The first time I broke my promise to her
Wen Yu didn't want to sleep at first, but his mind became more and more confused, his eyelids became heavier, and his breathing gradually became steady. He fell asleep unknowingly. Maybe there was nothing terrible in the dream, or maybe nothing had happened when he woke up, and he was still the same person.
Wen Yu slept very deeply this time, more soundly than ever before. No sound disturbed his sleep. He even had a thought that he didn't want to wake up and face the world again. He actually wanted to escape.
From the gloomy sky at noon to the setting sun, the light outside disappeared little by little, and the moon was ready to take over. Wen Yu turned over in a daze, and his sleeping consciousness was suddenly awakened.
He was so sleepy that he didn't even bother to rub his eyes. He just watched the sky gradually darken outside the window and the dim light in the room. It felt like he had slept for a century.
Wen Yu sat up suddenly, remembering that he seemed to have forgotten something very important.
Wen Yu's mind gradually became clear. He groped around in the dark for his phone, but after searching for a long time he still couldn't remember where he had dropped it.
It wasn't until the screen in the corner of the pillow suddenly lit up that he found the phone he had pressed under the pillow.
Wen Yu looked at the content on the screen and his face turned pale. He actually forgot what he had promised Chen Xing.
Wen Yu watched the whole afternoon go by. While he was asleep, Chen Xing sent him dozens of messages and also called him.
He read through every message on it and found that not a single word was repeated. They all asked him when he would come and reminded him to be careful on the road. Chen Xing even thought that something might have happened to him, which was why he didn't send any messages.
None of them blamed him for breaking his promise; all of them were out of concern for what he would say.
Wen Yu felt like a real jerk at this moment. How could he have forgotten such an important thing? He was still sleeping so soundly that even the sound of a message on his phone didn't wake him up.
Wen Yu was extremely upset and really wanted to slap himself.
Wen Yu called back, and almost as soon as the call was connected, Chen Xing answered the phone.
Before Wen Yu could say anything, Chen Xing spoke first: [Wen Yu, are you okay?]
When Wen Yu heard Chen Xing's uneasy tone, he knew that he had really scared Chen Xing this time. Chen Xing must have wanted to call the police this afternoon.
Wen Yu said with some guilt: [I'm sorry, Chen Xing, I broke my promise.]
Before Wen Yu replied, Chen Xing was even wondering if he was being held hostage and that the call was from the kidnapper. It was not until she heard Wen Yu's voice that she felt relieved.
Chen Xing said: [Fortunately, fortunately you are okay. I was really scared to death.]
Wen Yu didn't know what to say. Not only did Chen Xing not blame him for breaking the appointment, he was also so worried about his safety. Even if he had reasons, it was still wrong.
Chen Xingdao: [Wen Yu, where are you? Are you sure you are safe now?]
Chen Xing didn't know what she was worried about. She felt that she couldn't calm down all day. No matter what she did, she was thinking about seeing Wen Yu in the afternoon. But when Wen Yu didn't come, she became even more worried, as if she was afraid that she would never see him again.
There was an inexplicable panic in my heart, a feeling that I couldn't describe but couldn't explain.
Wen Yu said: [I'm at home, safe. I'm sorry for making you worry about me.]
After hearing Wen Yu's words, Chen Xing finally felt relieved, but he still felt a little uneasy.
Chen Xing said: [It's okay, I know you didn't mean it, I forgive you this time.]
When Wen Yu heard Chen Xing's words of tolerance towards him, he seemed to see Chen Xing's smiling face, and suddenly he felt much better.
Wen Yu said: [I... forget it... I was just saying... I'll find time to help you answer it next time.]
Wen Yu didn't say the words that were on the tip of his tongue. Somehow, ever since he knew he was sick, he felt that the distance between him and Chen Xing was getting farther and farther.
The words that he could easily say in the morning were now stuck in his mouth and became silent words to himself.
Chen Xing felt something strange when listening to the way Wen Yu spoke. Not only was his tone less gentle, but his speech was also intermittent, as if he was afraid of saying something wrong.
Chen Xingdao: [Okay, I should have time.]
Wen Yu responded softly, and in the end all he wanted to say was, "Goodbye."
Before Chen Xing could reply, Wen Yu hung up the phone.
She didn't say goodbye, and he didn't want to hear her say "goodbye". It felt like they were really going to say goodbye.
*
The next day, Wen Songnian took the entire day off and took Wen Yu to the hospital for a re-examination.
Wen Yu had long confirmed that he had ALS, but Wen Songnian still held on to a glimmer of hope.
Wen Yu treated it as a final reassurance to himself, and Wen Yu obediently followed Wen Songnian to do almost all the examinations.
I spent the morning queuing up in various examination rooms for examinations, and in the afternoon I was waiting for one examination result after another, from dawn to dusk.
Wen Songnian took all the examination reports to see Dr. Zhao, and this time Wen Yu greeted Dr. Zhao properly.
Dr. Zhao looked at all the test results. Even when he didn't say anything, the expression on his face told the result.
