologizing, and these words were difficult to say, but he was extremely sincere.
"I just... don't want to see you so tired." Qiu Yayu finally couldn't hold back her tears and they fell. "You're pushing yourself too hard, Lü Xiaoyan."
Seeing her tears fall, Lü Xiaoyan felt a sharp pang in his heart. He raised his other hand and awkwardly wiped away the tears from her cheeks.
“I know,” he said softly, “It won’t happen again…”
What did he mean by "won't"? Did he mean he wouldn't force himself like that again, or that he wouldn't treat her like that again? He didn't say it explicitly, but Qiu Yayu understood the unspoken meaning behind his words.
She leaned closer and gently rested her head on his shoulder. He stiffened at first, then slowly relaxed, reached out and put his arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer to him.
The early spring breeze still carried a chill, but the sunlight shone through the clouds, falling on the lake and on the two people embracing, bringing a long-awaited warmth.
The barriers between us were like thin ice on a lake, quietly melting away under the sunlight and our shared warmth.
They sat quietly on the bench, gazing at the beautiful scenery of the lake and mountains, and no one spoke. Some wounds need silence to heal; some understandings need no words to explain.
This minor incident, like a spring rain, cleansed their relationship. It allowed them to see the rough edges in each other's personalities and taught them how to let go of stubbornness and how to get closer to and understand each other in the face of disagreements.
Lü Xiaoyan will still pursue his ideal of perfection, but he is beginning to learn to accept the "imperfect" realities of life. Qiu Yayu also understands that in his professional field, she needs to give him more respect and space.
As the sun sets, it elongates their shadows, causing them to intertwine intimately once more.
"Let's go back," Lü Xiaoyan said softly, "It's cold outside."
"Mmm." Qiu Yayu nodded, lifted her head from his embrace, her eyes were still red, but a smile returned, "I want to eat the claypot rice at the back gate."
As Lü Xiaoyan looked at her, a long-lost gentleness finally appeared in her eyes.
"good."
He took her hand and held it tightly in his palm, this time with an extra firm grip.
The cracks may leave faint marks, but a relationship that has been repaired seems more resilient than before. They both believe that after this minor storm, a brighter spring awaits.
Hand in hand, they walked silently back to campus. The setting sun cast long, overlapping shadows, as if the separation of the past few days had never happened. The tight touch of their intertwined fingers conveyed a silent apology and longing, more powerful than any words.
They didn't go directly to the claypot rice restaurant at the back gate; instead, Lü Xiaoyan took Qiu Yayu to the school hospital first. He remembered that she had been coughing a few days ago, and although she seemed to be in good spirits now, he was still worried.
“I’m really fine now,” Qiu Yayu said softly as she watched him go to register, “I was just a little anxious and stressed that day…”
Lu Xiaoyan ignored her protests and insisted that the doctor examine her. After confirming that it was just mild pharyngitis and prescribing some throat lozenges, he was finally relieved.
As I left the school hospital, it was already dark, and the streetlights were turning on one by one.
"Can we go eat claypot rice now?" Qiu Yayu shook his arm, her tone slightly coquettish. "I'm starving."
"Mm." Lü Xiaoyan nodded, and seeing her regain her vitality, the last trace of gloom in her eyes also disappeared.
The small restaurant by the back gate was still bustling and full of life. They found a corner seat and ordered the preserved meat claypot rice that Qiu Yayu wanted, and the mushroom and chicken claypot rice that Lü Xiaoyan often ordered.
While waiting for the food to be served, the atmosphere was no longer as heavy as it had been by the lake, but it didn't immediately return to its former natural state. The estrangement of the past few days would eventually need some time to completely dissolve.
Qiu Yayu held the warm water glass in both hands, secretly glancing at Lü Xiaoyan across from her. He lowered his eyes, his long eyelashes casting faint shadows under his eyelids, his expression as calm as ever, but his tightly pursed lips had softened considerably.
"Have you finished organizing those photos?" Qiu Yayu cautiously started a conversation.
"Almost done." Lü Xiaoyan looked up. "We'll do a final check tomorrow, then we can submit it."
"Oh..." Qiu Yayu nodded, hesitated for a moment, and then asked, "Then... you really don't mind that toy car?"
Lü Xiaoyan paused for a moment, seemingly organizing his thoughts. He wasn't good at explaining himself.
