Chapter 84: Transparency may just be a matter of time
Geng Mingyan's mother had just given birth to her and was still in confinement when she was taken out and tortured day after day. The combined mental and physical toll on her quickly weakened her, and she passed away soon after.
The third son and the eldest son who reported their family members were not spared either, but they suffered less because they chose justice over family ties.
When Geng Mingyan was just four months old, a jade Buddha that was secretly kept by her eldest son was discovered by her third son. However, the third son did not know who it belonged to, so he cursed it as the "Four Olds" and evidence of counter-revolution, and threatened to report it.
At this time, Geng Mingyan's father had been unable to bear the humiliation and his health had collapsed. He only cared about his child and kept supporting her. When he saw what had happened, he went to discuss with his eldest son and took the blame for him, but on the condition that he swear to raise Geng Mingyan.
The eldest son agreed, and Geng Mingyan's father did not break his promise and pleaded guilty. Finally, he died in frequent fighting.
Geng Mingyan's grandfather also went crazy because of this.
After that, the eldest son, Geng Mingyan's uncle, raised her as promised.
But her uncle didn't care about her and left her to be raised by her aunt. He just gave her food to eat and made sure she wouldn't die.
The aunt was not kind to her and would beat and scold her at any time. She was made to do all the heavy work in the family alone, and she didn't even have winter clothes to wear in the coldest weather.
He also kept calling her a jinx and saying that her parents were sinners who brought down the entire family.
Geng Mingyan didn't understand at all at the time. She had no memory of her parents, so she believed it to be true and lived with inferiority day after day.
It was not until she was 16 years old that her aunt was beaten half to death by her uncle and kicked out of the house for having an affair. Her uncle no longer wanted to care about her and asked her to drop out of school and be self-reliant. Only then did the uncle from the neighboring house secretly come to her and tell her these old stories.
These were also what her father told her before he left, asking him to wait until Geng Mingyan grew up and tell her everything.
She burst into tears after hearing this.
Later, she broke off relations with her uncle and found some odd jobs in the village to make a living, but she still lived a life of inferiority and shame.
It wasn't until she met her current husband, Zhou Mingliang, that she received care and love from someone else for the first time, experienced the feeling of warmth for the first time, and tasted what home was like for the first time.
Although they often quarreled when they were in love and it was not a sweet relationship, she would get nervous when she was angry with Zhou Mingliang, and would try to win him back when she wanted to leave him. She was cared for.
After that, they got married and had children. Although her parents-in-law were not satisfied with her family situation and had many conflicts with her, and although Zhou Mingliang later cheated on her and they still quarreled after she closed the breakfast shop and came to the construction site, she could not give up and could not leave.
She couldn't give up the family she finally had.
"Sister Geng is also a miserable person. It has not been easy for her over the years." Zhao Xiaojing felt bad after hearing this and kept sighing.
"Perhaps my life is destined to be bitter, never to taste the slightest sweetness." Geng Mingyan smiled bitterly. "Now that I think about it, the happiest years of my life were when I ran the breakfast shop during the day and took care of my children at night."
"Maybe I had hope in my heart at that time," said Zhao Xiaojing.
"Yes, Zhou Mingliang wasn't home at the time, so we didn't have to argue every day. Every day I just looked forward to the children growing up, making money, and him coming back.
Now, he starts to take all my efforts for granted, and even starts to make excuses for his past mistakes and refuses to admit them."
Geng Mingyan shook her head, her eyes filled with melancholy.
"Sister Geng, last time you said the child couldn't leave their father, but I see Brother Zhou is at the construction site all year round. He only sees the child a few times a year." Zhao Xiaojing paused and asked, "Now that you're here too, besides financial support, what else does he do?"
"He also..." Geng Mingyan was about to respond when she was stunned. She thought for a long time before continuing to answer.
"The child is very attached to him. As soon as he gets home, he keeps yelling for daddy. I don't have a mother's family. Now that I'm out, my mother-in-law has to take care of the child. I guess he's helping out."
"Sister Geng, the child doesn't see him very often, so he must be very unfamiliar with him. The reason why he keeps clinging to him and calling him dad is probably because his family instilled this in him.
Now that the child is older and sensible, and is in boarding school, you can still take good care of him even if you continue to run the breakfast shop alone."
"What do you mean?" Geng Mingyan looked at Zhao Xiaojing, and some vague ideas flashed through her mind.
"What I mean is that you came to the construction site for him and for your family. Before this, you took care of the child by yourself. If you hadn't come, the child wouldn't need your mother-in-law to take care of him now."
Zhao Xiaojing tried to be as objective as possible and said, "Sister Geng, you've done everything you can. Your current self-sacrifice is not taken seriously by others. In that case, why don't you let go of your obsession and live for yourself?"
"...Let go of your obsession?" Geng Mingyan murmured, tears glistening in her eyes.
Zhao Xiaojing nodded. "There's a saying that goes, 'People will always be haunted by the things they couldn't get when they were young.' Sister Geng, it's normal to long for a family when you're young, but this thought has plagued you for half your life. It's not your fault, but don't let it ruin your life."
Geng Mingyan lowered her head and said nothing.
She recalled the countless arguments she had with Zhou Mingliang over the past two years, how they always argued even when they were home, how their child had grown up, and how he had supported her when she casually asked for a divorce. She recalled how Hou Guihua had scolded her countless times for not living up to her expectations, but had finally forgiven her. She recalled the days when she had been so full of energy and ambition when she opened the breakfast shop, and how many customers had come back...
"Xiao Zhao, thank you, thank you so much. I have lived in vain. You have also experienced so much hardship, but you live a much more transparent life than me." After a long time, Geng Mingyan wiped her red eyes and said softly.
Zhao Xiaojing was silent for a moment and said nothing more.
How should one define the word "transparency"? She had already experienced such a failed life, so she should have learned some lessons.
When her mother had just passed away in her previous life, she always carefully avoided such topics and could not mention it to anyone.
Because whenever she is mentioned, she always breaks down in front of others, as if she is crying for others to put on a show, so that others can get a little sad satisfaction from watching.
Those years were like living in a dream.
She looks up and sees the moon in the sky, sees the aunties dancing in the square while taking a walk in the evening, sees the round back of a person riding a bicycle with difficulty while walking on the street, and sometimes even a song or some words from passers-by will remind her of her mother and she will burst into tears because of the memories.
At that time, she heard that many people could dream about their loved ones after they passed away, or could clearly sense the farewell of their loved ones' true souls when they left. So she spent the whole day inquiring about these metaphysical things, pinning her hopes on seeing her mother again through metaphysics.
But day after day, every time she woke up from her dream, she was disappointed that she still had no sense of anything beyond reality.
After that, she started visiting the grave frequently again.
Before, she didn’t understand why others talked to themselves at the grave. Later, she wrote several long pages of letters and burned them to her mother in front of the grave. While burning paper and burning incense alone, she kept muttering to herself. She finally understood the feelings of others who did this.
She really wasn't a very insightful person. But slowly, year after year, year after year, and even more than a decade in her previous life, she cried less and less without realizing it.
Human willpower is indeed very strong. We are constantly saying goodbye and accepting throughout our lives, suffering from all the intersections and using everything else to heal.
At this point in her life, she can now talk about these things with Geng Mingyan calmly.
Perhaps clarity is simply a matter of time. After all, while the mind can dwell on the past, the eyes must always look forward.
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