Chapter 38 - Desire: You tell me, do I have any romantic feelings for you...?
Back in her room, it was only a little past eight in the evening, but Lin Xi felt incredibly tired, an indescribable kind of exhaustion.
But her brain cells were unusually active, playing back frame by frame the scene of Su Yi'an coming out of Fu Qingli's room that day.
How much time has passed? I thought I had forgotten the memories, but I still remember the expressions very clearly.
After slumping on the sofa for a while, Lin Xi realized that if she continued like this, her emotions might spiral into a self-destructive spiral.
So I forced myself to get up and take a shower, took my medicine beforehand, and curled up on the sofa to watch a crime-solving variety show, using the plot and sounds to distract myself.
The effect was quite noticeable; not long after, she fell into a deep sleep on the sofa.
She didn't know when Fu Qingli returned.
Around 4 a.m., she woke up and found herself lying on the large bed in the master bedroom.
She was all alone.
It was obvious that Fu Qingli carried her into the room.
She assumed he was still working, so she turned on the light to look for him, only to find the door to the opposite room open, with a dim wall lamp on.
By the light of the wall lamp, she could see Fu Qingli lying on the bed in the room, and there was a faint smell of alcohol in the air.
Did he drink alcohol?
Is it because you're afraid of disturbing me that you're sleeping in another room?
Or was it that he had no choice the other day and didn't actually want to sleep with me?
It was the middle of the night, and she couldn't wake Fu Qingli just to ask this question, especially since she didn't know how to ask it.
Don't you want to sleep with me?
Whether they are willing or not, the answer will embarrass them.
She stood at the door for a while, then silently let out a long sigh, closed the door behind her, and went back to her room with her eyes lowered.
I woke up suddenly, with a lot on my mind. I lay back down and tossed and turned until the first light of dawn finally made me feel sleepy.
But I didn't sleep well. I was in a state between dreaming and waking. I even felt someone come in and feel a soft touch on my face.
But when I groggily opened my eyes, I found myself alone in the room.
After tossing and turning on and off until 11 o'clock, Lin Xi finally woke up, her head still foggy.
After the hotel butler left, Fu Qingli had already gone out and instructed her to arrange brunch.
The phone lying to the side had a message from him.
Ting: [I've arranged to play golf with some people from Chaohui today, so I'm heading out now.]
Ting: [Remember to eat properly when you get up]
Ting: [The sun is strong on sunny days, so remember to wear sunscreen if you go out.]
The sun is shining brightly outside; it's a perfect day to go out.
Zhou Qi came to see her several times, inviting her to visit the tourist attractions in Haicheng.
Lin Xi was in low spirits and didn't want to move at all, so Zhou Qi had no choice but to give up.
Lin Xi hugged a cushion, nestled on the sofa, lost in thought. The TV was playing a variety show she hadn't been able to watch yesterday, and she still couldn't get into anything today.
All day long, it seemed like I didn't think about anything, yet it also seemed like I thought about everything.
Fu Qingli didn't return home until 9 p.m. When she entered the door, she saw her little bundle curled up on the sofa, looking incredibly well-behaved. The weariness in her eyes instantly turned into tender affection: "Xiaoxi."
His expression relaxed.
Lin Xi snapped out of her daze and forced herself to cheer up: "You're back."
"Hmm." Fu Qingli took two steps forward, then stopped as if remembering something. "Have you had dinner yet?"
Lin Xi nodded: "I've already eaten."
Although Fu Qingli was away from home, she arranged for a hotel butler and Gun Gun to keep an eye on her and ensure she ate three meals a day on time. Even though she didn't have much of an appetite, she ate a little because she was being watched.
"Okay, I'll go take a shower first."
He assumed Lin Xi was wearing pajamas because she had already taken a shower, but in reality, she hadn't left the house all day and hadn't thought to change out of her pajamas.
Fu Qingli took a quick shower and soon came out covered in steam, but this time her hair was dry and no longer dripping wet.
"Little Stream".