Fortunately, they were all sitting, otherwise Wen Songnian would really have fallen to the ground.
Doctor Zhao said, "Old Wen, Xiao Yu, don't think too much. It's still in the early stages and won't have a big impact on your life. As long as you actively treat it, the pain will be alleviated."
Wen Songnian finally lost his last hope. Wen Yu was really diagnosed, and he had to watch his son go through the pain of illness again.
Wen Songnian looked at Wen Yu. Although he didn't say anything, his expression was full of heartache. He wondered if Wen Yu could hold on.
Wen Yu knew the final result. He was not surprised at all and had long accepted this fact.
Since last night, he has been forcing himself to face this life-and-death ordeal. Even though he knows that this disease is torturous, not only physically but also mentally, what else can he do?
Wen Yu asked calmly, "Uncle Zhao, how long can I live?"
Wen Yu read a lot of information about ALS last night, but he still wanted to hear the answer from a professional doctor.
Doctor Zhao said, "Usually it's 3-5 years after onset, but you're still young. A few patients can survive for ten years."
Wen Songnian already knew all this. What was more terrifying was not how long he would live, but how difficult each stage after the onset of the disease would be.
Wen Yu lowered his head, taking Dr. Zhao's words to heart, and muttered quietly, "Do I have ten years at most? It seems... not short. I should be able to finish everything I need to do."
Wen Songnian and Dr. Zhao could only sigh as they looked at Wen Yu's depressed look.
Wen Songnian was about to say something when Wen Yu suddenly stood up with an excited expression.
He said, "Dad, Uncle Zhao, I want to go somewhere alone, so I'm leaving first."
Wen Songnian was afraid that Wen Yu would do something stupid. After all, most people would be afraid if they got this disease, but Wen Yu seemed extremely excited now, as if he wanted to treat every day as his last.
Wen Songnian called out to Wen Yu, "Xiao Yu, where are you going? It's getting dark outside. It's not safe."
Wen Yu walked to the door and turned back and said, "Dad, I'm not a child anymore. I'm an adult. Don't treat me like a child. I'll be home later."
Wen Yu smiled at them and then left.
Wen Songnian pointed to where Wen Yu left and said, "Old Zhao, what does he mean? I don't understand."
Doctor Zhao smiled and said, "Don't you know your own son?"
"He's grown up."
After Wen Yu left the hospital, he stopped a car on the side of the road, got in and said, "Master, let's go to Fushou Garden."
The driver hesitated for a few seconds and then reassured, "Young man, it's almost dark. Are you sure you want to go to the cemetery at this time?"
Wen Yu said with great certainty, "Master, just go ahead and drop me off at a flower shop on Changsheng Street."
Wen Yu is very familiar with Fushou Garden. He visits his mother every year and always brings a bouquet of white carnations with him. That is Ji Wenshu's favorite flower.
When she was still alive, she often planted carnations at home. Wen Yu also planted them, but he was busy with his studies later and had no time to take care of them.
When he arrived at the flower shop, Wen Yu bought a bunch of the most blooming white carnations and asked the clerk to help him make it look better.
They all said that if he visited the cemetery at this time, bad things would happen.
But Wen Yu didn't take it to heart. He didn't think too much about it. He just came when he wanted to, and didn't want to be taboo about anything. He just wanted to say something to his mother. Does he have to choose a day to see his mother?
Wen Yu walked across Changsheng Street, holding a bouquet of white carnations in his hand, and climbed the steps at the end, which was Fushou Garden, where Ji Wenshu's grave was located.
Wen Yu walked along the path and when he reached the end, he saw Ji Wenshu's tombstone.
He placed the flowers in his hand in front of the tombstone, and then sat on the ground very casually, as if he was talking to his mother from the heart.
Wen Yu looked at the photo on the tombstone that showed Ji Wenshu smiling the happiest when she was alive. Even though it was in black and white, it was in color in his eyes.
Wen Yu raised the corners of his mouth, turned to his mother, and said, "Mom, I haven't seen you for a long time. I know you miss me very much, and I miss you too. Maybe I won't come here often in the future, but you are still in my heart."
Wen Yu exchanged a few simple pleasantries, then he lowered his head and said, "There is something I want to tell you."
Wen Yu raised his head again, the smile on his face disappeared, and his expression became serious, heavy and sad.
"Like you, I have a disease that allows me to see death. It sounds scary, but I don't feel scared at all now. I'm even quite lucky. I'm lucky to have lived an ordinary life in the shortest time possible."
"Am I awesome?"
In the gradually darkening cemetery, the only sounds were the chilly wind and a child's murmurs to his mother.
"Mom, I know you've heard the news. You must be very sad in heaven. Are you still blaming yourself for not being able to give me a healthy body? I want to say, please don't blame yourself. I am really grateful to you."
"Thank you for giving me the opportunity to see the world, and thank you for giving me all your maternal love. Although my life is short, it can still be wonderful and complete, just a little more tiring than ordinary people."
"But you know, your son is a very strong and brave man. This little bit of fatigue is nothing. I can get through it."
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