Chapter 5 / Section 2: The Past That Cannot Be Severed
How many memories can a heart truly hold? Perhaps not many. People are always used to pretending, but in reality, their hearts are already fragile, and sadness has already taken over everything.
Xiong Yingguang stayed outside the operating room, quietly waiting for her mother to come out. She only hoped that her mother would be safe and that the surgery would go smoothly.
She tried with all her might to stop the sorrow from spreading. She was so weak, so powerless. No matter how she pretended, her heart was already riddled with holes.
Haiyang and Cang Ruoxi finally arrived. They saw Xiong Yingguang sitting alone on a bench outside the operating room, overwhelmed with grief, sobbing but not daring to make a sound, afraid of disturbing her mother who was in surgery.
"Xiong Yingguang, don't be too sad. We'll be with you until your mother comes out safely," Cang Ruoxi comforted softly.
“She is my only family, I can’t lose her. It would be a lie to say I’m not heartbroken, do you understand? I care about her so much, but now there’s nothing I can do!” Xiong Yingguang sobbed uncontrollably.
Sadness filled Xiong Yingguang's eyes. She seemed to be hallucinating, seeing her mother Chen Yao's phantom walking towards her, reaching out her hand, smiling, and saying those words that moved her.
“Xiong Yingguang, why are you crying again? Girls need to be strong. If you're not strong, who will protect you? You're always so fragile; a few words from others can make you cry. How can you face this world alone? You can't expect others to protect you for the rest of your life…” Chen Yao said gently.
"Mom, I didn't cry, so can you take me to the amusement park?"
"Didn't I say? If you get into the top ten in the class, I'll take you there."
"Mom, I made it into the top ten! How can you bear to abandon your daughter?"
Xiong Yingguang realized that she could never catch up with that figure; she could only watch from afar, never able to touch him in her entire life.
Chen Yao and Jing Tongyu met at a bar. Chen Yao was only 17 years old at the time, and in order not to offend Jing Tongyu, the gang leader, she agreed to become his mistress. But after becoming pregnant with Xiong Yingguang, Jing Tongyu never appeared again.
Because of her unplanned pregnancy, Chen Yao's relationship with her parents deteriorated. However, for her daughter's sake, she agreed to her parents' request to remarry, marrying a man named Xiong Hao. But soon after, Xiong Hao was unable to return to Chen Yao's side for some reason.
When Xiong Yingguang was seven years old, Chen Yao, wanting to escape the turmoil of the past, brought her daughter to Nanning, Yongzhou, and began working as an animation designer. She hoped her daughter could grow up healthy and not repeat her own mistakes.
"Mom, what are you drawing?" Xiong Yingguang asked.
"This is a hyacinth. I've heard that its flower language is very beautiful, so beautiful that it's unforgettable and etched in one's memory."
"Mom, where's Dad?"
“Xiong Yingguang, you don’t have a father. He was a bad father. Your mother is your only relative in this world, your only close family. No matter what happens, we must live on strongly and not let others see our weakness.”
"Mom, I will be strong, I promise you, please don't be sad."
Looking at her daughter's pleading, Chen Yao couldn't bear to be angry anymore. They relied on each other, and the vulnerability they would feel if separated was unimaginable.
That day, she saw in her eyes a godlike longing and yearning—that was strength. Her strength was unmatched; it was like a hard shell, protecting her young self.
"Daughter, when you choose a partner in the future, you must find someone who is truly good to you. You can only choose once in your life, and if you choose wrong, you can't go back. It's not like buying vegetables at the market, where you can put the wrong one back."
"Mom, what are you worried about? I'm still so young..."
“I’m worried precisely because you’re still young. Your mother has already made the wrong choice, and I don’t want your partner to be someone who will abandon you.”
"Mother……"
Looking into her mother's eyes, Xiong Yingguang always felt that she was hiding a secret. Those times that could never be returned to were all unforgettable, suffocating memories. Pain or pretense, she could only choose one.
"Mom, do you hate my dad? Why do you always avoid the question and refuse to answer it directly whenever I bring him up?"
"Do you think I've forgotten? Your father got me pregnant with you and then disappeared. If he had any conscience, why doesn't he come back to us? If he remembered he had a daughter, he should come back. But he hasn't. Do you think he'll ever come back?"
"I……"
Xiong Yingguang was speechless. She hugged her mother, knowing in her heart that she couldn't leave her mother, nor could she hurt her mother's feelings. Because, if Chen Yao lost her, she would have nothing, and so would she.
"Mom, I will be strong. I will always be with you and will not let you be sad or upset. That way, you won't have to suffer and grieve alone. Your daughter will always be with you."
Chen Yao had long known that her days were numbered. She had been diagnosed with brain cancer years ago and didn't have much time left to watch her daughter grow up, get married, have children, or help her take care of her grandchildren. Every day, she secretly took large amounts of brain cancer medication behind Xiong Yingguang's back and went to the hospital for treatment.
The doctor advised her to be hospitalized for observation and treatment, but she was worried about her ten-year-old daughter, Xiong Yingguang. She asked her housekeeper, Haiyang, to accompany her daughter as she grew up, while she secretly went to the East Campus of Yantaishan Hospital to receive treatment for brain cancer for many years, keeping it a secret from Xiong Yingguang.
It was because of the ocean's presence that she was able to focus on her treatment. But even now, she still clings to her last hope: to see Xiong Yingguang's face one last time before she passes away—the face that makes her feel that nothing else matters.
Xiong Yingguang started to panic as the operating room light remained stubbornly green. She slowly walked to the operating room door and knelt down.
"Please, God, please protect my mother, Chen Yao, so she'll be safe. She's the only family member I have on my phone." Xiong Yingguang's tears finally fell.
No one could make her so sad; only she in this world could make her this heartbroken. Her every move dictates her emotions, yet nothing about her can change you in the slightest.
She couldn't let go of the past they shared, nor did she want to be separated from her. She didn't want to be separated by death, didn't want to feel only coldness when she embraced her. She only wanted to see her speak to her personally, even if it was just scolding, she would accept it willingly. She loved her mother because she was her only family in this world, an indispensable kinsman. How could she bear to part with her? She didn't want them to be separated forever, without even finishing a word, never to see each other again. She begged God to wake her mother. Because she needed her more than anyone else, she couldn't live without her.
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