He sat down next to Lin Xi, reached out and pulled her into his arms, gently kissing the corner of her lips, softly caressing them, his tongue patiently tracing the gap between her lips and teeth, lingering and circling between them.
This time, Lin Xi didn't try to respond awkwardly like before. She just passively accepted his kiss and even subconsciously avoided his deeper kiss.
Because of her avoidance, Fu Qingli became more lucid.
He opened his eyes and stepped back, and saw the faint bluish tinge under her eyes and her exhaustion, her expression blank, as if the effects of the drug were taking hold.
Fu Qingli's slender fingers brushed across her delicate cheek, and she asked with concern, "Didn't you sleep well? You look so tired."
Lin Xi's eyelashes trembled slightly, and she casually made up an excuse: "I'm probably a little tired because I've been to too many places these past few days."
"Then go to bed early tonight."
As she spoke, Fu Qingli stood up, used both arms to lift Lin Xi up in a princess carry, and steadily walked into the room.
After placing her on the bed, Fu Qingli withdrew his hand, dimmed the light, and leaned down to kiss her forehead: "How about I have Gun Gun come over and give you a pre-sleep relaxation treatment?"
Lin Xi didn't answer, but suddenly asked another question: "And what about you?"
Fu Qingli thought she was scared, so she comforted her, "I'm in the room right across from yours, the door is open. You can call me anytime if you need anything, I can hear you."
"So..." Aren't you going to sleep with me?
A huge wave of resentment welled up in Lin Xi's heart. If she didn't want to sleep together, why did she marry her in the first place? Why did she give her hope only to take it away?
When she spoke again, her words became unusually direct: "Don't you want to sleep with me? Fu Qingli, do you... never have any romantic desire for me? If that's the case..."
She couldn't continue.
So what can be done?
Should we get a divorce?
But those two words were too heavy and cruel for her to say.
Although she was sad, she didn't want a divorce.
As soon as she said it, she regretted it.
She knew that whatever she did, she had to be prepared to accept the worst possible outcome.
But deep down, she couldn't accept the worst possible outcome.
She was afraid to hear the word "divorce" from Fu Qingli's mouth.
"Never mind, I don't want to..."
She prepared to hide like an ostrich, refusing to listen to his answer.
But Fu Qingli didn't give her a chance to answer without hesitation or firmness, "No, I've never thought that way!"
"Then why are you sleeping across from me? We slept together in Nanqing, so why are we being separated in Haicheng when there are other rooms available?"
“I came back late yesterday and had been drinking, so I smelled strongly of alcohol. I was afraid of waking you up, so I slept across the street first. Now I see you are very tired and I am worried that my presence will affect your rest, so I thought I would let Gun Gun keep you company to help you sleep, and I will go to the other side to make do for the night.”
"oh."
Lin Xi pouted and looked away from him.
His explanation was reasonable, but she felt wronged and it sounded more like a defense, failing to truly dispel her doubts.
But he had already explained, and no matter how much he agonized over it, he still felt it was unreasonable.
She reassured herself that it was good that he was willing to explain, and that his reason was reasonable, wasn't it?
Just when she thought the matter would simply end there...
Fu Qingli, however, became stubborn and was not going to let the matter go.
Throughout their relationship, he always tried to give Lin Xi a sense of security and didn't want her to have any doubts about their relationship.
Moreover, this involves fundamental issues.
He heard her words very clearly.
She said, "You... have never had any sexual desire for me?"
It was clear that this thought wasn't something Lin Xi had only recently had; rather, it was a long-standing doubt she had harbored.
Fu Qingli, unusually ignoring Lin Xi's desire to discontinue the topic, persisted in pressing for details: "Xiao Xi, why do you feel that I don't have any romantic desire for you?"
Lin Xi turned her face to the side, her lips pressed tightly together, stubbornly refusing to speak.
She couldn't bring herself to say it, not only because the topic was sensitive and she was ashamed to speak about it.
More importantly, those reasons were all very minor, and if she actually said them out loud, she would feel that she was being too dramatic and sensitive.
