Chapter 41
On the afternoon she sorted through Qiu Yayu's belongings, Lü Xiaoyan found a light yellow wooden box in a hidden compartment of her bedside table. The box wasn't locked, and when she opened it, a faint scent of camphor wood and old paper wafted out.
Inside, many letters were neatly stacked. Some envelopes were yellowed, while others were still quite new. On the cover of each letter, the same recipient was written: "To: Lü Xiaoyan".
The dates ranged from shortly after they first met until the last days of her life.
Lu Xiaoyan's fingers trembled slightly. He sat down in the cushioned chair by the window, a chair she had sat in countless times before, and, by the dimming light outside, opened each letter she had never sent.
First letter (Date: Two weeks after we first met)
Senior student Lü Xiaoyan:
Hello! Although we see each other in the darkroom almost every day, there are some things I still want to write down.
Today you helped me adjust the camera settings again. Although you spoke as concisely as ever (just saying 'smaller aperture' and 'faster shutter speed'!), I think I'm starting to understand the world through your lens. Those lights and shadows are so quiet, yet so powerful.
I'll let you in on a little secret: I set the photo you took of me, "How Autumn Is," as my phone's wallpaper. My roommates all said it's a really good photo, and I'm so proud of it!
Um... nothing special, just... thank you.
—The always clumsy Qiu Yayu
Second letter (Date: after the first argument)
Lü Xiaoyan:
You big idiot!
I know you strive for perfection, but why can't you understand? What I want to see isn't a perfect photo, but the real you, the you with emotion!
You say I don't understand? Yes, I may not understand those profound photography theories, but I do understand what a moment touches my heart is! The old craftsman and the toy car in that photo clearly have a story to tell, so why did you have to crop it out?
Forget it, I'm not going to argue with you anymore. Anyway... anyway, I can't win an argument with you.
(PS: I'm still a little angry, but... I'll go to the darkroom to see you again tomorrow.)
The third letter (date: one month before his birthday)
My dearest Lü Xiaoyan:
Hehe, just thinking about your expression when you receive this letter makes me laugh! Aren't you surprised?
You'll never guess what birthday present I prepared for you! I saved up for ages and even asked my cousin for help, and finally managed to buy that rare camera that you always glance at when you pass by a shop window! It's currently hidden at the very back of my closet, wrapped in my prettiest starry sky paper!
Just imagining you taking so many amazing photos with it makes me so happy.
Happy birthday, my great photographer!
—Your number one fan, Ya-yu
Fourth letter (Date: After the rainy night incident)
Senior:
I'm sorry for making you worry again. I know you haven't been sleeping well these past two days, and you've been watching over me the whole time.
That Cheng Hao... I still feel a little scared when I think about him. But every time I see you by my side, I feel incredibly safe. The way you rushed over and shielded me behind you was so cool.
Thank you, Lü Xiaoyan. Thank you for appearing when I was most afraid.
I think... I like you a little bit more than I did yesterday.
(Drew a small heart)
Fifth letter (Date: the night before leaving school for summer vacation)
To Lü Xiaoyan of tomorrow:
We're going home together tomorrow! So excited!
Two months of summer vacation, not too long, not too short. I'll miss you, so you have to text me every day! Don't find me annoying!
I've planned so many things to do with you: go stargazing, go to the beach, and... hehe, it's a secret!
Oh, right, I've already prepared your birthday present, and I'm just waiting to give you a big surprise on that day!
We'll have many, many tomorrows, right?
—Ya Yu, full of anticipation
The sixth letter (Date: August 31, the night she returned to school, written on the long-distance bus)
Lü Xiaoyan:
The car was driving on the highway, and it was very dark outside. My phone was almost out of battery, but luckily I had brought paper and pen.
I don't know why, but I feel a little uneasy tonight. Maybe it's because my plans were changed at the last minute and I couldn't travel with you? Or maybe it's because... I miss you.
The radio station has a meeting tomorrow morning, so I have to go back tonight. Hope everything goes well tomorrow.
I just passed a rest stop and saw they were selling your favorite brand of mineral water. I almost got off the bus to buy you a bottle. Unfortunately, I didn't have time.
When I get to school tomorrow, the first thing I'll do is go find you! To give you my birthday present! Just imagining your surprised look makes me want to laugh.
You have to wait for me.
See you tomorrow...
——Yayu"
The letter ends abruptly here.
The handwriting was still clear, even showing the slight vibrations caused by the car's movement. The last sentence, "We...see you tomorrow," carrying a hint of lingering hope and a barely perceptible unease, became her final handwriting left in this world.
Holding the last letter, Lü Xiaoyan remained motionless for a long time.
Outside the window, night had completely fallen. The city lights lit up one after another, outlining a cold silhouette.
These unsent letters are like windows leading to the past. Through these naive yet sincere words, he saw a more complete and vivid Qiu Yayu. He saw her joy, her grievances, her expectations, her fears, and... her deep and unwavering love for him, which she never uttered but which permeated every word.
She once existed so vividly, loved so passionately, and planned so earnestly for the future.
These delicate emotions, these trivial thoughts, these unfulfilled promises, were all sealed away forever in this small wooden box after the car accident, becoming a secret known only to him.
He carefully folded all the letters again, put them back in the wooden box, and closed it along with the immense, silent sorrow.
This night felt exceptionally long.
These unsent letters became the heaviest and most precious relics of his remaining life.
At the bottom of the wooden box was one last thing—a palm-sized velvet notebook, with a miniature photocopy of the famous "How Autumn Lives" pasted on the title page. This was Qiu Yayu's "photography notebook," recording her insights from her secret studies.
"November 5th: Today, my senior said that 'photography is the art of subtraction.' Then I guess I'm the art of addition—always trying to add all the warm things into the picture."
"March 18: Turns out, shutter speed really can capture birds in flight! Although I made my senior's photo blurry... (He looks so handsome even with his furrowed brow)"
"July 2nd: My senior said my composition has improved! Actually, I secretly copied every one of his photos countless times."
The last page of the notebook had a dried osmanthus flower tucked inside. Below it read:
"I secretly brought fixer from the darkroom, wanting to preserve the scent of autumn forever. When we're old, we'll sit under the osmanthus tree looking at the photos, and you'll tell me about each one, those memories of the past that I wasn't a part of."
Lü Xiaoyan gently placed the osmanthus blossom in his palm. The fragrance from twenty years ago had long since faded, but the promise he made about "growing old" had become clearer with each passing year. He recalled meeting an elderly couple, both with silver hair, supporting each other as they waited for the sunrise while he was photographing in the Alps last year. At that moment, he raised his camera and, through the viewfinder, tears streamed down his face.
Tonight, he went into the darkroom again. When the red light came on, he said to the empty room, "I'm still using the fixer you didn't take away." Under the snow-capped mountains and starry sky that gradually appeared in the developing tray, two figures nestled together were gently outlined by the starlight—that was the fulfillment of another dimension that he had lived out for them.
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