“It’s not that I don’t mind,” he said slowly, his voice low, “it’s that I accept it.” He looked at her, his gaze honest, “It’s there, it’s part of the picture. Forcibly removing it would seem deliberate. Perhaps… what you call ‘reality’ also includes these seemingly discordant coincidences.”
This was the first time he had so formally affirmed the point she had made during that argument. Qiu Yayu felt a warm current flow through her heart, and her nose tingled with emotion. She knew what a significant shift in his understanding this represented.
“Actually…” She lowered her head, tracing lines on the table with her fingertips, “I thought about it later, and I realized I might not really understand your professional standards. I was just… just worried about you, seeing how tired you were, having to go through all that trouble over such a small detail…”
Lu Xiaoyan reached out and covered her hand as it moved across the table, stopping her from speaking.
“I know.” He squeezed her hand gently. “In the future… if I feel stressed, I will tell you.”
This is a promise. A promise to no longer keep all emotions bottled up inside, a promise to open up more to her.
Qiu Yayu grasped his hand in return and nodded emphatically: "Yes! You're not allowed to shoulder this alone anymore!"
Just then, the owner brought over a sizzling claypot rice, and its rich aroma instantly filled the air.
"Eat first." Lü Xiaoyan let go of her hand, moved her portion of claypot rice with preserved meat in front of her, and carefully lifted the lid for her. The steam and the aroma of preserved meat wafted out.
"It smells so good!" Qiu Yayu picked up a spoon, eagerly scooped up a spoonful of rice with crispy bits at the bottom, blew on it, and put it in her mouth. It was so hot that she had to exhale, but her face was filled with a satisfied smile.
Looking at her unseemly eating habits, Lü Xiaoyan's lips curled up almost imperceptibly, and she also picked up her own spoon.
At the dinner table, the atmosphere finally relaxed completely. Qiu Yayu started chattering again, talking about the funny things that had happened in the dormitory these past few days, about the teacher's slip of the tongue in class, and about an interesting new book she had read. Lü Xiaoyan listened quietly, occasionally responding with a word or two, her gaze always fixed on Qiu Yayu's lively face.
He found himself missing that feeling terribly. Her voice, her smile, were like sunshine, able to dispel all the gloom and coldness in his world.
After dinner, the two walked back along the familiar path leading from the back door. The night breeze was slightly cool, but their clasped hands were warm.
As we walked down to Qiu Yayu's dormitory building, the moment of parting arrived once again.
"Then I'll go up?" Qiu Yayu turned around to face him, somewhat reluctant.
"Mmm." Lü Xiaoyan looked at her, the halo of the streetlights outlining a soft circle above her head. He raised his hand, this time without hesitation, and gently tucked a strand of her wind-blown hair behind her ear, his fingertips lingering on her earlobe for a moment.
The slightly cool touch made Qiu Yayu shiver, and her cheeks flushed.
"Tomorrow," Lü Xiaoyan looked at her, her voice low and clear, "are we going to the darkroom again?"
Qiu Yayu's eyes lit up, and she immediately nodded: "Go!"
"Okay." A faint smile appeared in his eyes. "I'll wait for you."
There were no superfluous words, but all the agreements and expectations were conveyed in this simple conversation.
Qiu Yayu looked at him, then suddenly tiptoed and quickly kissed him on the cheek. Then, like a startled little rabbit, she turned and ran into the dormitory building, leaving only a series of light footsteps and a faint fragrance in the air.
Lu Xiaoyan stood frozen, the spot on his cheek where she had kissed him still seeming to retain a soft, moist touch. A surge of heat uncontrollably crept up to his ears, spreading rapidly under the cover of night. He raised his hand and gently touched that spot, his fingertips seemingly still warm from her touch.
He stood downstairs for a long time until the warm light of that familiar window came on and he saw her waving at him from the window. Only then did he slowly turn around and leave into the night.
On the way back, the chill of the early spring night no longer seemed so unbearable. The corner of my heart, which had been barren for several days because of the argument, was once again filled with a more grounded and warm tenderness.
He recalled Uncle Li's words—to let emotions be conveyed through the lens. Perhaps, he not only needs to infuse emotion into his photography, but also needs to learn to better express and accept emotions in real life.
And Qiu Yayu is his best teacher.
This minor incident, like a tempering process, allowed their relationship to shed some of its initial, unstable fervor after experiencing disagreements, cold wars, and reconciliations, settling into a deeper and more inclusive warmth.
They all believe that after this experience, they will go further and achieve greater success.
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