But Fu Qingli persisted, asking repeatedly, determined to find out the reason.
Lin Xi was annoyed by his nagging. The grievances she had been suppressing were now brought up again, and even intensified.
I don't even want to talk about it anymore, so why does he keep asking?
It's clearly his fault, why ask yourself?
Since he's so eager to know, let's just get it all out in one go!
Lin Xi turned her head to meet his gaze and asked bluntly, "Then do you have one?"
"Of course!" Fu Qingli looked into her clear eyes and answered frankly, as if it were an obvious fact.
His attitude made Lin Xi feel even more aggrieved.
"Then why did you only ever kiss me on the surface before, without ever using your tongue? Why do other couples love to kiss and hug, but you always seem so indifferent, sometimes taking a long time to hug and kiss me? Why didn't you like me staying overnight at your apartment before? Even when I had to stay, our rooms were on different floors. Why do other boyfriends seem eager to have sex with their girlfriends after getting together, but you never seem to have that thought? In your eyes, I seem like just a child. Sometimes I can't even tell if your kindness towards me is just because you see me as a younger sister or your girlfriend."
After saying that, Lin Xi was completely stunned.
These words, buried deep in my heart, I actually said them out loud, and so frankly at that.
Fu Qingli was stunned for a few seconds, probably because she didn't expect her to be so direct.
Then, he actually laughed, a laugh as gentle as a spring breeze, a laugh that made him overjoyed.
Later, he laughed so hard he couldn't hold on any longer, so he buried his face in her neck and continued laughing, his laughter clear, deep and resonant.
Lin Xi had rarely seen Fu Qingli so happy since she was a child.
But he was laughing at himself, which made it impossible for her to empathize with him.
His laughter caused his chest to vibrate, making him tremble slightly. The light rubbing of their skin against each other made Lin Xi tremble inexplicably, as if being tickled by strands of hair.
Embarrassed and annoyed by the laughter, she angrily pushed Fu Qingli's shoulder and said, "Get away from me!"
But Fu Qingli took the opportunity to grab her wrist and pull her up from the bed.
He sat down on the edge of the bed, making it convenient for her to sit on him, his hands pressing against her slender waist and close to his belly, until the two were intimately close.
He leaned forward and kissed Lin Xi's rosy lips, lingering on their soft surface as he had in his youth, gently kneading and caressing them with unwavering patience.
Lin Xi could sense that in some ways it wasn't as pure and restrained as a kiss.
Summer pajamas are thin, and the fabric can't keep out the discomfort of the skin and the gradually increasing heat.
She shifted her waist uneasily, but Fu Qingli's hand pressed down even harder, making it impossible for her to move an inch, and she could directly feel his body trembling.
His lips traced her jawline to her ear, gently pecking at her earlobe: "You felt it?"
It flows gently, carrying an indescribable allure.
Lin Xi was so embarrassed that her ears almost bled, and she buried her face in his neck, not daring to look up.
Seeing her blush like this, Fu Qingli chuckled, his voice deep and resonant: "I used to kiss like this, if it were a little more intense and I used my tongue..."
Before he finished speaking, he showed her directly through his actions.
His long, slender fingers ran through Lin Xi's soft hair, forcing her to face him.
This time, his tongue, soft and agile, pried open Lin Xi's lips and teeth, burrowing inside to conquer and seize her sweet fragrance.
Their lips touched, dancing together.
Her lips and tongue gradually went numb, and Lin Xi's whole body went limp.
At the point of close contact, the heat and hardness became even more pronounced, to the point that they could not be ignored, making one feel as uncomfortable as being scratched by a cat.
Fu Qingli's kisses became increasingly unrestrained and lingering, his lips lingering on hers, as if he wanted to fill every corner of her body with his own breath.
Before losing consciousness, Fu Qingli finally let go of her lips, but lingered on them.
His breathing was disordered, his voice low and dark, unusually tinged with a hint of malice: "Tell me, do I have any sexual desire for you?"
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