Chapter Four / Section Three: Heart Wounds That Never Heal (Part Two)
The wounds she inflicted on Jing Mo Ran, he chose to forget; the beautiful memories she left him, however, he remembered vividly. Why does Jing Mo Ran always wallow in self-deception? When will he finally wake up from his dream and admit the fact that she no longer belongs to him?
A hundred miles of mountains and rivers, ten thousand miles of snow.
In his memory, Nanning had never seen snow, but when that nightmare descended, the icy despair, like snowflakes falling from the sky, completely froze Jing Mozhan's heart, plunging him into an abyss.
Jing Mo Ran clearly remembers the day his father, Jing Tong Yu, abandoned him.
When Jing Mozhan was nine years old, he was scalded by boiling water. His father witnessed him but did not react or cry out. He immediately took him to the hospital.
After the examination, Jing Mozhan overheard the conversation between the doctor and her father.
"Doctor, what's wrong with my son? Why isn't he feeling any pain even though he's been burned?"
"He may have pain insensitivity, so it is essential to keep him away from sharp objects. Such patients may unknowingly and unknowingly lead themselves to self-destruction."
Jing Tongyu was stunned. The sudden news struck him like a hammer blow. He had been exhausted since his wife left, and now he was completely devastated.
When he pushed open the door and saw Jing Moran, his tone was icy: "Still dare to eavesdrop? Fine, you must feel bad knowing you're a monster without pain!"
"You're the one who made me who I am today."
From that day on, Jing Tongyu became a completely different person towards Jing Moran. He no longer cared about his son, and all the knives and dangerous items in the house were neatly put away, as if he was quietly waiting for Jing Moran to end his own life—witnessing it would be more satisfying for him than ending it himself.
After returning home, Jing Mo Ran refused to believe he was a "monster" and refused to accept the fact that he felt no pain. He picked up a knife and slashed his arm again and again, drawing blood, yet he felt no pain whatsoever. No matter how many times he stabbed himself, the sensation of pain remained absent.
Just as he was about to end his life, he suddenly saw a girl at the door also cutting her wrists. Blood flowed, staining the puddles red and forming a dark red river. She kept stabbing herself, the blood flowing endlessly, yet she remained silent.
Jing Moran rushed downstairs, looked at her from afar, and asked in a trembling voice, "Why did you hurt yourself?"
"And what about you?" The girl looked up at the scars on Jing Mo Ran's arm. "Why did you cut yourself?"
"I'm asking you a question."
"I was asking you the same thing."
"I……"
"You...can't you feel any pain?" the girl asked softly.
That day, Jing Mo Ran would never forget the image of her that caught his eye, so clear, so profound, as if etched into his soul. They were like reflections of the same world, incarnations of each other in a mirror, both "monsters" rejected by the world.
That was Jing Mozhan and Xiong Yingguang's first encounter. Xiong Yingguang first realized that she was painless when she was burned by flames, and she felt nothing at all.
Their love and companionship led to tragedy—Jing Mo Ran's birth mother perished in a fire caused by fireworks, which they had inadvertently started. They thought that no pain meant no harm, but they lit fireworks at her birthday party. The fire spread, turning the courtyard into a sea of flames, trapping her inside, and ultimately leaving only ashes.
Afterwards, the two were forced to separate. Jing Mo Ran tried to save her mother, but to no avail.
On the day he knelt and wept outside the fire, only Xiong Yingguang held him tightly, offering comfort with her body heat. His tears soaked her sleeves, and she whispered, "Don't be afraid, I will always be by your side and never leave."
"Bear Firefly, why do those who come near me always meet a bad end? Shouldn't monsters like us stay far away from the world?"
"Nonsense! Others are human, and so are we; we've just been treated unfairly by fate."
At that moment, Xiong Yingguang's warmth seeped into every inch of Jing Mo Ran's flesh and blood. Although he could not feel the pain, that tenderness had already been deeply engraved in his heart.
They are of the same kind, and there is no need for them to dislike each other. Once separated, it is difficult to find that sense of security again when they are close to others. Just as cats and dogs cannot live together, only by relying on each other can they keep each other warm in the desolation.
After her mother perished in the fire, Jing Tongyu went abroad, leaving behind an empty house and a monthly allowance. Jing Mozhan occasionally invites Xiong Yingguang home, and their feelings for each other have long been deeply rooted.
Jing Mo Ran's loathing for his father grew stronger with each passing day. He wished he wasn't Jing Tong Yu's son, because this bloodline only brought endless pain.
He became an outcast in the eyes of others, but his father had long since abandoned him and never cared about him again. Over time, Jing Mozhan came to hate Jing Tongyu completely.
During her lonely days, Jing Moran was accompanied by Mu Xinghe. She had witnessed Xiong Yingguang setting fire to the place, and from that moment on, she did everything she could to prevent Jing Moran from associating with Xiong Yingguang.
Mu Xinghe deeply loves Jing Moran and cannot bear to see him in danger, so he makes things difficult for Xiong Yingguang in every way.
Jing Mo Ran had opportunities to get close to his father, but time and again he chose to turn his back. Can their relationship ever return to what it was? His heartache is deep, and in his father's eyes, he will always be a superfluous presence. Even if Jing Mo Ran dies, his father will not shed a tear, nor will he feel regret. Jing Tong Yu never treated him as a son, only giving him money and shelter out of blood ties. From the moment he learned that Jing Mo Ran was a "painless monster," he had already abandoned him, treating him with indifference. And one day, Jing Tong Yu will taste the bitter fruit of his actions, the bitterness of regret.
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